You know you\'re a vet when....

(173 posts)(46 voices)
  1. Praying, I'm sorry our response hurt you. Besides our funny IVF stories we "vets" have been through some pretty long, deep and dark stuff and we come here, at least in part, to work out the anger that comes with that. We also tend to talk about extreme emotions with a straightforwardness and bluntness that isn't "polite", which can be disconcerting if you're not prepared for it. It's not always pretty, and sometimes someone who meant no harm gets caught in the crossfire.

    IVF is hard even when it doesn't get long, deep and dark, so I'm glad our thread gave you a laugh. I am sorry you were hurt, and I do hope you'll keep visiting the other places on IVFC where you can find the kind of support that you need.

    Wishing you well.

  2. This is the husband of praying miracle, I want to respond to the comments left to my wife. I am very sorry that you are having problems conceiving with your first child, but how dare you determine that since we are trying to have a fourth child that that gives you the right to bash my wife. Who made you God. This is one thing that I hate about boards, people can say what they want and hide behind their computer.
    My wife is very upset about the comments, and is in tears. I hope that she has not caused extreme stress and possible has caused the IVF to fail. Think before you type. This not only hurt her, but maybe the baby if it implanted.
    But there again, you probably don't care.
    All she was trying to do, was respond to a comment. Is that so bad, that you have to point your anger at her. Are you the only ones that can post?

    PS fiorentzi, thanks for the second response.

  3. Um, did you *read* my second response? I apologized that she got hurt, not that we're who we are or that this board is what it is. Please read the sticky at the top of the board called "Please read before posting". Because yes, in fact, on THIS board, we ask that people who are not like us, don't post.

    I have to say I felt bad that your wife was hurt, but I have absolutely NO SYMPATHY whatsoever for you. How DARE you rub our faces in the fact that you have a poor little embryo that's trying to implant? I have done this ten times (yes, ten) and I have nothing but two dead babies to show for it. I will never have another embryo try to implant its little ole self in my uterus. I'm not going to say "I don't care" about yours because that wouldn't be precisely true, but I will say that you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what you're talking about.

    Praying, I'm sorry you got hurt, and I'm sorry your husband thinks he has to ride out and be a d*ck to protect you. I really do wish you well, but I am not sorry one iota about this board or who we are here.

  4. princess-you made the point eloquently. I will do it in a not so eloquent fashion.

    praying-Your post was merely ignorant and clueless. Your husband's, another story. Accordingly, my 5 DEAD BABIES and me would kindly ask you get the F*CK off this board now.

    Best,
    Trina

  5. princess-you made the point eloquently. I will do it in a not so eloquent fashion.praying-Your post was merely ignorant and clueless. Your husband's, another story. Accordingly, my 5 DEAD BABIES and me would kindly ask you get the F*CK off this board now. Best, Trina

    Trina, I was just thinking the same thing and will ask my dead son to make a similar request.

    PoT, great post and much better written than what I was starting to hatch in my head in response.

    Praying - one other thing - don't let your husband worry you into thinking that being upset will have any effect one way or another on your cycle. It just doesn't work that way - IVF doesn't fail because you think bad thoughts or are sad. It fails because your eggs are too old, your embryos are genetically abnormal, your uterus provides a hostile environment, something else goes wrong that the doctors just can't pinpoint, etc, etc. Infertility is a disease, not a state of mind.

  6. Whose husband would actually get on a board like ours and post such s.h.i.t.? One of two things is true: a.) Praying is masquerading as her husband to make us feel sorry/intimidated, or b.) Praying's husband is the most brainless man alive.

    On second thought, they both are likely true.

    If someone were genuinely sorry, they'd apologize and go on their way. Since they're not genuinely sorry, they stick around to bully us.

    They're the typical fertiles-who-think-they're-infertiles; it's all about THEM.

    My 33 dead embryos have a message for Praying, her "husband," and their precious embryo: fahhhh-q!

  7. Praying - one other thing - don't let your husband worry you into thinking that being upset will have any effect one way or another on your cycle. It just doesn't work that way - IVF doesn't fail because you think bad thoughts or are sad. Infertility is a disease, not a state of mind.

    Thanks for adding this, Kate. I was thinking about saying something similar but was far too pissed off to put it into words.

  8. maybe praying could read The Secret! I heard positive thinking really works!

  9. maybe praying could read The Secret! I heard positive thinking really works!

    Hey, Trina, that's an idea. I'd be happy to give her my copy, in fact.

  10. Whose husband would actually get on a board like ours and post such s.h.i.t.? One of two things is true: a.) Praying is masquerading as her husband to make us feel sorry/intimidated, or b.) Praying's husband is the most brainless man alive.

    Actually, Dreamer, I don't think (a) is true because her post was actually grammatical and used correct spelling and punctuation. Definitely sounds like two different people to me. Nuff said.

  11. Who needs brains when praying results in miracles?

  12. My wife is very upset about the comments, and is in tears. I hope that she has not caused extreme stress and possible has caused the IVF to fail. Think before you type. This not only hurt her, but maybe the baby if it implanted. Are you the only ones that can post?

    To suggest that posting a response (nice, unkind, not to someones liking or whatever) could have "hurt" someone's IVF embryo "baby" because it 'upset' them and they are stressed and crying (how they chose to react to something by the way), is ridiculous and so out of line, I am fuming at your attempt to make anyone here feel bad and to place blame on them. If my current cycle fails maybe I should blame it on you for upsetting me?

    And yes, actually only "vets" are supposed to be posting here and if people would take the time to read the headers for this board they would be forwarned that this board is not like the other boards, and is not a sunshine and roses board and is very different from the rest of IVFC, and the infertile IVF vets here have been through HE!! and back and will not be posting warm fuzzies here, so for anyone to be aware and prepared and RESPECT this space. *and while vetdom is a "state of mind" and up to individual users, getting upset because someone doesn't think you are a vet and suggests as much, is a pretty good indictation that perhaps you are not, or at the very least not ready to play in the vet sandbox, not all vets find this place right for them.

    Think before you type indeed.

  13. I was ignoring things until the post by the Hatsidiakous husband which I found completely out of line.

    I then looked into things a bit further and very disappointed by what I read posted by Hatsidiakous on her blog.

    so I wanted to say to Hatsidiakous...

    I find it endlessly disappointing that you would come to the very unique vets board here at IVFC that is very clearly marked as such, and then get upset when someone posted something you didn't like and then post direct quotes from this board on your blog all without actually understanding what those quotes were really saying.

    You made it all about the "jealous" vets, clearly missing that it was about how some felt it perhaps wasn't appropriate for someone with your history to be posting on the vets board in the first place, not because they were "just jealous" of you. I understand why that might have made you feel bad (and I am sorry that you felt bad), but I also understand why it was mentioned, - sadly, you don't seem to be able to understand. The very reason this board actually exists is because being a "vet" and the board here, isn't easy to understand until you get to the point of being a "vet" and need a safe haven from the world and from those who don't understand.

    Your response is sadly typical of far too many who dip their feet into this world and think they somehow now understand it all and imagine that we are all in the "same boat".

    Saying "you have NO IDEA what I have been through" just shows you have no idea what the ladies here are dealing with because you can't see past yourself (and fair enough you are dealing with your stuff and that is where you are at) but no vet here would say such a thing, because they know that once you get to this place...and you are a "vet", you know your fellow vets do have some idea of what you have been through.

    I find it a wee bit "dramatic" that you consider a couple unfavorable posts as "adversity" (that stuck like a "lightning bolt" apparently in your world). If that is what adversity looks like in your world...consider yourself incredibly lucky.

    And as far as I can see, no one ever suggested that you or anyone with children (whatever number) is not worthy of having more (or praying for more).

    It would be nice to be judged on what has actually been said rather than baseless leaps of assumption.

  14. SendrikBlack, I totally agree.

    And, oh, I just love people who use the Bible as a weapon. It's sooooo Christian of them.

  15. Sharing my comment on her blog here, because I don't imagine it will make it past "comment moderation," and I would like anyone who's following this little drama to be able to see it:

    This comment is not meant to bash, but to respectfully point out a log in your eye (Matthew 7:3). I will not be rude and I will not flame, but I do ask that you read.

    You may not have seen the generous apology that was extended to you after you stumbled into something you didn't understand. That apology still stands.

    What you stumbled into is a very clearly labeled closed board. The first post on the thread, from the site admin, dated 2005, clearly states several times, "If you are not an IVF vet, DO NOT post here."

    We don't have a closed board because we are jealous, but because we have been through things most people can't even imagine. Like five/six/eight/twelve miscarriages, stillbirths, babies that die for no reason in the womb at 26 weeks, babies that die just after being born, ovarian cancer, having one's uterus destroyed by violent rape at age 12, being divorced by a husband because one can't produce children, losing one's house after going into debt to pay for treatment, losing one's job because of frequent absences during multiple IVF attempts. No exaggeration, those are all true stories of members of our board.

    Perhaps we should have "peace of mind" about these things, but we don't yet. So we have a closed board where we can be with others like us and try to figure it out, without having to apologize for being angry - or, ideally, inflict that anger on others who don't understand it.

    So I'm sorry you were upset, but if you could accept our apology without sending your husband to "bite and devour" us in return, that would be greatly appreciated.

    One last thing. Getting angry, upset or sad won't make your IVF fail. It doesn't work that way. If you want the scientific literature, I'm happy to provide the links.

    So of course you're worthy to pursue IVF. We never suggested otherwise. And I truly hope it works for you. But please, in the future, post on non-closed boards where you can get the kind of support that's right for you.

    With respect,
    fiorentzi

  16. I'm not going to waste a lot of energy on this, but I just want to say:

    No one said you can't pursue IVF.
    No one (believe me) is jealous of you.
    All we said is you are not one of us.

    If you want to give us support, fine. But don't come here to view our lives as an escapist sitcom (while you sit in your 2ww with 3 children at home) and then tell us how hilarious we are.

    And I agree with rose19: I'm always amazed by the vitriolic venom hurled by so-called Christians. Religion is meant to make people feel better, yet these self-righteous, sanctimonius "followers" use religion as a weapon. It's sickening.

  17. I didn't see the stupid blog (thanks to POT for re-posting but I have no desire to see it) so I'll just make my comments in the thread form.

    You know you're a vet when...

    - you see any post by 42 year old mother of 3 apparently complaining about her IF that includes the word "bible" or "Christian" and want to scream.

    - you don't feel sorry that someone with 3 kids is sad or hurt - by your comments not to post on a vet board when her latest IVF for kid #4 - after deciding not to have more kids - didn't work and thinks she (and her ignorant husband thinks she is as well) is entitled to have the same feelings as you.

    - you are constantly amazed at the stupidity, oh and religiosity of people who you find on fertility/Infertility boards

    - you thank GOD for making a VET board so you can actually find other like minded souls - that you can't find anywhere else.

  18. Hey all, this is going to be my last post on this subject, but I wanted everyone to know that I traded emails with Hatsidiakous today. I won't share them here since they were sent in confidence, but I wanted you all to know she doesn't seem to have asked for, nor endorse, her husband's behavior. She seems to understand at least part of what we were trying to say about our protected board, which is probably as as much as we can hope for. And she accepted my apology - although I am fully aware that not all vets feel one was needed.

    I think this is case of a clueless newbie, meaning no harm, who if she had asked a question would have been "gently redirected" and that would have been the end of it. But she didn't say anything directly inappropriate, so we outed her ungently. OK, it happens. That still would have been the end of it had her harpy of a husband not seen fit to swoop in and throw his d*ck around.

    Honestly, I still think we hurt ourselves by outing anyone, vet or not, if they're following the rules. The trouble is, we're a closed board but not a private one - others are free to read our threads and may feel moved by what they see here, or may laugh at our jokes. If they want to tell us so, I personally have no problem with that as long as it ends there - after all, we complain that fertiles don't get it and don't support us, so if a few are moved by us that seems like a good thing. If it's going to hurt us to know that some of our supporters have crossed over, or that the occasional complimentary visitor is a fertile, then it's probably better for our own sanity to not go looking for that information.

    OK, I'll shut up now. Not meant to be a criticism of anyone (except the ringwraith husband, who I would still like to hang by his toenails over a vat of boiling horse urine), just food for thought along the lines of my waaay back when original pre-drama post.

    Peace out.

  19. You know you're a vet when you find an expired syringe of Ovidrel in the depths of your refrigerator, and seriously consider injecting yourself (even though you're no longer cycling) so you can POAS and see those two pink lines just one (or one last) time.

  20. I think this is case of a clueless newbie, meaning no harm, who if she had asked a question would have been "gently redirected" and that would have been the end of it. But she didn't say anything directly inappropriate, so we outed her ungently. OK, it happens. That still would have been the end of it had her harpy of a husband not seen fit to swoop in and throw his d*ck around.

    For the most part I agree, however, her "hubby" did far more damage imho than anything else (and while it says it was her hubby who posted that comment, we have to take her at her word and after reading her blog post, I am not 100% convinced-just my opinion though).

    I understand why the original post irked some, and why they chose to say something. It made me do a double take and wonder why someone with that history thought this thread was "hilarious" (I wondered if they might be being facetious actually), but in the end I assumed it was well intentioned and left it alone. I also understand that Hatsidiakous didn't intend harm, in the beginning anyway, but her blog sure was not appropriate imo and did have intent to wound as far as I am concerned- I went there to try and see where she was coming from-my mistake. She is entitled to say what she wants there...but to quote posts from here and too seemingly slam vets with a bible verse was just too much imho.

  21. SendrikBlack, totally agree. I'm choosing to take her at her word about the husband thing, and to attribute the blog to things said in hurt and anger. But the quoting and the Bible slamming were utterly inappropriate, which I (hope I) communicated to her via email.

    The husband, on the other hand... Did I mention I want to hang him by his ears over a pit of raw sewage and compost worms?

    OK, OK, I said that was the last post. Now I really will shut up.

  22. nevermind. moving on.

  23. Hi there,

    im only just catching up on this tread now, the last post i had read a few days ago was the one saying we are hilarious, I did wonder who had posted that ,as i found it offensive and in bad taste to call some of our vets painfull stories hilarious, should have know it was a fertile in our midst and her somewhat obessive dh!! v strange.

    rosebud.

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