You know you\'re a vet when....

(173 posts)(46 voices)
  1. You leave the boards due to trolls and comments made that make even this place unsafe to post in..... I miss you gals...but don't feel safe here anymore....

  2. You leave the boards due to trolls and comments made that make even this place unsafe to post in..... I miss you gals...but don't feel safe here anymore....

    Tell me about it. You might remember my troll (and her family of troll sisters). I'm sorry, Raby. Some people take delight in hurting others and it is disgusting. Ran me off the board too but lately I'm feeling like I'd rather not let them win. I hope you come back. Too many people can learn from your experience.

    And....you know you are a vet when you have the urge to stab people who tell you the reason you aren't getting pregnant or are having M/C is because you are thinking about it too much or not positive enough to bring a child into the world.

  3. when you are finding other social venues to make new friends and start a new hobby to keep yourself busy. i just started a knitting class a couple of months ago and i love it! i made friends with old ladies and some young ones. the old ladies are my keepers. they are so funny and sarcastic.

    i am signing up for the next class too.

  4. when you are not looking forward to cycling again fearing for another failure and disappontment.

  5. When your bestest friend ever, ever, ever (who you truly do love) and who is also 41 years old and the mother of a 10 month old baby boy finds out that she is pregnant....

    With TWINS.

    And inside you just LAUGH.

    LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH cuz she is gonna be SO screwed in 7 months............

    p.s. I thought I would die during her last pregnancy. This one is going to doubly suck. No pun intended.

  6. selma_z-
    Sorry. Did this just happen? Glad you could laugh- not sure I could.

  7. Yep very recent. Happened last night. When I went to bring her son his Xmas present.

    Like that wasn't bad enough. ~sigh~ And if I had to say to the little guy "yaaaaaaay" and clap one more time I was going to die. I thought my face was going to literally crack from all the fake smiling!

    That sounds so brutal. I am really not usually this bitter. I guess I need somewhere to vent right now. Been so long since I posted out here. I forget the support you guys give.

    I really DO love her and her son and I AM happy for her too, as hard as that is to believe. But man, I tell you, It. Just. Stings. So. Freaking. Bad. Crushed heart.

    It\'s like just when you think you can maybe handle it, something just has to PUSH you over. WTF?

    I cannot bear to tell my husband yet.

    We just turned down what we named an "instant family" situation through our atty for adoption. The situation just wasn't right and they should have never even presented it to us. Long story on that, but I think this is just going to rip him too.

    Geezus, how can she get pg so freaking easy? First one, no problem. At 40. And now at 41??? Really, WTF?

    Thanks for listening....

  8. Yeah... WTF? At 41? They tell me I have 40 yr old eggs (I'm really 35) so that's why it hasn't happened... and she's 41? My mom tells me "Oh but many women get prg. at 40...!" Yeah. OTHER women. I understand about the fake smiles and the face that hurts.

    After telling my writing group that I've been struggling with infertility and that it's getting really hard, the leader announces her pregnancy, rubs her belly while she reads her writing piece, all the while weeping and loudly blaming her hormones. Yeah, well I'm hormonal too and I don't talk about it. The way she was rubbing her belly for so long while we were all looking at her... I wanted to say "get a room!" Now this week she sends out an email- she's planning on giving her OWN baby shower. Guess we didn't plan it fast enough. My husband thinks it is so inappropriate. He said he's never heard of anyone throwing a shower for themself. Well, there's a first time for everything. Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack this thread.

  9. oh, Denise, I'm sorry. I had the same thing happen with my sister in law (DH's sister) - (although she's younger than me). She had one kid and then spontaneous twins. I still have nothing. Dealing with the over over over joyed MIL is long term hell.

    Okay, here's my deep dark confession: when I was at home in October for a big family gathering, my 25 year old niece (already has one kid) came up to me all solemn and serious and said she wanted to talk to me in private. So, um, I avoided getting anywhere where it was private.

    After she left, her mother (my brother's wife) told me that niece had had a miscarriage a few weeks earlier. This was what my niece had wanted to talk to me about. I suppose she wanted some empathy.

    Although the first thing out of my mouth was how very sorry I was about it, my very next thought was relief that I'd been spared a "big happy announcement" at the family gathering. I feel ashamed for feeling relief about someone else's miscarriage.

    PS - Hannah, I think that was totally inappropriate all around of the group leader. She should have waited til the next group meeting at least before making her big announcement.

    PPS - my niece was also a smug little bellyrubber during her first pg.

  10. Okay- (guess I'm a little bitter here- no?) but the other thing about the writing group with the smug leader is that she is the ONLY one in the whole group of about 10 women who has been able to get pregnant. One women had cervical cancer and lots of other awful things happen years ago. Many others want to be married but are still single and their biological clocks are ticking loudly at the moment. Extremely insensitive. I'm not the only one who felt an ouch with this. Okay. Vent over.

  11. Hannah -- your "leader" is a pathetic, needy *****. She's obviously aware of the pain you and your peers have faced, yet she positively must get her rocks off. "Cruelty" does not even begin to touch that level of insensitivity.

    Millie -- I can't believe your family would seek your "counsel" on the niece's mc.

    Once again, the ignorance of others simply takes my breath away. This is why I choose to isolate myself. Who needs these people?

  12. dreamer- thanks for validating my feelings. It helps.

    Millie- I think I'd also feel the same way. She already has a child and she's so young. I'd have a hard time feeling bad for her at all.

  13. Now this week she sends out an email- she's planning on giving her OWN baby shower. Guess we didn't plan it fast enough. My husband thinks it is so inappropriate. He said he's never heard of anyone throwing a shower for themself. Well, there's a first time for everything. Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack this thread.

    I just had to throw in a WTF? I've never, EVER heard of someone planning their own baby shower. I'd give her a copy of Narcissus along with the tale of Icarus. But alas, both would go right over her head.

    She sounds just positively awful. It irks me when people don't have the good sense to understand how lucky they are and be grateful for it. What is it with some people's incessant need to be the center of attention? Is it just my imagination or has this problem gotten worse over the years? I don't remember narcissism being the 'disease' it seems to have become.

    Millie, I'm sorry for your niece doing that to you. That scenario is exactly what my MomME neighbor did to me right before she had success. And I felt the same way right along with the guilt. It's not that I can't be around others' success, it's that I can't stand smugness -- THAT'S the key difference.

  14. Thanks, soheil. We're definitely on the same page.

  15. Hannah-- I also can't believe the sheer ignorance of people. I just cannot fathom having to deal with someone like that. Not to mention, she should be embarrassed for even THINKING of throwing her own shower. Who freaking does that??? I mean really, I can't say I know a soul who did.

    soheil-- MomME love that term. There is one of those next door. A girl who states she is going to have at least five children. But she won’t try for her 2nd until her current ds is able to listen when she says “sit”. I guess she is a biatch, I mean DOG, and will probably get that litter some day.

    Dreamer-- Well, I can't say that I don't understand the feeling of relief that you had with your niece.

    Alas, my friend had a miscarriage. She emailed this a.m. to say there was no heartbeat in the u/s last night. Seriously, I can’t stop thinking "can you say arsehole, Denise??"

    The other part of me is with Dreamer though. I am spared the entire Congratulatory scene on New Years Eve which I had to face (endure??) on our annual girl vacation last summer when she announced the last pg. Pathetically, I could see the look of "sympathy" as they glanced my way but congratulated her.

    Either way, I feel like the biggest a!shole...

    Just when you breathe a sigh of relief that you made it through a kid filled holiday (and the first Xmas after your Dad’s sudden death) something has to knock you down again…

    ~sigh~

  16. When you tear up the xmas picture card of your cousins children, and every one else's and want to report to the news that infertiles DON'T WANT OTHER PEOPLES KIDS RUBBED IN THEIR FACES during the miserable holidays.And you wish you had a fireplace, not only to warm up in front of, but to burn the damn xmas photo cards of the little brats!

    +1

    Oh I was so sickened after a friend sent me one of these after she completely started to ignore me after I confided in her about our mc's. I think she literally dropped it in the mail the next day. Evil witch oh I got her back though on Facebook. She actually posted this lame card on there so I made a comment for all her friend list to see. I told her it was a cute picture and asked if she got it done at Sears.

  17. ...when you very seriously consider staying home on New Year's Eve playing Spider Solitaire by yourself, rather than go to the party with the two 40-something friends who still think they will meet Mr. Right and get pg, even though they've watched you and another friend go through 5 IVFs apiece...

    (Seriously, I am dreading this. Big time. But Spider Solitaire and cuddling with my two cats is just TOO pathetic for New Year's Eve...)

  18. Princess - I still think my best New Years Eve was the night I stayed home alone, made myself popcorn and listened to the radio. Then again, I think I was 22 that year, half a lifetime ago, literally. When possibilities still abounded.

  19. (Seriously, I am dreading this. Big time. But Spider Solitaire and cuddling with my two cats is just TOO pathetic for New Year's Eve...)

    Princess - sounds like a party to me - bring on the kitties! I haven't gone out for New Year's eve since Y2K*, and rarely stay up to greet the new year from even the privacy of my own living room. I think all of that extra sleep keeps my skin looking young...

    How was your "finding Mr. Right" extravaganza? Seriously, have your friends been watching too much of "When Harry Met Sally" or what?

    *to clarify, not because of any fear of imminent computer meltdown and the total annihilation of the world as we knew it, but because I was on a Caribbean island at the time and we decided to maximize our beach time by snoozing in. No more beaches since then, but the snoozing in lives on...

  20. You have stopped cycling years ago and still buy OPKs and pee on it for kicks b/c it's the only time you will ever see 2 lines. Then u pretend it's a bfp.

  21. This thread is hilarious!! Thanks for the good laugh! lol

  22. This is not an attack... I never attack. But I'm really upset by this one:

    Am I the only vet who is a bit annoyed that a very recent poster (who shall remain nameless) on this thread who reports elsewhere (in a braggardly fashion) about being 42, having three biological children of her own and "not even needing IVF until her husband made her have a tubal"?

    I'm not looking to start a primary vs. secondary IF war or an age-related IF war, but I've always believed that my sisters here on the vet board unite to share our personal pain after a dozen injectible cycles, BFNs, near fatal ectopic pgs, DE journeys, m/cs, spousal, family and friend abandonment... which leave us ALONE with NOTHING through no fault of our own. We vets were forced to pursue IVF because we turned up losers in the lottery of life, not because we wanted a fourth bio child after a tubal. To that person, I ask: "don't you have enough miracles?"

    Misery loves company, and that's why we vets come to here laugh through the tears among ourselves. Sometimes I feel people like the (annoying and, let's face it, fertile) poster I write of exacerbates our sadness. Without officially saying so, posters like her find our threads "hilarous" only because they don't have to live our truth. I guess that's why I'm irritated.

    Vets, am I way off here?

  23. SO NOT way off.

    What a complete jerkoff. I am so annoyed that someone like that would ever consider posting let alone consider herself to be a vet. wanting a FOURTH child after a tubal? Thanks for belittling my childless life that I did not select and then oops! change my mind.

    I feel sick to my stomach.

    Thanks for the heads up.

  24. Dreamer and Lucie, I 100% share your fury and indignation, and my first instinct is to tell her to eff off. However, I'm actually not quite sure about this one, because I worry about the problems we've had in the past with "outing." This is a little different in that it's not outing a vet, but then, when we've had problems it's because people disagree on what "vet" really means (i.e., whether anyone who crosses over can still be considered a "vet").

    I think it may be hard to police people posting on our board if they don't say anything that's actually offensive or against the rules. I don't think that we generally want to encourage "outing."

    Then again, maybe this is such a clear-cut case that it's a non-issue. I don't want to be the PC police

    Interested to hear what others think.

  25. balzanmv, sambur, fiorentzi

    Wow. I am really hurt and in tears by your post. I had NO idea that I offended anyone and I am so sorry!!!!

    I am so sorry for your pain but this thread helped me to laugh out of tears that I've been crying lately.

    Wow. I'm just in shock and so hurt. I would never want to intentionally hurt you. I didn't realize I was unwelcome here. I'll ask that my membership be removed and I'll never come back again. I'm so sorry my presence caused pain and hurt. I don't deserve to live nor do I want to at this moment.

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