WWYD - take kids to brother's wedding or leave home with babysitter?

(25 posts)(25 voices)
  1. My younger brother is getting married next weekend. Would it be weird not to bring my kids to the wedding??

    My kids are young and I would normally never take them to a wedding at this age. (3.5 year old B/G twins and a 2 year old boy). But because it's my own brother's wedding I feel like maybe they should be there because it's family.

    My brother and his fiance don't mind if my kids are not there, they want me to do whatever is best/easiest for me. There will be one family photo but he doesn't mind if my kids aren't in it. I am trying to decide if I mind if they are not in it.

    There will be other kids attending the wedding.

    My two boys would never sit through the ceremony, so either my DH or I would miss part of the ceremony. And I don't know how long they will last through the reception since it's right in the middle of naptime!

    Plus, this is my first brother to get married and the first wedding in our family in about 10 years, so I am really looking forward to enjoying his wedding and being there to celebrate with them. Being there with three young kids will be a totally different experience then going just with my DH and enjoying the festivities.

    I already have a sitter booked since my original plan was to take my DD and leave my two boys at home. But now I am considering leave all three kids at home, or bringing them all with us.

    My sister lives near the church so another option is to bring the kids and the sitter with us, and then send them all to my sister's house after putting in an appearance and taking the family photo. That would be a hassle though.

    What would you do?


  2. I think for a family wedding it is nice if neices/nephews of the bride and groom are there. I think it would be a shame to look back on your own photos or the official photos and not see you children in them. Some of my nicest memories of my brother's wedding were seeing my brother and his new wife playing with my 4 and 2yr old and including them in the festivities. I kept them from being the center of attention and they were surprisingly well behaved, it was a lovely day.

    I do believe that the bride and groom should be clear on what they want regarding children at the ceremony and reception. Maybe you can ask your brother to clarify what he wants/prefers to see if that makes your decision easier?

    If it were me, the best solution would be to bring my kids to the ceremony and the reception, but to also bring along a sitter for the entire time. That way if the kids act up in the church, the sitter can take them out. Then you call all be there for the beginning of the reception and the photos. When the party gets more active and the kids get tired, call a cab or arrange transport for the sitter and the kids to go back to your sister's house.


  3. What Daisy said.

  4. I am glad you are thinking of your brother.
    I had a 1 and 2 year old nephew at my wedding - the parents never even gave us a choice about not having the kids there. I ended up having the wedding co-ordinator watch them during the ceremony and then I hired 2 nannies for the reception. Surprisely the boys were well behaved (and our wedding was an all day event since it was a Catholic) but if I could have my choice I wouldn't have had them there since it was a lot of work on my part to accomindate them.

  5. I would leave them home. It sounds like you and your husband could really use a night to yourselves. With your kids being so small, I think you would spend the entire time running after them and not really enjoying the wedding or visiting with your extended family.

    My brother got married when my son was 4 and my twin girls were 1. We decided to leave the girls home and only take my son. He was very well behaved, but my husband still needed to leave the reception early to take him home after such a long day. I never considered taking my girls. Yes, they will miss pictures but in the scheme of things, I don't think that's reason enough to take them with you. I'm not a huge fan of kids at weddings in general...even my own....I just view weddings as more of an adult experience.

  6. given the choice I'd leave them at home.

    If you would like them in the photo's - bring the sitter with you and find out in advance if there is a ante-room or somewhere that they can be kept for the service/vows and then have the sitter take them home after the dinner/food or even right after the photo's.

    I wouldn't want them there for the whole thing...ugh! I had my very nearly 3 yo twins at the church for my brother's wedding and it was exhausting! They were also at the reception for the dinner, then we took them home to a sitter. It was NO fun for Dh and I - all those speeches to keep them quiet through?? The vows? no thanks!


    p.s We then went to a friends wedding 6 months later and had a sitter come to the hotel room before the wedding. They had fun and we had a BLAST. Dh and I had the whole afternoon and evening together - bliss.

  7. It sounds to me like your brother is nicely saying "leave them home" he doesn't want to come out and say it- but by just saying do what's easiest for you, HINT HINT, which is LEAVE THEM HOME- Yes it would be grand if this age children would cooperate etc- but they won't- whats most important is your brother and his fiancee have a nice wedding without a ton of interruptions, AND that you the SISTER get to enjoy it and not be out with children who are going to be children-

    Don't they have a room that someone could watch the kid during the wedding- that way you could get them in pictures after the ceremony??? Like bring a sitter to the wedding- THEN take them home during reception and YOU GO HAVE FUN.

  8. It really depends on you/your personality. For me, if I HAD to bring my 3 to a wedding I would not go. Nobody is going to have a good time in that situation but that's just me. They usually cannot be forced to be quiet during the ceremony and run all around & won't sit down. It's not bad parenting, it's the age of the kids and what they are capable of controlling and the length of time they are capable.

    I think the babysitter is best so you & your DH can enjoy the evening. Someone usually gets sick from eating too rich foods or just too much of anything or makes a major mess and then the event is cut short. They can act up and refuse to cooperate for pictures and ruin the shots.

  9. What about dropping the kids and sitter at your sister's house on the way to church and then picking them up AFTER THEY NAP?

    They can make a brief appearance at the end of the reception so all those relatives who haven't seen you in 10 years can meet them. They will be well rested and the speeches will be over.

  10. This is an easy one. It seems clear that you will be happier/more relaxed if they're home and your brother says he doesn't care so I think you should leave them home.

  11. Personally, I would bring them to the wedding (easy for me to say with a singleton, lol)! But, I would bring the sitter too & possibly have them skip the ceremony (are they having the full service or just a quicky?). Then, you can play by ear whether they should go back to your sisters for a nap.

    My reasons are, you said other children will be there, maybe cousins? It would be a nice family experience/memory. Sounds like a day wedding as you stated the reception is in the middle of nap time. You have the option of bringing a babysitter so you don't have to run around keeping track of them! And, if they have some older cousins there, especially girls, you get extra babysitters!

    If other kids weren't attending or it were at night, I would not bring them. At 3.5, my DD would have had a blast on the dance floor!

    I do think it's a personal decision & you know your kids best!

    Have fun whatever you decide!


  12. Karin,

    I don't go to weddings with kids, period Even if my kids were IN the wedding, I would arrange to have someone take them back home/to the hotel after.

    My feelings are weddings are more for adults and YOU should enjoy this night since you so rarely get a night out to dance, dress up, eat uninterrupted with your DH. Coming from another mom of three, pay the sitter! LOL.


  13. I would stick with the sitter and have a relaxing evening. Yes, it is nice to have the kids in the photos, but there will be other photos. At 3.5 and 2 years, the kids will enjoy being at home much more than at a wedding. I would be practical and keep them at home.

  14. From your post, I get the feeling that you'd prefer to leave the home but just feel like maybe you ought to have them there. They will never miss it (my aunt got married when I was 8 years old or so and my parents left me and my 3 brothers home - I've never thought twice about it). So, I think you should leave them, or figure out something so they can just make a brief appearance.

    Go, relax and have fun!

  15. I'd see if I could split the difference and maybe have the sitter come to the wedding with them briefly.

    Otherwise, LEAVE THEM HOME!!!

    My story... A year ago I was asking about toddlers at weddings. I got a bunch of pep-talks from the women here. (Now, we traveled across the country, first time all the family got to meet my guy, etc.)

    As the ceremony started, little dude started acting up. Bride was walking down teh aisle as we exited through the side. Spent the whole ceremony in the cry room. Basically, I couldn't see or hear the ceremony as I was trying to keep my guy entertained.

    Reception was a little better, but I still had to leave very early so we could get my guy home for a nap.

    I almost asked my cousins to hire a sitter. I should have.

    And realize... DH's family is all about children at weddings. It was just so much work for me. I couldn't enjoy the ceremony, the cousins helped with him at the reception but still...

    I think a brief appearance is the best compromise!

  16. I totally get wanting them there for family pictures but in my experience bringing just DS to events that aren't really for kids almost always means no fun for me or even disaster. Even church is a challenge for DS - he just has too much energy. He's not badly behaved, he just 3.....so I vote for either having a sitter waiting in the wings with them and put them in the picture and then send them home or don't bring them at all (more fun for you and much, much less stressful). I know for me all I worry about the whole time is what ds is going to do or want to do - and there is no reasoning with him when he decides that he would like to do XXX and normally its something that in any other circumstance is perfectly acceptable.


  17. Yep - I'd leave them at home. If you feel like you must take them, bring the sitter along with you.

  18. For a family wedding, I would bring them.

    We brought DS to a cousin's wedding when he was 3.5 and DD was 3 mo. He had a blast with his cousins.

    DS stood up in BIL's wedding when he was almost 4 and DD was almost 1 yo. We brought them both. My parents were invited and helped with the kids. It was a night reception and they did fine. We did do a nap for DD in between the church and the reception in a hotel room. DS has so much fun dancing with everyone.


  19. I think it depends on your child. My DD has been to 4 weddings ( was a flower girl in 2) in the almost 4 years she's been alive -- she sat relatively quietly during the ceremonies (although during one wedding it was requested that she not attend the ceremony and they provided a babysitter to come to our hotel room and wathc her). She also had a blast at the parties and handled the late hour well. BUt these were all family weddings and my DD had so much fun with the rest of our family that she barely bothered with DH and I and we were able to enjoy ourselves. But DH's cousin has a DD 6 months younger than my DD and she is a totally different child who will be glued to her mother all night. So for MIL's wedding, they decided not to bring her so they could actually enjoy themselves - had it been at a closer/easier to get to location they would have brought her in for pics but they decided it was more hassle than it was worth.

  20. I say leave them home. They won't remember not being there, and as for pictures...I mean, how often does the whole family sit around looking at wedding pictures? You will have a much nicer time, and a more MEANINGFUL time, without them there. And how fun to have a night out without the kids too. Don't feel guilty!

  21. I say leave them home. My brother and sister in law wanted my then 2yo son at their wedding for family portraits. It was incredibly stressful for me when my little guy, overwhelmed by all the hoopla, would not pose nicely for a picture instead just huddled in my lap crying. The bride and groom, having no children of their own, couldn't understand why I didn't just INSIST he pose for the pictures. Sheesh. I finally was able to say to him, "go hug your sister" and he ran to her, hugged her and the photographer snapped the shot.

    It doesn't end there...he became fussy during the ceremony and I had to take him out. I missed my brother getting married! I was outside walking my 2yo around. Given my druthers, I NEVER would have brought him to the wedding but they insisted.

    I drew the line at the reception however, and hired a babysitter.

    Leave them home and have a good time.

  22. leave them home - you will have so much more fun - consider it a fabulous date night!

    my kids were in a wedding - flower girl and ring bearer and we just stuck around long enough for pictures and then the kids went home!

  23. I'd take them in a heartbeat. Our DD is 3 and she has a blast every time there is a large group of folks around. She loves dancing - I can only imagine how much fun your 3.5 yr old twins will have.

    If possible, take a sitter with you and limit the kids time at the wedding to the fun parts.

    You can always have a relaxing night out with your DH anytime (with a sitter at home) but your kids won't get to be in their uncles wedding again!

  24. If anything... after the nap and maybe to the reception for a bit. Then send them home with the sitter.

    When I got married my little niece cried the whole time. Her cries were on all of the videos. During my vows I wanted to go down the aisle and say... please take her out!

    I love children and loved having them at the reception. But during the ceremony they were bored. And we were agitated.

  25. its a family wedding and so, i would definitely take them even without a sitter- it would not even be an option for me to leave them at home. my siblings would be piissed if i did not bring the kids to any of their weddings.
    now having a sitter would be an extra-beautiful bonus which i would snap up in a h/b.
    you did say there would be other kids present at the wedding right?
    personally, i do so love weddings that include kids.

    whatever your decision, have fun!


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