Would you switch IVF clinics when Doctor is rude (a vent as well)?

(28 posts)(13 voices)
  1. Hello gals,

    I am attempted to switch IVF clinics just when I am about to start.

    The IVF doctor's bedside manner is horrid.

    He is short on answers, barely acknowledges my questions, and seems annoyed with me. The nurse is also hard to get a hold off and only seems available when I am about to write a check.

    The thing is I have gone to another clinic and consulted with another IVF center and also noticed a factory like approach to treating their patients.

    It\'s a business and I am getting the strong feeling the clinic has gotten tired of me since I've been canceled due to low response and then postponed because of recent respiratory illness. Both were out of my control and it was me who made the call since I got the feeling the clinic was stringing me along to get more money.

    Augh!!!

    Then I dared to call tonight because I thought I may have to begin taking Estrace pills because I am on the Estrogen Priming Protocal. My IVF doctor spoke to me with an annoyed voice and bluntly told me to call tomorrow.

    Augh!!

    He is not touchy freely at all, but his clinic is the best one locally (not for customer service though..but for getting you pregnant). Logistics forces me to stay local, sadly enough.

    I\'m tempted to switch, but then again that would postpone my cycle to no end.

    What would you do?

    Would you go there anyway since the ball is rolling?

    Would you go to another clinic only to discover the same happy to "make the sale smiles" and then take your money and get annoyed if you dare ask a question?

    Is the grass greener on the other side? Or is the IVF industry used to treating their infertile patients like sh*t and only want those happy go lucky ones who kiss the ground they walk on?

    I\'m so disheartened by the happily getting your money and treating you like sh*t because you dare to ask questions and advocate for yourself!

    Thanks in advance and good luck in your journeys.

    Sylvia

  2. I would switch since I'd rather go to somewhere I'm treated like a factory rather than somewhere they would negatively affect my cycle by their lack of bedside manner.
    For me, not clarifying instructions that have the possibility of negatively affecting my cycles would be the straw that broke the camel's back. That would mean to me that I was just pissing money away and cycling for nothing. Not acceptable at all.

  3. Hello there,

    I am fuming and upset that the RE had such an attitude with me.

    It\'s hard enough realizing that you need IVF just to have a chance to conceive.

    It takes courage just to walk in the door and suffer the hours of indignities of everyone seeing your insides, probing, and needling you (and judging you or giving their "advice"...or worse telling you "to relax").

    Augh!

    Sasha, thanks for your advice.

    In the meantime, we are loaded on God knows how much expensive hormones, who knows what long term effects they will have, and then having the RE treat you like number #451.

    Again, if it were not for all of you here who can relate, I'd be at the mercy of my IVF clinic. I would have not canceled and probably had a poor outcome (thank you all who responded in December in regards to the low follicle count and Estrogen II levels because the clinic did not even want to give me those numbers and I had to physically show up and request to get my estrogen II levels that day). And for all of you who responded to the "Sick as A Dog Before IVF" and soundly told me to postpone. Maybe that totally t*cked off the RE.

    They know...that I have your medical collective knowledge here (and my hard earned one as well).

    Augh!!!!

    I am so bummed.

    Thanks for reading my thread.

    Sylvia

  4. hey sylvia, i vote for switching. now. there are so many reasons why we as IF patients need to be treated with nothing but care and respect. one basic reason is that we are , at the heart of it, customers. you are paying dearly for a service and deserve the utmost care and respect, and yes, bedside manner. The hippocratic oath says 'first do no harm'. i realize that applies more literally to your physical health, but it also applies to health. the guys sounds like a major assss, i'd run out the door,depending on where you're at, there will at least be a couple of other choices. GL, and sorry that happened to you..

  5. I think I am the odd one out here. I get the feeling that you are not a newbie at this so I've based my response on that.

    I think you just need to look at this logically.
    1) You say that you have to stay local.
    2) You say that this clinic has the best stats in your local area.
    3) You say that you checked out another local clinic and they are also a factory.

    If all of this is true, I say just bite the bullet and stay.
    I understand how it feels to be treated like a number, but what is the END result that is required here? a baby.
    Which local place is most likely to get you that? the one you are at.
    You need to treat this as a service and not expect (although you should get it) them to be touchy feely, nice people. So it's a factory, that sucks, but if it gets you the "product" you require than isn't it worth it to deal with them for the month that you have to? If you don't expect alot, then people can't dissappoint you.

    You have already invested alot of time and money in this place and in your treatment so I say just go through with it and then give them the finger as you are walking out the door with your positive pg test.

  6. SexyS - can I ask where you are? - this clinic sounds like my old local clinic!

    Is there any other clinic, perhaps not as local but not too far away with ok stats? Can you get a referral (verbal) from a friend or ob/gyny?

    All the best, Carrie

  7. Personally, I want experience over beside manner. If you are at the best local clinic, then that is where I would stay. Just my opinion.

  8. Hello ladies!

    I can't believe this element has been added to the roller coaster of IVF.

    I did have low expectations, but last night, his belittling me and yelling at me left me in fumes.

    People like him are everywhere.

    Right now, I am aiming at 60% of staying there because of the medical experience and stats the place has and prior success.

    It\'s just that this Doctor believes he can and probably does get away with treating people sh*tty.

    Karma...I truly believe what goes around, comes around.

    I\'m tempted to bite the bullet and just tolerate the guy for a almost two months (maybe more I am so lucky to get preggo...but that would be another story).

    Augh..

    I just hate that this element was added on and to top it off I am now getting the same vibe with the IVF nurse.

    Hope I am wrong....because I truly feel if the doctor and nurse are a@rses, I will become totally bitter and cynical towards the IVF industry...

    Any IVF nurse out there, or nurse who has seen doctor like him with the God Syndrome and used to belittling his patients????

    God..I know I am not the first to deal with bad bedside manner...

    How I wish I didn't have to jump walls and hoops just to have a chance to conceive!!!!!!!!!!

    Ladies, I will wait it out for a week and make my final decision.

    In the meantime, I am tracking their behavioral patterns and trying to be objective in how they treat me and other patients while weighing the medical experience and technical skills at this place.

    Man, oh man, how I wish I could just do the deed and get pregnant the old fashion way.

    Fertiles, have no idea, how easy they have it in that area.

    Good luck to all and thanks a billion for allowing me to think aloud my current situation.

    Sylvia

  9. Sylvia- i have been with the same clinic off and on now for almost 5 years-
    first ivf- they were "pleasant" but i got the feeling my doc was an arrogant arse- and i didn't like his nurse that much from the beginning.

    Fast forward- 2nd ivf attempt- i was cancelled on the day of trigger- my OBgyn called the RE and said "what the h-e-l-l " are you doing b/c my e2 numbers were low, and low number of follicles- i think the RE only cx'd that day b/c of my OBgyn who had a much greater vested interest in me. I was devistated- the RE wouldn't even call and talk to me, he just had the nurse say the "cycle was over" i was so upset. FIRST_ i am a master's degree prepared nurse anesthetist- so i understand SECOND_ i am paying them to "talk to me"- arsewhole.

    OKAY- so i went for my WTF meeting with him- and again he was "pleasant" enough- so i did IVF #3 with them- twin pg that ended in fetal demise at 9 weeks. This cycle- i was in their face all the time- still hate his nurse unpersonal biatch-flat affect you name it.

    I changed to a different doctor for my WTF meeting after m/c (same practice)- he reminds me of Fat Albert- jamaican accent, just nice, optimistic etc.

    Well when i had to go back for testing, and results- etc i had to meet with my OLD doctor b/c of scheduling- so i fell back into his "primary care"

    I was told at that point that i was better off to go to donor egg b/c of my AMH leve- (DIMINISHED OVARIAN RESERVE) at just turned 34.

    SO i switched to an out of state bigger better clinic with an awesome nice doctor who called me and talked to me personally on the phone reguarding my response to drugs, etc and saw him everyday in the office when i went there for the cycle- NEVER saw my old doctor until transfer day ONLY saw the nurses. UNFORTUNATELY- BFN- and a good bedside manner and different clinic didn't =pregnancy for me.

    SO for a last WTF cycle went back to my old clinic- arsewhole old doctor- and did the same protocol that worked for me last january- i just went with the flow- but i intentionally called and spoke witha different nurse about my labs etc.

    This cycle i did NO BCP- and just did max dose stims, and higher dose steroids- BEST response ever- THIS F"CKING doctor had the audacity on transfer day to say "SEE you didn't have to go to a different clinic to have a good cycle, see i am better than they are and i pulled this one "CYCLE" out of a hat for you" I WAS THINKING WTF- my BODY did the work- you just provided the atmosphere and daily vaginal probing- BUT the cycle worked - so my shietty arse doctor and CRAPOLA clinic got me pg for a 3rd time.

    my point is- i hate them- i tell people to go to the other clinic in the city with better stats if they are starting new
    BUT b/c i was an "old ivf patient" it was to hard to switch again.

    Good luck- hopefully they can get you the success you want- even tho they are arses.
    Jen

  10. Hello there,

    I just got a prompt and nice e-mail from Doctor B at the Plan B IVF Clinic.

    She answered all my questions, prescribed me Folgard, at my request since I have a heterozygenous MTTHR gene, and said she can schedule the Essure or Tubal Fulgation by Laparoscopy surgey for me.

    Wow!

    I must have gotten used to being treated so poorly by the Doctor A*ssh**.

    I thought I wouldn't here from Doctor B until a month from now.

    Now I am more receptive to going to Plan B IVF clinic.

    Tomorrow, I will pick up my meds from the originally clinic, feel them out, and if I get any weirdo, bad, vibe from the staff, and IVF nurse, I am RUNNING out of there with a request to send my medical records to Doctor B and a copy for myself as well.

    We shall see.

    Sylvia

    P.S. I am still fuming!
    I will meditate. )))

  11. Hello girls!

    I am going OCD!!!!

    What can I take for that???

    Anyway.

    Jenga, you are my inspiration!

    Seriously, I decided the EPP one because you did so well with it and I "feel" we have similar reproductive histories. Crazy.

    Plus...the Estrace pills I took earlier this month, made me feel great. My skin and hair look so much better on five days of it. Imagine that!

    I\'m probably going to stay with the ar*whole, but man, oh man, it it tempting to blow them off and leave. LEAVE!!!

    But, like, jahman pointed out, I have to keep a level head.

    The reasons she pointed out, are the reasons why I am not RUNNING out the door and telling the patients what this doctor really is...an total A.

    I must be crazy, CRAZY, to voluntarily do IVF again.

    Sylvia

  12. Sorry for your frustration. It is a tough choice and one you shouldn't have to make! If you stay, you could try explaining to him that you need more information and explanation and therefore would like to know the best place to take / way to present these questions. Ask if there is a nurse coordinator or patient service department that may be able to answer questions? Or can he direct you to any good resources? If not then ask him the best way to get the info that you want from him...would he like you to email? fax? wait till a certain day/time and present all questions at once?, etc.

    Unfortunately you are catering to his attitude but with certain types it helps to make it easier on them. It is hard to take the high road when you are going through so much already but sometimes the result is worth 'babying' your RE. Try to think of it as another challenge that you can rise to during this harrowing process..and the good karma will hopefully come your way!

  13. I think I am the odd one out here. I get the feeling that you are not a newbie at this so I've based my response on that. I think you just need to look at this logically.1) You say that you have to stay local.2) You say that this clinic has the best stats in your local area.3) You say that you checked out another local clinic and they are also a factory. If all of this is true, I say just bite the bullet and stay.I understand how it feels to be treated like a number, but what is the END result that is required here? a baby.Which local place is most likely to get you that? the one you are at.You need to treat this as a service and not expect (although you should get it) them to be touchy feely, nice people. So it's a factory, that sucks, but if it gets you the "product" you require than isn't it worth it to deal with them for the month that you have to? If you don't expect alot, then people can't dissappoint you. You have already invested alot of time and money in this place and in your treatment so I say just go through with it and then give them the finger as you are walking out the door with your positive pg test.

    I agree... It's a tough business these RE's are in. Their stats are usually on the losing end of the stick. They have to deal with hormonal women on a daily basis. It's almost a 24/7 job sometimes, so I'm sure these RE's and nurses aren't going to be on their best behavior all the time. I try not to take it personally. I'm there for ONE reason... to get pregnant, have a baby and get the muck out there, and that's where I keep my focus. I choose the best clinic with the best stats, then I take it from there. I don't care much for sweet Drs. who have cr@ppy stats. I just want results in the most expedient manner. I have plenty of friends. I don't need my RE and nurses to be my friends... I just need them to get me pregnant!

    I was warned by my g/fs that my RE was dry and lacked personality, but he's great at what he does. In the 2 plus years that I was a patient with my RE, he and I have disagreed, butt heads, locked horns, he's snapped at me, I've yelled at him and hung up the phone on him, but the next time we meet, it's business as usual... What's the plan Doc? How am I going to get pregnant this time? 2 years and 3 weeks later with 8 cycles under my belt, I got the muck out of there. I think my RE is great b/c he helped me to accomplish my sole reason for being there... getting pregnant with a baby... We're not buddy-buddy, and he's still not Dr. Personality. But, he's NEVER given up on helping me to accomplish my goal of getting pg and having a baby. All of the other stuff, I just file it under "Annoying things that I need to deal with and get over it..."; they're just part of the process of achieving my goal of motherhood.

  14. If the bedside manner/attitude is resulting in impaired communications between you two, then I would say its a HUGE problem. Impaired communications can lead to alot of problems, including a busted cycle! During one of my cycles there was daylight savings, and its a good thing I CLARIFIED when I needed to do the trigger! You can either adress it with him, and nip it in the bud, or move on some place else, IMO.

  15. I agree... It's a tough business these RE's are in. Their stats are usually on the losing end of the stick. They have to deal with hormonal women on a daily basis. It's almost a 24/7 job sometimes, so I'm sure these RE's and nurses aren't going to be on their best behavior all the time.

    RE is not as tough as some other areas of medicine, there are rarely emergencies that occur in middle of the night... Most REs have partners, and rotate, I highly doubt that any RE or nurse is working 24/7, or anything close to it.

    Its an area of medicine that they themselves chose, and a very lucrative one! Its their JOB to be professional in their dealings with patients!

  16. Hello girls,

    Yup.

    It\'s official.

    The IVF nurse and RE are not answering or bothering to return my calls during "office hours" since I've left three messages last week (does not include the call last night that is or almost is the last straw for me...feel like crying out with anger and tears, cause everything that can go wrong is going wrong....!)

    That\'s the problem: They are purposely not answering or returning any calls and e-mails.

    I\'m so annoyed.

    It\'s 5:22pm and they have not called.

    Expensive donated gonal-f from Fertility Lifelines are giving me the meds and sent them their way. I called to confirm time I can go and pick up MY meds and no one ...no one has bothered to let me know.

    Afraid they will hold MY meds hostage....Take them or better yet pretend they never got it to begin with to "compensate Doctor A@rswhole being mad at me"..

    Imagine.

    The audacity of actually trying to get an answer to the very questions I have been asking these last two weeks!!!!

    I\'m beyond fuming!

    Sylvia

  17. Augh!!!!!!

    If they dare hold my meds hostage, I will go b***tch crazy in their waiting room and report their A@rses to Fertility Lifelines!!!!

    In fact, I will call them right now (Fertility Lifelines) and give them a heads up.

    Sylvia

  18. Wow, not returning a patient's phone call is baaaaaaaad. I would RUN from there.

  19. I have to say, I can handle...for the most part...a doctor with a bad bedside manner if they are good. But I want a nurse who has some compassion...and so far in my years of IF, I have not found many at these clinics. I keep telling my co-workers that I want to work as an IVF clinic nurse in the future, just so others like me might get to deal with a nurse who knows and has been there and will do their best to return a call in a timely manner and have some compassion and sometimes even have a clue as to what they are talking about!

    I am sorry you are dealing with all of this, I wish I knew what was the right answer for you... Just wishing you luck with your decision.

  20. RE is not as tough as some other areas of medicine, there are rarely emergencies that occur in middle of the night... Most REs have partners, and rotate, I highly doubt that any RE or nurse is working 24/7, or anything close to it. Its an area of medicine that they themselves chose, and a very lucrative one! Its their JOB to be professional in their dealings with patients!

    That is true... But, we all know that they're not good at their job all the time. Professionalism is also a 2 way street in a Dr./patient relationship. I know that when I'm on these meds, and my cycle isn't going well, my emotions get the best of me, and I'm not all that professional. I can only imagine other patients in my shoes doing the same. I do try to give them some slack...

    However, in OP's situation, not returning phone call from repeated messages isn't acceptable. Sylvia... If you have a better option, then you should move on to that option. If you don't, then you need to figure out how to best work with what you have. I don't know what the answer is for you. I just shared with you what has worked well for me. I'm honest and firm about my feelings towards my RE and nurse. I have a great nurse who does return phone calls within 24 hours. She reminds my RE to call me back, or I just make a face to face appointment to come in and discuss things with my RE.

  21. Hello gals,

    You have all made great points.

    I don't expect to be buddy, buddy with anyone out there in the IVF clinic, but I do expect some level of professionalism.

    I am trying to NOT take it personally, but this doctor has had a tone and unwillingness to have a patient who actually wants to know the nitty, gritty, details of her cycle and how to improve it because she is on her fourth IVF cycle (lots of expensive knowledge gained during that time, know way too much medical stuff for a layperson).

    I was ignoring it, filing it under the daily annoyances of life, etc, but when the IVF nurse is now having the same tone and unwillingness and does not return calls, well.....

    jahman, Jenga, Christyen, I am in the midst of formulating a plan on how to interact with them. Nobody is perfect, I get that, but I have to also assert myself and draw boundaries.

    Doctors yelling at their patients, no matter what, is unacceptable.

    Today I will:

    1. Call the IVF nurse again (5th time in two weeks with no call back) and inquire if the meds have arrived.
    2. If she doesn't answer or return call, I will call front desk and ask them to call me when gonal-f's arrive.
    3. Get requests for copies of my medical files for me and the second IVF clinic.
    4. Feel out the vibe I get from the front desk, if I sense any tone, similar vibe from the doctor, then I will know some sort of communication, of "Let's give her class F treatment." If the doctor has contaminated his negative aura about me and given permission to treat me the same, "I'm out of there!".

    Hope these plan makes some sort of sense.

    I am now at 50% of leaving and 50% of going to IVF Clinic B.

    Thanks a bunch and God, do I hope, that I can BEGIN to do IVF....I've been itching since November 2009.

    Sylvia

  22. Sylvia-

    Is this your 1st cycle with this certain clinic (I got that impression in your 1st post but then in your most recent post you make reference to you being on your 4th IVF cycle)? My thought when you originally posted was to stick with this clinic due to their success rates if you don't need much hand holding or a warm and fuzzy RE and try to work on your relationship with him and the nurses or give the doc some constructive criticism in hopes he will see the light and change his ways ;-). But if it is not your 1st cycle with them and this is truly your 4th cycle (and especially if you have had 2 fresh cycles there), I would absolutely say to change clinics. It is sort of an IVF rule of thumb that after 2 failed fresh cycles as the same clinic, it's probably time to at least get a 2nd opinion if not switch clinics. It just may be that your embryos don't do very well in their lab environment and labs can make a huge difference (IMHO, more so than any protocol etc.). Add that with the way they seem to be treating you and it makes the decision fairly easy. Now if it's your 1st try with them, then I think your most recent plan sounds reasonable. Many docs don't have the best bedside manner and sometimes nurses get busy which makes them have to prioritize their work (so calling you about your meds may be farther down on the priority list than say calling someone who is currently cycling about their med doses for the day) and get stressed resulting in a snippy attitude (not excusing but being a nurse have seen it). However, it's hard to believe that they would all be conspiring to be unprofessional to you, that would be well... extremely unprofessional---my fear would be is that they treat everyone this way because they think they can (since they have the best rates in your area so many people will go there regardless). Hope that rambling makes sense. Just my 2 cents. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  23. sylvia- i am sorry that you are getting such **** treatment- i am leaning towards - maybe IVF clinic B is a better option- are there stats that much different?

    Hang in there- J

    Jen

  24. Hello ladies,

    I just got off the phone about 20 minutes ago.

    Almost lost it on the phone, but somehow managed to keep a somewhat friendly voice.

    IVF nurse answers and acknowledges meds have arrived.

    Pause..then says I must schedule an appointment with the RE and that meds will be held for me until I begin the cycle (hostage).

    Matter of factly, said hubby took half a day off to get meds and he is on the way and that he would NOT be happy to hear this at all.

    She reluctantly then said, "Ok, we will give you the meds, then."

    Almost...almost lost it....

    Figured to not burn my bridges yet until I at least get the meds.

    Told her I spoke to Dr. last Sunday and told her why.

    I didn't say anything about the rudness, tone, or the yelling part. Just said the facts in a matter of factly voice.

    She said to call tomorrow to schedule appointment for Thursday.

    I\'ll chew this over...I will begin testing for ovulation in two days for the EPP Protocal...

    So torn...I am sooo tired of waiting to begin....postponed (IVF clinic lab closed in Jan. IVF clinic B closed in March), previous canceled cycle, and now who knows.

    Thanks for being my big ears.

    Sylvia

  25. Hubby go tthe meds!!!!

    Hooorrrrraaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!

    Thank GOD for Compassionate Care Program at the Fertility Lifelines for donating the very, very, very, expensive gonal-f.

    There\'s someone out there treating me like a human being rather than an ATM machine.

    Sylvia

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