Worried about managing twins

(9 posts)(6 voices)
  1. I'm 10 weeks along with identicals. I am grateful for this pregnancy. I am lucky lucky lucky.

    But the prospect of twins is really really stressing me out. This pregnancy resulted from an FET -- my second this time around. Each time, we transferred one blastocyst. We knew that transferring just one would reduce our chances of success, but we did not want to risk twins. Indeed, according to my clinic, there is a 1-2 percent chance of a blastocyst splitting into twins in a FET cycle.

    We have two small children already -- age 4 (fresh cycle) and age 2-1/2 (FET).

    I am so worried about managing twins (in the short term and the long term). Worried about having less time and energy for my 4 and 2-year olds, the impact on our financial picture -- pretty much everything.

    Am I going to have anything left for my older children? What about for myself?

    What kind of childcare help should I get, especially in the beginning?

    I have been struggling with finding someone to reach out to -- any suggestions welcome. There's a local \"moms of multiples\" club in my area, but it's $40 to join. Is it worth it?

  2. I have 17 mo. old triplets off a single fresh cycle transfer. I was 40 at delivery. I don't have older children, so I can't answer your questions there, but I know there are other ladies here who can. Yes, you will have less energy for your older children, not specifically because you are having twins, but because you will have newborns in the house and sleep will be at a premium. Your family dynamics are about to change, but they would even if you were having a single...they just change differently with multiples.

    I found my local Moms of multiples club a great resource. Our dues are about the same as yours, although we didn't pay during the time I was pg or the first 3 mo. post delivery. Our club does that so people can decide if the club is really something they want to join. Someone from the club brought food to the house after I delivered and had 2 home, while one was still in the NICU. The garage sales (both for selling and buying) were a great way to purchase the things I needed (gently used and at a great price) and get rid of the stuff I was done with. We have events both with the kids (pool party this weekend) and without (game night tomorrow night and Mom's Night Out next week). Our online message board is available for people to post questions, and we have a classifieds section as well, so if you want to give something away, or ask if anyone has something for sale there is a forum for that too. Bottom line is I thought it was worth it. As to help, the best thing we had was someone to do some of the night feedings at the beginning, so everyone was getting at least 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. I had preemies and our ped required us to wake them every 3 hours to feed (at one point we had one that was eating every 2 hours). Our MOMs club also had some resources and recommendations for doulas, night help, etc. We do have members of our club (one due yesterday I think) that had a single, twins, and is due now with another single. Is there a way you can join your local club temporarily to see if it is something you want to join? Good luck!

    Debi

  3. I was going to say the same thing about the multiples group. I've joined even though my twins are not due for a month yet and the club has already been so friendly and helpful. Definitely worth exploring.

    tarek_f, I don't have other kids so I can't speak to that either, but I can tell you I am also scared of managing twins. But lots of people do it and so can we! Everyone is telling me to accept all offers of help, and to ask for what we need, so I plan on doing that. From, \"Great, can you come over tomorrow and walk my dogs?\" to \"Thanks, Can you run to the grocery and Target for me this week?\" Hey -- they offered, right?

    Debi, I read your post and wondered if we are neighbors -- we have a game night/white elephant tomorrow and mom's night out next week at Carraba's. Are you in Pinellas County, Fla.?

  4. Hi tarek_f!

    congrats on your pregnancy!!

    I have a 4yo dd and 8mo b/g twins. I have a different perspective but thought i would put it out there for you. I found the older daughter harder to manage with twins than the actual twins. Since you are already an experienced mother you may find this is the case for you as well. She was not used to having to wait and often played too rough with the babies. And the babies were actually so much easier for me than the one the first time around since I knew what I was doing.

    I wanted to join a local MOMS club but after attending 2 meeting I decided not to. The women were really (REALLY!!) derisive of mothers of singletons and after all I was that before I became a mom of twins. I think if you are having twins as your first set of kids it ca\\n be a really great resource but it wasn't for me. Frankly, the parenting multiples board here has been a great resource so I turn there for help as needed.

    As for help... yes, please arrange for help. Do you have some day care or childcare now?? If not I would try to get someone - if finances are a concern even a mother's helper would be a great investment for your own sanity.

    Other practical tips which I'm sure you already know about are to cook up huge batches of food for the fmaily and freeze it so you can get through the first 4-6 weeks with a minimum of cooking. Have groceries delivered to your house. Buy all the nappies and wiped in bulk in advance and get ready to just hunker down for the first few months.

    You'll be tired. Babies will cry. Older kids will be demanding. But you can do it!!!

    Oh, if your kids are not great at playing independently start practicing that now. Also get them used to 'voice activated' games like 'I spy' and things like that. You'll need them to be able to play well alone while you're feeding the babies.

    Congrats again!!

  5. hi tarek_f and congratulations!

    My experience with POM club was wonderful - the Internet board is very active and ppl are very helpful. We recently got two free cribs that the other family did not need any more.
    The POM sale had great bargains. We went to a free class on baby sign language. I have not been to any regular meetings, but I doubt that there would be attitude problems since many ppl have singletons in addition to twins.
    Also their year starts I'm September, but we were allowed to join in May for the same fee. Make sure to ask if they have any deals for new members.
    Good luck!

  6. Kate, yes, we are neighbors and yes, I'm going tomorrow. I was really sorry I didn't get to meet you at the last one.

    Debi

  7. I\'ve not been to any regular meetings, but I doubt that there would be attitude problems since many ppl have singletons in addition to twins.

    So the constructive comment here is to ask for membership information before joining. As in, how many members are only moms of multiples, how many have singletons first then twins, how many are moms of HOMs. In my area there are 3 MOMs clubs and each has a distinct set of members and I just managed to get hooked up with the one that had mostly just twin mommies. If you could find a group of women who had singletons and then twins you would have a great group to go to for feedback on splitting your attention 4 ways for example.

    And yes, MOMs groups are great for 'stuff' if nothing else!

  8. In the first two months, we used a nighttime doula two to three times per week. I'm nursing so I was that much more tired. I would have loved a housekeeper to clean the house once each month. That would have been great. Those things were essential for us and well worth the money. I don't know how I would have done it without the help. Also, a double sling for when they both want to be held at the same time.

    For the long term, I just don't know. I struggle too with this, and I only have the boys. I'm choosing to stay at home for the first year (maybe even 2 or 3). We could only do formal daycare and that's about 2500-3000 per month up here in CT. I'd rather just stay home. I suppose in house help is less but I haven't checked that out yet. Right now I nurse (but supplement) and cloth diaper so I save costs there. But you're right--college, day to day expenses, it's a lot.

  9. Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. It is heartening to read your comments and suggestions. I really really appreciate it.

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