Women in their mid thirties or above who never married?

(30 posts)(21 voices)
  1. My BF has been single for a loooong time - I think the last real relationship she had was when she was 20, and we are 40 now. She just never met anyone - a lot of this is bad luck, but it is also the fact that she wouldn't go out, didn't put herself 'out there', etc. And she would have one date with a guy and he wouldn't be interested. I know for a fact is is VERY hard for her to see literally all of her friends married with kids, as she has wanted that for a long time

    When I finally got pregnant over two years ago she cried and cried, and mentioned she was thinking of doing it on her own. I said great!! but don't wait, as we were 38 at the time. She waited and tried last year with a sperm donor but her FSH was over 20 and it didn't work. She just used an egg donor and now she is pregnant which is GREAT. I have to say, though, even in pregnancy she still seems kind of bitter and unhappy (she has been like this for a long time) - I sincerely hope this will go away with the birth of her child.


  2. I got married when I was 39. By my mid 30's, I was tired of the bar scene and decided that Mr Right was not going to just knock on my door. Everyone I knew knew that I was looking. I had a lot of blind dates. I even took a spanish class and was contemplating taking golf lessons when I met 'him'. I was really putting myself out there but ya know Iwas pretty happy. My career was at a great place and I owed my own townhouse. I was independent and proud of it. But I never expected him to knock on my door, ykwim? I have a friend who has never married-she is 48, and she always talked about her 'criteria'-she would say she would never marry a guy who does x y z for a living, or who drove abc car.....she really didn't have an open mind and was judgemental.
    She set herself up for Mission Impossible. I am not saying that that is everyone who is >35 and not married-just her....


  3. I don't know if it's that simple though. When I was going through IF and thought I'd never have kids (it lasted about 5 years) I hated being around anyone with babies or little kids and I never would have brought up "Hey, I'm jealous of the fact that you have kids and can't stand being around them." It's just a really uncomfortable topic. No one wants to come out and say they are jealous or uncomfortable around someone else. I was so angry at the insensitivity of some people, couldn't believe they didn't "get it" at all and felt like they either shoved their kids in my face or they avoided the whole topic to the extent that it seemed like they didn't care at all. I don't want friends to feel like they have to "fake it" or that they have to spend time with me or my kids if they really don't want to, or like I don't care at all.

    hmmm I guess I think that not everybody reads hints the same way or gets it that something hurts, so sometimes you have to speak up to help them "get it." And on the other end, I think there are nice ways to ask people how they feel about this and that...

    But I am a very direct person, and often "don't get" other people's hinting messages because I expect them to be direct with me. It STILL happens with me husband until he finally bursts and says, "I HATE that," and I go, "But you NEVER told me," and he says, "Well, I told you without telling you," and I say, "Clearly it wasn't effective." And on it goes.

    I would say something like, "Hey, we can hang out with my kids or, if you prefer, we can go out for a drink when dh comes home and can watch them."

    Anyway, I think it's nice that you are concerned about people's feelings.

  4. i have a lot of single friends - very good ones and they hang around with me and my family but honestly i prefere to hang out with them alone! i need a break sometimes and these girls know me so well - i can laugh or cry with them. one of my closest friends in the world decided to go it alone - she is now 17 weeks pregnant and i am over the moon for her!!

    i bet if most of us had to choose baby or husband the majority would go with baby.

    i was the transportation ho in the thread previously mentioned . there are lots of places to meet guys you just have to be open to it! but as my good friend who moved to alaska says "the odds are good but the goods are odd".

  5. And I'm guessing you've always been a terrible FLIRT, just like me. Being married doesn't stop me from flirting either. DH gets a huge kick out of it.
    Yes I have been and yes I am still. I always say... I am married not dead. My husband thinks it is funny. I don't ever take things to a point to disrespect him. He knew about my flirty ways when he met me. Well how do you think we actually got together?

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