Why can\'t people just shut up?

(9 posts)(6 voices)
  1. *pg. loss mentioned
    I am starting this thread for all those who have suffered comments from ignorant people. I miscarried at 6 wks and told only a few at work about our IVF. I gained ten pounds with this cycle after already being twenty pounds overweight. A woman I barely know just walked up to me, patted my giant fat pad on my belly and asked me when my little one was due! Don't people know better than that these days?! Geez! I was almost startled by her question, and screamed 'what?' She then realized her mistake and claimed she was only kidding, and then said 'I saw you yesterday, I know there's no way you're pregnant'. What the h*ll does that mean? Do infertiles have a flashing neon sign on our foreheads? This process is making me hate the general public. Anyone else want to come live on my private planet?

  2. I am so sorry, that was so uncalled for. People just plain suck. There is no better word for it. I would love to live on my own Island and never have to deal with people again. I have told my DH that I want to become a hermit. There is no excuse for people to be so thought less. I am very sorry about your loss. Hope you feel better soon.

  3. Thank you so much mgatnik. I love this website, it is a saving grace to be able to find people who "get it". Even family members don't have a clue how to support us. If you haven't been through some type of IF hell, it's really hard to understand the depth of pain we go through. Sometimes even our DH's don't really get it. Anyway, I hope if anyone else has any horror stories of people saying or doing offensive things, that they feel free to share them on this thread so we can all make fun of the morons we walk this earth with!

  4. Moon, if I didn't know otherwise, I would swear that you worked in my office. I had something very similar happen to me at work. I was talking with a co-worker about something totally work related when she reached over, patted my belly and said to me "so, do you have a baby in there yet"? WTF! Mind you, this is a person who knows we have issues and had a failed cycle in the past, and when she did it, I had a failed FET (that she didn't know about) the month before. I didn't know whether to start crying or to ask her if she was really that f-ing stupid, but settled for a curt "we're working on it" then immediately went into my office and shut the door, where I did cry. I later told one of my co-workers what she had done and I know something was said to her about her insensitivity because she has not asked me anything since. Mind you, this is a person who had two very easy pregnancies at over age 40 and conceived exactly when she wanted to.

    I also had another co-worker (who doesn't know of our issues) ask me if I was pregnant because I had gained weight (25 lbs since marriage and the fertility drugs don't help). No, I'm not pregnant, but thank you for letting me know that I've gained enough weight that you think I am and damaging my already fragile self-esteem even more. Why would you even ask such a personal question when no announcement has been made? If and when there is an announcement to be made, you will find out about it.

    Do people even think before they open their mouths?

  5. Belle,
    I am so sorry you had to deal with the stout ignorance of a fertile. They really have NO clue! My mom hates it when I say this but fertiles don't appreciate their children the same way infertiles do. Like it or not, they simply don't understand what truly a gift a child is. So, for them to make flippant statements regarding pregnancy is just so insulting and condescending. If it sounds like i'm bitter, well I guess I am. Feel free to vent to your hearts content.

  6. I totally get it. It is like every person you know says, are you pregnant yet?? WTF????? Oh yeah, I am I just didn't mention it... I WILL TELL YOU WHEN I GET PREGNANT, until then STFU !!!!!!!!!!! Geez, people irritate me to no end and I too sometimes wish I could be a hermit.

  7. I want to smack the hell out of people when they say "aww well it just wasn't meant to be" WTF does that mean? I am so tired of people in general i've stopped talking to most, which is even sadder

  8. Amen to you all! I recently had a breast cancer scare with my mom. I posted that I was praying to God to make it all right on my facebook page. Some idiot posted for all the world to see "hey, are you pregnant?" I wanted to go through the computer and slap the s#*t out of her! It has taught me to just not post anything about well, anything anywhere but here. We are the only ones who truly understand.

    I see you on some other threads, you crack me up! (stfu, I'm gonna steal that one )

    I love you ladies and I don't even know what you look like. This website is truly a Godsend.

  9. As I was miscarrying, one of my very good friends starting telling me that I should start considering adoption/donor egg, and that I've chosen the wrong clinic (NYU) and should switch to Cornell. She couldn't have picked a worse moment to **** me off!

    Based on that conversation, I decided to not share any more information with her in regards to this whole IVF thing. I can tell that she hates not "being in the know" but who cares. At the end of the day, it's my feelings at stake and it's my job to protect them. If that means cutting certain people off from this information, that's what I've got to do.

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