What would you do? (success and m/c ment)

(6 posts)(4 voices)
  1. In 2007 we had our DD via donor egg, on a frozen cycle. The fresh was unsuccessful. This month we did a FET using our 2 remaining embryos, only one made the thaw and it was a BFN. Now I am deciding what we will do next.

    Our previous donor is unavailable. Since 2007 we have purchased a house, an old house with a lot of work needed. Currently we are rebuilding the basement. After that there is the yard, the roof and the kitchen to be redone as well as insulation.... You get the picture, and we are living in one of the most unaffordable housing markets in Canada.

    So, do we try again or count our blessings? I would really really like to experience the whole pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding thing again and we would like our DD to have a sibling. I'm just not sure we can afford another $30 thousand and donor embryo is a no go for DH. Oh, I am 41 and we did DE because I carry a balanced translocation and I couldn't get pregnant following our one and only miscarriage in 2000, with and without all the technology out there. We were lucky and have no IF debt up until now.

    Anyone have any great money saving tips?

    C

  2. IF treatments are so expensive, and I cringe every time I see the number of what we've spent over the past 2 years, however that's how life goes...and it's all worth it, especially when our little guy arrives in May! In our experience, it was a matter of priority...we let other things go (house projects, newer cars, trips to visit family, etc.) because having a baby was the most important thing to us and will be until we feel as though we've "completed" our family over the next few years. We also were able to juggle finances, taking an IF loan for part of it, using money from other sources (tax returns, etc.), etc. so that it will all work out in the end. It's definitely not easy and I hate to say it, but when I see my fertile friends spending money on "fun" things, I do get jealous, but for some reason, we have to deal with this and we're doing the best job we can.

    Good luck to you in your journey!

  3. Mug- this is something you and dh REALLY need to make sure you are on the same page about. I REALLY understand your desire to expand your family- i did 4 ivf cycles in this past year- but dh was only half as devoted as i was to it- or i should say not even half. He wanted to do it to make me happy- but honestly didn't care about a second child- and he definately would have forgone b/c of the financial.

    IF you and dh are both on the same page- and this takes some investigation- then i would go for it- your dd is 3 or almost- my ds is 3 1/2 and will be 4 when this next one arrives. I wish it could have happened sooner- but am happy either way.

    We bought a "new, old house" that needed work also- if our roof goes out we are in trouble b/c well we have NO extra money- Owe back taxes, will owe again this year--but this baby is SOOO worth it for me. With DE you can do it whenever you are ready- your age doesn't affect it- you obviously can get pg and will most likely be pg again with DE- if you can handle it financially go for it- if you need to "save" for a year then do it.

    BUt i feel that we have the rest of our lives to make money, or spend money- having a family to me there is less time- so that takes precident. If you have a roof over your head, enough money to put food on the table, and you ca comfortably survive- then i would go for it.

    goodluck.
    Jen

  4. I'm still not sure that we will try again, I am up and down about it which is normal with grief. I will definitely only move forwards if DH will and I am thinking of little ways to try and save a bit and I will consider picking up a little extra work here and there.

    One way to think of it is that we paid 25 thousand less for our home than we were willing to pay so adding that cost to our line of credit is just a little better than having a slightly bigger mortgage. Right?

    The cost of IF treatment sucks, if it weren't for the cost I'd jump right back in.

  5. mug- y ep- agreed- if IVF wasn't so expensive alot more women would have even one child- it is the cost that ends up ending the attempts for many. As you know we are very lucky to have found success, and agree, hey if you have some where to "get that money" even a home line of credit, i fyou plan on staying where you are- then it is a reasonable thing to do.

    Goodluck.
    jen

  6. mug, I would definitely try again. My plan if I were you would be to make it a priority, save some money and try to do it in another country which is a lot less expensive.

    GL in your decision.

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