Waiting to miscarry

(29 posts)(8 voices)
  1. Hello,

    For anyone out there in this situation, I thought it would be nice to have someone else to talk to.

    I am 36 and DH and I had one unsuccessful IVF cycle but with 2 snow babies. We had a FET 05/29 and bfp - unfortunately at 6 weeks was diagnosed with an empty sac. Have stayed on all meds and gone back for 2 more u/s's all with the same result. I am coming to terms with the fact that there will be no baby but DH and I are out of $$ and need another $9K to try again and I don't know when we will come up with it and my eggs are getting older - very frustrating.

    My hcg levels are still increasing and as of yesterday the gestational sac was still growing - seems wierd to still have full p/g symptoms and no indication that anything is wrong other than the f***** u/s with nothing there.

    I have gone on medical leave from my work while I wait to miscarry naturally - next step is more b/w on Thursday to see what hcg levels are doing - I am very hesitant to take any action until I have some sort of additional evidence that the pg is not going to happen (i.e. falling hcg levels, sac not growing or collapsing on u/s, etc.) - maybe I am in denial but if I take steps to end it and there is any sort of chance that the baby is just hiding then I would never get over it.

    Would love to hear from anyone else in this situation and how you are coping.


  2. LeeAnn,

    It's unfair and it f-ing sucks. I've been through the exact same situation and still I sit here with nothing but that to say.

    It got easier for me in time. It helped me to focus on the future and my ultimate dream and goal which was to one day be a mom. It's taken me over 5 years to get to a point where I'm able, financially to have another chance.

    I wish you all the best and I can truly say that I wish things would have turned out differently for both of us.


  3. Lee-Ann, I'm so sorry. I went through this last year, where I went in for b/w and u/s for three weeks before they made the diagnosis of blighted ovum. I too opted to miscarry naturally, because I did not want to induce in case there was really a baby in there - I totally understand where you are coming from.

    I'm really glad you are taking time off work. For me, I continued to go to work (in a pretty stressful job) b/c I thought I "should" be able to handle it, and separate out that part of my life from work. Well, there I was every other day, sitting by my phone at work waiting for them to call with my latest beta number - I think I had 12 in all. It was pure torture.

    In the end, I started to miscarry at just past 8 weeks. For me, the natural miscarriage was not so nice as I bled for 2 weeks, and I ended up having a D&C anyway - this is not the norm, so please don't let this scare you. After the D&C I still asked the doctor who did it if they found a fetus - I just had to know. Of course, there wasn't one.

    take care of yourself. I'm so so sorry that you are going through this, it is truly an awful situation.

  4. Hi everyone,

    My preganacy started with a very low beta of 14 but it steadily multiplied until we saw a heartbeat at 7w1d. The baby's growth was behind by 5 days but by the next week had caught up a bit. We went for another scan yesterday morning (9w1d) and the baby's heartbeat had stopped. There had also not been any further growth since last week. We have another scan on Thursday to confirm what's happened and then I'll wait to miscarry naturally (my choice). We are heartbroken.
    I'm so sorry to hear of the pain that all of you are going through. There is just no easy way to deal with this. I have a d/s of 2 years (also conceived via IVF with ICSI) and I'm just so glad to have him around through all of this as I have to go on for his sake and enjoy every single moment with him.

  5. I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a m/c last month the only difference was we saw our baby on the first u/s but by the 2nd it had died. It took me a week and another u/s to finally accept the diagnosis - denial is part of the grief process. I ended up taking doing a d&c and then finsihing off with the pills so I could physically move on. On Friday it will be 4 weeks since the d&c and my hcg is finally down to a nonpregnant value and I am planning another cycle. I still feel a lot of anger and saddness about the whole process. The saddness isn't as bad as weeks ago, but the anger mostly to the world and all the fertile people in it is growing stonger. Maybe it is PMS, I don't know. Anyways I wish you luck in this process. It isn't easy dealing with IF and then thinking that you finally reached the other side only to lose your baby and be thrown back into the IF world again.

  6. Just a short update on my situation:The scan today confirmed Tuesday's scan. I've elected to take medication on Sunday, so hopefully I will start miscarrying on Sunday night. I'm due for a scan again on Monday to check that everything is out failing which they will do a suction at once.

    bakar - I fully understand your sadness and anger. I just don't understand why some of us have to go the infertility route and others not.

  7. Lee-Ann and Drama_Primary - I'm so very sorry your going through this. I hope the next few days/weeks are easy on you both.

    Drama_Primary - there's many women on here who have taken medication to trigger a m/c.

    Some not so great experiences and some good.

    I had a 'good' (if you can call m/c'ing good) experience in that it wasn't painful or overly difficult (I was 10w5d when I took the meds) but I've read about a lot of women who have had difficulty with the med.

    I also had a situation where not everything passed and it took another 2 weeks (and a really awkward situation of bleeding in public) to clear everything so I'm glad that your going to have a quick follow up u/s after wards.

    There are a few threads on this topic or feel free to start your own if you want to know about other's experiences. For me, it was not much worse than a period and the more painful cramping only lasted about 6 hrs total.

  8. Hi ladies,

    Sorry that all of you had to go through such awful experiences. Thanks for all the supportive posts. Drama_Primary, sorry that your f/u scan did not turn out differently. I hope things go ok for you on Sunday.

    I still have not decided what I am going to do - I had more bloodwork taken today so I am hoping my hcg levels will show something more conclusive - i.e. going down - last time they were still increasing although not as much - they went from 53K to 67K in 3 days.

    When I was at the lab for the b/w there were 2 very pg women there - I found it pretty hard to be around them. I came home ready to crawl in a hole but DH fed me lunch and got me moving again. I also find I don't have any tolerance for anything - I go along fine and then if something annoys me I am almost ready to start smashing things. However, I am finding that focusing on our business and making a plan to grow it so we can afford another cycle is keeping me going and giving me hope and something to keep me active.

    I am starting to consider having a d&c as then they can collect the tissue and analyze it and I don't have to worry about it. Then again, I am so tired of spreading my legs for doctors that I may not.


  9. Lee-Ann - I so totally understand your finding it difficult being around pregnant women. I just can't bear the thought of hearing yet another of my friends announcing a pregnancy after this. May your business grow in leaps and bounds so that you can have another IVF cycle really soon. I'm going to see my acupuncturist at the end of July to find out what she can do for me in the infertility stakes - maybe diet, herbs and weekly acupuncture just to help along my fertility...

    nadiafilipfa - sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Thanks for the kind words.

  10. so i got my b/w back and my hcg levels are falling now - i guess that is the conclusive evidence I was looking for and the end of any last shred of hope I had.

    I am going to have a glass of wine tonight and decide whether to take the pills or book the procedure.

    Drama_Primary, I will be thinking of you this weekend - hope things go as well as they can although i wish you didn't have to go through it at all.

    after waiting 2 weeks to get to this point, i kind of want to just get back to normal and then start earning the $$ for another cycle.

    I may do acupuncture for the next cycle too.


  11. Lee-Ann - What a bleak weekend for both of us. That is such a difficult decision to make. I truly belive the acupuncture in conjunction with the IVF was the reason for our instant success with both IVF's. Just make sure you're with a good acupuncturist - I've also heard negative stories about below average acupuncturists.
    On Sunday morning at 10h00 I take my 1st batch of pills and then again at 16h00 and then hopefully I will miscarry during the night.

  12. Hi LeeAnn and Drama_Primary,

    Sorry there was no miracle for you. Hugs.

    I'm continuing in my 'waiting-to-m/c' cycle. This will be my sixth, first-trimester loss. The ironic part is that I used donor eggs and STILL conceived a child with chromosome/genetic fatalities. I'm feeling more anger than grief at the moment.

    My next u/s is the 17th. There was a faint heartbeat at 7 w, so this could carry on for a couple of more weeks.

    I hear you on the finances, Lee-Ann. These past few years ttc have taken their toll. Unfortunately, (financially that is) my desire for a child(ren) is as strong as it ever was. I am needing to open my mind to donor embryo now i/o donor egg/donor sperm due to finances. Feel crappy about making family-building decisions on money, but what do you do................I guess it is explore new options or stop trying.


  13. monx - how very tragic to have had 6 1st trimester losses. My heart goes out to you.

    AFM - I took my ist round of cytotech on Sunday at 10h00 and the cramps slowly started building up throughout the day. At 16h00 when I took the second batch of cytotech, the bleeding started suddenly and profusely within 15 minutes followed by passing of tissue for the next 6 hours. There was no drama throughout the night and this morning I have hardly any bleeding at all. Went for a scan this morning and the doctor gave me another round of Cytotech just to make completely sure and then back for a scan tomorrow morning to check. He reckons there is only a 10% chance that a suction may be necessary as most of the tissue has already been expelled. In retrospect I'm glad I took the meds as I was home with my husband available to look after my d/s while all the cramping and bleeding happened. We cried buckets during the course of the weekend and I'm still feeling very emotional. When does it end?

  14. Hi Drama_Primary and Dana,

    Well i have had my D&E. I went in this morning and they did another u/s which still showed an empty sac and that things were starting to break down a bit so I elected to have the procedure where they use a vacuum to remove the rest of the pregnancy so that I could make sure the tissues are collected and analyzed.

    It was so painful! I was really surprised at how much it hurt. I was awake and they gave me tylenol, advil and morphine and they used freezing for the cervix but when they did the suctioning it felt like they were sucking my entire uterus out. Afterwards the cramping was so severe I think I went into a bit of shock - my bp dropped to 80 over 50 and my pulse dropped to around 50 bpm and I felt all faint so they made me lie there for quite a while until my bp came back up. The staff were great and gave me orange juice and tea until I felt well enough to leave and they let DH be with me the entire time.

    I have just been resting this afternoon - the cramping was still pretty strong for about 6 hours but it is starting to taper off a bit now. In some ways, I am glad that things are resolved and I can start healing and working towards another cycle and can stop waiting for a miscarriage to start. I don't know if a natural miscarriage would have been more painful or not - the nurse indicated that it's just as painful for a natural miscarriage. All I know is I never want to go through this again and I have so much respect for all the women who have had to do this multiple times.

    Drama_Primary, I hope you are recovering well and that you and DH are taking time to take care of yourselves during this time.

    Dana, so sorry for all your losses - that is so not fair for one person to suffer so much. I will be praying that your baby continues to develop and grow strong and healthy.

    Hugs for us all

  15. Lee Ann - Glad to hear you're physically ok. My scan revealed that it wasn't necessary for a suction. Now I just feel empty, tearful and angry.

  16. Well, I didn't have to wait that long. Today's u/s showed that my baby probably died a day or so after last Friday's u/s.

    D & C will be next week.


  17. Oh Dana, I'm so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I know that no words can comfort at a time like this. I can understand how completely devastated you must be.

  18. Thank you. D & C will be Monday - 29th.

    Do either of you plan to try again? Or?


  19. I would try again in a heartbeat but my husband has reservations. We're seeing the RE again in August for a follow up consultation and hopefully my husband will change his mind especially since I'm 42 and he's 46. This year is really our last chance.

  20. Dana, so sorry for your loss and that things didn't work out. Are you going to try again? Have you had all the testing done relating to recurrent m/c's? and have they found any reason why you have had so many losses? Hope everything goes well for you on Monday - will you be put under for the procedure?

    Drama_Primary, hopefully your DH will change his mind - it's probably hard for him to see you go through everything and the emotional and physicall toll this takes. How are you holding up?

    afm, we do want to try again but we live in Canada and there is no insurance coverage for IVF so we have to come up with another $9K so we are going to work really hard to try to earn the money but we feel a lot of pressure - I am 36 now and I know the success rates drop off pretty sharply each year and if it takes us a year or two to come up with the money, then our chance of success goes down. So hard to think that our ability to have a family comes down to cash.


  21. Lee Ann - I generally am ok but then suddenly I dissolve into tears at a kind word or while I'm driving somewhere or cooking or doing something totally arbitrary. It's just so difficult to come to terms with the idea that I might not have any more children. I so totally understand the pressure you're feeling. I just don't get it why some people can have strings of children and others not. Why? Why/ Why?

  22. Why? Because the odds of a live birth from conception are always loaded. Unfortunately, some of us get the snakes eyes too often. There are many things that have to go perfectly. However, the good news is that the odds are still more loaded in getting the prize though. And the prize is so fantastic that it is worth it.

    Turns out I'm m/cing today. Ouch! This is my fourth m/c after nine weeks and the first one I have m/c'd before the D & C. I admit I cried, despite the advil. The pains and cramps and clots have eased off, so hopefull, the rest will just be medium bleeding. I don't get AF cramps and these felt like early labour pains--well not so early there for a few hours. Monday's D & C fix me up.

    I hear you on the money. Thank goodness for excellent credit!

    May I share my personal 'hind-sight' with you? If yes, please read. When I was 42.5, my hormones and health was similar to someone in their 20's. I had already had two chemical pregnancies and two m/c's after 11 weeks. The RE gave me odds of 10% live birth for injectible IUI's, vs 15% for IVF. He also said I ran the risk of multiples. I went, 'huh?' He said, I could have just had bad luck with my m/c's. (one was a triploid prenancy that has a 1% chance of happening). He pointed out that with injectible IUI, I had three chances of 15% vs 1 chance of 10% with the IVF. I decided to do the IUI and miracle of miracles, the first one worked.

    Great! Right? In my hindsight and lack of knowledge, it didn't occur to me that I might have had frozen embryos locked in with the health and hormone levels of my 'young' 42.5. I had noooo idea how much I would want to try again later. (well, I did know, but thought I would meet my DH before then.)

    So it may be 'less expensive' to borrow the money at today's low interest rates, than to wait and have to take more drugs or repeated cycles to get the same effect you would if you did it now.

    This baby I m/c'd was from donor egg and donor sperm. Who would have thought a woman ttc in her 40's would do better than that?

    I think my hormones are going crazy too, because I'm feeling angry. I came off all the hormone meds a week ago and now my body is letting go its own hormones, so I guess it is to be expected.

    When do the tears stop? When I was sharing my grief over losing my first baby, a friend of ours who was 85, STILL got tears in her eyes talking about her fifth pregnancy which she m/c'd. This baby you didn't get to hold is a part of who you are now and changes you forever.



  23. Dana - I cried all over again when I read your post. I feel for you and for all of us in this crappy situation. May your D&C go smoothly on Monday. I m/c'd on 12 July and am still bleeding mostly lightly but heavier some days with the odd clot. How long does it take to stop?

  24. Drama_Primary, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to add to your pain with my words.

    This is my first loss that I did not have a D & C. I did not bleed much after my D & C's and no cramping--I may have had some within 24 hours, but not felt it due to whatever they give you in addition to the anethesthetic (sp?).

    I would give your Dr. a call, because that seems like quite a while. The cramps are much fainter today and I'm bleeding, but not the clots---thank goodness!



  25. Hi Dana,

    Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you today.


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