Vets cycling III

(559 posts)(34 voices)
  1. Hi ladies-hope you all had a decent (or at least not too terrible t-giving). I tried to make the best even though I am pretty depressed. I have been at the clinic for the whole wknd as I have a dominant follicle so I now have bloodwork every day. I also started my urine collections, as this is a natural FET, and my clinic monitors both blood and urine for surge. No surge yet. On one hand this is great, as I have a really important work meeting wed, so if i surged today, my transfer would have been wed. On the other hand, I will likely have to continue urine collection well into next week. however, this is much better than risking missing the meeting. I will be really happy if surge is Sunday, that is best for my schedule.

    On another note, unrelated to cycling, I am really bummed (and kind of angry and bitter) that my sister, and my inlaws, did not even bother to call for the holiday. This was very hurtful not to acknowledge us on this holiday, especially since my due date w/ the twins was a couple of weeks ago. Makes me feel invisible and marginalized. It would have also been nice to receive some support during yet another cycle. Okay, just needed to get that off my chest. Feel much better. Thanks for listening.

  2. Trina, sorry you're spending the holiday weekend trekking to the clinic and your family is being sh*tty.

    Peaches - hope things continue to go well with the cycle. Why are you getting the cervical stitch (sorry if I'm forgetting something from upthead - lupron does that to a youngihmson)? Did you have IC in the past?

    AFM - I'm hanging in there. No news on the cycle - I go back on Friday for monitoring. I was supposed to be seeing the therapist at the clinic too but found out last week that she doubled her rates since last year, and she's outside of my insurance, so it costs me $189 to see her - crazy!
    I need to find a new therapist but don't really feel like educating a new youngihmson about IF and there are no other IF therapists nearby.
    I am so tired of holidays being sad. The "what are you thankful for" question really got to me as most of the people talked about their children in one way or another. I said I was thankful for having a husband who puts up with a lot. They said that I said the same thing last year (I have no recollection of it). I said "well, this year was a lot worse".

  3. candace-I totally hear you re: finding a therapist that gets it. Unless they understand the rollercoaster emotions of IF, it is very difficult. Does your clinic have any recs? Maybe the resolve website would have some therapists in your area? Or try a sliding scale with the expensive therapist? Maybe she can do a sliding scale to at least get you through the cycle?

    As far as t-giving, I totally get it. Very depressing. Thank goodness it is over. Sorry i cant offer any advice, as I had a pretty cr*p t-giving to with all of my family issues...

    AFM: Luckily my timing worked out pretty well. I am completely finished with urine collection just in time for work tomorrow. It is such a relief. Also, it appears that I am smack in the middle of a surge which will put the transfer on Friday (youngihmfect day for me). They just want me to return for bw one more day to confirm E2 is dropping. I am still a little stressed about the lining which was a 10 yesterday, but lost its trilamination. However, I am leaving everything in their hands. I am tired of obsessing and so grateful that the timing worked out. Now I just hope for a decent thaw. Will keep you updated. Look forward to catching up with everyone this week.

  4. Candace - yes, finding an IF therapist who gets it is quite a challenge. I gave up and now just pace around the house alone, ranting occasionally. youngihmhaps not as healthy but a whole lot cheayoungihm... I used to go to a therapist (a few years ago, before ttc) who charged $225 - but that was in Manhattan, so I kind of could accept that. $189 for a therapist in your neck of the woods?? I hope your Friday monitoring goes well (is this your lining check?).

    Trina - That's great that your surge was so obliging about your schedule. So you're on for Friday. It's going to be a long week, wouldn't you agree? As for your sister, in-laws, etc - f*** em.

    Hannah - I hope your cycle is going well so far. Keep us posted.

    Peaches - (or G.A.Peaches) I hope your procedure tomorrow goes well. I just imagine them in there with a large darning needled, stitching up your cervix. Maybe you should ask them to pretty it up with a christmas ornament?

    mpapa - I hope your t-giving with your in-laws was ok. You must be almost ready for your retrieval. CGH means you freeze them all, correct? So you won't be transferring until when?

    AFM -
    I am thankful that no one at the thanksgiving table asked what we are all thankful for. Other than that, T-giving was depressing. I was hoping that being out of town, with friends who don't have children would be positive, but it just reminded me that I was purposefully avoiding my family this year.

    My transfer is on for Thursday. I'm really worried that the one embryo won't survive the thaw, but I know there really isn't anything I can do about that. Other than that, counting down the days (and getting precious little done at work).

    I've been trying to figure out when to see my sister (and her new son). I know that I will be seeing them at Christmas (I just can't make plans to go away - in a weird way it just hurts too much to be away from my family for Christmas). So I have to plan something before then to start to acclimate myself to being around her baby. I wanted to go just before Thanksgiving, but I was sick. Now these next few weeks will potentially be a bit of a roller coaster with the FET coming up. And then it will be Christmas. It all just seems like such a minefield. I've been having dreams about babies these past few days - not mine, mind you! I'm thinking that maybe I will just bite the bullet this week before then transfer and go over during the day when her other kids are at school/day care.

  5. Almost forgot - Trina, I PM'd you the March of Dimes website info - let me know if you did not get that...

  6. Hi everybody!

    Made it through T-giving w/ my family. Whew! It's all over.
    The first 2 1/2 days were okay. The last half day I was getting pretty snippy and I couldn't wait to leave.

    My sister who is very obviously preg. was chatting about giving me back some of the maternity clothes I'd given her. She said "Oh, if you're cycling now, your baby would be due in ..." I said, "No- I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't even want to think about when it'd be due!" She goes, "Oh, but you have to. That when your life changes... blah blah blah." She has no clue about dashed hope. After YEARS of IF and nothing but BFNs, I don't figure out the due date. She can't even begin to fathom why.

    Also, every year at Christmas (we plan ahead), our family donates money to a charity instead of giving gifts to each other since we already have TOO MUCH STUFF! We were joking about giving locally, and I said "Hey- how about donating for our fertility treatments?!" (in a joking way). That's not what we're giving toward, but it felt good to clue them in that it's costing a fortune.

    Then Sun. I had to go along to my parent's church. I was in a foul mood to begin with, but I go along. Wouldn't you know- it's baby dedication Sunday? Unbelievable! Of all the days in the year that I could visit. I made it through the service, but I can't say I was in a worshipful spirit.

    The one day was fun because I planned some stuff to do with my younger sis and her hubby (who also have IF issues). We went shopping, to Pizza Hut, then bowling. The bowling was the best.
    All in all, I'm glad I went. My parents are very sad if we don't go.

    RE: finding a IF therapist. I agree that it is very difficult to find a good one. I still haven't found someone who really clicks with me. I want to find someone who is creative, intelligent, and practical. Someone who can dream up life exercises to do that would help me think about situations/communication in new ways. Not someone who just sits across from me in a chair trying not to fall asleep and expects me to monologue for 45 minutes so they can just say "time's up" and hand me a bill (to pay them for sitting there and keeping their eyes open most of the time.)

    Trina, sorry about your family not calling you. That stings. Do you have any surrogate family? Friends that are so close they are like a sister? I hope at least your friends are extra supportive to help make up for things a little. Let me know if you ever want to just meet at a Starbucks or something and chat over coffee. Maybe Kate could join us since we're all in in NYC.

  7. Whew. Glad to have one holiday down. Now if I can just make it through Christmas.

    Trina - I'm so sorry about your family. The timing sounds ideal. It is hard enough to go through this without stressing about work as well.

    candace - I've never gone to a therapist but I can imagine that it would be helpful. IF and only IF they get infertility. It is bad enough dealing with the general public that doesn't understand. To have someone "helping" you that doesn't get it would be a nightmare. I hope you can figure something out.

    Hannah - First your clueless fertile sister then the church service. It sounds like you had a pretty rough first round of holidays. Ugh.

    Peaches - I was wondering about the stitch as well. What is it for?

    As for me.

    My RE appointment today was a little disappointing. I have 4 good size follies on one side and 5 on the other. My RE thinks we will probably be able to retrieve a total of 5-8 eggs and with fertilization rates being what they are at my age he'd guessing we'll only have 2-3 good blasts at best. We were planning on doing CGH but there is really no reason to do that. They can pick the two best ones by sight when there are so few so we might as well save the money and just put back what looks good. The good news is that saves me around $4000 or more. But it also means that my chances of success are smaller. My RE likes to tout quality over quantity and theorizes that when you produce 15 or 20 eggs that the quality goes way down. But it is still a numbers game and if the numbers are too small it is scary. It would really suck to go through all the time, expense, injections and discomfort and then turn out to have nothing to transfer. I know I wouldn't be the first to have that happen so it is a scary thought. I am also disappointed because I feel hugely bloated and I had convinced myself that I was producing quite a few follicles this time around. I am really uncomfortable by the end of the day and even my fat pants feel restraining.

    Otherwise I am just continuing with the meds for another few days. I will go another few days and go back on Wednesday for a re-check. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Saturday or Sunday retrieval so I don't have to miss work.

  8. Kate-Wishing you the best for Thursday. I can completely relate to how hard it must be to see your sister and the baby. My sister gave birth beginning of Sept. and I have not seen either of them yet. Take your time if you need to. It is not easy, so dont push yourself if you are not ready, especially so close to transfer. Are you transferring at Columbia. Also, so sorry, but I was going through my PMs and inadvert. deleted your PM re: MOD. Would you mind resending?

    Peaches-good luck with your procedure.

    Hannah-What a stressful visit with the church situation, as well as with your sister. Im glad that you seem to be in good spirits and were able to have some fun during your visit. I would love to meet up some time! I live on UES. Where are you? I think it would be great to get some NY ladies together. I have met a few at my clinic and everyone is really amazing and it really brightens my day just to txt/talk/see these ladies.

    nuro-4 and 5 sound pretty good. I remember on my last cycle I appeared to have about 6 or 7 total and got a lot more eggs, so sometimes it may be hard to tell. Is CGH similar to PGD? I hear you re: the fat pants, I literally have 3 different sizes in my closet. When is ER likely?

  9. mpapa - sorry your follies are discouraging. Hopefully the dr. is right and quality is a good thing. When I was doing a fresh cycle last year, one of the fellows told me that he did a study that showed that once you got over 15 eggs, there was no increase in the number of pregnancies from a cycle including the fresh plus frozen cycles afterwards. That doesn't help things much in your situation though.

    hannah - I am with you in the clueless sister department. I have a mountain of baby hand-me-downs in the basement from when I was pregnant and optimistic last year. My sister told me that one of the things she has on her baby's wish list is something that I happen to have in the pile. I told her she could have it. She kept saying that she didn't want it to get messed up and didn't know if it could be washed. She just didn't get the fact that I don't need it now, don't know if I'll ever need it, and if I do, I will be happy to buy a new one.

    kate - I hope the wait until transfer isn't too stressful. For my last cycle, I asked my RE if both embies had survived the thaw and she looked at me like it was a dumb question - OF COURSE both of them made it... in my depressed state I just assume that things will go wrong.

    AFM - about the therapist situation - the $189 is after my insurance pays - the amount she's billing is actually $305, and the woman is a social worker, not a psychologist. It's just loony. I sent her an email last week canceling my appt for this week and telling her why I was canceling, and she hasn't responded. She isn't a great fit, but she's better than the woman I was seeing before who wasn't an IF therapist. I so wish that I could import my therapist from my clinic in Illinois - she was the best. There are no other people listed on RESOLVE or ASRM in my area. There are some in my insurance directory who say that they treat "infertility" but I suspect they were just checking a box.
    other than trying to figure out the therapist situation, not much is going on. I am so moody because of the estrace & lupron that I almost lost it with a library patron yesterday (I'm a reference librarian at a public library) and then the same woman called back while I was working tonight. She doesn't know who she's dealing with right now...

  10. about the therapist situation - the $189 is after my insurance pays - the amount she's billing is actually $305, and the woman is a social worker, not a psychologist. It's just loony. I sent her an email last week canceling my appt for this week and telling her why I was canceling, and she hasn't responded.

    Holy cr@p, $305! I almost fell off of my chair when I saw that. My psychiatrist charged $225. I guess your therapist thinks she is the bees knees... Or youngihmhaps she sees what women are willing to shell out for infertility and figures she should get a piece of that action? Honestly, I should be exploring this as a long term career move - good niche to be in, excellent pay, flexible hours, work from home... And all I need is another masters degree. Maybe you can call some other REs in the area to see if they have therapists they would suggest?

    Thanks for the story about your two embryos making it. My RE said he would call me youngihmsonally on Thursday morning if mine doesn't. I think the rate of successful thaws is like 80%, which is way more than any other fertility procedure I've gone through, so I'm not sure why I'm getting myself so worked up over this. Good thing yoga is tonight.

  11. Hi Everyone. Sorry I've been MIA but after returning from our out of town visiting in-laws I've been slammed at work. Thanksgiving went as well as could be expected. At least we got a hotel room and didn't stay with my in-laws. My S-I-L had her 3 1/2 year child the entire weekend but that didn't bother me as much as baby would have. I seem to deal with the older kids fine. My catholic F-I-L had to make a comment about our IVF. Something like we should let God handle it. He is a retired doctor so you would think he would be more supportive but I don't care.

    Trina, My transfer is the same day as yours - this Friday. Good Luck!

    Kate, You are one day ahead of us and I understand your fear of the thaw. I asked my RE yesterday about thawing one embryo at a time because we are only planning to transfer one. I'm fearful of losing one even though I have a back up. I think we are so use to failure that we just expect it. Good Luck tomorrow!

    Hannah, Doesn't it feel like God is playing a bad joke on us sometimes. Of all times for you to go to church and it is baby dedication day. UGH!

    mpapa, I think 9 follies sounds good. I bet they get more than that! So will you do the transfer this month since you aren't doing CGH?

    Candace, I agree with Kate you are getting ripped off. That sucks that your youngihmson is so expensive. I guess she knows we desyoungihmate women will pay uber bucks for some help.

    Update: I had the cervical stitch put in yesterday. The purpose from my understanding is to assist my RE in putting in the catheter for my transfer. He said it is so he can get traction. It doesn't really make sense but when we did the sounding or mock transfer last week he could not get the catheter in. I've never had this problem. The funny thing is he said he was going to leave the ends of the stitch long so he could remove the stitch easily on Friday. I didn't realize he meant 5 inches hanging out of my whoo-ha. I went to the bathroom later and looked down to see to cobalt blue strings hanging out. good thing he warned me. What is even funnier is I asked could I still work out and he said yes and I could do anything even intercourse (his word not mine) without it coming out. ONce I saw the strings I thought to myself can you imagine having sex and those strings getting tangled around a penis. OMG!

  12. Peaches - After all these years of TTCing and being on the boards you can still learn something new. I've never heard of that stitch in the cervix. That would be a little disconcerting to see the strings hanging out to say the least. I'm glad he warned you. In any case I hope it helps and transfer goes smoothly.

    Kate - I hope the yoga helped. I hear you on assuming that what can go wrong will go wrong. But stats are reassuring on the thaw issue. While I've never had a successful FET it wasn't because of issues with the thaw. They all survived the thaw.

    tiana rahagalala - Holy cow that's a lot of money!! I had no idea therapists charged so much. That's almost as much as a plumber.

    As for me. I had another ultrasound today. There are between 5 and 9 follicles that the RE thinks might be good. Two or three are a little small and the RE wants me to stay on meds one more day so they catch up. He thinks he can have me do so without loosing the biggest one. So I will stay on meds another day and then trigger on Thursday. Retrieval will be Saturday sometime. I will get the call with the exact time for trigger some time tomorrow. Transfer will then likely be Dec. 9 or 10th unless something goes wrong and we have to do a three day transfer. My RE only does day three transfers if it looks like none of the embryos are going to make it to day five.

    Someone asked about CGH. CGH is genetic testing. PGD only tests about half the chromosomes. CGH tests them all. It used to be you had to freeze to do CGH but they are now doing microarray CGH where they send them out and get the results back in time for a day five transfer. So we were set to transfer this month no matter what. Now that we are not doing CGH we will most certainly transfer this month... assuming there is something to transfer.

  13. Kate-best wishes tomorrow.

    nuro-sounds like a great # and things seem to be moving along nicely. Thanks for the CGH explanation. Which clinic do you go to?

    Peaches-glad your procedure went well. Be careful that DH does not get tied up. That sounds like S&M for the IVF set! Isnt it masochistic enough putting ourselves through this?

    AFM-anxiously awaiting thaw results for Friday morning.

  14. thinking of you cyclers and wishing you all the best.

  15. Kate- You had your transfer today? Hope everything went smoothly.

    Peaches, Trina, and mpapa- I'll be thinking of you tomorrow with your transfers. Peaches, that stitch thing is quite interesting. All of my transfers so far have been difficult and LONG so I'm gonna ask them about it. Trina, I'm in Queens but I go into Manhattan often. What's the best coffee shop or bakery in Manhattan that has a place to sit down?

    Candace- Looks like you'll beat me to transfer. How are you doing?

    yiaana- thanks for the encouragement. It's nice to hear from you.

  16. Hi Ladies, Sorry for the barge, I hope you don't mind. I'm not new to IVFC, and certainly not new to IVF hell. I hope I can join your thread. I promised myself that I would NEVER join another cycling thread because I am always the one to fail, and then I can't bear to continue to post afterwards, but somehow, I feel that this is a safe place to get and give support throughout the rollercoaster ride.
    I am in the middle of my 7th IVF cycle. I have never had a BFP. My last cycle was a tease transferring 6 embies, and I was sure it was going to work, of course it did not. This time around I am planning for another BFN and my beta is probably on XMAS eve, ho, ho, ho, not for me.

    I don't want to babble on about myself but would like to extend my wishes for much deserved success here.

    I just read through all of the posts and feel that I might be able to call this place home if you don't mind.

    Kate, I have followed your journey for a while and hope your transfer goes well today.

    Good luck tomorrow trina and peaches on your transfers.

    Nuro, good luck w/your trigger. I hope the dominant follie waits for Saturday.

    Hello Hannah and Candace. Hope I haven't missed anyone.

  17. Just wanted to pop in and wish Kate luck today with the transfer. I'm pulling for you woman...silently cheering on the sidelines.

    To all of you with transfers tomorrow - Peaches, Trina, Nutronirt - I'll be sending good thoughts and vibes your way as well.

    On a good note, the weeks before Christmas (even if you don't celebrate it, which I don't) always move ridiculously fast. Hopefully, the next two weeks will pass quickly for you all.

  18. Welcome, lagaluga1987. I know what you mean about posting in other cycle groups. I hope this is more the kind of support you're looking for. Why do we put ourselves through this at this time of year??? I usually get a bit depressed after Christmas is over, and that's right when my beta (always has been negative) will be. I'm thinking I'll make plans with one of my friends to go out the day after my beta. She's down because her father died in December of last year and he was giving her the silent treatment before he died. Misery loves company.

  19. Hopeful, thank you SO much for your post - I'm thinking of you as well - I hope things are feeling a bit better this past week (or not so f***ing miserable). And Morrison, thank you too... I've been lurking and glad everything is ok.

    lagaluga1987, welcome. I'm sorry, what a rough road you've had. And feel free to babble if you need to - that's what we're here for.

    Hannah - thanks. And please, you're going to actually *ask* for the great big blue stitch? I might wait to see how it enhances Peaches' sex life first...

    Trina, Peaches and mpapa - good luck tomorrow (and Saturday)

    Candace - good luck with your monitoring tomorrow

    AFM - everything went fine today with the transfer. I did get a call this morning, which freaked me out, but they just wanted to move my appointment up earlier. I'm scheduled for a beta a week from Monday, although knowing my impatience, I'll probably POAS a whole lot earlier.

  20. Hopeful and Morrison-thanks for popping in and for sharing your thoughts and well wishes. Hope you are both well. Hopeful-look forward to meeting you at our NYC gathering.

    Kate-So relieved for thaw and transfer for you. Wishing you a peaceful 2 ww.

    welcome lagaluga1987. I totally get what it feels like to be the last one standing. happens to me every single time. It sounds like you have been through a lot. This is a really safe place and there are so many wonderful women I have met on this board.

    Peaches- will be thinking of you tomorrow (as I am wearing my hairnet with my legs in the air!)

    nuro-g/l with trigger tonight...

    Hannah-youngihmhaps we can meet up next week or week after. There is a great coffee shop/bakery I love on the UES. Great scones!

    Candace-Hows stimming?

  21. Hi Ladies-just got a call re: my FET and such a bummer...they attempted to thaw two, and only one thawed. The one that thawed looks bad. Accordingly, I gave them the go ahead to thaw the remaining two...Definitely a setback, but I am trying to roll with it...Another f*cking mind f*ck...

  22. trina - That just sucks. I am sorry to hear that you had to thaw the remaining two. Hopefully the 80% stat will bear out and the remaining two will look better. I will be thinking healthy egg thawing thoughts for you today.

    kate - I'm glad the transfer went well. You just transferred one right? I'll be POAS early too. I'm a complete POASaholic during the 2ww. I'd rather know before they call me. Hopefully you can hold out longer than I normally do.

    lagaluga1987 - welcome to the group.

    As for me. I triggered last night. Retrieval will be Saturday. Otherwise not much to report other than the usual bloated, crampy soreness that comes at this stage. I'm so uncomfortable. By the end of the day I cannot fold up at all. I can either stand or lay flat. But sitting or bending at the middle just hurts. Ugh. I can't believe I keep putting myself through this. I'm also feeling a bit weird. I keep getting minor little dizzy spells which I've never had during all my previous cycles. I'm not sure what is up with that. Has anyone else had that symptom?

  23. okay, got the results...2 of 4 survived. 1 crappy. dont know about the other one...didnt ask...dont even want to know...hoping for the best. going in for an u/s guided transfer at 2...

  24. trina-
    so sorry about the thawing. I wish we had more control over these things. I hope the others look good.

    mpapa-
    wow! you described the bending problem so youngihmfectly. Exactly how I always feel. I don't remember dizziness while on the meds. Can you ask your RE/nurse about it? Are you staying well hydrated? I know if my blood pressure gets low because of dehydration or not enough sodium, I get dizzy and black out. Hope you feel better soon.

  25. Thank you everyone for your welcome.

    Trina, I'm sorry that your thaw results were not what you had hoped for. Good luck today w/your transfer. I really hope at least one of them does the trick.

    Nuro, it sucks being so uncomfortable, luckily I haven't had the bending issue so far, but it could happen this round. I have also not exyoungihmienced any dizzy spells yet, except when I get a report I don't like. Isn't it wonderful, what we go through, over and over again? Hope your ER goes smoothly tomorrow and you get lots of mature eggs.

    Kate, congrats on your transfer. Hope you are resting comfortably. When will you start to POAS?

    Hannah, I'm sure your friend will appreciate your company, and vice versa.
    I'll be honest, I used to love the holidays. I used to be one of the biggest celebrators of all. Now I hide. I HATE THEM.

    My mother is making her annual family holiday brunch. It will be next Sunday. If my beta was right before that, she KNOWS I would never go, but this year, my ER or ET could end up on that day, so I can't commit yet. I can't stand being around her close friends that do nothing but talk about their grandchildren. I can't stand listening to my fertile cousin who has a 2 1/2 year old talk about when they get pregnant again. I JUST CANT STAND putting on a damn happy face for their benefit. I can't pretend.

    I went for my us/bw today. I'm not sure how I feel. I've been stimming for 4 days and when I first went in, I was told that 2 follies were almost 10 w/o stimming yet. Now today, they haven't really grown. I was afraid they'd be too big already, and none of them measure over 10 yet. Maybe this is a good thing that there aren't any dominant follies. RE guesses at least 5 so far, some tiny ones resting. Not encouraging. I guess I'll know more when I get the call about my bw. Only thing I know for sure is that if there is an ER, it won't be until at least Friday.

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