Vets cycling III

(559 posts)(34 voices)
  1. *pregnancy loss mentioned*

    It seems that the last thread has gone quiet, so I thought I would start a new one. I was trying to get into a cycle thread on another board in IVFC, but realized that I just couldn't stomach it when someone mentioned baby dust yesterday... And I really need some vet support as I go through this all.

    I officially started my FET cycle today - day 23, Lupron injections starting tonight. I picked up my meds at the pharmacy like it was old hat, grabbing a sharps container from the shelf but ignoring the alcohol wipes because I still have a box at home. It's been exactly 10 weeks since I discovered that my son William no longer had a heartbeat at my 29 week checkup. I know that this is fast and I'm most definitely still intensely grieving, but I just feel compelled to start again as soon as possible. I've spoken with another woman who had a stillbirth many years ago and she said the same exact thing - of course, she just had to have sex to get pregnant again - lucky her.

    I guess I'm in for a rocky month or so. Next week is William's due date, the following week is my sister's scheduled c-section - she's having a boy. We're very close - possibly closer since this awful unfolding of events. She and her husband just asked me last week if I would allow them to give their son the middle name Liam, in honor of William. I was so touched and of course said yes. The transfer will happen the week after Thanksgiving. I really hope that I have something to be thankful for, because the rest of this year has been a bit of a bust. At the very least I'm thankful that I will be able to drink on Thanksgiving day - possibly heavily.

    I only have one embryo on ice, so my chances of success are quite low. As it was, the embryologist was surprised when this one did make it to blast (3BA). So I try to keep saying to myself this is only a trial run before my last IVF with my OE, don't get my hopes up, but who am I kidding. I already know the EDD.

    Nothing else to add. I'm kind of thinking this day might be a wash from a work youngihmspective. After typing that all up I just want to crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the day away. It's chilly and grey outside - good day for it.

  2. Hi, Kate. You don't know me but I've been reading vet posts a while now and I'll get around to the painful process of introducing myself soon, maybe today as I've taken a sick day from work. Your posts have cracked me up and helped keep me going. And I'm right there with you on the baby dust - barf. Reminds me of my students who add exclamation marks to everything (I teach high school). Chapter Three! Vocabulary! The Holocaust! Baby Dust! I need a vomiting smiley.

    First of all, I'm just so sorry to hear about William. My heart goes out to you and I can't even imagine the pain. To get that close...I think that you are very brave to keep going (I know, what other choice do we have?). I'm glad that your sister and you are so close and hope that your nephew gets a cousin soon.

    I'll be starting a FET within the month with donor embryos. I'm still grappling with it, and we're in the final stages of payoungihmwork. I've never done a FET because none of my embryos ever made it that far. From what I understand, I'll be doing the lupron thing with vivelle patches and PIO shots. So, I'll be following you in a few weeks, hopefully. The last day my clinic will start me on meds is November 29 because they close down for a while around Christmas. My last failed cycle was at the beginning of August. Last year we had to do two cycles pretty much back to back because, yes, they were going into shut down. Unfortunately I have no choice in local clinics because the other one in town (which I didn't even know about when we started) has shut down since they LOST SOMEONE'S FROZEN EMBRYOS.

    Okay, sorry about that.
    Anyway.

    One of my self-appointed jobs in life is making people laugh so I hope that this next part can at least give you a smile. If I remember correctly, you're doing this on your own - but even if you're not, I wanted to share a line I came up with for a friend of mine who people kept telling to "relax and stop thinking about it so much." She was like, "um, I'm single - if I don't do anything about it, it doesn't happen, duh!" So I told her that next time she gets a dumb-*ss comment like that, she should just sigh and say,

    "Yeah, it's a shame that my vibrator doesn't have testicles."

    Hang in there. We're all here for you. Let me know how you're doing when you have a chance - I really hope you don't mind that I'm a complete stranger getting in touch. I promise, I'll give you all the full story soon.

    All the best,
    Ellen

  3. Ellen

    Thanks for joining me in the the lovely land of cycling - it is sooo good to have company.

    I completely concur about the exclamation points - I have a very sweet 20-something working on some of my accounts and all of her emails to clients are full of them. Makes me cringe, but I haven't built up the energy to do anything about it yet.

    Local clinic looses embryos? The sad thing about that story is if that happened to me, my first thought would be at least I wouldn't have to worry about the 2ww.

    I am single. And I love the image of a vibrator with testicles. In fact, youngihmhaps there's a market out there for a combination ICI catheter/vibrator.

  4. Kate I would like to join too . I have not had the courage to join any cycling threads , but this time the odds are so low , I feel less pressure , if you know what I mean . My 4th IVF , we decided to do a freezeall (yeah resulted in one fair 3 day embryo after having 20+ eggs to begin with ) to let my lining cool down . So I am staring my first ever FET , start the estrogen patches this sunday . My issue with all my failed IVF's , has been embryo quality . None of them make it beyond day 3 , and usually whatever I have left by day 3 is struggling , so I am not sure if my embryo will survive the thaw . I have not joined cycling threads for my last IVF's but it is lonely and I could use some support . Kate , I am sorry for your loss , I cant imagine the devastation after being so close , hope you get the strength to get through this . Ellen , your vibarator/testicle stuff really cracked me up . It sure would be nice to have someone with a sense of humor .

  5. hey Hope - thanks for joining. We'll make sure to keep all expectations low, and definitely no !!! or undue excitement of any kind.

    Did you know going into IVF #4 that you'd be doing freeze all, or was that a bit of a hail mary? And do you know when you'll be transferring yet?

  6. It was definitely a last minute decision , just to try something different and I think my tentative transfer is on the 18th . I am starting my estrogen patches on sunday . Today was last day of BCP.

  7. ahmed ahmed - how are you doing as the 18th approaches?

    Try (Ellen) - any update on your cycle?

    My embryo did not get lost in transit and it is now at my local RE's office, so one minor hurdle down. I just had my supression check this morning, so I'm tentatively set for Dec 3rd transfer date. Which of course means a EDD that lands on the day I went into the hospital to have the D&E to deliver my son. C.R.A.P. Nothing about this is easy, is it?

  8. Hi Girls, I would love to join your group. I'm having an FET on Dec 4th. We have done 5 IVF's but we froze everything after PGD testing from IVF 4 and CGH testing on #5. There were 2 reasons I decided to go this route. My E2 generally gets above 4,000 and I seem to have a problem with implantation.

    I have been on Lupron Depot for the past 3 months which has been miserable. The Lupron Depot puts you into full blown menopause so I've had some nice hot flashes & night sweats to go along with it. I start my Estrace on Sunday Nov 15th.

    I currently have 5 embryos on ice but only 3 of them seem to be real possibilites. They were all tested for genetic issues (I'm 42) but 2 of them were slow growers and probably won't develop much further. My DH is only willing to put one back at a time so I'm praying that doesn't decrease my odds to much.

    Sorry for the long post but I wanted to offer a little background.

    BTW on my routine GYN appt 2 years ago my doctor told me he was sprinkling baby dust on me. This year when I went I told him that baby dust didn't work. If you have been doing IVF for more than a year I think you need a little more than stupid baby dust.

  9. I'm going to be doing a fresh cycle. My retrieval will be around Dec. 4. I have a rather lengthy and complicated TTC background. I've been TTC around 5 years. DH and I are unexplained but I'm now 39 so age is creeping in. Basic history: One MC after getting pregnant on my own. When nothing happened after another year of TTC we then did 6 IUIs all BFN. Then 2 fresh IVF cycles - one BFN one chemical. One FET - BFN. Then when I was gearing up for another fresh cycle I found out I had cervical cancer and had to have surgery to remove the majority of my cervix. So if I ever stay pregnant I'll have to have a transabdominal cerclage to carry to term. After the surgery we did a fresh IVF cycle. BFP, saw the heartbeat, then started bleeding and it wouldn't stop so they had to do a D&C to save me from bleeding to death. FET last month with our only two frozen was a BFN. So now I'm gearing up for another fresh IVF cycle but like the rest of you I have a really hard time dealing with babydust.

    To top it all off, last month when I got the BFN I then flew out the next day to be with my (much younger) sister for the birth of her first baby. My parents were ecstatic to have a grandchild and I was happy too but oh so jealous and with so many emotions welling up.

    So, I'll join you if I can. I am on BCP now and start dexamethasone tomorrow. Then I'll be doing Ganirelix, Gonal F and Menopur. No Lupron for me as Ganirelix seems to give me a better response.

  10. BTW on my routine GYN appt 2 years ago my doctor told me he was sprinkling baby dust on me. This year when I went I told him that baby dust didn't work. If you have been doing IVF for more than a year I think you need a little more than stupid baby dust.

    Peaches, you know, I would have kicked him in the face. Assuming that's the position you were in as he was sprinking the 'dust.' Thanks for the introduction and glad to have you join us - or I guess I should rephrase that - sorry you're here, but it's nice to have the company. I'm sorry about the lupron side effects - I bet that's gotten you excited about when the real menopause comes...

    And welcome, mpapa. You've been through the wringer, haven't you? I'm so sorry for your troubles (as the irish side of my family would say - masters of understatement). I know what you mean about the mixed emotions of having a sister who just had a child. Basically sucks all around.

  11. mpapa - I know how you feel about a sibling having a baby. My younger brother & his wife got PG the first month they tried. This was also my mothers first grandchild. It was so very hard for me to the point I could not attend her baby shower which caused some hard feelings. We even went out of town last year at Christmas so I didn't have to face her being PG. I know that is awful but I just could not handle it emotionally. Things are a little better now but every time I see the baby (6 months old) I feel like another little piece of my heart breaks off. It really sounds like you have been though a lot in a short youngihmiod of time. I hope this next cycle is the one for you.

    Thanks for the welcome Kate.

  12. Thanks all. It was tough to be there for my sister's labor and delivery but I'm glad I went. I was actually in the room for it all. Because of my cancer I'll never get to exyoungihmience labor as I will have to have a c-section. So this was the closest I'll ever get. I kind of had to put a lot of my feelings on hold during the time I was there and then when I got home I cried on DH for hours.

    Anyways. No obvious side effects from the dex so far. I usually get a bit of insomnia but I've only been on it a few days. My RE also had me and DH start some fertility supplements. Total One and Fertility Plus I think. DH and I are dubious that it is just a scam considering that the things cost $85 for each of us. But considering how much we are paying out of pocket for IVF I guess it is a drop in the bucket.

    My RE is also trying to talk us into array CGH. I can only carry a singleton so putting back one embryo we know is genetically normal seems like a good idea. But it would add something like $4000 to the cycle. And, of course it doesn't really do anything for us if we only have one or two good embryos so we'll see.

    Question - I know this is the vets board and cycling questions aren't appropriate but we are all cycling. Where is the line here on the vets cycling thread? Other than getting banned for spreading babydust (which is, I think, not punishment enough - spreading babydust ought to call for being hanged, drawn and quartered) what are the guidelines for this thread?

    Oh, and it looks like I'm the only one doing a fresh cycle this time is that right? Everyone else is doing an FET?

  13. I don't mind questions on this thread even though it is a vets board. I've done 5 IVF's and I still call a friend of mine (that did 3 IVF's) to ask questions.

    I did CGH (1st youngihmson to do it in my Atl clinic) and it was $5,100. The cost was $2,500 flat fee + $200 youngihm embryo tested. This was a direct bill from Reprogenetics lab and not my RE. Out of 13 embryos tested I had 2 good ones. We are only planning to put one back at a time because my DH is against having twins.

    Has anyone done acupuncture? I've been doing weekly sessions for 1 year now. I hope they pay off in December.

  14. Peaches - I did acupuncture and will probably start back up soon. I've been putting it off because the last time I spoke with my acupuncturist was when I got the BFP in March and since then of course I had the MC and D&C but I never told her because I never went back. So when I go back I'm going to have to hash back through that mess. I guess I should go ahead and call and schedule an appointment though. Even though I'm pretty skeptical about alternative medicine stuff, even my DH the suyoungihm skeptical MD is open minded about acupuncture. It's the only alternative medicine that has actually gotten some real acknowledgment from scientific studies.

  15. Hi Ladies,

    I have been lurking on this thread a bit. Is it okay if I join? Although I try to remain hopeful (I need to in order to get myself through a cycle), I am pretty negative about cycling. This will be my third IVF cycle (an FET) after 4 IUIs, 3 m/cs (a really devastating one this spring) and many, many reproductive surgeries over the summer.

    I find the catch-22 is that I need to remain somewhat positive in order to carry myself through the cycle, but I dont like to get my hopes up, as the rollercoaster is just too much for me.

    I find most of my IF/loss difficulties stem from my interyoungihmsonal relationshipes (hence the insensitive co-worker and the day in the life threads). Relationships are especially difficult for me during a cycle.

    Re: my cycle. My FET is natural and my DAY 1 is today. Official monitoring starts DAY 10.

    Look forward to supporting you all, and getting your support. No baby dust, I promise. Just strong support.

  16. hi all -
    I'm done cycling, but I lurk here now and then.
    Just wanted to send my good wishes to all those who are cycling.

    Trina - I totally know what you mean about not wanting to be negative, but also not wanting to be positive. That is what makes cycling so hard. As well as the relationship stuff.

    Wishing you and everyone here peace as you navigate the emotional difficulties of cycling. And, of course, wishing you the results that we all long for.

  17. mpapa, My DH is an MD also (internal medicine) and he said that he knows acupuncture is helpful to manage pain issues. He seems skeptical about it working for/with IVF but he has managed to keep his mouth shut.

    Trina, I agree that it is very hard to maintain a positive attitude because that just seems to open your heart to potentially more heartache. I'm outwardly positive but deep down I just don't think I will ever get PG. Some times I feel like I'm going through the motions. Do you have a transfer date?

    Hopeful, Thanks for the kind words & thoughts

  18. Wecome trina. Maybe we can all figure out a way to navigate this cycle somewhere between "babydust" and "I know this is going to fail." We all have to have some hope or why would be putting ourselves through this **** and spending all this money. But I do understand not wanting to get your hopes up or actually admit that this could work.

  19. Hopeful-thanks so much for your all of your good wishes. All of your support on this thread, and all of the others has been really wonderful. Wishing you peace and happiness.

    Nuro and Peaches-thank you for the warm welcome. Would love to strike that balance as you describe, Nuro. I think this is an issue I am going to explore with my therapist next week and i will report back with any good advice. Generally, she tells me to look at each cycle not as the "be all, end all" but more of a process. Sometimes that helps take the pressure off. I think one of the things that really frustrates me is my "unexplained" diagnosis. Each m/c has been completely different and there is not any really pattern.

    Kate-How are you doing? I know this is an extremely difficult time for you. We are here for support.

    Regarding my cycle, it is a natural FET. Looks like transfer will be early to mid-December depending upon my surge (my body has been a little messed up with this last m/c).

    Where are you ladies cycling if you dont mind me asking? I am in NYC, at Cornell. Luckily I live pretty close by. Kate, I think you mentioned you were at Columbia? My good friend just had success there.

  20. Hi Trina, I'm at Reproductive Biology Associates in Atlanta. I start my Estrace pills tomorrow. I am so glad to get this process going. It has been a long wait to begin my FET.

  21. trina - I understand you frustration. No one has really been able to give us an answer either. I guess it is hard to know whether it would be easier to have a really bad diagnosis until you've been there but I find it incredibily frusrating to have the docs repeatedly say we can't find anything wrong with you when I have failure after failure. I'm cycling at SIRM in St. Louis.

  22. Birth control done! Whoot! I can't believe I was on BCP for so many years with no problems (what a total waste of money - like I needed it ). Now when I take it for cycles it totally messes with me. My face breaks out and my sex drive goes to nonexistent. In any case, I took my last one yesterday and now I'm just waiting for AF. I start ganirelix next weekend. Unfortunately my ILs arrive the following week for Thanksgiving. I have NO desire to talk with my MIL about this IVF cycle. Since my drugs are in the fridge it isn't like I can really keep it hidden. Oh well. Hopefully she'll just keep her mouth shut. Yeah right.

  23. Peaches-good luck with the Estrace. It is a good feeling to get things started. I always feel much better when I am in a cycle, as opposed to the between cycle waits. Do you need to get monitored while on the Estrace?

    Nuro-glad you are done with the BCPs and can get the real party started. Ugh re: the ILs, do they know you are cycling? are they nosy or cool? Maybe you could put the meds in a brown payoungihm bag or something? If you really dont want them to find out, what about a mini-fridge for the bedroom?

    AFM-Day 5 of cycle and monitoring kicks off on DAY 12. Luckily the urine samples I have to do for this (natural) FET will be around Thanksgiving wknd, so I wont have to deal with it at work (can you imagine??)

  24. Hey Ladies - I'm fighting a lovely cold today (caught from my friend's kid this weekend - I know I can't chalk that up to insensitivity about my IF, but at the very least I would think that I should have immunity from frig'n kid colds since I don't have one of my own...). But otherwise the cycle seems to be progressing uneventfully. I started Estrogen the other day and am decreasing the lupron. My next U/S check is a week from Tuesday. And I'm feeling a bit better emotionally these days (although I haven't seen my sister yet). I'm planning to go out of town for Thanksgiving, so I can probably put that off for a little while longer.

    Trina - I'm kind of jealous - I wish I had opted for an unmedicated cycle. The medicated takes much longer than I anticipated. I think I would be close to done by now if I hadn't done it. Although the peeing at work thing is clearly a big detractor - glad that you're mostly off the hook because of the holidays.

    mpapa - I'm really impressed you were with your sister during labor - that must have been both an incredible and emotionally provocative exyoungihmience. The feelings around all of this are just so complicated, aren't they? Sorry about the nosy in-laws - just how nosy are they, anyhow? The 'clean out the fridge' kind of nosy? Maybe you can put them inside a large tupyoungihmware container and a payoungihm bag? I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about a cycle - I only decided to go to see my friends for Thanksgiving when I realized that I would be finished with the lupron shots at that point.

    Peaches, I hope all is well.

    So I just have to admit that I wake up every morning and mentally cross of another day. Today it is 17 days to the transfer and 28 days till my beta. Not that I'm counting. As much as I am not optimistic about this cycle, I so desyoungihmately need it to be a success. Sucks that there's pretty much nothing I can do about it at this point. Except plan for the negative outcome and have everything ready to gear up again if need be.

  25. Hey Kate-No rush in seeing your sister. From what you said, she sounds very compassionate and understanding, even though this is such a difficult situation. My sister gave had a baby in early September, and I have no plans to see her or the baby until I am ready. I know I am far from a youngihmfect example, but I really think you can only handle what you can handle. I do beat myself up about this, but I really do think I would lose it if I went to visit at this point. It is great that you are going away for Thanksgiving, it sounds like a really nice break.

    As far as the medicated v. unmedicated, I really didnt have a choice. My doctor chose unmedicated, I think b/c I have regular cycles and b/c my body hates the fertility drugs (2 pregnancies ago I had an ovarian cyst, caused by the meds burst sending me into emergency surgery and I lost the twins). I love not having to shoot up, but this idea of the urine samples at work is making me absolutely nuts. What a f*cking nightmare. What the h*ll am I supposed to do if I am in a meeting?? What if someone finds this in the office fridge??

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