Vets Adopting III (all vets advice welcome!)

(100 posts)(18 voices)
  1. Jan - congratulations! what a long road. I'm glad that it has worked out and that you are finally a parent.

  2. You win the patience trophy. I would have given up.

    Congratulations.So nice to read success stories such as yours

  3. Jan--Congratulations! I agree w/hnrvrts you definitely win the patience trophy. Very happy for you.

  4. How is everyone doing?

    We are almost done with all of the information gathering. Dh has his physical tomorrow. Our reference letters are all in. Everything else is complete. Still not sure when home visit will be. I was getting really anxious about it but DH put me in my place. I wanted it all done by end of November. We started the home study process in mid September. DH had to remind me that the average time for a home study is 3-6 months and I was trying to get it all done in 2. I guess I need to chill a little. If it happens by the end of the year I will be happy.

    I need to reel my mom in. Our immediate families know about the adoption as do some of our close friends. My mom wants to tell the world and I've been telling her to PLEASE keep her mouth shut until the home study is complete. When we're waiting for referral I don't care who knows. But we're not even officially approved for Korea yet so I just want to wait. I think she's mad that I told my friends but she can't tell hers. WTF? I'm the one adopting here. She drives me crazy.

    I hope everyone who's adopting is moving right along smoothly. Any updates?


  5. KL-Our Moms must be related. We didn't tell our family until the homestudy was almost done, but once we were matched she told everyone. I cringed. I actually did tell her to keep her big mouth shut.

  6. My mother is hard to keep under control. She told a few of her friends everything. And I do mean everything. Now that was fine for IVFs 1,2 and 3 when she was discussing it with the mother of a friend of mine who had success (twin boys) on IVF #1 (no I don't hate her). But every step of my international and then domestic adoptions? Please, I know she means well, but still,,,,,,

    Anyway, some good news to share with any of you vets who are still to gun-shy to venture over to the adoption boards, we got our date to finalize. It will be 3 weeks shy of her first b'day, but thats just fine with me, at least we will finally be done!

  7. Yay, BG!! I'm sure finalizing will be a huge relief.

    Our clearances are back. Whew, neither of us are criminals or child abusers.

    Looks like our home visit will be 1st week of Dec. Time to get the house in tip top shape. She's not going to want to see our basement, is she? Or the "junk closet" in the guest room?


  8. KL-
    Congrats on being almost done! I think your time frame is perfect--you'll be done by the end of the year and the holidays will be a good distraction. My mom is the same--she told everyone about our IVF efforts when I told her she'd be sorry if it didn't work. Well, sure enough her co-workers were buying her "grandma gifts" before she learned the first IVF failed. She kept her mouth shut for the several attempts that followed

    BG- I just read your news over on the other thread....CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
    Wow, what an amazing feeling that will be. Definitely a great Thanksgiving for you.

    How is everyone else?

  9. I have these weird artificial timelines for our adoption... I really want the home visit before my 35 b'day because I want to CHILL on my birthday and celebrate for once. This b'day will mark 5 years since we started ttc. It's usually a somber day for me and I want to turn it around and have some fun. Also, I want this child to arrive before Christmas 2010. I want Christmas to be a HAPPY day. Imagine that! So far I think I may reach those 2 goals... we'll see.

  10. I posted a question on the adoption board if anyone feels like taking a look. Home visit is around the corner and I'm starting to panic! Advice for me?

  11. YAAAAYYY. I just posted on the other board. When is your visit?

  12. Sorry, no advice, but thrilled for you for hitting this big milestone! GL!!

  13. Kristen - I can't give advice, but just wanted to say that I'm excited and happy for you.
    I am sure it will go fine.

  14. Kristen-fantastic news. Best of luck.

  15. KL, it will be fine. I'vew been through 3 HSs now. 1 international, 1 domestic, 1 post placement. I worried for no reason each time. You will make yourself nuts, and it will all be fine.

  16. Hey, just wanted to check in about APC. I'm definitely going, and my parents will be there for part of the day too (!) - they're in town for a visit and I figured it would be good to expose them to some of the things they'll need to know as grandparents. I'm going to try to send them to different sessions than the ones I'm attending, though

    I plan on being there for the keynote, and then as follows:

    Session 1: Holly van Gulden (B) or Nancy Borders (J) (not sure yet)
    Session 2: Rita Taddonio (J)
    Session 3: Lynette Leming / Nora Kennan (E)
    Session 4: Sara Barris (J)
    Session 5: Domestic Agency Panel (A)

    I look kinda like a older, fatter, uglier, thinner-haired version of Lisa Loeb and will be wearing jeans and carrying a small black leather backpack.

    Hope we manage to meet up! Who all is planning on going?

  17. I'm not attending afterall. Sorry guys! Would have loved to meet. This weekend is our only weekend at home before our home visit and so I'm spending it doing exciting things like yardwork, deep cleaning, and closet reorganization. Probably unnecessary but will make me feel better, you know? I also just signed up for a conference at Spence Chapin in early Dec. for families so I'm bringing my mom, my brother, my mother in law, father in law and sister in law. God help me. Many different personalities all spending the day together... Should be interesting!!!

    Princess, I love your description. She's adorable and so I'm sure you are too. And now I'm singing "You say... I only hear what I want to" and craving a Reality Bites viewing.


  18. Hi everyone, it's been a while. How are you all doing?

    Still no movement here, although my profile is now on my agency's website (they were waiting until my home study report was finalized, but the social worker who's writing it is now in law school full time). Guess the squeaky wheel thing works at least sometimes.

    I think I am starting to feel that helpless waiting thing. The only saving grace is that I'm so busy with holiday stuff that it's occupying my mind. Already though I find myself doing obsessive things like checking my agency's "waiting parents" page... er, sometimes more than once a day... to see if anyone has been taken off the list.

    Hope everybody's doing OK, and having a not-too-awful holiday season

  19. Hi Princess! Sorry there hasn't been any movement yet but that's good that your profile is posted. Small victories, right? I wonder if things slow down during the holidays?

    We had our home visit earlier this month and I'm waiting to get the report. Hoping by next week. We have to get fingerprinted again by Citizenship and Immigrations Services. Every step from here on out has such a range of time attached to it that I feel like I have NO IDEA when we will actually travel to Korea. No idea. Fingerprint clearances in the next 6-8 weeks. Then our home study gets sent to Korea. Then we wait 6-10 months for the referral. Then we travel 2-4 months after that. So... sometime next year??! I of course keep waiting for something to go wrong, other shoe to drop, you get the drill. I know we should think about the nursery, names, all that stuff, but I'm just to scared to let myself think this is really happening.

    How was the ARC conference?

    How is everyone else?


  20. Hi ladies
    I\'ve been quiet here lurking away....congrats on finishing your homestudy kristen. I hope that the next steps go by fast. I agree with you that it's so hard to gage where we are in the process because it is so unpredictable.

    Pot -sorry that things are not quite moving but I'm glad that your profile is good to go. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things move forward quickly for you.

    Today we reached our first milestone -our homestudy. The sw was great and according to her she should have something for us to look at (first draft) by next week. We are adopting from Russia and she told us how one of the famous international doctors here is totally down on Russia. On how children are really sick etc. It was a bummer to hear beacause I respect this doctor a lot (we consulted with them and will use them when we travel). Though I agree that Russia has risks, it is not statistically significantly greater than the US. We did a lot of research prior to going with Russia.
    Either way,we are comfortable with our decision and at the end of the day whatever decision we make will be based on the specific case brought in front of us.

    Anyway,onwards to the next step.

    Hope everyone is well

  21. Just a tiny rant. I have received two emails from friends over the past week about how "it's now relatively easy to adopt a Haitian baby," and how "there must be many infants left parent-less after this mess."

    Uh, except (a) I am not cleared to adopt internationally, let alone from Haiti, (b) the only children that are being cleared for immediate immigration are those who were already in the adoption process before the disaster, (c) all new Haitian adoption applications have been halted while they try to figure out which children are actually orphaned, and which have family who can care for them. Not to mention the fact that I am looking to adopt a newborn precisely because as a single working mom I don't have the resources to give a severely traumatized child the kind of attention and special care they need.

    I am so exhausted by the ignorance out there. And the media are no help - the friend that said it's relatively easy to adopt "heard a story about it on NPR". I really appreciate that my friends are pulling for me, but I'm really, really tired of having to educate everyone.

    End rant.

  22. I've been hearing those stories as well - very annoying. PoT, you may have seen this already, but there was a great post on the SMC adopt forum from someone who has many years of experience with humanitarian relief basically refuting any idea that there will be streamlined adoptions in the case of this kind of disaster - I thought others would be interested:

    As a professional humanitarian aid worker (veteran of Balkans, Sierra Leone, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka tsunami, Pakistan '05 earthquake, etc etc) I need to chime in here.Following a sudden disaster like this, many children do lose one or more parents, or are separated from them. However, in almost all cases, they do have a parent or other living adult relatives who love them and want them, and they should NOT be placed for international adoption because they are not true orphans. Immediate post-disaster environments are invariably very chaotic, and family tracing can take time given lack of communications infrastructure, high levels of illiteracy, etc. International adoptions in these contexts are not permitted nor should they be until family tracing efforts have been exhausted. Some well-intentioned but nevertheless horrible things used to happen. Example: in the early 1980s, the French premier (or someone like that) vowed to "rescue" a bunch of Cambodian "orphans" in a Thai border refugee camp, and they were sent off to France to adoption. But, in fact most of them had been placed in the children's center on a temporary* basis by parents who were going back home to check their farms to see if they could safely return home with their families. The children were more or less kidnapped, really, and the French government refused to return them to their parents. Believe me, I know that the int'l adoption pendulum has swung too far --- I'm not allowed to adopt here where I'm now living due to baby trafficking concerns, despite large numbers of children in desperate need of good homes --- but in emergency situations, kids need foster not adoptive families, and preferably local ones if feasible, as removing them to an unfamiliar climate, culture, language, food etc tends to only compound their trauma and grief.

    And now that I'm really starting to explore adoption as a possibility, I would like to personally throttle every single person who ever said or ever will say "Why don't you just adopt?" I mean, I'm happy it's an option for me, but boy this is not a process for the fainthearted.

  23. And now that I'm really starting to explore adoption as a possibility, I would like to personally throttle every single person who ever said or ever will say "Why don't you just adopt?" I mean, I'm happy it's an option for me, but boy this is not a process for the fainthearted.

    Ha, Kate, well said!! Let me know when you're about to throttle someone, I'll be happy to help

  24. Ha, Kate, well said!! Let me know when you're about to throttle someone, I'll be happy to help

    Me too!! I got the same exact story regarding Haiti. "You know, there are sooo many children in Haiti that need homes now." Really? OK, sure, I'll just hop on a plane and pick one up. IGNORANCE prevails. Even if it's well meaning it makes me want to scream.

  25. I'm a lurker coming out... um, yeah. I can't believe people have told you that. Luckily no one has said this to me (yet. We have a ds from Guatemala). I'd go off. Last I heard Haiti was a 2-3 yr process with pretty strict criteria (10 yrs of marriage minimum, preference for Christians, 35-50 yrs old, etc, etc). Not easy at all. And they have announced no changes to the process, just expedited visas for a few children that were already in process.

    I wish people would get their heads out of their bums.

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