Vets Adopting III (all vets advice welcome!)

(100 posts)(18 voices)
  1. Please start here.

  2. posting partly to bump this up and keep the adoption conversation going.

    wondering how those in the throes of it are doing.

    I also have a question for those of you who have gone through the process. A little background. We live in a tiny apartment and I'm sure that we wouldn't "pass" a homestudy. When I say tiny, I mean tiny. We've been thinking that we would have to move first, before we could start the adoption process. I wonder if that is true, though. Does anyone have any input on this?

  3. I was told by the sw who did our first adoption that they look at your apt differently in NY. She told me that she has seen couples pass their homestudy when living in a studio apt in Manhattan. Now this was an intl hs so I'm not sure, but I wouldnt think it would make a difference. We were approved from our 1 bedroom apt for both intl and domestic. As long as we showed them dedicated space we would be using for child, eg. here's where the crib will go. Here's where her dresser will go with a changing pad on top.

  4. My agency said a studio apartment is fine. If you have space for a bassinet and/or crib you are good to go.

    posting partly to bump this up and keep the adoption conversation going. wondering how those in the throes of it are doing. I also have a question for those of you who have gone through the process. A little background. We live in a tiny apartment and I'm sure that we wouldn't "pass" a homestudy. When I say tiny, I mean tiny. We've been thinking that we would have to move first, before we could start the adoption process. I wonder if that is true, though. Does anyone have any input on this?

  5. Hi everybody, so I now have a proof of my profile and should have all thirty copies in my hot little hands on Monday. And the networking cards are ordered and will arrive Tuesday. Two out of three recommendation letters now in my possession. Only a few more parent training hours and a finalized home study and I will actually be paper pregnant. Unbelievable.

    Hopeful, I can't answer your question from personal experience since my apartment is a little bigger, but I have heard many people say that NYC social workers have a whole different take on space. I wouldn't assume out of hand that you'd be "rejected" - and they should tell you up front what your expectations are, so you wouldn't have to shell out money to find out one way or the other.

    Kristen, how are you doing? I hope things are moving along and you've gotten DH over the autobiography hump.

    So I have a question for general thread discussion. Having now reviewed (and passed on) two different situations, I can imagine wanting input on others as they come in. Is this thread the appropriate place for that, or does that kind of thing belong on the Adoption board? I guess I have mixed feelings, personally - feeling safe from pollyanna-ness is wonderful, but on the other hand I'm not sure if hearing about other people having possibilities is too hard on a waiting vet. Not really having started my wait yet I can't tell, but I can see where it might be. Is there a general consensus on this?

  6. Princess, I would think questions regarding specific situation would be better suited for the Adoption Board, but don't worry, many of us are there too!

    Also, I wouldn't think it would be inappropriate to post here a note that you've posted a potential situation on the adoption board that you'd like some input on.

  7. That makes sense, BG.

    Hope everybody's well! My profiles are printed and on their way to the agency. Step by step....

  8. Yay, Pot! Congrats on sending the profile out. Now you can breathe a little. I agree with BG about your question re: situations. I think you'll get more input there anyway. Wow, seems like you got everything done pretty quickly--step by step--well done!

    How is everyone?

  9. Yay, POT, for getting the job done. You're getting there, girl. I agree with the others about the situation questions. I don't go on the Adoption boards much, but if you do post there, let us know and I'll gladly weigh in.

    As for me- DH and I both have our autobiographies done. Yippee- that was definitely the hard part. I had my physical and DH has his at the end of the month. 3 of our 5 letters of recommendation are in. We're still waiting on my flightly friend who can't keep a deadline and DH's boss who is so overwhelmed at work that I'm sure he's stuck our request at the bottom of his "to do" list. We're going to apply some pressure to them both this week. I started collecting photos for our photo album. We should have a good mix of pictures of us, especially on our travels (for some reason they want us to be travellers I guess), family, and friends. Well, I have a bunch of travel pictures and pictures of my family. Almost all of our friend pictures involve booze so I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. And we have almost no pictures of DH's family which I realize is my fault. I just never bust out the camera at his family's events. I'm still hoping our home visit will be in November but I'm doubtful. We need for everything to be complete and if we get it all in early November, I have no idea how long it will take to get the SW over. I imagine it's not immediate. Plus now we're thinking about renovating a bathroom and I don't want her coming in the middle of the reno. Either it needs to be put off or done pronto. That's about it for us!

    Hopeful- They emphasized at our classes that the requirements for a NYC apartment are minimal. You would need a place to put a bassinet/crib and that's about it. For our agency we have to give a picture of the front of our house and our yard. If you live in an apt, you send a picture of the outside of your building and a picture of the local park!

    Kristen

  10. Hopeful, not sure I mentioned it but when I did our pics for our international stuff and they wanted pics of the inside, front and back of our home, I specifically took a pic of the living room where you could see into the kitchen , then the front of our building (showing trees in the pic) and then the childrens playground in the nearby park and I captioned that one that it was a park just a few blocks from our home. Agency said foreign country wanted to make sure there was room for the child to play.

  11. Hi ladies
    After two years of debates (while still ttc) much lurking and offline talking to POT we are now ready to adopt.
    My dh and I are currently debating between international (Russia) and domestic. Both of us have a real hard time with the openess in open adoptions (dh more than me). We previously interviewed gladney,spence,jcca and chs along with a few adoptive parents.
    We also have another meeting with an international agency an attorney and Jane aronson (pediatric doc specializing in orphans).

    yesterday, for the first time in all my years of IF, when we listened to CHS we felt excited, hopeful and positive about this. The lady who spoke is an adoptive parent and one of the agencies head. She was so positive yet real. Everyone we spoke to until this point scared us away from adopting. This ladies kept stressing how ultimately,beyond the papaerwork and birocracy, there's your child.

    Anyone that is or has been involved with international knows how expensive it is. We are looking at at least 45k -crazy! However,yesterday after our meeting with the agency I came home to find that my late stepfather's estate sent me my portion of the inheretance. This was my moms second husband and they married when I was older. It was more symbolic of our awesome relahionship and not a life changing sum. However,enough to make a dent at the international adoption fees. I looked at my dh and said "it must be him up above sending us his blessing for a child".

    Oh,one final note. The agency and POT (when we spoke) mentioned the adoption seminar in November in Brooklyn ny. Anyone that's considering adoption should look into it. Adoptiveparents.org has more info.

  12. COngratulations eb, that's wonderful.

  13. Eb- Congrats!! I'm excited for you. It's a long long road but you're right... at the end, there's your child.

    We're going through Spence and doing international. If you have any questions about my experience with them I'm happy to share.

    Jane Aronson did a seminar at Spence and I LOVED her. Seriously. We will be using her once we get our referral to help us go through the medical history, look for red flags, get her advice, etc. She's fabulously intelligent, knowledgeable, quirky, down to earth, and tell-it-like-it-is. I hope you like her as much as I did (I'm probably overselling).

    In any case, I'm so happy for you to take this big step and while I don't usually believe in "signs" the inheritance certainly does seem like one, doesn't it?

    Kristen

  14. EB, that's fantastic news!! And I'm glad you got something that feels like a "sign" - sometimes having some confirmation from the universe helps when you're making a big decision.

    I\'ll PM you to coordinate for APC!

  15. POT and EB- I think I might join you guys at the conference. I just looked at my planner and DH is going to be in Vegas for a guys trip so I will be solo. Shall we coordinate?

    Kristen

  16. Kristen&POT - we're on! Anyone else?

    re Spence, I interviewed them and the adoption coordinator at my job came from there so we spent quite a bit of time talking about them. I think they are a fantastic agency with fantastic post-adoption programs. We should definately catch up - what country are you adopting from (if you don't mind me asking)?

  17. APC, here we come! Coordinating is a great idea. Removes any hint of nervousness I had about going!

    We can figure out the details as it gets closer....

  18. re Spence, I interviewed them and the adoption coordinator at my job came from there so we spent quite a bit of time talking about them. I think they are a fantastic agency with fantastic post-adoption programs. We should definately catch up - what country are you adopting from (if you don't mind me asking)?

    I don't mind at all! We are adopting from Korea. We just finished our home study classes (all 6 of them!) and met couples who are adopting from Russia, Ethiopia, and China. We had previously attended one of their evening Information Sessions which was really good and informative. They went through every country program with all the specifics and had 2 families there who had adopted, with their children. One family had adopted from Guatemala and Ethiopia, the other family had just adopted an infant from Korea. Talk about emotional- I could barely contain myself when these parents talked about their experiences. And I wanted to run away with the little Ethiopian boy, man he was cute and spunky. I have to say that so far I really really like everyone we've been in contact with there. Our home study social worker is very communicative, I talk to her on the phone all the time. There's a lot of "hand holding" there which is good for me. The process is overwhelming and I need someone who can talk me through it step by step. We liked Children's Hope too, but they don't have a Korea program. Unfortunately, Korea's requirements are ridiculous (seriously crazy) and we are beyond fortunate to actually meet them. If you do meet them, the program is stable and the children are typically very healthy. If we did not meet the requirements, we probably would have gone with Ethiopia.

  19. Congratulations on completing the classes. I loved the part where they bring parents and children in. It's so amazing.

  20. Welcome, EB and congrats on making the decision to adopt.

  21. Hi i just want to say hi and thank you BG and vashal We Finally got our baby girl it took us over 6 and a half years as we live in ireland and the red tape is a Joke . it too 5 years on the Irish side and then it took 45 weeks to get a referral and 29 weeks to get a travel date so our daughter ended up being 10 months old
    when we got her and she was so worth the weight.she weighs 13lbs so we call her our pocket rocket . Saying that we wont be adopting again which was our plan but no1 Ireland stopped adoptions with Vietnam and no2 i couldn't put my life on hold for another 6/7 years so we are now happy with our situation and are enjoying life i cant believe that after all we have been threw with infertility
    we have finally got our dream even if we are broke after doing it all it has been worth it.
    I just want to say a lot of my friends had to change direction when a country slows up or closes and im sure things happen as you say in Domestic adoption to but all i can say is when one door closes i think its meant to be and you faith
    or whatever is bringing you in another direction for a reason so if you have a tough time just go with it and whats far you wont pass you by and yes it is all worth it in the end . So thanks vashal and bg for your congrats .
    and to those of you still waiting at least you know it doesnt take as long as
    ours lol so fingers crossed you will get your babies soooner that expected

  22. what a long road it's been for you, Jan. So happy it lead to where you are

  23. and Jan may not want to say it, but I've seen photographic evidence....she's beautiful!

  24. Yay, Jan!!! CONGRATULATIONS! Great to hear from you and I'm so happy that you (finally) got your happy ending.

    Kristen

  25. Jan, that's fantastic news! Congratulations - I know you've been waiting sooooo long!!

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