Using a Brother-in-Law for Donor Sperm

(2 posts)(2 voices)
  1. My husband and I found out somewhat recently that he does not have any sperm. He has had two sperm retrieval procedures (one in each testicle) and both did not give any sperm. We found a urologist, Dr. Peter Schlegel, up at Cornell and he does an extensive search through the testicle with a microscope so if anyone is going to find sperm, he is. Only problem is he doesn't take insurance and we would have to travel to NY and pretty much stay there for 2 weeks. We are thinking about doing this but it is a gamble.

    On the other hand we are talking about asking his brother for a sperm donation. This seems like a difficult situation and I just wanted to know if anyone out there has done this? How did you ask? How was it handled? Did you have a positive experience? Any details that can be given is extremely helpful! Thanks!

  2. I could have posted this myself. I hope my story offers you some comfort and guidance...My dh has non obstructive azoospermia. We found out shortly after beginning ttc in early 2008. He had a TESE surgery performed in August 2008 by a local UR who specialized in MFI. It was unsuccessful. 4 months after that surgery, after grieving the loss of the biological child we would never have, we warmed up to the idea of using DS, specifically a known donor- dh's middle brother. We struggled with how to approach the situation and began attempting to write a letter to ask his brother and wife for their help.

    Around Christmas of last year, dh, his brother and I were sitting at my in-laws table talking about our situation. BIL said, "well we've talked about it and J (SIL) and I want you to know that you can have some of mine." By "some of mine" he obviously meant his swimmers. They have 2 beautiful daughters and now another on the way We were shocked. My SIL came in the room and tears started to flow. We were so blessed that they were willing to do this for us AND be the ones to approach us with such a gift.

    Even known DS needs to be quarantined for 6 months so we had tons of things to do to ensure everything was done properly....which meant me having to do early morning pick ups of my BIL's sample to deliver to my clinic, tons of bloodtests for my BIL, and even a counseling session with all 4 of us for an evaluation. I suppose every clinic is different in what they will require. After the 6 month quarantine, the known donor needs to be tested again to ensure that the frozen samples are safe.

    A few months later we decided that we needed to be absolutely certain that dh had no sperm. We consulted with Peter Schelgel at Cornell in April 2009 and got on the schedule for a Setpmeber mTESE surgery...poor dh's SECOND surgery. What a champ. He gave us a "reasonable" chance of finding sperm. There were a bunch of additional hoops to jump through to get Cornell to accept our previously frozen know donor sperm back up. A lot. It was very stressful. BIL and SIL had to come into NYC with us for a psychiatric evaluation and consult. We paid out of pocket and are still struggling with the insurance company for reimbursement as we do have coverage at the reasonable and customary rate for Out of network services.

    We are fortunate enough to live in NJ so the travel to Cornell was not that bad, but it was still stressfull---waking up at 4:30 to be the first to sign in for morning monitoring...anway, to make a looooong story short, I had my retrieval the same day DH had his surgery. It was not successful and Shlegel found no sperm But, we were so blessed to have our back up. Unfortunately, though we transferred two perfect 8-celled embies, the cycle was a BFN. That was in September.

    We still had 2 vials of BILS sperm so we went back to my clinic in NJ where I did my first timed IVF with No back up (DH's first failed surgery...had no backup so they cancelled my retrieval). I am currently 7DP5DT and go for my Beta on Wednesday. Praying for a miracle.

    It is nice to find someone in a similar situation. I am happy to correspond and offer any support that I can. Feel free to PM me.

    What is your story?

    All the best to you.

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