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  1. sorry. I can't figure out the private messaging thing and, honestly, I'm afraid to enable it because I really don't want to be contacting by anyone saying anything discouraging as I am in such a fragile emotional state.

    I'm curious about your thinking regarding gender. I had thought I absolutely had to know what both genders were but when Mark Evans did my cvs, he discouraged finding out gender as he said most people feel that it is easier not to know the gender of the reduced fetus. I am so torn as to whether it would be preferable to know or easier not to.

    I honestly don't care at all which we end up with but I think all things being equal maybe it would be nice to have a boy since we already have a little girl. But I'd be happy with two girls too. All I really want is a healthy baby at the end of this ordeal. I guess I don't really have a question. But if you have any insight into this decision as you and your husband discuss, I'd appreciate if you'd share it.

    Thanks for your other replies. It really helps not to feel so alone with this.

  2. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with showing a gender preference. Not sure if we really did the right thing finding out the genders of those we reduced, or if it would work for others. You can express a gender preference, without finding out the gender of the reduced one.... heck, you can express a gender preference, but explicitly choose NOT to find out the gender of the baby you carry to term and find out the old fashioned way. It is really all up to you. Would you want to know the gender if this were an ordinary singleton pregnancy?

  3. Carolyn,
    For me, I never really thought about it in terms of knowing the gender of the reduced fetus but rather I don't think I want to make the choice of which NOT to reduce based on gender. We do plan to find out the gender of the baby I will be carrying, but not until the usual timeframe (18-20 wks). I think I just want it to be as much like a normal singleton pregnancy as possible and with that I wouldn't know until that point. For a while I really wanted another girl, but then thought it would be nice to have a boy...but really I don't care...and don't think I want it to be "my" decision as if it were a singleton pg it wouldn't be my choice.

    Hope this helps...

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