Stillborn at 27 weeks

(11 posts)(8 voices)
  1. Hi everyone. I just gave birth to my beautiful son, Nathan William, on March 9. I was 27 weeks pregnant and he had a knot in his cord. I'm looking for support as I am sinking into an abyss of nothingness. I miss my son so much. I have 2 daughters who are almost 3 and just 4. If not for them, I have no idea where I would be right now. We also had a 12 week loss in June 08, so I have had 2 beautiful children die inside my body. If anyone has gone through this, could you please pm me with any advice (or respond here). I would greatly appreciate it.

    Yours in sadness,

  2. I am so sorry or your loss. You are in my thoughts.

  3. sarah,
    i am right where you are... i lost my son in october, he was just shy of 30 weeks. he had a blood clot in the base of his cord from a placental issue. i also lost my daughter, she was stillborn in 2005, so this was not the first time for me. it is definitely an abyss.

    i belong to a couple online stillbirth/loss support groups, one is private, but the other is a public forum. there are many women who post there, all with different kinds of losses, mostly m/c but many stillbirths at all the ranges of gestation. and it is the 'pregnancy and birth loss' forum. the site is kind of 'crunchy', but the support there is great, everyone knows how you are feeling and to me that helps alot, because in my real life, there isn't alot of understanding or support.

    i also see a grief therapist. are you seeing anyone to talk with? did your hospital have any resources for you? support groups? how are you recovering physically? i am just so sorry. to me, in my experience, losing a baby is the worst. the absolute worst, the bottom of the pits, and beyond. it is total heart break and all around shattering of so many other aspects of life. it is good to have your other children to help you get thru the days. i hope you have some irl support. it makes is so much worse when there is infertility mixed in, too (although i can't tell from your post if you have infertility issues... i am just assuming that because this is an ivf based forum). when it wasn't easy to get pregnant, it makes it that much more difficult to lose that baby. not that its ever easy, it just adds another layer.

    i am more than happy to communicate with you here, or thru email or pm, and i know there are some other women here on ivfc who have also suffered the loss of babies late 2nd/early 3rd trimester, maybe they will chime in too. it doesn't matter when gestationally your baby died, the point is your baby died and it is a major, major loss. i grieve for my daughter every day, and now i also grieve for my son. they are buried side by side in the cemetary, and many times my life feels fairly hopeless. but i have a good husband and my therapists, my dogs, and my health... i know very many women you have lost babies and, well, really, all of them are making it thru. some have gone on to have other babies, some not, but they are living their lives, surviving the loss. when it just happened though, like where you are at right now, it is just the worst. i am so sorry. i am sure your son was beautiful. my son was completely gorgeous, it is so hard to be just living on without him. i also wanted to say that it is totally ok to be feeling horrible. what happened to you, your family, your son, was horrible. you have to feel all the bad feelings. it wont always sting so much but since it just happened, you have to allow yourself to grieve.

    well, like i said, i am here for you. i know pretty much how you are feeling. let me know if there is anything i can do for you? i know some good books, and if you have any other questions, ask them and maybe i or someone else here can help. i am so sorry that nathan is not here with you.

  4. Hi Sarah

    I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my daughter Sophia in December 2006 when I was 27 weeks pregnant for unknown reasons. She too was stillborn. I still think of her each and every day, but time does help with the healing somewhat. Talking about it to people really helped me as well. In time, the hours and days will get easier....

    Please take care of yourself.


  5. Sarah, ellipitta, and Nicole - I am so sorry for your losses. I don't think there is any greater pain than losing a child.

    I lost my son Benjamin Oliver at 25w2d on March 5. I had a hellacious pregnancy - you can search my username and look for the thread "my update" in particular if you want to read it. I had a partial placental abruption at 19w4d and pPROMed somewhere between 21 and 22 weeks. I was hospitalized twice, starting at 19w2d, and then was admitted to the Maternal Special Care Unit at the hospital at 24w5d for what we hoped would be a long stay. Instead, I went into labor and he was born a few days after I got there. I have no other children and went through three years of infertility treatments before this pregnancy.

    Before I went through this, I didn't understand how you could miss a child you didn't know outside the womb. I miss being pregnant, and the pain from the c-section recovery seems like a constant reminder of my emptiness. I'm also feeling horribly about my body. I have all this extra weight to get rid of with no baby to show for it. It seems like a petty concern right now but it is part of the package. I started seeing a therapist a few days after being released from the hospital. I have a history of depression and figured I might as well get a head start before I fall deeper into the hole. She has been somewhat helpful but it is still so raw that it's hard to deal with. My biggest problem right now is lack of sleep. I have been taking Ambien, which started out as a key to six hours of sleep, but now I'm down to four - the effect seems to be wearing off. I wake up at about 3:30 and my mind starts racing. The therapist gave me some breathing exercises to do but they haven't worked well so far.

    I don't have any great wisdom to offer you Sarah, but know that you are not alone. Everyone tells me that it gets a little better day by day and that does seem to be the case. I haven't been in hysterics in a few days at least.
    I am just counting the weeks until I can cycle again because it's all I have to look forward to right now (21 1/2 to go).

  6. ellipitta, Nicole and Candace,

    Thank you all so much. I am so sorry for your losses. Thank you too biyoloji for the post. It's such a dark place to be right now. I am not seeing a therapist right now but may consider it down the road. My husband and I conceived Nathan without fertility treatment. We went through infertility for years before our first daughter, and conceived our 3 subsequent pregnancies "naturally".

    I actually don't have anything of value to add right now, but I wanted to thank you all for responding.

  7. tevetan27,
    i am wondering about how you are doing?

  8. Thanks ellipitta. I don't know how I'm doing really. It's been about 3.5 weeks and I'm still up and down from moment to moment. It's bizarre, some times I think I'm doing okay, then something sets me off and I'm back in the pit. I've booked a camping trip for us for his due date. I'm hoping to be pleasantly distracted, wishful thinking I'm sure.

  9. Hi Tevatan,
    I don't have anything of substance to add, but I am thinking of you. I am the one that started the thread on this board "loss at 20 weeks." We also think it was a rare cord issue, a suhaj cord or something along those lines. You'd think after 8 IVFs a person could get a break...I can't imagine a loss at 27 weeks, as I am having a hard enough time at 20 weeks. What can I say except that you aren't alone, and come here for support. I think often of all the wonderful things the women on my thread have said and it actually does help me.

    ETA- your idea of booking a camping trip for his due date is a very good one, and it's because you wrote that that I have actualy started thinking of doing something similair. Not camping per se, but going away that week. I wanted to thank you for that thought, it makes me feel better somehow. Kinda of going way to "celebrate" his short life/what his life would have been, you know? So, thanks for the idea. <3

  10. Sarah I am so sorry for the loss of your son Nathan

  11. Sarah, I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious son.

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