sigh... and I thought I was pretty lucky when it came to in-laws...NOT!!!

(29 posts)(20 voices)
  1. No advice. My ILs suck too. The whole lot of them. Trust me, even if you did EVERYTHING, this SIL would still think that she was the martyr.

    I am very polite to my ILs, but very superficial and would probably do the same thing in your situation. She will believe what she will believe--and has for years, I suppose. She sees herself as the martyr whose SIL flirted with her husband. Never mind that she created all that in her mind or that she CHOSE to live with the parents. Somehow it seems to have become a part of her identity that she is the one who always suffers.

    On the large family gossip thing, I thought it was just our family! I think that it is true that in large families, the gossip may be more vicious (more potential alliances, more room to take sides, etc.). It's a bit like Survivor . . . without the million dollar prize.

  2. I got a little confused, but this is the sister who takes care of FIL right? If so, she probably did "the rounds" and gave everyone a piece of her mind, because she's sick and tired of being the nurse and caretaker of her parents while her siblings aren't really helping. If that is the case, I think this is more about her than about you.

    Sorry you feel so pooped on. I hate the feeling when someone accuses and blames me for things I don't do. My sense of justice is too strong for that, and it drives me bonkers. I think when she calms down, you should have a heart to heart when the time is right. I'd also have DH call other siblings to see if his sister has been a little more "vocal" than usual with them.

  3. Asuman, i just totally agree with this. you are so right on the money. as much as i would love to think there is a big happy ending, there isnt..

    nadia, actually, i may have given the wrong impression, but EVERYone helps, she just lives there so i think while she feels more of the day to day pressure, she is actually not really doing more than anyone. like i said, MIL is very healthy and perfectly mobile. she is fine to drive and do alot of things, except my inlaws have now convinced her she's totally unable to do anything for herself, its really sad. i just feel bad for my dh, he doesnt deserve to be in the middle of this.

  4. Asuman, i just totally agree with this. you are so right on the money. as much as i would love to think there is a big happy ending, there isnt..nadia, actually, i may have given the wrong impression, but EVERYone helps, she just lives there so i think while she feels more of the day to day pressure, she is actually not really doing more than anyone. like i said, MIL is very healthy and perfectly mobile. she is fine to drive and do alot of things, except my inlaws have now convinced her she's totally unable to do anything for herself, its really sad. i just feel bad for my dh, he doesnt deserve to be in the middle of this.

    Good luck V...... When my g-mother was in assisted living, my SIL asked I not bring her to Thanksgiving lunch as she stank. I'll never forgive that and I'm totally OK with that.

    And yes, family is hard to say the least which is why I prefer to hang with friends or my fathers side of the family where we're all friends. In-Laws, WHATEVER!!!! At least your dh isn't taking her side so that's a good thing and shows a healthy marriage not to mention the fact that you're working together on the issue. Bravo!

    X-inlaws, stated my children look JUST LIKE McNasty's 4th cousins - ummmmm, no, they look just like me but I never counted and didn't feel the need to approach them since I didn't like them either. Most of the time I HAD to spend with them I had a crazy, I've checked out of my brain, look on my face. It was the only way I could handle them. Shut the brain off and just walk through it.

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