proven donor sperm

(7 posts)(4 voices)
  1. Hi all -
    Would love to get others' opinion on this?
    I have been trying to get pregnant for a long time.
    Last cycle we used DP's eggs for the first time. We used donor sperm and got a great fert rate.
    I just checked and the donor we used is listed as only having a limited supply that is reserved for sibling conception only. When I told DP, she hit the roof. I hadn't really thought about it, but what she said makes sense. Why should someone who had success get the sample over us? Why is it more important that their child be able to have a genetically related sibling (through the anonymous donor) than that we be able to get a child?
    At first, I said to DP, well, there are other samples. And she pointed out that how will I feel if we don't get a good fert rate.
    She suggested we lie and say we do have a child from this donor. I'm guessing that they will ask for proof, but who knows?
    DP's other idea is to request that they allow us to buy one vial because this is our last try, our age, etc. etc.
    What do people think?

  2. Well, I think that there are probably many sperm samples that could give your partner a good fert rate, if her eggs are viable. They use young donors, most of the sperm banks test the sperm for motility, etc. A great fert rate is not the limiting factor here. I would even understand if you felt attached to a particular donor because he had a rare ethnic combination that would match him to your partner or yourself, such as Serbo-Croatian and donor happened to be such. Or even if the donor played cello and so do you, etc. But fert rate alone? That's not too compelling, sorry.

    I would have to agree with the bank and say that clients going for a sibling should get priority. That particular donor's DNA is unique and irreplaceable, but your partner could get a good fert rate with many, if not most other samples. Good fert rate does not necessarily mean good embryos. There are also immunological issues/incompatibilities which are not apparent during fertilization, but they may interfere with implantation.

    FYI I used four sperm donors myself. And I realize that to move on and try a new one is hard, emotionally. Especially at the beginning of the IVF journey. But I also feel if you don't have success with one try, it's a good idea to change the variables.

  3. ulke - thanks for your input.
    Actually, this isn't the beginning of the IVF journey, it's the end. We tried with my eggs for many many cycles (IUI and IVF).
    Due to our age and insurance, this is our last cycle. While I agree that we could get a great fert rate with someone else, there were qualities we liked in this donor. Plus, if we do use someone else and get a bad fert rate, that would really sukk.

    Also, I didn't mention that I did get pregnant, but had a chemical. So, that's a good sign, I think, about the sperm quality.

  4. Hopeful, yeah I kind of got that you were more experienced. That's why I assumed that you seemed more willing to go with another donor than DP. So you were using the same donor as well, all along? Did you never try another sperm donor? If neither of you are getting a take-home baby from this guy after multiple tries, I would not be so hesitant about changing donors. Fert rate does not necessarily mean good embryos. You had the beginnings of implantation, which may be a good sign, but early termination which is not.

    The first sperm donor I used had excellent quality on all counts (although being 20 years old and novice donor, he was never proven, that is he never had a live birth resulting). The point is I used that particular donor for six IVF cycles with lots of ET's of decent embies, but nothing ever came of it.

    BTW I was just talking to another woman who also has a preferred sperm donor with limited sample. She told me that you can "chip off" bits of frozen sample and do ICSI with it. Conserve it that way. If you really are attached to a certain donor, you can do it that way.

    And in answer to your question, a parent already with a child who wants a genetically related sibling has only one possibility; that donor. But you and DP have many possibilities. Just because you do not use this particular donor, it doesn't follow that you "won't be able to get a child." In fact, despite the good fert rate, since you have had many actual failures with this donor, it is possible that there is some kind of incompatibility there. Certain people have immune system incompatibility with each other. That's been proven. I would probably go with a different donor myself. Who knows, it could be the magic bullet.

  5. Delurking to let you know DH and I were in the same boat. Had a proven donor for several IUI's and two IVF's all resulting in BFN. Decided to change clinics then found the donor was only available for sibling conception. It was hard to change b/c the donor was such a good match to DH, but we had no choice. We ended up searching clinics outside our state and found another proven donor we both liked. Ended up with DD on our 4th and last try. Age played a huge role as I was 42 at the time. Like ulke said, there are many donors that can give you great fertilization rates. Your DP's eggs will also play a huge role. Maybe ICSI would help alleviate your concerns?

    Good luck.

  6. hopeful-does that donor have any "sub par" vials (not bad quality...but low quantity?...someone suggested to me once that you can buy more than 1 sub par vials and thaw [all?] and that way you could still use that donor).

    we changed donors 3 times.
    we kept changing because the donors had limited supply and we wanted DW to use the same donor.
    in the end, it was our 3rd donor that we had success with and now we have 4 vials of him saved for DW to try in a few years.
    we always picked our "top 3" but because i had several bfns, we had the option and were open to trying "donor 2" "donor 3" etc.

    i can see why you would want to use this proven donor again....but i dont know if lying would help(not that im above lying! ) but only because i know most sperm banks like to keep pregnancies on file when they occur(and when/if a baby was born) so wouldnt they maybe know you were lying?

    in any regard, i hope you CAN get vials of this donor to use....check the donor sibling registry too....maybe another user of that donor has extra vials for sale...that could be a possibility...

    best of luck, sincerely

  7. Thanks all.
    Just to clarify. We tried many times with my eggs and my womb. With a bunch of different donors. Got one BFP that ended in m/c.

    This was our first cycle with this donor. When we were picking a sperm donor for my eggs, we picked physical qualities more like DP. For this cycle with her eggs, we picked physical qualities more like me. Yes, we did ICSI (16 out of 18 fertilized). Got a BFP but it didn't rise properly.

    I am actually unsure whether we should try to use this donor again or find a different one. We liked him, we liked the fert rate and I did get a BFP.

    This is our last cycle.

    p.s. we are hoping we don't have to cancel, that is. DP's forearm went numb last night. We spent the night in the ER. They were worried about clotting issues because she's on estrogen patch. MRI showed everything fine and they said we can continue, but we are still concerned. RE is on vacation. DP starts stimming Tues. night. This is a nightmare.

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