Other person\'s pg/success ment.

(3 posts)(2 voices)
  1. I feel like no place is safe. Even though I have been very careful about who I have told about our IF (2-3 friends, my mother), everyone else assumes we are IF and speaks to me that way. I am sick of it. I cannot have any privacy, anywhere in my life. Anywhere. Just when I think I am handling all this pretty well, some one comes along and says something crazy, and I can't help it, but it gets to me.

    I went to lunch with a friend last summer. Before we met, she asked in an e-mail if I ever wanted to have children, or I was just "happy to be an aunt". I let that first question slide - never addressed it. I was annoyed though - because this friend has a history of oversharing and being inappropriate (telling 50+ people in an e-mail she was getting off the pill, then announcing her pg in another e-mail, about 3-4 weeks into her pg). Other friends cut her off because of the over-sharing, and because her husband is a nightmare and no one wants to be around him. I felt badly for her. That was my mistake.

    Yesterday I was at lunch with this friend again, and we were talking about why I am not pursuing licensure as a therapist, and what it will take to get the rest of my hours. She said that even if I don't get licensed, I could use the education if I ever have kids or adopt. WFT????? I have no idea why she jumps to adoption. Because I don't tell 50 people in an e-mail about ttc, somehow that is an invitation to keep asking me, then make an assumption? She seems almost smug about her fertility, and a bit like she pities me.

    Another friend, randomly, asked me if dh would ever consider IVF or adoption. This was while were just out to dinner, eating, and she came out with this. Again, never told her ANYTHING about ttc or IF, and she asks me that straight out.

    I feel so angry that people keep testing the boundaries I have developed. Family, co-workers, friends have been making comments and asking me and dh about kids for 4 years - it never ends. My mom used to think I should tell people we are ttc, because she told everyone she and my dad were ttc for 2 years. I cannot understand why no one will respect my privacy.

    Instead of coming home yesterday and crawling under the covers with a bag of truffles, I went for a fast 2 mile walk. I was trying so hard to do something productive - something healthy and good for me, instead of letting all this b*llsh*t get me down.

    I wish I could go away somewhere, and not come back until I am pregnant. I seriously want to move to a place where I am free from these questions, and where I can just get some peace.



  2. Sandy - thank you for your response. I realized I made an error - I didn't mean for the title of the new thread to be those words, I intended for that to be my header.

    I understand about not wanting to acknowledge a comment. I think I usually don't respond because I feel like if I say anything, I am engaging in a conversation about it. I also understand the crying issue - though most of the time my immediate reaction is annoyance and surprise at the lack of respect for my privacy.

    I think that as long as there are many people in my family, at work, and friends who have kids and figure we want them, there will not be much peace.

    Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your responding to my post. Best wishes to you on your journey.

  3. I know how you feel, really sorry that you are going through all of this frustration with not having a safe place. The whole ttc/IF thing can make you want to hide from the world. It's so awkward when people bring this up when we least expect, can feel like such a slap. Unfortunately, most people make a lot of assumptions and don't think they're doing anything wrong. I don't really have any ideas on how to handle it, it's very hard. Often, I don't even want to acknowledge it because I am afraid that I am going to start crying.

    I hope that you can find some peace somewhere, take care of yourself.

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