Never losing hope...

(8 posts)(6 voices)
  1. Precisely when DH and I started IVF cycles (when I was 41 and now I'm 42), I met a woman who was the mother of twins. I had two unsuccessful IVF's and got the talk from my RE about whether I should consider stopping. I was devastated. This woman, lets call her Jane, then revealed to me that she, too had suffered from infertility for many, many years. She said that they tried countless IUI's. She also incorporated chinese medicine. After nearly 8 years of infertility she finally got pregnant with twin boys. She passed on to me some advice that her husband had told her - \"Never lose hope and don't ever give up.\"

    Now I'm 42 on my 3rd IVF cycle and when I'm feeling down and started to sink into doubt and depression, I remember what my friend told me. I will do everything in my power to try to get pregnant - acupuncture, chinese medicine, yoga, IVF, and if it finally becomes cost-prohibitive, then natural IVF or IUI. If that, too, becomes cost prohibitive I will ask the financial counselors at our fertility clinic if they would be willing to help us with a loan or some kind of leniency. But I won't give up.

    I've been trying for a short while. But my friend had been trying for 8 years. IUI after IUI she would get a BFN. But she didn't give up and finally she has the most beautiful two kids.

    I just wanted to pass on encouragement and hope to everyone - that dream is not so far out of our reach maybe. Hang in there and keep your hope and faith alive.

  2. for your message of encouragement. I am thinking about getting in shape for a cycle in July.

    Good luck

  3. Thank you for the story. Just one question. Did your friend finally get pregnant w/ the twins via IUI after all of those years?


  4. Yes, she did! Her boys are now 5 years old....

  5. I am a lurker here...since my 40th is still a couple of months away...I hope no one minds, but after ttcing as long as I have...I feel like I am already here so to speak as I no longer fit in on the other age board now. So, uhmm hello.

    ...after more than 10 years ttc (including 7 ivf cycles- 3 fresh, 4 fet and counting)...I have to say, personally, I actually think there IS a time to give up (but that time is different for everyone of course)...I think it is a false idea of hope that everyone will eventually succeed if they just never lose hope and never give up - and that idea can actually be harmful to hold onto.

    I certianly don't want to suggest not to have hope....not at all, hope is good!!!...but at some point, I think it is time to figure out how to move on from ttc...whatever way that is for individual people.

    I think the positive mantra of \"never give up\" places such a burden of not being allowed to admit that we simply can't control the outcome no matter how had we try (unlike most things in life, where if you try hard enough you usually get it)...and sets up the idea that you are a failure if you quit...or that you simply didn't want it bad enough...which just isn't true.

    Just my .o2 on this having been at this for a very very long time. But what do I know...

  6. ditto SendrikBlack...well said

  7. My 2c. I started my ttc journey when i got married to dh at the age of 29. Little did i know that it will take a long route. After all the African herbs, Chinese Medicine, iui's, I did not give up, eventually we decided to save and go for IVF at the age of 39. At 40 God gave me my miacle dd. Problems in life are guidelines not stop signs, In infertilty, if you don't know the struggle, you can't know the strength. PLS DON'T GIVE. My sister had her first baby with her egg at the age of 47, she was determined. Think doubt and fall, think Victory and suceed. Infertiliy is not for sisies.

  8. I never meant to suggest that having a biological natural child was the ONLY way to fulfilling our dream. My friend had a scar on her uterus and was unable to carry a pregnancy. But she adopted and is happy now. The other friend tries for 8 years and now she's got twins. Everybody will hopefully find fulfillment of their dreams one way or another, whether it is through biological means or otherwise.

    If adopting or DE is not for some people, I completely understand. For these women, perhaps their dream may not be fulfilled. So, yes, I agree there will come a time for some to know when to stop.

    But if a woman has any strength and motivation to keep trying, she should and not let despair lead her to giving up prematurely. It's easy to feel depressed and give up hope after several failed treatments. I had two failed IVF's and while trying for my third RE told me to give up. HE wanted to cancel my cycle because I produced so few follicles. I begged to finish it. At 42, I got pregnant with this cycle. I attribute the success to acupuncture, nutritional changes, and my friend's advice to me to keep trying and keep hoping. So that's all I was saying. I don't ever mean to put a burden on anyone to keep trying if they absolutely know it's time for them to give up. I'm just sending this message of motivation out to those women who want to keep trying but are losing their hope and energy.

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