Need Advise- DE/Husband/Finances

(17 posts)(11 voices)
  1. SO Im 42 will be 43 in March! Been through several IUI's & IVF's and have decided on going the DE route! Insurance was great and paid for 3 IVF'S and now its all out of pocket! SO for the last month I've been trying to get credit where available and loans to get the money to pay for the procedure. With a couple of different companies Ive gotten enough to pay for half. I thought my husband was on board with our decision but after talking to him about the other half of the money he's decided we should wait! Our money situation is tight as it is \"AND I UNDERSTAND THAT\"! But how long do you wait when you get in your 40's! My thoughts are rob Peter to pay Paul until we get our baby and make due with what we have! His view is we'll be able to do nothing but pay bills no more vacations etc... He makes it seem like we have lots of time to work with!! ANYONE else with husbands or problems like this? What do you do GIVE UP, WAIT or keep pushing the issue???

  2. You are correct. At your age, you do not have time to table IVF.

    In an nutshell, unless you are rich, basically every frivolous expenditure has to be put on hold until IVF is over. No vacations, no clothes, no new home furnishings, etc. Except food, clothing, and shelter, all funds end up going toward IVF. Many of us on this board are in that boat. This is about having a child or not having a child. You have the rest of your life to go on vacation. Your fertility will not last much longer. It sounds like your husband is a little naive about fertility.

    Maybe you should introduce him to this site so he can get enlightened????

    Good luck.


  3. Cricket, I also have a naive partner... After my recent failed cycle, I waited 2 months to try again (I start Lupron this weekend), and he wanted me to wait a few more months to \"try naturally.\" I feel like he hasn't been listening all these years. We are infertile. HELLO????

    Ok, enough about me. What I was wondering, is have you considered doing a cycle abroad, like the Czech Republic? IVF Vacations' DE cycles are SOOOO much cheaper than my RE's non-DE cycles, and that price includes vacation expenses. Just something to consider. Then your DH can't complain about no vacations!

    Good luck with your decision. I wouldn't put it off too much longer though. I just turned 41, and my nurse urged me to start ASAP.


  4. Cricket, Nancy Jean seems to have great advice for you. I am 38 1/2 (so not quite in your group) but i feel time is marching on. Isn't it frustrating trying to go through this process. You are thinking baby , as is he probably but he is also saying \"what about vacation?\" I have back issues i am trying to resolve so we can cycle. We did have a nest egg set aside for one ivf Wicsi but unforseen circumstances (my X husband getting fired so no maitnence money coming in) is keeping us from going ahead. I am heart broken. My husband loves my girls as his own but really wants to be somebody's dad. I am so afraid this will not happen for him. So many others just take it for granted. I hope he will see some posts and understand the urgency of getting going. Once you have that little one in your arms nothing else will matter. Clothes , vacations , what kind of car you drive. I truly hope this works for you. Cheers Sue

  5. Awww Cricket ... They just dont get it, do they ?

    I must admit, I save every last cent for IVF, and I then go to DH when I have it all organised and say, let's go back to the clinic. I am sure if he knew how much this all costs, he would be in shock. I am not saying to be dishonest, I am saying, go to DH with a financial plan he cannot resist. Men work better with facts, so keep the faith, plug away at getting the $$$$ together, then go for it.

    At our age, IVF has to come first ... and I think \"ivfvacations\" is a good idea

  6. I am going to the Czech Republic in January for a DE IVF cycle. Including airfare, hotel, and food for DH and me, donor fee's, meds for me and donor, transfer, all lab tests and ultrasounds, the transfer, ICSI, AH and my meds for the first trimester are all less than $10,000. I could never afford to do this without going overseas. Jeni

  7. wow! that is reasonable, even cheaper that Malaysia. Our initial plan was to go Malaysia for the cycle since my donor lives there, but because of my husband's situation, we might not be able to find back-up Caucasian donor sperm over there, so we decided to fly the donor and her husband over instead. The cycle will cost around US$14,000 in Malaysia with all inclusive minus donor sperm.

    Hawkshawgirl, you mentioned that you will have back-up DS, are you guys getting them from Czech or US?

    HI Ziggy! Are you cycling this month? If so, good Luck! I will be thinking of you.

  8. Hawkshawgirl, you mentioned that you will have back-up DS, are you guys getting them from Czech or US?
    My DH is 50% German and 50% Creek Indian. We will probably have no choice to use Czech DS if his critters are too bad on the day of ER. DS costs about $250 in Zlin and you can pick your characteristics the way you do your DE. We will just go with as dark of coloring as possible. DH's only child (from a previous marriage) looks only slightly AI. Jeni

  9. Hawkshawgirl _ $10,000 ... Oh my goodness, I have been looking in the wrong place, I recieved a quote for $20,000 in Spain, and up to $40,000 in the US

  10. THANKS sooo much guys for your advice and support! REALLY helps to know I’m not the only one with this problem! I think I will introduce him to this site! He just really has NO CLUE about our time frame! Of course with Men age is not really an issue like with us gals! I'd rather be broke with a baby and never go on vacation or shopping again! His worries are mostly our bills not getting paid but we'll always have those so waiting to be in a better finances spot just AINT the answer. We both waited late to get married so this is both our first marriages and no kids, so I feel like in a year or two when it really sinks in that were OLDER and have no kids that he'll be saying WHY didn’t I push the issue that he had no clue and then it will all be back on my shoulders to blame! I'd much rather it be his fault we can’t get preg instead of mine! Were unexplained & preg once with miscarriage and 3 chemical preg.... Thanks for letting me share my story and I wish you guys the best of luck!!

    And dimitris I had no idea there were such places to go!! Is there a website for this? SOUNDS WONDERFUL! The cost of frozen donor here in Ga is $18,000!! Seems like with the economy like it is they'd be having some discounts somewhere...

    Thanks again for making me feel better! It’s so easy to get down in the dumps and depressed over this!!!

  11. cricket - 18k for an FET? OUCH. Does that include meds? When we were looking into an IVF vacation, we looked at We didn't go through with it because we couldn't afford to be away for 21 days. Good luck with your decision!

    garifalia - good to hear from you! I just started Lupron today for a tentative ER date of 11/9. Yikes. Good luck in your DE cycle!! How exciting. I will be thinking of you.


  12. Cricket - You've received great information and support from everybody here. I'm much like you in the sense that my DH and I waited until I turned 40 to start TTC, I turned 43 in May. It's been a rough road, but we're not giving up (moving on to IVF #4 December). Please keep the faith and don't give up, keep your husband informed and keep the pressure on. Like the other ladies have said, maybe getting him on these boards to further educate how critical the time is, will be time well spent.

    Ziggy - Good to see you and happy to see that you're cycling again. Are you posting on the cycling board? All the best to you.

    garifalia - Happy to see you and what great news that you were able to find a donor so quickly. Do you have a transfer date yet?

    Wishing everybody the best!

  13. Cricket-Men can be clueless sometimes but they eventually learn. Last week my boss said if I had a baby, did I really need to be gone those two months after the delivery? I said sure, I'll work until the day before the delivery and then run right back to work after my dr stitched me up. And I also said I'll heal as quickly as you would if a football came out of his you-know-where. Consider him informed.

  14. Last week my boss said if I had a baby, did I really need to be gone those two months after the delivery? I said sure, I'll work until the day before the delivery and then run right back to work after my dr stitched me up. And I also said I'll heal as quickly as you would if a football came out of his you-know-where. Consider him informed.

    Lacy I am now wearing my breakfast because I laughed so hard I spilled it on myself. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

  15. Lacy. That is awesome. You just made my morning!

    (Racer -- Good to see you back here! Are you cycling? I'm on the November cycling boards & a cycling thread here. Hope you are doing well!)


  16. Yes, men are mostly clueless.

    Since you are moving forward with DE then the clock isn't AS important as it once was if you were using your own eggs. Even that being the we age things start going wrong with our bodies and just because your eggs are the suspected problem I'd hate to see you dilly dally around thinking you've got loads of time now and then something in your uterus goes wonky.

    We did a DE/DS cycle and found a great local dr with low prices. My old RE charged $20,000 for a DE cycle and the dr I used only charges about $9,000 without meds. (We were lucky and had med coverage.) Come to the Tampa Bay area for a vacation and cycle at the same time.

  17. Lacy that was a good one!! Almost fell out of my chair laughing.. Thanks for all the great info and I think I'll be visiting Tampa Bay soooon!! WOW 64Mustand that's a GREAT PRICE! These Atl doctors think a lot about what they do and want you to pay for it!!

RSS feed for this topic


You must log in to post.