Loss of one Twin -- questions

(7 posts)(7 voices)
  1. Hello all. I went to the OB for a 16 week u/s and my baby B's heart stopped sometime after my 12 week u/s. My twins were di/di. Baby A still looks good and is growing normally. The Baby B is still visible, measure approximately 11 weeks now. For any one who has went through something like this, or anyone who knows, these are my questions.

    Did you go on to deliver the other baby successfully? Preterm or term?

    Did you OB have you see a perinatologist or a maternal fetal medicine physician after your loss?

    What risks to the remaining baby did the doctor tell you about?

    Did you have cramping, bleeding or any other physical signs?

    Anything else you think I should know?


    Thank you in advance.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss...it can be very difficult as you are grieving the loss of one baby and still in fear of the other and also still trying to remain happy about a pregnancy that you have.

    I had a surrogate carry our child(ren). We were pg with twin boys until week 11....somewhere around then Baby B quite developing. Baby A was fine. He did jump ahead a few weeks in gestational size and our doctor said it could possibly from the absorption of the extra nutrients from Baby B as he was reabsorbed into our surrogates body. She had some haevy bleeding and cramping for about three weeks afterwards and for the rest of the pregnancy until the last month Baby A measured ahead by about two weeks and low and behold....he was born exactly two week early....very healthy and happy. This is unfortunately a VERY common thing. It is also a VERY difficult thing to work through. We had already named our son and seen his HB and everything....so we planted a tree on our property in honnor of him and we take family photos in front of "Michael's Tree" on a regular basis.

    I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy-take time to grieve, take care of yourself and really try not to worry....most surviving twins of a dissapearing twin pg go on to be born healthy.

  3. Sarah, I am very sorry for your loss. I lost one of my di/mo twins at 18 weeks. I carried my survivor with no further complications to a scheduled c/s at 38 weeks.

    I was already seeing a peri because they were di/mo so I continued to see both my peri and my OB. my OBs were great and allowed me lots of extra u/s and they were very sensitive anytime i thought something was wrong. to me that was the hardest part, trying to be excited about the still surviving twin but sad for the loss of the other. the first few weeks were the hardest and I was also very paranoid the rest of my pregnancy that something would go wrong. but it never did, thankfully.

    I think the biggest risk is pre-term labor. not sure if its different with di/di or frat twins, but I was told that if I made it 3 weeks past the loss, chances were everything would be fine. Because mine shared a placenta, there were also some risks to the surviving twin from the loss but with separate placentas in your case that should not be an issue.

    Because my loss was perhaps a little bit later in the pregnancy, the twin i lost was not reaborbed and I delivered both at the time of the c/s.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss. and as the prior poster suggested, take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. you will also unfortunately probably face people who, meaning well, say all the wrong things. Try to remember that most people just don't know what to say or do in these situations and end up saying the wrong thing or not saying anything at all. But they do mean well. Try to hang in there.

  4. Hi Sarah,

    I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that in time you will find peace.

    I was pregnant with fraternal boys and basically had a problem-free pregnancy until 25wks3dys. I had a routine ultrasound and Baby A had passed away. It was due to a cord accident. I know that it happened that very day since I had flet him kicking that morning. Still makes me a little sick to my stomach to think about that day.

    I continued with my regular OB who was considered "high risk" until my water broke at 28 wks. It turned out that the water broke for Baby A, but that Baby B's was still intact. However, I started to contract and go into labor. They put me on mag and gave me the steroids and by the grace of God, things calmed down. I stayed in the hospital until 32 wks and then was released home on bedrest. I delivered my two sons at 38 weeks by C-section.

    Once I was admitted to the hospital, the perinates took over and I wish I had gone to them from the beginning. Everyone was very understanding of my anxiety and I had stress tests and u/s 3 x a week until delivery.

    It is a very "weird" time, but do what you need to do. Your grief over the loss of one twin does not take away your happiness that you have for the survivor.

    The delivery was actually very hard for me because I physically had to say good bye to my Dominic and all the rawness just came flooding back. And I was VERY emotional for about 3 months afterwards. In fact, I am probably still pretty emotional about it - not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish he were with me. All I can say is do what you need to do to keep going. Keep waking up and getting through the day. Sometimes that thought is what got me through. The rawness gets better with time, but the pain will always be there because you lost a child. Don't feel ashamed to feel sad - it is completely normal. Also try not to judge how others grieve - it is hard (I know), but everyone grieves in their own way and you don't need the stress.

    Best of luck to you with your pregnancy and again - my heartfelt condolences for your loss.


  5. I am wondering how you are doing and if anyone else had a similar experience.
    I just found out yesterday at 21w4d that baby B didn't make it. I wasn't surprised since 3 weeks before at our anatomy scan it was measuring 3 weeks behind (while for the first 17 weeks everything seemed normal with it). I know it lived for at least another 10 days this (was alive at my OB appt at 20 weeks) but yesterday it was still only measuring 15 weeks and now had no heartbeat (so it never grew past 15 weeks despite it heart continued to beat for almost 6 weeks after). Baby A is doing well which I am glad, but I am also sad for B and worried that A may end up with the same fate (so far I have lost 2 babies now in 6 months with no live births yet so not a very good record). My peri doesn't seem considered and won't see me back for another 4 weeks. I go back to my OB in a week and a half and hope he will at least check my clotting since I read there is a high risk for DIC with carrying around a dead fetus. None of the people close to me understand the pain I am feeling. They think it is silly that I am upset over a fetus dying and that I should be overjoyed A is doing well. It pisses me off when they say this because they have never been pregnant with twins and lost one at 5 months so how dare they know how I feel. I try and tell my MIL that what I feel is normal and she just thinks I am over reacting and read too much and I should stop it. It upsets me that I can't grief my baby that died at 5 months gestation like every other pregnant women can who loses a baby at this time just because I have another baby that is so far doing okay. Baby A doesn't replace my feelings for baby B.
    Also unfortunately I don't know the sex of B since they refused to tell me it 3 weeks ago because they said it was too small and now when it will be born it will likely be too decomposed to find out. I would like to give it a proper name that we can put on its death certificate (another thing that my MIL thinks is silly of me to do - naming a dead baby).

  6. I just wanted to say to you ladies that I'm truly sorry for the losses of your children

    bakar: I'm so sorry the people in your life are being so cold. Of course you will and should grieve the passing of your very much loved and wanted child. It does not matter that you never carried her or him on the outside. You carried that baby in your body and in your heart. Please don't let these people make you think that you don't need to grieve.
    Do you think that a doctor or ultrasound tech could look back at your pictures and determine the gender if you need that closure? Again, I'm so sorry for all the losses

  7. bakar - I'm so sorry. There is absolutely nothing unusual about your grief. It is so frustrating when people can't understand how much the loss of a twin hurts - you put it perfectly - your happy feelings for the survivor don't negate the sad feelings for the one you lost. I've never been through the loss of a twin, but I can certain empathize, based on my own loss and my discussions with other mothers of twins.

    I have a few suggestions for you (and everyone going through the loss of a baby):
    Get the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of your baby" This book was incredibly helpful to me after the stillbirth of my son at 29 weeks. The author addresses so many important issues - and I know that she does discuss some of the unique grieving that happens for parents of multiples. You may want to give a copy to family members or friends - your MIL especially, so she can realize that naming a dead baby is far from silly. People don't know how to respond in this situation and this is an excellent resource to educate them.

    Find a local pregnancy loss support group. I found mine through my local hospital (one of the L&D nurses ran it), but there are many other organizations who run them. I haven't checked out this one, but they seem to run support groups: nationalshare.org I found my group to be extremely helpful in the beginning especially. Babycenter.com also has some active pregnancy loss boards - I was part of the 2nd/3rd Trimester loss Support group.

    Talk to your peri and OB about your desire to find out the sex - it may be that they really can't, but you never know. And don't feel uncomfortable about requesting additional monitoring - even if they don't think it is necessary. Part of the challenge of managing a woman in this situation is managing your complicated feelings of grief and your fear of more losses. I really appreciated my MFM saying that 50% of her job is to manage the woman's emotional state - and if that means coming in every week or every day for a while, even if it isn't 'medically necessary,' she'll do it.

    Think about holding some sort of ceremony for the one you lost. I found this very helpful - I waited a few months and did something with just my family. Some people just do something with their partner, others hold official church services - some never do anything at all - it is very personal. But I did find that it gave me comfort to have people gathered together to mourn the death of my son (my parents grandson, my sisters' nephew, my nieces' and nephews' cousin). Again, I found the support group helpful in thinking about what to do - I would imagine again that there may be different ways of thinking about this because you lost a twin.

    When you are close to delivering, contact your hospital to make sure they are aware of your situation - and find out if they have someone designated who can come check in on you (social worker, etc) during your stay.

    Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I do hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. You'll never forget your child but it will get easier to bear over time.

    And I'm so sorry for the losses that everyone else on this thread have gone through.

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