Hello Ladies... I'm hoping I can get some of my frustrations and fear out on this... I have Endometriosis and have had it since I was 15 yrs old. I’ve been on BC for about 11 years now because of it. I have undergone two surgeries due to the endomitiomas … My right fallopian tube is gone and my left has water in it. …4 months after my last surgery and after trying to get pregnant after the surgery I went to the fertility clinic.. ( My oncologist who performed the surgery told me I should try for 6 months.. then go to the fertility clinic.. he basically said a now or never type deal)
My fertility doctor said I shouldn’t have even waited 4 months.
So.. a little about me, I’m 25 yrs old… 26 on August 3rd. Me and my fiancé got engaged the beginning of March.. had my last surgery March 16th… was told we had to conceive now or never if we wanted our own child..
We decided not to wait until we are married.. we still want our nice wedding and figured, a baby before marriage really isn’t uncommon these days and since we have extenuating circumstances , not such a big deal.
Anyhow….. I’m so nervous.. my doctor wants to start out with Natural Cycle IVF… Do you know what that is? Basically I don’t have to go through all the shot stimulant treatments.. just what it says, they will work with my natural cycle.
We’ve had all the testing done,, my fiancé has “plenty of swimmers to work with” and now today.. we go in for our consult to see how all of my tests went.. to be sure we can do the IVF… I’m praying we can… I’m so scared. I feel like I want this so bad.. that it’s not going to happen. Everyone tells me, “Don’t think about it so much, you’ll be fine” Well, how do I NOT think about it so much? When someone says this is your chance, now or never and what if I don’t even have a chance???
Other than that.. I know even if the tests prove I CAN go through with this… the baby still has to attach to my uterus.
My fiancé isn’t too worried.. He of course, doesn’t fully understand.. he was adopted and he feels like even if we can’t conceive… we can adopt. Which of course I’m not against.. but I want the experience.. I want to know what its like to get pregnant, to feel my baby kick inside me! to give birth! Of course other people say… “ You don’t want to know what it’s like, it’s painful, blah blah”.. but I do… I know it’s painful but I want that!
On top of it.. I have this inner anger at my sister… we are very close and I would never show it.. but I think about all the abortions she had when she was in here crazy years… I mean she basically used abortion as birth control.. and now, she has three beautiful boys and she’s got a beautiful home with a great husband. She has what I want… of course she says she’s jealous of me because I’m young (two years younger) and I’m able to go out and do what I want. I’ve had that.. now I’m ready for more!
Why was she able to get pregnant so much and I have this lifelong affliction? Not to mention the inability to conceive on my own but also the pain that goes along with Endometriosis.. my whole teenage/ adult life I’ve had pain.
I know, things could be worse, and I have it better than some people out there… I don't complain this much normally.. i guess that's why i'm getting it all out now!
but I’m just upset/ nervous and well, needed to vent. 
Thanks!