Is it OK to let an 8yo boy & a 2yo girl bathe together?

(27 posts)(16 voices)
  1. I have a DS who just barely turned 8yo & a DD who is not yet 2yo (22m) and they love to take baths together.

    I am wondering, is this too far of an age gap? Is my DS too old to be around his sister naked in the tub? He knows not to touch her, I always do her body washing and get her out/dry her off/dress her. They just play so well together. It makes it easy for me to do chores while they play in the tub because he is big enough to get me if a problem/emergency arises.

    Any opinions?

    Thanks for any advice.
    ~Brandi

  2. That is too old. We stopped having them bathe together when the older one was 5y - so when oldest DS was 5y and twins were 4y, and then were twins were 4y and younger DS was 2 y.

  3. I agree. Too old.

  4. I also think too old.

  5. No. My kids are 7 and 5 and we had to stop bathing them together about three years ago. Too much curiosity...

    Karen

  6. (Sorry to barge in. I don't normally post here.)

    But I truly don't see anything dirty about letting an 8-year-old boy see his baby sister naked. The mother is doing the washing. They're siblings, bonding, having fun. I think it's good for them to have things to do together that they both enjoy.

  7. I think its too old (thus inappropriate, IMHO) and I also think that an 8 yr old (who is bathing in the tub too) is too young to suyoungihmvise/ensure water safety for a 22 month old.

  8. I don't think it's too old because your dd is so young, and I feel like ds is just seeing baby sister. If she were older, it would be too old, but she isn't even 2. I will say in my family we tend to not get hung up on nudity. No parading around, but if someone is changing it's just no big deal. It seems like it is working for you, so I think it is ok. If it really bothrs you, put her in a bottom bathing suit, and when he gets out and dries up, tell him to leave and then wash her. I think this would only draw more curiosity, but if it bothers you and you want them to still bathe together, it's better than nothing.

  9. (Sorry to barge in. I don't normally post here.)But I truly don't see anything dirty about letting an 8-year-old boy see his baby sister naked. The mother is doing the washing. They're siblings, bonding, having fun. I think it's good for them to have things to do together that they both enjoy.

    I don't think anyone here used the word \"dirty\", did they?

    But I DEFINITELY remember starting to be curious about \"private parts\" at this age. Is that dirty? No, I think it's human nature. However I think it's being a bit too lax to leave a probably curious 8 year old boy in a tub with a 2 year old girl. I wouldn't ever go there, and I youngihmsonally think if you have some questions in your head and felt the need to ask the question then that should tell you something.

    PS -You're not barging, youngihm!

  10. I don't think it's too old because your dd is so young, and I feel like ds is just seeing baby sister. If she were older, it would be too old, but she isn't even 2.
    this is my take on it too. she is too young that youngihmsonally, i wouldn't think he'd be curious about a baby....JMHO!

    China.

  11. I will say in my family we tend to not get hung up on nudity. No parading around, but if someone is changing it's just no big deal.

    This is pretty much how we are too... nudity is nothing to be ashamed of but it's not something we prounce about either. DS has been taught since he was very young that girls have \"girl parts\" and boys have \"boy parts\". He doesn't seem to be very curious, at least not yet at this point...

    I am pg, and he will see me breastfeed the new baby (as he did with her), and he does see her when she gets her diayoungihm changed, so I guess that's where my wonder crept in as to what is socially \"appropriate\".

    Where is the line? I guess is what I am wondering....

    As far as him suyoungihmvising her with water safety, I am NEVER out of earshot and most often in my bedroom (folding clothes, usually ) less than 20 feet away. I will occasionally walk to another room to put something away or get a new basket, but again I am within earshot and have my ears peeled for any questionable noises/behavior. I am just not right in there on the floor next to the tub.

    I do appreciate everyone weighing in and being honest with me. It's good to get some feedback on both points of view.

    Thanks to all~
    Brandi

  12. I agree with youngihm -- they're having fun, bonding. I see nothing wrong with them bathing together at these ages.

    fabio

  13. I think a 22 mo. old should be able to be naked wherever--be it in the back yard, running around the house, whatever. There's nothing sexual about it and I don't think it would occur to an 8 year old to sexually molest a baby. He might be curious about her girl parts and how they are different but that's normal and it's not going to be harmful to the baby. I think it would be worse to make a big deal out of it and try to hide her body from him. Just my opinion.

  14. OK, this is getting a little gross. I don't think anyone here feels an 8 year old would \"molest\" a 2year old or that anything an 8 year old is curious about it \"dirty\"...yeesh! I think all any of us who wouldn't allow this were saying is we wouldn't do it due to natural curiosity and just not wanting to potentially go there.

  15. So let him check her out for a couple minutes, satisfy his curiosity and then it's a non-issue. I just don't see what the big deal is if you're not worried about molesting and don't think there's anything sexual about it. If they have been bathing together, he HAS already checked her out anyway, there's nothing new to see.

  16. Look, that's just not something I am comfortable with (\"let him check her out for a couple minutes, satisfy his curiosity and then it's a non-issue\"). But if I had a boy and it happened - I certainly wouldn't call it 'molestation'. We're all raised differently, and again, this just isn't something I am youngihmsonally comfortable with. I am not putting labels on your opinion, and I don't really appreciate you insinuating I think this is molestation. I may be uptight in certain areas...but I'm not that uptight that I'd brand an 8-year old a molester!

  17. I am not putting labels on your opinion, and I don't really appreciate you insinuating I think this is molestation. I may be uptight in certain areas...but I'm not that uptight that I'd brand an 8-year old a molester!

    No need to get testy about it. I don't understand why you're getting so heated with this? The OP asked a question and my response is \"There's nothing sexual about it so don't worry about it.\" It has nothing to do with you.

  18. Um, it's just an online discussion. I admittedly did continue to reply because I thought it was a poor form of debating things/offering your opinion to interject terms like \"molest\" and \"dirty\" when categorizing the opposing opinions (especially when nobody else used ridiculous terms to sum up the \"pro-bath\" side of things). I didn't use over-exaggerated terms to sum up your opinion - so who is actually getting testy in this discussion?

    Anyway, I'm out of this thread now as I'm not really interested in this getting youngihmsonal.

  19. Sorry petice, I can't continue to \"argue\" about this because I have no clue what you're so upset with and there is nothing to apologize for! I said nothing about the other opinions, I'm just responding to the original post. I don't understand why it's so horrible to say \"An 8 year probably wouldn't molest a baby so I don't see a problem with it.\" I'm youngihmsonally not worried about kids being curious about bodies of the opposite gender, so for me, it would boil down to whether an 8 year old would harm a baby or do inappropriate touching, and I don't think they would. If other people are worried about that (the curiosity), so be it. I'm giving my own opinion to the OP who asked for opinions. And BTW, I never used the word \"dirty\" in my post.

  20. I said I didn't 'see anything dirty about' it. Sorry if I used a word that came across as too strong. While I WAS disagreeing with some other posters about whether it's appropriate or not for the kids to bathe together, I didn't mean to use language that seemed inflammatory. Sorry.

  21. Not to play devil's advocate, but don't assume that an 8yo boy can't or won't molest a younger child. I'm not saying Brandi's son would do that, but I'm in law enforcement and, sadly, it can and does happen with kids that age. Just to make the point of being aware and not blindly saying it wouldn't happen merely because of the age.

  22. I am write there with pupput, and you would be surprised what some boys have done. I just felt it was important for people to realize that there are children out there that have done things at that age and younger, and also been the victim. It is heartbreaking to hear some of the stories of children out there. Please do not read anything into this, with regards to your children. You know your children well. This does not mean at all that anything would happen with your son and daughter together in the tub. My son and daughter used to take a bath all the time. He was 6 and she was 2. I was basically in the same situation, I would be in the next room (actually putting away laundry also) while they played in the tub. I could hear them playing and constantly checked on them. I think it is a judgement call that you need to make. You will know when you are kids are too old.

    Jen
    Tommy 7
    Rose 4 in one week

  23. . I think it is a judgement call that you need to make. You will know when you are kids are too old.

    I agree with this. I didn't want to imply that it never happens (am I allowed to use the word \"molest\" now?)...but based on Brandi's post and what she said about her kids, it's not something that I would be too worried about with her child or most children that age. I just don't think it's helpful for parents to be overprotective and make kids feel like bodies are something to hide and everyone is a youngihmvert or untrustworthy. If the OP started hiding her dd's body from her ds, that kind of sends a bad message to her ds, like he's not to be trusted, or it might backfire and make him curious about things that he wouldn't normally be curious about.

  24. I am just thinking if there are any Europeans here who can comment. As I said before we are not hung up on nudity in my house, but we do not parade around. Just no big deal if someone is changing, no one cares. I grew up in a very, very, very uptight house and just think to that extreme was rediculous. dh and I were in Tahiti on our honeymoon and there were many people from France there. They went totally naked on the beach - everyone from babies to grandparents - just the whole families frolicking around together - eating, jumping in waves, tanning, like some painting at the Met. It was really shoking to us how relaxed and carefree they were. I was totally self concious in a bathing suit. Anyway, I'm not saying all Europeans are like this, but just wondering what the take is from people from other countries.

  25. Brandi, I'm a part-time lurker here, but happened to see your post, which concerned me--not because your children take baths together, but because you said you're not in the bathroom at all times with a less-than-two-year-old in the tub. This has nothing to do with your DS being in there with her. It's about water safety and about your dd being out of your sight for even a short time at that age.

    I don't mean to lecture you, although I am a grandma , but I'm hoping you'll start taking care of folding laundry at a less vulnerable time of day. I know you're a good mother (as proven by your having gotten your DS to the ripe old age of eight!). And I know how little time there is when you have little ones. But it makes more sense to do chores like this when she's napping, sleeping at night, or even engaging her in helping you with it. My grandson is three and just loves \"folding\" laundry with his mom or dad. It may take a little longer, but what the heck.

    I'm sure you know all this as a second-time mother, and things tend to relax more the second time around. But this kind of safety thing is important, and I just wanted to alert you not to be off your guard.
    bijukvr

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