I\'m going to be in More Magazine!!

(55 posts)(22 voices)
  1. This is an interesting topic, but for me, it comes down to a few simple points:

    • IVF/DE (or whatever tx may or may not be used) are medical records, and I don't think anyone has any business knowing about one's medical records (in the US, there is a law to support that privacy)
    • I applaud those that choose to speak about their experiences in an effort to teach others but I would not \"demand\" a story that is not my business
    • I would rather be told nothing than be told lies
    • People are self accountable for their actions, if People magazine articles influence a person's own reproductive path, that is their choice. No celebrity bears any blame for what was or was not disclosed.
    So many things in life are not anyone's fault, but it seems more and more that our society wants to label problems back to a convenient cause rather than own what we face. IF can hit at 21 or 41, I started ttc at 21 yo (didn't bring ART into the picture until I was 32 yo).

    Don't get me wrong, I have issues with our \"modern media\" and believe there are many things that need improvement in reporting. But I don't begrudge a single celebrity or parent their right in limiting the details of treatment.

  2. I just want to add one small point. When I was 36, my OBGYN did tell me I needed to get to it and start with a family right away. Having read all of the stories about women in their 40s, I looked at him like he was just being too conservative.

    Now I realize how right he was. Even though I am a professional woman, I STILL believed the media more than I believed a medical professional. Part of it is what I wanted to believe since I wasn't quite \"ready\" at 36 to TTC.

    This has been one of my biggest regrets. And I do wish more stories that are printed about people who have children past 35 disclose how fertility really starts to diminish quickly at this age. (It starts to diminish even in our 20s, but doesn't take a huge drop until 35-39, depending on the woman).

    Incidentally, I understand people not wanting to disclose donor conception. However, I thought Marcia Cross handled it well in her interview when she pointed out that at 44, it is not easy to have a baby, that she needed IVF, and that some women need DE to conceive at this age. She didn't say she fell into the category that resorted to DE, but she didn't deny it either. Very elegant way to put it.

    Best to all.

  3. Hi all,

    I having been reading this thread and feel the need to weigh in...not as someone over 40 who is going through ivf treatment, but as a journalist. Let me say this...I have not read the article, but I will tell you that as a reporter, which I am, there are certain obligations to the reader and to the integrity of the story.

    Many times when I am interviewing someone he or she might tell me something off the record which means it is not for use in the piece. But it seems to me the point of this article is about getting pregnant at an older age. The donor egg detail is a crucial part of the story. Without telling it, it does not tell the whole story. It does not give the reader the crucial piece to the puzzle that made the pregnancy happen. It is in my mind, false journalism. If I were the reporter, I would have talked to my editor about not doing the piece rather than violating the off the record information.

    Again, I do not know what the exact thesis of the story will be and perhaps after reading how the reporter lays it out I might feel differently, but if this is an article telling the story of a woman who gave birth in her 40's, the question needs to be asked \"were these your eggs?.\"

    Most readers are not that sophisticated about ART and all that goes with it. Some may recognize that women over 40 need the assistance of IVF, but the average lay person does not know the details. I am going through IVF now and even talking to well educated colleagues of mine about what I am doing, most have no idea about the detail of the process.

    I congratulate the woman who is the subject of the article for trying to bring her success story to the masses and I can appreciate that she doesn't want to broadcast the donor egg factor, but you can't have it both ways. Don't tell your story, but only tell part of it. You may be trying to do a good thing, but in the end you are doing the reader a disservice.

  4. That was my point too- the reporter asked mania point blank if she used DE- cat shadow told her the truth but then said to omit that info....obviously the reporter thought that was a pertinent piece of info- otherwise, why would she ask it ?!? so obviously, the DE issue is something that she would have mentioned in the article

    i dont think people have to blast how they got their children but if one is not going to 100% upfront with their journey, kindly defer the article...sorry....if one is not going to be 100% truthful, it does not belong in the media...and the author of this piece is really the one in the wrong -

  5. Let's all read the article. Idle speculation about the article's slant and how the information MAY be presented is not at all productive. And btw, if omitting (not lying, now mind you) personal details about the person being interviewed when writing an article is false journalism, then the entire industry is in a state of \"false-ness,\" which many would argue is true anyway.

    WB

  6. Here you go again elraf, making idle speculation and you haven't even read the article yet! I'm sure if the writer felt I \"had to\" say I used DE, that would be another story. Since it was my choice to \"omit\" that info, she must not have thought it was necessary to say I used it.

    The article is about women over 50 having children so I'm sure she is going to mention DE somewhere in the piece.

    If I wasn't being \"100% upfront\" with my journey, I would have left out the part about me using IVF altogether!

    So, you can't say the writer is \"in the wrong\" when all you're going on is how you feel about women revealing their complete and total IVF journey.

    Geena Davis is my age and had twins. Did she tell the entire world she used DE, if in fact she did? It's no one's business unless she makes that part of her IVF journey public. And if she chooses not to, it doesn't mean she's lying or withholding the truth.

  7. when does the article come out. which month's issue?

  8. It's going to be in the March 2009 issue and hits newstands Feb 24th.

  9. It is totally possible that cat's Shadow had frozens from a previous cycle and did an FET with her own eggs at 50yo. I can totally understand both points of view but agree, disclosing DE may not work for her or her family. I have a 14mon old DD with my own eggs and am doing a DE cycle next month. I struggle with the tell vs. don't tell. I don't want my DE child(ren) to feel they aren't mine because of genetics ( I am using DS as well). I don't want my DD to tease them about not being \"mommy's real kid\" when she is angry. I also will be very proud and thankful for all my children.

    Cat's Shadow - THANK YOU! Thank you for representing older moms. I am going to be 44yo soon. I am sure alot of the \"normal\" world thinks I am crazy to have a child at my age. And probably many think I am selfish since \"do the math\": I will be 62yo when the next one leaves the nest. To show that 50yo women are vibrant, beautiful and yes, valuable beings is in my opinion huge and is what More magazine does best. I do think that the author will emphasize that ART was necessary for all the women featured. Whether it was FET or DE is really no one's business. I still don't know how much I will disclose. Sadly, children all go thru the stage where they feel ackward or ugly; I just don't want any of my children to not feel that they are a part of me.

  10. I'm a little late to post on this thread, but I feel compelled to do so.

    I am an educated, intelligent, and successful woman . . . who had no idea about her fertility or actually how hard it really is to get pregnant after 40. I had heard of the higher incidence of miscarriages, but I thought that was because women were out of shape or had developed problems, e.g., fibroids, none of which applied to me. I had no understanding of how our eggs age and become defective.

    I think a responsible writer should respect your privacy, but also think they should present the statistics, provided by an RE, on the odds of a 50 year old (or a 44 year old for that matter) becoming pregnant without using donor eggs.

    I am looking forward to seeing the article and think it is great that you were featured to show how great it can be to be a mother after 40.

    Deb
    DD - Sarah - 9 mos. - IVF#7

  11. Like Over Fourty I find myself drawn to this thread, perhaps because I too really didn't understand how hard getting pregnant could be. I am intelligent, inquisitive and well read BUT I didn't have the foggiest idea that I was going to have to take this journey. To be honest I still feel that I am stumbling in the dark because much of this is hit and miss. Each step is the one that I think will be \"it\" and as each one fails I have to learn how to cope with an ever increasing loss of control of what feels to me to be the defining issue of my purpose as a woman. (I know there is more to me than my ovaries and womb but when they won't work they DO become the defining issue in one's life.)

    I think the amount of pain we are all feeling over our own battles with infertility comes through loud and clear in the posts earlier in this thread. However, we are only a small part of this issue. What we are going through is really a social issue and it is too important to trust to magazine articles and the few who feel comfortable \"coming out of the closet\" about infertility, IVF, donor eggs and all the other painful invasive things we have to go through in order to become mothers.

    I'm grateful to the lady who had the guts to be in the magazine article. I'm 41 and I've been trying to get pregnant since I was 34. Every attempt at medical intervention was going to be the last so if this attempt fails I may well be at this another 7 years. I'm already hearing the comments so I know they will get worse the longer I have to keep trying. You know the ones... \"Think how old you will be when the child turns 18, graduates college, marries etc.\" or \"You won't have the energy to keep up with teenagers in your 50's\" or \"Won't it be hard on a child having a mother who is so old\" I'm sure everyone else here has heard these little tidbits of idiocy and knows what I am talking about. What you have done in my eyes is enough. I can't ask you to talk about donor eggs because to be honest I'm still torn myself on what I want to reveal. Simply by being in the article you have exposed yourself to comment but by doing so you have made my life a little easier. So thank you for being strong enough to help show the world that motherhood isn't just about the year you were born.

    As to the fact that someone needs to really explain to young women that they are risking their chance to have a child by waiting. Yes, I agree 100% but this is too important to leave to chance. I understand and respect the feelings of the ladies who are worried about young women being confused by the message they might get from some articles that have been written but this is a societal issue too big for easy answers. Its too important to hope that a magazine article gets it right or that someone's doctor remembers to mention it as he rushes between patients. That is leaving it to chance. This is something that needs to be taught to young girls in their sex education classes in Jr High school. We teach them about birth control, abortion and family planning so why don't we teach them about the risks of waiting too long? This needs to be taught in college health courses because college educated women are more likely to wait to have children than women who are not focusing on a career path. I'm not saying that colleges need to go back to the days when women went to college to get married but maybe while women are empowering themselves through education we should teach them about the realities of letting one man after another tell them HE isn't ready until having a baby starts to slip away because she is opperating on a different time table. There needs to be warning labels with birth control devices that remind women they will not be fertile forever just as there are warning labels with cigarettes and alchol. Most important of all, this needs to be taught in our homes. We need to make sure our sons and daughters know the real facts of life... all of them.

    The simple truth is we are the transition generation and we are paying for society changing. Our mother's generation never thought to tell us we needed to think about the fact that we don't stay fertile forever. When (I won't accept the idea that the word IF applies) When I concieve this child and I am raising her then I will tell her how hard I had to fight to have her and tell her to value herself and her right as a woman to choose to have a child instead of waiting for someone else to tell her it was the right time.

  12. Its too important to hope that a magazine article gets it right or that someone's doctor remembers to mention it as he rushes between patients. That is leaving it to chance. This is something that needs to be taught to young girls in their sex education classes in Jr High school. We teach them about birth control, abortion and family planning so why don't we teach them about the risks of waiting too long? This needs to be taught in college health courses because college educated women are more likely to wait to have children than women who are not focusing on a career path.... There needs to be warning labels with birth control devices that remind women they will not be fertile forever just as there are warning labels with cigarettes and alchol. Most important of all, this needs to be taught in our homes. We need to make sure our sons and daughters know the real facts of life... all of them.

    I agree with this 100%. Whether or not it will actually happen is another story. Only time will tell.

    a_rinascita, I'm wishing you all the best with your 7th IVF....

  13. Ang,

    I just got my March copy but couldn't find your article in there??? Did it get bumped to April?

  14. I meant to post this earlier but I'm in the middle of a move and I totally forgot! The article won't be in the March 2009 issue. When it does run, the photographer's assistant will let me know and I will post it here.

    I'm just as dissapointed, too. I was looking forward to reading it.

  15. Well, I just saw the article! It was in this month. I do have to say, only one woman admitted to using DE/DS; the others only said IVF. In fact one woman said it was the \"old fashioned way\" at age 54?!? I was disappointed to not see any real commentary by the writer about DE or fertility after 40yo. Oh well, it was still a nice look at \"mommy mavericks\" as they were called. i only wished they had done more of a true piece about the challenges of getting pregnant and being an older mom.

  16. Ready to write your letter to the editor for the article full of non-truths?

  17. Well, I just saw the article! It was in this month. I do have to say, only one woman admitted to using DE/DS; the others only said IVF. In fact one woman said it was the \"old fashioned way\" at age 54?!? I was disappointed to not see any real commentary by the writer about DE or fertility after 40yo. Oh well, it was still a nice look at \"mommy mavericks\" as they were called. i only wished they had done more of a true piece about the challenges of getting pregnant and being an older mom.

    I agree. It's especially a shame because the readership is mature women, and some of them are going to be, like, \"...I'm 49, horray!- I can still have a baby the old fashioned way...!\" But I have re-read the article, and I think that the editor/interviewer put in that part about making the baby the \"old fashioned way.\" Seems the mother just commented that her \"body did what it was programmed to do\" (ie carry a pregnancy to term) but she probably didn't go into details. I blame the writer for adding that misleading comment.

    Anyway, the mothers all looked really good and attractive.

  18. The article was about women who had children later in life. It was not about how they got pregnant. It was not an article about women who had babies via donor egg, surrogate or donor sperm.

    Go ahead and write your letters to the editor about \"non truths.\" I'd love to see her responses.

  19. Nevertheless, how they conceived was an important part of the interview for many of the women. There were even categories such as \"how she got the baby\" etc.

    And even though it may not necessarily be More's responsibility to educate the public, being an entertainment magazine, they really should not mislead. Saying that a 49-year old woman made a baby \"the old fashioned way\"? Nothing could be further than the truth. However she did it, it was certainly a very \"new-fangled way.\"

    That aside, I am pleased to see positive attention for older mums. (Even though they asked if they were \"a little bit crazy\") BTW you looked fab, mania. Thanks for letting us know about the article.

  20. Do I have to subscribe to the mag or its digital edition to see the article?

  21. Do I have to subscribe to the mag or its digital edition to see the article?

    You can buy a copy, you don't have to subscribe to the magazine. I already checked their website and they only posted the first story of the article.

  22. Nevertheless, how they conceived was an important part of the interview for many of the women. There were even categories such as \"how she got the baby\" etc. And even though it may not necessarily be More's responsibility to educate the public, being an entertainment magazine, they really should not mislead. Saying that a 49-year old woman made a baby \"the old fashioned way\"? Nothing could be further than the truth. However she did it, it was certainly a very \"new-fangled way.\" That aside, I am pleased to see positive attention for older mums. (Even though they asked if they were \"a little bit crazy\") BTW you looked fab, mania. Thanks for letting us know about the article.

    I understand what you're saying but if the author felt it was totally necessary to be that specific, (aside from using IVF) I'm sure she would have mentioned it when she interviewed the Moms.

    But I have to disagree with you about saying a 49 y/o woman can't get pg \"the old fashioned way.\" It happens, not very often but it does.

  23. I just see an article on this topic in a magazine like that doing a disservice to women over 40. We can agree to disagree.

    What if there was an article in a teeny bopper magazine about girls who have lots of unprotected sex and yet never end up pregnant? Wow, other girls are going to read that and say, see, not everyone gets pg so it's ok for me to have unprotected sex because these girls didn't get pg and neither will I.

  24. But I have to disagree with you about saying a 49 y/o woman can't get pg \"the old fashioned way.\" It happens, not very often but it does.

    Hmm... as far as I know, the oldest woman to achieve a live birth through IVF was 47 years old. And that was with assisted reproductive technology, only one patient ever in a clinic that administers over 20 thousand cycles a year. I highly doubt that this woman used her own eggs.

  25. Sorry to chime in I personally know of 2 women, related to me who did NOT use any type of ART and got pg in their very late 40's. Rare but entirely possible.

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