I\'m going to be in More Magazine!!

(55 posts)(22 voices)
  1. Hi Ladies,

    I’m 50 and have 21 month old twin boys. I'm going to be in an article (with about five other mothers) about women who have had children at 50 or over. I have never heard of More Magazine but it’s geared towards women over 40. I was 49 when I had the boys but the free lance writer who is doing the
    article said, \"You were on the cusp of turning 50, so it's okay.\"

    There was a photo shoot as well. I had a hair and makeup artist come
    to the house and a wardrobe crew as well as the photographer and his
    assistants. I didn't wear my own clothes; the wardrobe stylist chose
    something for me (and the boys) to wear. The photos were taken
    outside but it wasn't a very nice day. It was drizzling and windy
    but Natalie, the assistant assured me I looked \"fabulous,\" in an
    email when I asked her when the issue hits newsstands.

    The article will be in the March 2009 issue and hits newsstands Feb.
    24th and is also sold at the following bookstores; Barnes and Nobles, Borders,
    Target, Hudson News. Natalie will be sending the mothers a complimentary copy but DH wants to buy extra copies for the boys to have (when they get older) and family members.

    How did all of this happen? I got a call from one of the REs at SIRM-NY
    where I did my cycle. (My RE is no longer there, he left to open his
    own practice.) Anyway, Dr. T said he got a call from the freelance
    writer that she was writing an article about women aged 50 and over who
    have had children, did he know anyone? He remembered me from being a
    patient there and gave the writer my name and number. He also
    referred three other of his patients. Long story short, she called
    me, I said okay but my main concern was where the photos were going
    to taken at. She didn't know if it would be at a studio (in the
    city) or in the homes of the women, so she said she'd have Natalie
    call me. Thank goodness the shoot was being done at the homes.

    I had a great time despite wearing 4 inch heels and a somewhat snug
    raincoat.

    Patrick threw a tantrum and my hair got all frizzy from the drizzle,
    otherwise it was a fun and exciting day!

    My MIL was there to help with the boys.

    Has anyone ever heard of or read More Magazine?

    Ang

  2. How fun! I've read More twice -- once in my RE's waiting room (over the course of a few appointments) and once just recently on a plane trip. I think it's been around for a few years but not many.

  3. If you used donor eggs please tell me you said so in the article or at least said said you had used fertility treatments. Way too many people in the general public think you can get pg easy breezy in your mid to late 40's and all the celebs who deny using DE are not making it any better.

  4. lykartem - Yes, I said I used IVF. The writer also asked if I used DE and I said yes but only a handful of people know. So she said she wouldn't mention it, she didn't want to be the one to divulge that kind of information.

  5. so the whole population will think that a woman close to 50 had a natural pregnancy?!?!?! and twins?!? come on....

    this is the stuff that the general population will read and think 'wow, i have time, i can wait until i am 50.' a huge disservice to woman-kind - if someone is not going to be 100 percent upfront with their journey in a publication, then why bother? This is exactly what creates the myth around ivf and you can wait forever to start a family....it makes me so mad

    it is obviously your choice to tell or not tell people in your own private life but to open yourself up to scrutiny of a national magazine and a reporter and they are not giving all the facts is disgraceful.
    I am sure alot of people on this board will agree- and the author of that article is a moron to write a half-truth
    if you dont want to be truthful about your journey, don't blast it to the world in a magazine...ridiculous

  6. I can't wait to read the article. I enjoy seeing more couples having children later in life.

    90% of ladies (not men) I run across know if a women has a baby over the age of 40 they have done IVF, DE, DS, etc.

  7. I can't wait to read the article. I enjoy seeing more couples having children later in life. 90% of ladies (not men) I run across know if a women has a baby over the age of 40 they have done IVF, DE, DS, etc.

    Thank you.

    elraf - The writer of the article is not a moron in that she agreed not to print something I asked her not to. You haven't even read the article and here you go passing judgement on it.

    And give women (and the whole population ) credit in that they aren't that naive to think women over 40 can have a baby without the help of ART.

    And don't tell me what to do. It was my choice, so I'll live with any consequences....

  8. Ang,

    I actually subscribe to More magazine! It would seem to me, that most if not all of the mothers featured had used DE. (maybe a few had frozens from a cycle 10+ years ago, but otherwise???) I do understand bird's frustration. I started the TTC IF journey just before I turned 41yo. I didn't think I would have any problem getting pregnant. Little did I know. It was thru THIS BOARD that not only did I learn about DE, I alos went thru the emotional journey to accept using DE/DS for my upcoming cycle.

    I think it is great that you have broken down some barriers : sadly alot of women are hesitant to have kids over 40 for fear they are \"too old\" to be moms. I am now 43yo with a 1 yo and it by far is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Maybe you could have the writer put a small blurb at the end that without agressive ART treatments, including donor eggs, these families would not be possible?

  9. actually the general public has no idea about DE or ART that is why these boards are alive and kicking- i live in nyc and most of the over crowd are savvy to DE and ART- saunter outside most urban areas, and you are wrong- people think that it is possible to get naturally pregnant with twins at 49...about a million women will read this article and feel that it soooo totally possible that someone at 49 can have twins naturally- that is what i have an issue with because that is just not the truth....if someone tells their story in a magazine, at least give the reader the whole truth, not a half truth....you would have never had these kids if there was no such thing as DE and that is the most relevant piece to the story on HOW this happened- i wish that someone had told me that this whole journey would be so hard- i guess you can join the ranks of marcia cross, john edward's wife etc- the unfortunate part about their lives is that they are constantly scrutinized and didn't ask to be intruded upon about DE (which they both def did)

    don't be naive that people are not naive- they are naive....
    i just hope that those that read this article really don't think a 49 yo woman can become bfp with twins- even if one person believes and thinks that the aforementioned can happen, that is just awful and you may have compromised that person's fertility (or possibly a million people's) idea that this can happen...i wouldnt want that hanging over my head

  10. This is a hot topic but I really think that our gynecologists, who educate us about our risks for cancer etc, have a big responsibility to educate their female patients about fertility.

    Our health care providers should be helping us lead healthy productive lives, not just helping us when the sh-t hits the fan, and we can no longer have children easily.

    In other words, isn't it sad that women have to get basic health information from the media? and not their providers? And that we have to worry so much about the accuracy of information in the media that is such a fundamental aspect of womens' lives?

  11. i do agree but most ob/gyns don't sometimes even know how hard IF is - they only see fertile people most of the time!

    the media does perpetuate the myth that it's a \"snap\" in one's 40s to get bfp - this More magazine article is doing exactly the same thing-
    It just makes it seem like this journey so attainable and it's NOT! The article is misleading and if there is ONE thing I do now, is that I tell anyone that is within childbearing years and \"waiting\" ,to get a move on it not to wait until 49 !

  12. I just have to speak on this topic...
    I agree with cate roberts, It is gyn's responsibility to educate their patients on difficulties on getting pg in your 40's and beyond. I have 2 boys. One is 4.5yrs (IVF my eggs) the other is 21 mos (DE) I am 47. I did not get married until I was 41. When I had my regular gyn appoint. Just before my wedding, my gyn was honest with me and told me to get on it, ASAP. Bird, your right that there are probably woman that think because various woman 45+ yrs of age and are pg, did so naturally. And so, so can they. Well, it is really nobodies fault but, their own for thinking that. There are many woman in the media that have battled with cancer and are not slighted for not sharing the intimate details of there recovery. I would hope most woman do not look to People magazine or More magazine for complete information on any medical issue. And lets not forget, there are plenty of ladies with in child bearing ages, that also must turn to DE. I'm sure you would not accuse them of being dishonest. I am guessing that the point of the article is not going to be \"Hey you. You can have a child at any age you want.\" I'm going to assume that this is an opportunity to point out that woman 50 and over are capable of and enjoying raising young children. And don't have to look like their Grandma .
    Alright, I've had my say.

  13. Again, elraf, you are making statements about an article you haven't even read yet! The writer interviewed me, not you! So how the heck would you know what I said or any of the other mothers who were interviewed. Maybe some of them said they used DE, maybe they didn't.

    You say things like: \"the media does perpetuate the myth that it's a \"snap\" in one's 40s to get bfp - this More magazine article is doing exactly the same thing-...\" Has the issue come out already??? I'd like to see how you came to that conclusion....

    And cate roberts and cjm'smom, you make some very excellent points.

  14. mania, I think that you are entirely within your rights to divulge or not divulge information about how your sons were conceived. I agree that all should read the article and THEN criticize should it be the case that the article misleads readers to believe that women in their 50's (which is the focus of the article - right) can get pregnant without intervention of some sort... Presumably, the article will first discuss the \"real deal\" behind how one goes about having a baby at 50 or older to begin with, because I'm not quite sure how a reporter can have a credible piece without doing this and it sounds as if the reporter you worked with \"know's her stuff...\"

    The basis of these boards is support and encouragement for all. I don't think it's appropriate when members jump all over one another to make a point.
    Even when we disagree, we should still be able to respectfully make our points. For instance, I too have an issue w/the notion of perpetrating the myth that women over 40 can easily have a child. Yet, I also respect each and every individual's right to privacy. One celebrity who handled this very nicely was Marcia Cross (I think that's her name) from Desperate Housewifes, who became pregnant w/twin girls at 44 or 45 yrs old. She acknowledged the difficulties of getting pregnant over 40, discussed options (even DE) that women have and also acknowledged that she had help - all without specifically stating that she did DE... She left a lot of women in seveal of my online groups wondering \"did she or didn't she\" do DE (no one's business really but her own), but she still got the point across about diminishing fertility after 40... I guess what I'm mostly trying to say, in my rambling way (lol), is that we've all been through or are going through a knock down, drag out fight to have a child to begin with, let's not add to the broken bones and black eyes to make a point that could be made or framed more respectfully.

    maria_tsa aka 47-year-old-mom-to-a-beautiful-20-month-old-son-born-via-DE

  15. wanna b- respecf your point and well taken but you have to remember marcia cross most lilkely was prodded by the press to speak about her kids- she probably volunatarily did not want to divulge or put herself in the spotlight -that is the nature of being a celebrity, not a normal everyday person

    the point is ,for instance, if my 36 yo sister reads the More article and didnt have me as reference to draw on about the struggles of ivf, she probably would think 'wow, look, anyone can have a kid at any age!'- and she is far from naive- she has a doctorate and is pretty savvy....so we shouldnt assume most women think that ART is involved or more pointedly, DE

    again, half truths don't belong in the press- sorry- i worked in magazine publishing for years and as a writer myself, omitting the essence of this journey; no matter wahat my experience is; not good journalism- whether the story is about the joys of being an older parent or whatever...

  16. As an older woman ttc I was constantly bombarded with statements like \"my grandma had my uncle when she was 48\", etc. Those are fluky things and yes they happen but they are not the norm. I want to save as many women as I can the heartbreak that I have endured since I started ttc in 2001. I think by putting the whole truth out there wherever we can will help. No, you don't have to use your name or other identifying things but more needs to be written about how HARD it is to have a baby after age 35 let alone 45.

    I am a highly intelligent woman with professional experience and I honestly thought at age 37 if I had unprotected sex I would get pg ASAP. I had no clue it would turn out to be the ride of a lifetime. I was not prepared for what I had to endure. Beyond the BFNs were the 2 pgs that did not make it to term due to chromosomal abnormalities.

    My best friend of the last 21 years is still ttc and she is going to be 47 in April. She honestly thinks she stands a good chance of getting pg with a healthy baby with absolutely no medical intervention whatsoever. C'mon. She has seen firsthand what I have gone through and yet she still ttc every single month. Why I don't know. Maybe because she sees all the celebrities having babies in their late 40's who call them miracles who don't confess to using DE let alone IVF or fertility drugs.

    I hope to remember to read the More article and if need be I will write a letter to the editor indicating my thoughts on what the article was lacking. It may be just fine and I guess we should give the benefit of the doubt until such time as we learn otherwise.

  17. Hi elraf, I hear you and truly do understand your pt about the importance of not misleading other ladies, as I was also one of those women who planned to have a baby after 40 (yeah right!) despite being - like many of us here - highly educated - ivy league schools, graduate degree, blah, blah, blah... However as Mustang states, we should all give the article - which none of us have seen at this pt - the benefit of the doubt because in my wildest dreams, I don't know how you can write an article about women having babies at 50+ without mentioning ART and DE... So respectfully acknowledging your experience in the magazine industry, you really can't make \"the call\" on the article until you've actually read it...

    Now if the article comes out w/a totally unrealistic slant, we can join Mustang and all write the editor. In the meantime, we shouldn't call mania \"disgraceful\" and \"ridiculous\" for wanting to protect her privacy. She did mention that she used ART, which is good enough in my mind. Because it does tell women that it's not automatic or easy to have a child at this age and further more, if mania's interview IS the sole basis of the article (highly unlikely btw), a woman who has her perceptions shaped or influenced in some way by mania's sharing, will likely ck w/her doc about doing ART and presumably she will be \"enlightened\" by her own doctor or at the very least she'll Google and find out that way.

    So bottom line, let's read the article and then react.

    WB

  18. all, agreed- and thank you 64mustag, you totally get my point

    the one thing that stands out to me is the reporter asked mania if she did DE- so obviously she thought it was a pertinent point- and as a magazine writer myself, i think to omit this is again, a disservice and poor journalism- to the writer of the article, obviously, it is something that she questioned so it is probably relevant to some part of the article-

    ladies, let's drop it....and let's see what More comes up with....

  19. Okay, I was going to try to respect elraf wishes and drop this but now I can't. As I sit here, Joy Behar on the view was talking about the perfect age to get married and she said that it is 45 but then you'll have to do IVF if you want to get pregnant after that. IVF with you own eggs after 45???? I was horrified. I love her but that comment was NOT acceptable. I've never emailed anyone on tv before but I looked up an email for The View and immediately sent off a note informing her of the reality of the situation. Are there even any clinics out there that will let you cycle at 46 or later with your own eggs? I have been to 3 RE's (all top 5 in the US) and NONE of them would allow it.

    I don't want to comment directly on the More article, since I haven't read it. I don't even want to comment on the original poster because heaven knows I'd think it was fun to be in a magazine. But I am SOOOOO dissappointed in our IF \"sisters\" who perpetuate a myth that you can do later life IVF with your own eggs. Again, I am another one of the probably thousands of bright, educated women who thought that \"yes, IVF might be necessary but of course it will work and I'll have a baby.\" That is not to say that you have to stand on a street corner and announce how your babies are concieved. But for anyone to discuss it in the media and not try to correct a wrong is to me the same as those who are in the spotlight (celebrity or others that court the media) that see or hear blantant racism and don't stop it or say \"that is NOT okay.\" Anything less than total honesty by those in a position to help only hurts the situation.

    And I respectfully disagree with maria_tsa that mentioning ART is the same thing or enough. While I think DE are a wonderful option for the girls they are right for, it is not even close to the same. To me that is as disrepectful as those who say to infertile girls- \"why don't you just go adopt?\" Well, maybe they will when they get to that part of the journey for themselves but to imply that it is the same, well it isn't. For some men and or women DE are not an option and so therefor ART isn't even an option. Women need to know this information.

    Would we continue to let a myth about breast cancer continue to circulate if we were in a position to address it to a national audience? I just think if we can get to the point where IF doesn't have any more stigma than breast cancer or a broken leg, we will be able to help so many more women.

    It may be too late for me (40, one failed IVF, only a 30% chance on the next one coming up in January) but if I can help even one other woman avoid this fate I will feel better about my situation. I honestly believe those of us that are IF survivors (those who suceed and those that end up adopting, living childless, doing DE or something else) have an obligation to spread the word. Karma is a good thing people. Helping others helps yourself.

  20. Hi Grace,

    Thanks for sharing. I still maintain that an individual's right to privacy reigns supreme and a point of correction, DE IS a form of ART (Assisted Reproductive Technologies) but I digress.

    The comment that I made was specific to mania's case and her telling the reporter that she was comfortable w/the reporter reporting that she did IVF, but she wasn't comfortable w/the reporter reporting that she used a donor - which is her right - and keep in mind this is all in the context of the MORE article, which presumably will have more context verus mania's experience as a standalone, end all, be all componant of the article (that none of us have read I might again point out)... And on a personal note, as a DE mom, I divulge the details of how I conceived my son very selectively... So if I am talking to a 40+ woman who I know is struggling w/fertility, I privately share the fact that my son was conceived via DE. Conversely, when talking to people who are just being noisy about my business (and believe me you can tell when this is the case), I'll say something like \"Oh, we worked really hard to have him\" or I'll own up to doing IVF. So I selectively share depending upon the circumstances and my read on the askers motivation.

    Also, as an African American woman, I respectfully disagree w/your comments equating this whole thing to not speaking out against racism. These two topics are on \"two different planets\" so the speak, so the analogy doesn't work. I could write tons supporting my pt of view, but I don't want to go off on a tangent and/or spark another argument here, because I really do agree with your point about the importance of educating women over 40 about how difficult it is to get/remain pregnant as we get older and like I stated earlier, I was one of those women who could have benefited early on from this type of education. For me however, my grandmother conceived my aunt when she was 47 yrs old (my age) and so I thought having a child in your 40's was normal...

    The struggle for me in this whole debate - if we take respectful dialogue as a given (smile) - is about privacy and individual rights to share (or not share). Compounding this is the fact that as a DE Mom, it's not just you that you need to be concerned about if you \"go public\" or not, there are also your children to consider and what they will think and how they'll be perceived, since many view donor egg/donor whatever in a negative light... With this in mind, I think we should all be able to understand why celebrities don't just put it out there when they've done DE...

    I guess to sum things up, we don't live in a perfect world and there are no perfect answers and if Maslo's hierachy of needs is to be believed, then it is perfectly natural and understandable for individual's - even our IF sisters - to put their own personal needs and the needs of their family/children ahead of the needs of others (for education on fertility/etc). This is the real world.

    From a personal perspective, I am trying to figure out when/if/how I communicate to my son/others about this path I've taken ... OK I have a crying baby to deal with. Back to the real world.

    Thanks again Grace.

    xo, WB

  21. Grace, with all due respect, it is not up to elraf to “drop it” as she is not the one who started the thread. If she chooses to not reply anymore, that is her prerogative.

    I totally agree with maria_tsa in that I chose not to reveal the fact that I used DE to protect my children. I am in no way, shape or form obligated to tell anyone, no matter who they are, if it is my choice. Whatever happened to protecting ones rights? The writer of the article did not say I had to mention that I used DE, only that I used IVF. I am sure she will punctuate the article with the fact that women over 50 use DE. She doesn’t have to “name names” so to speak.

    As maria_tsa also pointed out, mine is not the sole story of the article. Five other mothers will also be featured. Will any or all of them say they used DE? Only reading the article will tell.

    Women, over 40, who are fortunate enough to get pg naturally, are a rare breed, hence it is not impossible but the majority of us must rely on ART to have a child. And yes, DE is a form of ART!

  22. Food for thought-
    How is this situation any different than a few years ago when Star Jones told everyone she lost huge amounts of weight with diet and pilates? Now, I'm sure she did diet and do pilates but to fail to mention that she also had surgery is leaving the entire story on the table. Everyone in \"the know\" knew she did gastric bypass. To me and most of my girlfriends she looked like a idiot or a liar for continuing to tout this position. But what if other women, not as educated or aware, put off needed professional help or guidence on weight loss issues because they were counting on pilates to drop 100 pounds in 6 months? She did those women a huge misservice. And in the process she made her self look foolish. Only a few years later (in a Glamour magazine article titled \"Getting Over Myself\") did she admit the truth, saying she was \"ashamed\" of her behavior.

  23. I don't know. I have been personally dealing with infertility for 6 1/2 years since my adorable DH and I were married: 6 months of fun trying on our own, 3 cycles of Clomid, 2 IUIs, 3 IVFs, 1 natural pregnancy that sadly ended in miscarriage at 10.5 weeks, 1 failed DE cycle at a RI hospital I no longer have faith in, 3 fibroid surgeries and currently cycling (new MA clinic, new donor agency; both of which we have such confidence in) .... I just don't feel that mania has the \"obligation\" to educate the world.
    Grace's analogy to breast cancer falls flat for me: do we hold breast cancer patients to this same strict standard: disclose all of your treatment or be labeled dishonest and deceptive. Think about it, would anyone feel like a breast cancer survivor was deceptive if she \"withheld\" from an interview that her protocol involved a masectomy with reconstruction (allowing everyone to assume her reconstruction were her actual breasts). I think we are much harder on women in the world of infertility than we are in any other medical issue.

  24. Kirsten,

    I agree that we are much harder on IF paitents. I hope in my lifetime IF gets recognized as the life altering problem that it is and that the stigma in discussing it disappears. (And fully mandated IVF coverage would be great too!)

  25. Grace, the situations are very different. And I point to TWO reasons why.

    First, in Star Jones case, when confronted with the question of whether or not she did gastric bypass, she denied it. This is very different from telling someone that you did ART or IVF, but not divulging the details of how. I also think people are responsible for their own actions and if a woman listened to Star Jones and put off surgery or whatever because she thought that pilates and diet could do the trick (which it could I might add withtime and perserverance), that's her \"bag\" not Star's and shame on her for not doing her research.

    Second and I can't stress this point enough, putting your reproductive details out there doesn't just impact you, but it also impacts your children and this perhaps is the BIGGEST difference in my mind... Star Jones may have been embarressed/had her career impacted/etc, but the fall-out was limited to her...

    I think that Kirsten has a very valid point when she points out that perhaps we're holding infertility matters to a different standard.

    There is a lot of pain involved in this process and I think we all agree that we'd like to do what we can do to educate and ensure that those who follow us, go forward w/better information then we had. Each of us though have different thresholds for what we can do, depending upon privacy-comfort levels, our personal circumstances - ie do we have children that could be impacted, etc. I think it's important though to respect those choices - even if it isn't the approach that you would take - rather then labeling someone as wrong for the choice they've made. My two cents for the day.

    Enjoy your Sunday everyone. Back to the mill tomorrow!

    WB

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