IVF Pregnancy Information

1. Anna_Maria
   
   

   I literally have my bloodtest for another failed cycle tomorrow. Yesterday me and my husband leave a restaurant and run into a co worker of his that I never met. His wife was clearly pregnant. We were on our way to a movie. His friend says to us "we spent the whole day at a birthing class." Almost complaining that it was the whole day. I told my husband he should spend a day in our life. So I can see this conversation was going to revolve around the pregnancy and I had to get out of there. My DH leans over to the wife and probably says congratulations or something. My DH has been great through all this, but doesn't get how heartbreaking it is to go to functions with kids, babies and doesn't understand my need to avoid these situations at all costs. I have to do what I have to to keep myself above water through this.

   How do you get out of situations where you suddenly run into someone and it is all about their pregnancy, etc.

3. Spartali
   
   

   "Oh my phone is buzzing, I'm so sorry, I have to take this call. Good to see you."

   Then pretend answer your phone and walk away.

4. Anna_Maria
   
   

   NYC - Thanks for responding. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but I thought of this last night. Good answer. Thanks again....

5. Spartali
   
   

   It works with run-ins with all kinds of people, not only preggos. And even in the middle of a conversation, if something makes you uncomfortable....works like a charm.

6. fiorentzi
   
   

   A variant, if you have a BlackBerry, is the urgent email. The advantage of this one is you can step away and surf the web or play solitaire or do whatever you want, and it looks like you're responding to your emergency

   On occasion I've also gone to the ladies room and sat there for a looooooooong time.

7. Anna_Maria
   
   

   Thanks a bunch! Yes, there are other situations where I know it is uncomfortable. This sounds like a good idea.

   It works with run-ins with all kinds of people, not only preggos. And even in the middle of a conversation, if something makes you uncomfortable....works like a charm.

8. Anna_Maria
   
   

   I don't have a blackberry, but thanks for the idea.

   I am so sorry others have to go through this, but it really helps to know others understand and really get it.

   Thanks again ladies!

   A variant, if you have a BlackBerry, is the urgent email. The advantage of this one is you can step away and surf the web or play solitaire or do whatever you want, and it looks like you're responding to your emergency On occasion I've also gone to the ladies room and sat there for a looooooooong time.

9. Spartali
   
   

   I use the email trick with my iphone....works like a charm. I can walk away and surf if I need to...(and actually catch up on my emails...)

10. Argentou
    
    

    I start telling them stories of third trimester losses. Evil, I know. Yet, somehow I don't really care.

11. SendrikBlack
    
    

    I start telling them stories of third trimester losses. Evil, I know. Yet, somehow I don't really care.

    that sounds like a good tactic for the truly clueless.

    I agree that sharing too much can be very useful in some of these situations...

    but mostly I use "oh, sorry we have to go we are running late", or I head to the washroom, or cellphone trick.

12. salex
    
    

    Hi Butterflies, I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through and so sorry that it was exacerbated by the run-in. The run-in is like the clueless pal of the bombardment described by darya on another thread. I think all of the advice from the ladies is great. I have a couple of different tricks up my sleave depending upon the circumstances.

    First, I absolutely love props. Iphones and blackberries can save you one hundred different ways, plus you dont have to be confrontational (this is especially true if the people do not know your situation). I also find sunglasses a great thing to have with me at all times. They came in quite handy during a recent crying jag in an elevator.

    Another non-confrontational method I use for people who dont know my situation, is deflection. I try to talk "around it." For example, when clueless "A" said to me "Did you hear 'C' is pg??!! isnt that great?" I make a un-pg related comment such as "wow, she is just the sweetest girl, I havent seen her in ages, is she still with the such and such firm? i heard that firm is laying off, yikes!" The I will start talking about layoffs.

    However, if the person knows my story and makes a comment, I will say something really nasty. For example, someone (not at work) who knew my story was trying to explain Hannah Montana or something equally stupid and was like "now you probably dont have any idea who that is, Trina, but my girls LOOOOVE her." I responded "Yeah, 5 dead kids arent really into Hannah Montana, they are more the Kurt Cobain type."

    So remember:
    1) props;
    2) deflective comments for the ignorant;
    3) nasty comments for the ones who know (I dont know if I would have the b*lls to use this at work).

    Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who has yet to stand up to insensitive co-worker. But that day is coming. I promise.

13. Anna_Maria
    
    

    Oh Trina...thanks for taking the time for the long post. So appreciated. Love all your ideas. Believe me, the sunglasses has come in handy a lot of times during this process. Not for the reason of running into people, but they are great when you've just been hit with bad news. Not many know my situation, but if someone did and came out with such a rude comment, I think I would go nuts. Loved your Hannah Montana comment.

    Also, wishing you much luck on your cycle. You hang in there too!

14. Anna_Maria
    
    

    Thanks everyone for all your great responses. As much as we all don't want to be here, it is great to know there is a place where people truly understand.

    Hugs to all of you!

15. daskalos
    
    

    I responded "Yeah, 5 dead kids arent really into Hannah Montana, they are more the Kurt Cobain type."

    Good for you!!! I never would have thought of that, very clever...

    Best wishes,
    ~B

16. lalegul
    
    

    I don't have a blackberry, but thanks for the idea.
    I think any phone/prop will do. No one is going to question the authenticity of your prop, and if they do, who gives a $hit? YOU COME FIRST.

    As my dad always says, "If it's broken, hit it with a hammer. If that doesn't work...get a bigger hammer". I think it applies to annoying fertiles or preggos. You are not required to be anyone else's cheerleader. Ever.

    Trina. You kill me. Though, come to think of it...Hannah Montana is enough to make anyone shoot themselves in the head. It's a crazy circular argument in that way, isn't it?

17. salex
    
    

    IHannah Montana is enough to make anyone shoot themselves in the head.

    Agreed, Morrison. Hannah Montana is a dumb wh*re

18. lalegul
    
    

    Hannah Montana is a dumb wh*re
    I think you have a bumper sticker there. I'll take 3.

19. salex
    
    

    I've missed you Morrison!

20. daskalos
    
    

    I start telling them stories of third trimester losses. Evil, I know. Yet, somehow I don't really care.

    EQ, I'm guilty of that too...

    In times past, with clueless fertiles who talk about "accidental pregnancies" (and when I'm in a more brazen mood) I'd come right out and ask if I can borrow 25K from them so I can try IVF for another cycle so I can MAYBE get pregnant. That usually shuts them up because they stop and think about if THEY had to spend that money would they really be pregnant...

    You could also "fib" and say that you think you just saw <insert whomever you think might interest them here> at the bar or near the restroom and say "well we've gotta run" while they are distracted looking. Then run!

    ~Brandi

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