How did you come to terms with having your first child bio second DE? child ment.

(6 posts)(6 voices)
  1. Hi I'm not sure where to post...

    I am currently 22 weeks with DE. (DH sperm)

    I have a ds who is 5. (Bio) SOOOOO love him!!!

    I thought I was doing great, but I am all of a sudden sad that my dd is not a part of me. We started off with MF then Dr. screw ups and lastly, age lead us to DE. (10 IVF's...not counting IUI\'s..surgery..)

    How (If any) of you been able to come to terms with this.

    Will this feeling ever go away?

  2. I have an almost 6 yo bio DS and a 21 mo DE DS and I too had some nervous moments-(will I love him as much as my other DS ?)and I can honestly tell you that you will love your DE child as much as you love your bio child. Oh sure I have moments that I wish he had my DNA but they quickly fade. If he had my (then)44 yo DNA, there was a chance he wouldn't be as healthy as he is and to me, his health was above all else.

    Your DE child is yours, 100%-he(or she) has your cells running through him(her) as you read this. Your caring and nurturing of your DC in the womb, and after birth will influence this child greatly.

    You will continue to bond with this DC as he moves inside you-you will see....Oh how I miss feeling the baby kick!

    If you have any other questions, please feel free to PM me.....Congratulations and good luck to you!

    Mary

  3. I have a bio DS 5yrs old and a 4 mnth old DE DD. I am so in love with her!!!! I wouldn't have her any other way. Don't worry - I am sure you will feel the same.

  4. Hi there -

    I think I've replied to one or two of your posts before.

    I also have a bio child - my 3yo daughter and now have 5 (almost 6) month old b/g twins from my DE cycle. I also felt a bit like you during the pregnancy - I had some moments of freaking out and wondering what I had got myself into but they became fewer and further between.

    Even now with 2 beautiful babies I sometimes look at them and they seem like strangers to me - they don't look one tiny little bit like my daughter at that age (although strangely there is a real similarity between the babies and my dd now as a pre-schooler) and their personalities are so different. Mind you, she was a terror and these two are absolute angels!!! But then I have other moments that I see bits of my sister (she was not my donor btw) and feel a weird sense that there is a genetic connection between us even though that's not so - or perhaps I'm realizing all over again that it doesn't actually matter if there is one after all. I certainly love them as much as I loved my daughter if not more at this stage (see comment on dd being difficult baby ).

    I suspect I'll have these see-sawing emotions for some time... perhaps forever. But I love my hard-won family and am so happy this option was available to me.

  5. I have a 6.5 yo genetic DD and 3 yo DE twin girls. There were several times during my DE journey including when I was pg, that I questioned how I would really feel about my babies. I can assure you you will love them all more than you can ever imagine (well not all the time

    I had such an intense one on one bond with my 6 yo, I was truely afraid of what would happen with #2, even before I needed to use DE. I think it's natural. DE just heightens the feelings for some. As it turns out, having twins and not having the one on one bonding that I with my first is more of a challenge and disappointment for me.

    I also feel that the donor eggs provided a blueprint for my babies but my flesh and blood literally built those babies molecule by molecule. I nurture them now every day of their lives. I am their mom in every sense of the word.

    As for looks etc - my girls look like sisters - they don't look like DH or me but they have the exact same beautiful hazel eyes.

    Congrats on your pg! Enjoy every second, I miss those little kicks too.

  6. Ditto on everything PP's have said. I have 2 bio dd's and now have twin boys from DE and I love them SO much. There is absolutely no difference in the love I have for all 4 of my children. Yes, sometimes I think about how they do not have my DNA and are not my nationality but then I think about how I wouldn't have them if I didn't use DE. They are just so cute!

    Good luck and once you see that baby all your doubts will disappear and you will love that baby no more or no less then your bio child.

    Cindy

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