Have you considered adoption

(25 posts)(23 voices)
  1. Have you considered adoption while going through IVF?????

  2. In the UK you are not allowed to be still going through IVF to be considered for adoption. As your clinic and the adoption agency are in contact with your GP there is also no way of beating the system. I have read that you have to have stopped all attempts at IVF and be "comfortable with your decision" before you can be looked at for adoption.

    That said, if we get to the end of the IVF road without success (please let this not be the case) then I will look into this as the obvious next step.

  3. EBW--that seems absurd to me. As if they can really put that much control on your reproductive freedom??? We just did our fifth and last tx (at least for a long time) w/our last 2 blasts, and we are also moving right along on the paperwork to adopt from China! Homestudy is done except for the finishing touches, we are waiting on some fingerprints reports (so we can go get ANOTHER set done!), and then the 2nd round of paperwork, and then dossier off to China! I must say, it helps enormously to be doing this at the same time as our last FET. I still want this to work SO MUCH, but if it doesn't, we know we ARE going to get a baby, we WILL be parents!

    Becca

  4. We have been fostering for 8 years now. We just adopted one of our foster children after he'd been with us for 4 years.

    We are hoping to have one more bio child though.

  5. After so many years of disappointments - we took matters into our own hands and adopted in 2004 - a beautiful little boy from Russia.

    Best decision we ever made. All of the yrs and heartache - just floated away once we held our son for the first time.

    But we are back on the roller coaster - will xfer donor embies at the end of Nov. We want a sibling for our little man and I want a baby

  6. Hi Teri,

    I love that you said its the best thing you guys have ever done.

    I sense Id feel the same way over adoption or havin another baby.
    What a wonderful story about your adoption of your baby, Got a fortune cookie that said, 1 joy sacttering a 100 sorrows! Thats what I feel happens when you get that baby in your arms, adopted or biological, or your blood and pregnancy via donor emb.

    I have 3 y/o that is almost 4, natural way, then tried to concieve since her cuz it took a while to get pg with her. Been thinking of adopting seriously, and can't seem to be on same page with DH on the same week, as he wants to for a brief moment and then cools and back and forth.

    I believe Id love an adopted baby just as much as a biological one and I loved your post because its just like me, I want a sib for DD and I want a baby, its just that your doin the prgncy attemp and Im hopin to adopt this time. We are going to do another round of IVF soon too.

    But it all is sooooo frustrating while waiting. Much thanks for your post.

    29

  7. Yes, I'm I'm nearly done with our homestudy. I'm also in a cycle, but I'll have to say the pressure is off. Like others have said its a great relief taken off our shoulders. God bless everyone with their decisions.~M

  8. yes. we are waiting for the results of our FET. then starting paperwork for our homestudy.

  9. I have the package and have been working on my "book" if #5 is a bust we will be sending it off.

    Tina

  10. Tina - I'm on 2ww for attempt #5 too. Was it a difficult decision for you and DH to stop trying after #5? Were any of your attempts successful? We've had nothing but BFN's for 4 tries, my beta for #5 is on the 20th.

  11. DH and I have talked about it and we decided we don't want to adopt we figure we both work completly so its just a matter of time before we have our little miracle.

  12. We have considered adoption and attended some seminars and done some reading. I really do want to adopt, but I also want bio-kids too. So we'll do the bio thing first and adopt later.

    There are so many kids that need someone to love them, we realized that we can't not respond to their plight. We know to much to walk away

    V

  13. I have always wanted to adopt and have my own kids. Of course having my own kids is rather challenging when I have had my tubes removed due to severe endo. My DH and I will start the research once we know the results of this cycle. Good luck to everyone!

  14. DH and I choose to adopt domestically prior to ever trying IVF. It really took the pressure off of of me/us to be a "family". Now it's time for Munch to get a sibling tho and I've decided I'm finally up for the IVF challenge. So, here goes nuttin!

  15. We adopted 3 beautiful times from Korea after doing some initial iui's ect. It did take the pressure off and gave us a wonderful family. It was and is such a sweet Blessing. Most agencies will let you get ready and do some paperwork but want you to be finished with the IF stuff. So your focus is on the child and be resolved in your decision. So your opened to the childs needs and the stress of all this is off of your family. No child wants to grow up with the pressure that they are the replacement of what you can't have if you know what I mean.........You have to be at peace with your decision. We returned to ivf last yr......a one time shot, so I could feel at peace that I tried just once......and it worked against all odds. Oversea's adoption is a great way to build a family. We became an adoptive transracial family and now we also have a bio child. That bring upon it a unique set of things too. First you have the normal adoption stuff such as the child biggest issue is usually that of loss. Explaining all the adoption stuff as they grow. Then you have the cultural and transracial-bringing the culture into your family, explaining the differences to your child, giving them ties to their culture. Then you throw in a pg. Then your explaining this is how they grew in their birthmothers tummy..........then the baby....who doesn't look like them...........then you watch them realize that the baby looks like you/dh and they don't..... So some of this is some heavy stuff....DD already said at 6, you love the baby more cause he was in your tummy........even once everything was explained and explained......she says stuff like that..I can tell you I absolutely love each of my children as much as our bio. I think adoption is a wonderful option if you feel pulled in that direction, there is a wonderful releif after IF that in 1 yr you will have a baby if you do this paperwork and do that.........it's such a relief, and then you can just sit back and enjoy and lose that constrant worry and pressure.......Good luck to all of you whatever path to parenthood you choose. Sandy

  16. No to be a downer but we tried to adopt and were quickly matched with a great birthmom. We attended the birth, named the baby on her birth cert, she roomed in our hospital room (they provided as a courtsey) etc. Bmom changed her mind at the last second (literally) We were then matched again 6 weeks later to a more mature b mom who was appalled by what had happened to us. We were there for delivery but chose to let baby spend most of her time in the nursery. B mom changed her mind at the last minute again.

    Literally we all still cry about the first situation. We were so in love so quickly and so overjoyed that the pain was over. Now I still wake up at night and think of that little girl who I thought was mine.

    We are now back to medical intervention and in 2ww of our 3rd donor cycle and 10th total IVF cycle.

    Jill

  17. Jill,

    That\'s awful what happened to you. I was involved with a domestic adoption and the couple is so sure they will give the baby up, but the grandmother is not so sure, I opted to back out. I just could not take the last minute change of heart; not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars, literally wasted. I feel for you. We decided its safer to do an international adoption even with all their complex issues. I wish you the best. The journey should not be this hard for anyone. ~Marla

  18. We adopted our beautiful ds 4 years ago at birth. Prior to that we did 3 ivfs (all negative) and had one spontaneous pg with early mc (never saw heartbeat) We just tried donor egg 1 time and it seems like it worked. If this pg works out, it pains me to think that ds might think I could love him less. Impossible. Bio or not - you LOVE your child. Quess that connection is what helped me decide to give donor egg one try. I realized that the bio thing isn't what makes me a mom. Good luck! Somxay

  19. I am in a very unique position when it comes to adoption. My father (who was 21 when I was born) has went to China and adopted my 2 sisters in the last 6 years, with the last adoption being last summer. I have talked extensively with DH and he said he would perfer to adopt from China since we already have a family member that has "been there, done that" and we already have a blended family when it comes to my sisters.

    However I am also the mother to 3 lost children. One of which I actually breastfed and cared for, albeit in the hospital. This changes ones perspective tremendously. After my last loss (a miscarriage in September, not counted as part of my child loss total) I wondered if we should move forward with adoption plans... however then I heard how there is a 4 year wait for China right now. That put things in prespective for us and we are now in a 2ww with our second IVF attempt.

    Should we be unsucessful and want to move onto adoption we do have an agency that we would work with (the one my father used for his first adoption) and we also know what we would need to do. Ironically with my father's last adoption (a waiting child adoption) I actually helped my father do some of the paperwork he needed to do for it, including going to the Chinese embassy in NYC. However after all we have been though we would perfer to wait and hope that we are successful on our own.

    Jennifer

  20. We actually chose to do adoption over IVF. Now that we are 2+ years waiting to be matched, we said screw it and started IVF treatments and am now in my 2ww for 2nd attempt. This has all been 10+ years of trying to be a mom.

  21. I am inspired after reading your stories. DH and I are currently in our 2ww after IVF #2. If this doesn't work we'll be starting the adoption paperwork. My only fear is how we will come up with the tens of thousands of dollars to adopt, but I know that we will find it somehow! I don't think it matters whether your child is bio or adopted, like someone else said, your child is your child.

    Kim

  22. We adopted our son before we decided to do IVF. We had always talked about having one bio and one adopted child; when we couldn't get pregnant, we just "flipped the order" and adopted (we went with the guaranteed outcome). Our son is 2 1/2 (brought him home at 13 months) and fabulous. We came very close to foregoing IVF, but for me, I would have regretted not trying it ONCE, so here we are - ONCE. If it doesn't work, we have a wonderful little boy who is the light of our lives.

  23. I have a 7-year-old son through adoption. We adopted him through a public agency (free, and we receive a monthly subsidy) when he was 6, from foster care, without a prior fostering period.

    When we started the adoption process, I did not bother doing a lot of fertility treatments because I always wanted to adopt anyway. Now I'm doing some Natural IVF cycles. Whether they work or don't work, later on I'd like to do some actual fostering, and maybe we'll adopt an older girl. Older child adoption requires a different mindset, but I cannot say enough good things about it. With a biological or adopted infant you never know what kind of personality your kid will develop, with an older child you already know.

  24. Yes, our wonderful daughter is adopted and being her mama is the best thing I have ever done. I can't imagine loving a bio child any more than I love her -- equal or less but definitely not more! We tried IVF first, but that was only because we were in a state where insurance covered IVF, so it was more a financial decision. We would have pursued adoption first had we been in another state.

    I'm 39 now and in the midst one hail mary IVF round. If it doesn't work, I'll be sad, but at least I won't have regrets in the future that we didn't try. Actually, throughout this cycle I've been very ambivalent, thinking to myself: why didn't we adopt instead of putting my body through all this and enduring the uncertainty of IVF? Adoption is a certainty (though it has its stressors) and is a wonderful experience!

  25. Adoption is a certainty (though it has its stressors) and is a wonderful experience!

    Actually, adoption is not really a "certainty",true, it is quite likely if you continue to wait and continue pursuing it, but there are no guarantees. Sadly there are people on these boards who have experienced failed adoptions, or multiple failed adoptions and are still childless despite trying to adopt.

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