Has anyone used donor sperm or donor eggs and NOT ever told the child?

(2 posts)(2 voices)
  1. My DH and I are in the beginnings of treatment. We're dealing with what I assume is considered "severe" male factor, and will likely need to do Tese or Mesa, along with ICSI and IVF. Anyways, he has said that if that does not work out, he is open to using donor sperm. However, he doesn't want anyone to know, except maybe only our parents. He's also concerned about telling the child, and worried about his/her reaction to the news. I was thinking that you kind of need to tell the child at some point, because isn't it important for them to know their medical history/background? Wouldn't it be kind of "wrong" to lead the child to believe (even into adulthood) that they have a biological link to their father and his medical history, when he/she actually doesn't have this link? Is this even an issue? How important is this? I just think to my doctor's appointments throughout the years (not necessarily fertility related appointments) and they often ask for your background. Shouldn't the child have the accurate info? What do you guys think about this?

  2. I think you will find people on both sides of the fence but more are leaning towards telling. I am on the side that agrees that a child has the right to know their medical background and their DNA. I am 22 wks with DS and we plan on telling the child around age 7 or 8 when they can somewhat comprehend it. From what I have read donor conceived children often feel like there is something different about themselves so it is better for them to know and deal with it as early an age as possible. I can't imagine finding something like that out as a teenager or an adult. We were also made go to counselling to discuss all of this through our clininc so they may make that an option and I would suggest going with DH so that you are both on the same page before deciding. Good luck. It's not an easy decision but now that we are fianlly pregnant with a healthy baby we really don't even think about the donor aspect. We just can't wait for her to get here!

RSS feed for this topic


You must log in to post.