Go or not go?: Going Abroad To Visit Inlaws During IVF Cycle? Good or BAD Idea?

(11 posts)(7 voices)
  1. Hello Gals!

    I am very torn right now.

    My husband just got news last week that his job will pay for his ticket to go abroad to Europe where his parents and large extended family live.

    We have not been there since two years ago when our twin boys were 8 months old.

    Since then his parents have been visiting us every 6-8 months and live with us for at least 3 weeks while I host, clean, and essentially take care of everyone.

    I've also been on this IVF roller coaster for ages.

    I've had drama with the original IVF director doctor that treated me like dirt but he is the best around my local area for a unique responder like me (everything is good on paper but my body is not sensitive or flushes out the stimulants and I act like a slow responder/poor responder.)

    In the meantime, I just got surgery about two weeks ago to ligate the remaining mild hydrosalphinx and the surgeon found no endometriosis at all and uterus looked great.

    I am good to go!!!!!

    I can start as soon as I get my period at the original IVF clinic (again they are a**holes but if this place is the best locally then I am swallowing the bitter pill to have a baby Thanks Jasminweb for your upbeat view on things).

    But now..my husband wants to go abroad to the Netherlands for at least two weeks during the time I am supposed to be cycling. (I will be on the estrogen priming protocol...so it's theoretically possible.)

    To add to the latest complication, my mother in law, is really a monster in law with green eyes that truly believes I "stole her baby" across the Atlantic Ocean and that he is only with me "because I give good sex" (her words).

    She ambushes me when I am alone with emotionally charged questions, demands, and comments to make me feel inadequate, not enough, and excluded (she gives me bad vibes and the latest drama with her occurred while she was staying for a month in our house).

    Don't know how to handle the situation.

    Husband is going to make me feel bad for not going (each ticket is at least 1200 dollars right now for our family of four ,except his ticket since his job will cover that) and say "Why can't you wait for another IVF cycle?"

    I am 34 and feel I have been WAITING too long to get this IVF going!

    What would you do?

    Any coping strategies?

    Would you go during your IVF cycle????

    Or would you postpone for at least another month?



  2. No way would I go especially since mil is not supportive. Let dh go with the kids and you take a break while cycling. You have to take care of yourself first if you want to take care of others. Dh should understand how important this is to you and with a clean bill of health now seems your time to cycle.


  3. Hi okes,

    I think you are right.

    I'm a little annoyed because I'm beginning to wonder how much of a "surprise" it was for my husband to be requested to go abroad to his job's European office.

    Part of me thinks it was in the works and he kept quiet until now.

    Who knows.

    I think I am going to put myself first because time is not my friend in terms of doing IVF.

    One cycle delayed is too many for me.

    Hubby knows how important it is and is aware that his mother is "not so sweet" to me and that our entire family will be put upside down financially and emotionally be living in my inlaws small condo with only one bathroom in the Netherlands.

    My kiddies are two and I don't even want to imagine the amount of stress I will be under during that time and then to add IVF in the mix!


    I am already sweating bullets as I type this.

    Thanks, okes, for your insights....


  4. a) let him go solo or with the twins and you enjoy some serious nice quiet time

    b) go and have inappropriate loud sex

  5. I am laughing my head off!!!!!

    I think I will embrace my sex goddess statue given by my MIL and live it up if I go there!!!!!

    I am open to "going" and giving up one month if airline tickets goes under $1000 but for now...nope.

    It's a no-go..


    But IF I go...I will not let her "get to me" and embrace my female power and "my hold over her baby son"..

  6. There is no way I would go. My MIL has also had some choice words for me and believes I stole her baby too. I have no relationship with her at all and my life is 100% less complicated.

    You do not need that stress when you cycle. My vote is to let your dh go with the kiddos or if you don't feel comfortable with him having them alone then pay for a helper while he is gone. Your MIL sounds like a real peach.... UGH!!!!

  7. Since she thinks you stole her baby across the Atlantic, I say go and steal everything else you can get your hands on while you are there. Heirloom jewelry, silver, money, yes, all the money you can find, steal stock certificates, bonds anything, I say, anything. Then use it to pay for your delayed IVF cycle.

    Good idea?

  8. If I went, there is no way I would stay that long or stay with them. And I certainly would not delay and cycle to do this (not with how they treat you.)

  9. I'm still laughing my head off.

    Fortunately, airline prices are way off the roof to go without bleeding a couple thousand here and there (mostly there).

    And as you all know, in California, we will pay super, duper, big bucks to just one IVF...at least $12,000 for IVF/ICSI and this is without the meds.

    I've already invested a lot of energy, time, and mula since a long while back (and surgery to add to the mix).

    I will be somewhat open to going if prices go down, but for now...a breathe a sigh of relief that airline tickets are such a rip-off because that will be "our" main excuse for not having everybody going ( kiddies and I will stay behind..thank GOD!).

    Hubby will have to embrace the luxury of going solo to Europe...

    What a sacrifice!

    I bet your hubbies would love to SWITCH PLACES...

    Hubby is a big boy and he will survive!

    Thanks gals!


  10. Good decision! (and thankfully the airline prices can be the scapegoat.) If for some reason the prices DO come down and you CAN afford to go, I say still have the inappropriate loud sex. Hey, she accuses you of having that secret weapon, so why not make it true!

    And good luck with your cycle. Keep us posted.

  11. And good luck with your cycle. Keep us posted.

    Yes, please do.

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