Did any of you guys feel the following? I think finally I am feeling some resolution. Although, I still do feel grief.
First found out about your IF?
(12 posts)(11 voices)- Started by fromrose ago.
- Latest reply from thtsag.
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I felt guilt. I know it's really not my fault, but I felt like it WAS my fault that I might not be able to give my DH children or our parents grandchildren.
It\'s especially hard with my parents as I am the oldes and my mother desperately wants to be a grandmother. I can't help but feel like I'm letting her down.
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You know honestly, I must have been in a really great mood that day because I certainly do not feel my infertility is fully resolved. I too have a lot of guilt. I feel better now but for awhile after my first cycle failed I could barely look at my husband. I think I have felt all of the emotions listed.
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I felt guilt, denial and anger. I wish I could have been treated for my infection when I was young (15 years old). I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming from pain but because I was a virgin… the doctors never thought I’d have an infection.. Well my infection was so bad it ate and destroyed my tubes and by the time I was old enough to want kids, the damage was done. I felt Guilty as an adult because once I started having sex (around 18) I always felt lucky not to have gotten pregnant like my other friends. Then anger when I found out that all this could have been prevented if just one doctor took the time to care when I was 15.
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i'm the only one who picked "resolution" - we had an idea of what was wrong (MIF) so to get the test back that confirmed it meant we could move forward and start IVF.
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I was 19 when I found out and all I felt was grief-I was not even close to ready to have kids but I went through a long period of feeling like I would never deserve to be loved because I wouldn't be able to provide a family to the man I loved. It was awful. Cr@ppy thing to deal with at 19. I guess i have a happy ending though....my dh married me knowing chidren would be expensive if not impossible and I love him even more for accepting that.
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I'm in shock rekabi1956, I share the EXACT same story as you except I was 17...still can't believe it! So happy you shared that! Thank you!
semramedies
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My choice isn't on the list.
I remember feeling annoyed. I really didn't like the intrusive testing (that showed absolutely nothing wrong) and the fact that we would have to go through more invasive stuff to maybe get pregnant.
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For me it was relieve and resolution, finally i had an answer why after so many years of trying I couldn't get pregnant! I could finally have a plan, and stop taking ovulation test after ovulation test only to get a negative pregnancy test and seeing my period, Gosh there is nothing worst than seating on the toilet with all the hope in the word and seeing the toilet paper with blood in it...sorry if TMI for you.
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Can I vote for all of the above?!!
At first I was in shock, couldn't believe it, total denial, for a long time, then mad and angry and a lot of guilt, now I guess a lot of jealousy but trying to come to terms with it, although this will haunt me my entire life...
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I have been through all those stages, but I think the one that sticks the most and that is still present (though slowly going away) is the denial. I couldn't believe it and for months still thought we could conceive naturally. Even now after the m/c from ivf I still think in 2 weeks we will start ttc and hopefully I will get pregnant this cycle and not need ivf. I have to keep reminding myself of all the cycles that we had sex when I was ovulating and they never resulted in a pregnancy. My only pregnancy (though it was short live) was as a result of ivf+icsi. I think that is the problem since we are dealing with male factor. There is still a chance we can conceive naturally, but it is extremely extremely small, but that little percent always give me hope because since there are some sperm technically we COULD get pregnant, though the odds are probably more likely to be hit by lightening.
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I was surprised. My husband had cancer so after trying "really hard" with no + we got him tested. He was perfect. When it came time for my tests there it was: blocked tubes! I was shocked, angry, devastated and I felt like my whole world came to an end. I never imagined this. I was conquered, I was hopeless. We went to the zoo that weekend and I saw the little children running around. I was up for the fight! I wanted our family. After 2 surgeries (lap for confirmation that the tubes couldn’t be unblocked and LEEP for abnormal cells on cervix) we were off to IVF. It was horrible. I hated that this was me that this was my life. But we made it through. I POS 3dp5dt and it was positive! My beta was 693! Twins! At 16 weeks we found out it was twin boys, what we always wanted! The song "if you are going through hell keep on moving.." kept playing in my head. We made it, we were done no more IVF thank God. Screw you infertility, I won! Famous last words.
Remember a few sentences ago I mentioned I had a LEEP then got preg with twins? I asked my OB about that and he said I was fine nothing to worry about. I, at that time, had little idea what role a cervix played in all of this. I had a previous LEEP in 06 too. I mentioned that, still same response. "We just take a little bit off." I trusted his answer because I trused him after all he did this for a living. We did get a second opinion from a MFM same response: Cervix at 17 weeks was long and closed. I just knew they were mine at that point. I should calm down and stop worrying. Enjoy my pregnancy (just like my "hehe I got off birth control, that I was on since I was 12, and still have not had my period after 5 months but I felt a cramp on my left side and thought I'm ovulating so hubby and I had sex and I'm due in August hehe" friend). After all I earned it. At 18 weeks my water broke completely ruptured. Dalton and Andrew were born 2 weeks later too young to survive. The reason: Incompetent cervix.
So here I am again but with anger. I thought I was done with the what ifs and uncertainty of my future. I am trying to find the fight in me that got me through the first time. Part of me wants to feel sorry for myself; to take revenge. The other part has no choice. I don’t know what my future holds. Nothing I can do about it though. I did get an abdominal cerclage to make sure the IC is not a factor. We shall see.
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