Did you change your name when you got married?

(67 posts)(50 voices)
  1. When I got married I dropped my maiden name. However, on fb I write my first name, maiden, married last name.

    That's what I do, too.

  2. I wasn't crazy about my maiden name and gladly took my Dh's......

    Mary

  3. I kept my maiden name legally and use it professionally. In social situations (invites, social clubs, church) I use DH's name. Kids have DH's name.

    This is my situation exactly.

  4. I always say I took my dh's last name to hide the sins of my past!!

    Also not on FB.

  5. not on fb.

    kept my maiden name. kids go by husband's last name.

  6. I took dh's last name, so my legal name is first, middle, dh last name. As much as I do like my maiden name, I don't use it on FB either. Honestly, I don't really want people I knew when I was 18 to find me.

  7. I never changed my name, legally. The girls have DH's last name, and when I introduce myself, socially, I use DH's last name.

  8. I am the sole vote for "other".

    While I did take my husband's last name, I don't consider my maiden name "gone". It's always a part of who I am. And on FB, I use my first name, maiden name, then last name.

  9. Also not saying there is a right thing to do here but found this article/study interesting...Catherine Rampell wrote last week in the New York Times, a group of Dutch researchers recently found that women who change their name at marriage make nearly $400,000 less over their lifetimes than women who do not. To add insult to injury, they are viewed as older, less educated and unmotivated compared to women who kept their names when they tied the knot.link to articlehttp://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2...me&ref=businesslink to studyhttp://www.stapel.socialpsychology....-et-al-BASP.pdf

    so interesting, Cricket. off the original topic, but i'd be so interested in name studies re first names- the fad type names versus more traditional versus more unusual- in a resume kind of study like the one at the end or the article...

  10. Interesting (I didnt read the articles, though), but how would an employer know if a woman changed her name or not?

  11. Quote:
    My SIL tried to keep her last name but gave up when their second child was born. She had the hardest time getting the baby's passport and travel documents issued because their last names were different.

    My Ds's have my last name as their second middle name in part for this reason. I considered hyphenating the names but together they are a bit unwieldy.

  12. so interesting, Cricket. off the original topic, but i'd be so interested in name studies re first names- the fad type names versus more traditional versus more unusual- in a resume kind of study like the one at the end or the article...

    I remember seeing something on TV about it.... It seems that more "traditional" names spark more interest when employers are sifting through resumes.

    My girls have official "English," names (on their birth certificates), and of course, Hebrew names that were announanced in synagogue... I don't have an English name, and found, that when I went for interviews people would ask right away about my "unusual/ethnic/exotic" name, then I would be asked where I come from/whats my backround, blah blah blah--and I really didn't appreciate it, at all--that wasn't the purpose of the interview! Out of all the interviews I ever went to, I was offered a job for most of them (based on qualifications, I hope)--but still.... We use BOTH names with the girls, interchangibly. But, I feel, strongly, that they should go out into the real world with names that don't spark too much interest, ahem, nosiness where its not warranted !

  13. None of my friends changed their names.

    My mother changed hers twice and changed it back twice following divorces.

    My work colleagues in their late 20s and early 30s are all changing their names and it sort of bugs me.

    I do consider myself a feminist although I was a SAHm for 6 years who did everything for the kids and my dh, I mean everything. So I'm a pragmatic feminist.

    What bugs me is the loss of identity when you change your name.
    Classically people don't recognise your name when they look through a list at a conference.

    In one example I returned a reference request as "unknown to me" as the employee had requested the reference under her new married name.

    The physical act of changing all my records at work about these women annoys me.

    In the rural part of the country I was born and raised, it was never the norm for women to take their husbands names. My mother officially took my fathers but was always known by her maiden name, even though she was a "blow-in" to the area.

    Nope, I will NEVER EVER EVER change my name.
    I've never had a problem with the kids having a different name and it doesn't bother them in the least.

    The french banks tried to force me to be Mrs Dh but I reminded them about liberté,egalité,fraternité!

  14. I go by my husband's last name sometimes.

    My work name and my byline are my first name, my maiden name and then my "new name." I put wayyyyy too much effort into my maiden name professionally to lose that.

    On FB and in many cases in my personal life, I also use my first name, maiden name and "new" last name. I think if someone asked me my name, I would be equally likely to say First Name, Maiden Name, New Last Name as I would be to say First Name New Last Name.

    I'm proud of my new last name and I'm equally proud of my maiden name! I identify with all, so use all.....

  15. I changed my name to mu husbands. My SIL didn't and it was very confusing for her at school etc, so to make it easier for any children we have I changed. My sister did not change hers but they don't have children.

    shamma_r

  16. I did not. At the time I had just started my business - which is my name and had gotten some very good local and national press so thought it better to leave it alone. Funny thing is I assumed I would change when we had kids...well that ended up taking 9 years from the time we got married so by that time I just figured what is the point. I admit though that part of me really hates not having the same last name as DSs but I am old fashioned enough that for me I would not hypenate their last name so it is what it is.Also not saying there is a right thing to do here but found this article/study interesting...Catherine Rampell wrote last week in the New York Times, a group of Dutch researchers recently found that women who change their name at marriage make nearly $400,000 less over their lifetimes than women who do not. To add insult to injury, they are viewed as older, less educated and unmotivated compared to women who kept their names when they tied the knot. I know that in many careers, women do not change their names because they have been published, received their PhD's or MD's and various other accolades under their birth names and do not want to feel as if, by changing their names, they have lost the identity/achievement that accompanied them during their hard-won achievements. I do not blame them one bit, but I changed my name despite having a decent amount of positive recognition attached to it. In my field, it's such a close knit community- I felt it would get around pretty fast and it did.
    The reason I changed my name was because I felt that I was given the gift of a fresh start; and I wanted to honor that.
    It doesn't surprise me one bit that the women who didn't change their names made more money- they probably had a higher percentage of established professional careers under their birth names than those who didn't.
    For instance, my DH is an academic, and I've noticed through the years that almost all of his female colleagues retained their birth names to avoid confusion with their published work or research in their field of study. (though in our case, it's not a money issue, but it potentially could be someday- one can still hope!).
    When my Gyno got married, she didn't change her name, either- I suspect it's a PITA to have to get a name change for an MD- there is the license, the degree, insurance, yada yada...
    Cricket's reason is a very common one, too. She has established a business under her name.

    Here's the key in this statement: "To add insult to injury, they are viewed as older, less educated and unmotivated compared to women who kept their names when they tied the knot."
    Eh. Who views them as such? The kind of people that believed in the caste system's 'view'? Does anyone care what they think anymore?

    As far as FB, I use First, Maiden, then Married names. No hyphen, of course- as it's not my legal name. It's just for the convenience of the kids I knew growing up. It's nice to see the old faces and remember the weird stuff you used to do as a kid. Brings back a flood of memories!

  17. I didn't legally change my name and I use my own name on everything except Christmas cards and return address labels from our family that say
    Carey & Mike "Smith" or with love from the Smith's.

    None of my cousins or my sister have changed our name when we married. I'' introduce myself for things for my kids school or other parents as Carey Maiden Married but other than that I am the name I have always been and my kids last name is DHs.

    For FB I use my own name and do not add my husbands at the end.

    I have no strong position on it either way, if you want to change change, if not then don't. I don't like it when people say, why didn't you change your name? Your not a doctor or famous? I find that irratating and I also find it unsettling to hear men say they woudn't have married me bc I didn't change my name. I usually say I wouldn't marry you because you feel that way....and you must have an identity complex.

  18. DH's last name is long, hard to pronounciate and hard to spell. We dated for a long time and during that time we would always make reservations under my name. We when finally got married I was so used to having different last names that I did not change mine.

  19. I didn't change my name - we'd been together 13 years before we ever got married, but even if we had married right away I wouldn't have. I'm not afraid of calling myself a feminist, and for me, to give away my name to take a man's is anathema. I'm always slightly shocked if a friend of mine gets married and takes her husband's name. As for our kids, they have both of our last names. Yeah, it's unwieldy, but I feel it represents to them that their parents are equal partners.

    Sasha

  20. I know that in many careers, women do not change their names because they have been published, received their PhD's or MD's and various other accolades under their birth names and do not want to feel as if, by changing their names, they have lost the identity/achievement that accompanied them during their hard-won achievements.
    This is part of why I didn't change my name. I mean I never had intended to anyway. But by the time I did get married my degrees and a lot of publications were in my name. Also, I felt that my professional success was built in my name, I wanted to keep it that way. And yet another reason, my father raised me, I want his name and our family is the only family in the US with this last name. Yep...anyone with this last name is all related and can be traced back to my great grandparents and their 9 children.

  21. I changed mine to DH's last name. It never really occurred to me to keep my own name as we were relatively young and just out of college when we married.

    A couple of interesting scenarios I've encountered over the past few years:
    ~We know 2 couples in which the Dh took the wife's last name.
    ~I work w/ a gal who hyphenated her name & her Dh took the hyphenated name as well.
    ~I work w/ a physician who "created" a new name that was a mixture of both last name - she & her DH both took the new name.

  22. I can honestly only think of one person who goes by her maiden name (and I never know how to address Christmas cards to them), and she lived previously in New York City. She is a scientist and married later which I'm sure plays a role, but I think it must be much more common in certain regions. I have 4 SIL's and not a single one of them kept their maiden name. Also, most of the people I know got married in their early to mid twenties and it's probably less common for younger women who aren't established in a career to keep their maiden names.

  23. ~I work w/ a physician who "created" a new name that was a mixture of both last name - she & her DH both took the new name.

    LOL, don't even get me started on the possible combinations that could have come from my maiden name and Dh's name. Some of them are rather humorous.

  24. I didn't much care for my last name, which was already hyphenated (thanks to my mom and dad's creativity).

    Once DH and I got married, I was ready to kick my name to the curb. 14 letters letters and a hyphen. No thank you!

  25. I kept my whole name and just added Dh's last name- MY THOUGHT- that is who i am and was- and i didn't want to drop any of it. If i ever divorce dh all i have to do is drop his name
    Jen

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