Considering donating my embryos ( Children mentioned)

(8 posts)(6 voices)
  1. Hello, I am hoping someone can help me. I, as many of you, have gone though a fertility rollercoaster. I am now happy to say the ride has ended. I have a beautiful 4yr girl and 5 mos twins.

    My husband and I are fulfilled and we want to donate our leftover embryos( 3 blasts). My confusion comes into play with donation or adoption, and what is the difference. I have done some research and have found that some agencies charge the recipients ridiculous fees. I'm not happy with someone paying for my embryos, even if it is hidden in agency fees. I am looking for a straight up donation too a loving family that will care for these potential children as if I would.

    Any info would be greatly appreciated.


  2. One of the girls on this board went through people to donate her embryo's and has been very happy with the result. She speaks to the recipient on a semi-regular basis to keep in touch. I believe they set their own guidelines for how much contact they wanted. What a kind and selfless thing for you to consider!


  3. Cooper in New Jersey has a good donor embryo program. I was fortunate enough to do a cycle with them (ultimately did not work, sadly) and I was only charged the fees that would be associated with any FET...which I thought was fair.

    Thank you for considering this takes such a special couple.


  4. Before you donate, I encourage you to think about what kind of relationship you want with the recipients - what you prefer will dictate what kind of program you want to donate to. First, do you want contact with the recipients along the way, at any time? If so, do you want to have direct contact or through an intermediary such as social worker or adoption agency? And if no contact now, do you want the possibility to be there for contact, such as in case of medical needs or for the future if the child wants to explore genetic connections at some time during childhood, adolescence or adulthood? Or no contact ever?

    If you want no contact, an anonymous donation through a fertility clinic will give your embryos a chance without giving you an ongoing relationship. Once you've donated, your part in the match will be finished. If you want some degree of openness, you have two choices: making the match yourself (in which case, you are pretty much known to each other from the get-go) or through an agency of some sort, which helps you match and can either put you in direct contact or set up an intermediary situation such as with a social worker.

    Overall, the situation can be changed from less open to more open, with the exception of "closed" embryo donation, in which case, the matching clinic doesn't ever reveal to you if your embryos resulted in a pregnancy and to the recipients any information about you.

    Consider these choices carefully - once you are open, you can't become "unopen," and if you choose closed, you can't undo that either unless you go with an agency that allows that down the road. Most fertility clinics don't allow contact after anonymous donation. Some such as the NEDC might open an anonymous donation, maybe, under special circumstances agreed to by both (still through the NEDC as intermediary). You'd have to figure all of that out.

    Also - do you care who the embryos go to? If you want a say in who they go to, you are either talking about an agency that connects people or Miracles Waiting where you do the match yourself. If you donate to a clinic, you are done after you sign the papers and have no further say in what happens to the embryos.

    It really depends what you envision when you think about donation. As a donor, I can say for me, it isn't as neutral as one might think. There are implications for the future for your children (whether or not you tell them), your family, the recipients and the resulting children and all of it has emotions surrounding it. The decision is one that has lifelong impact for all of these people - not just a decision you make today. So consider not only now but what you think is best after child/ren grow up and learn of their special family situation.

    We did a semi-open "adoption" / donation (I considered it donation, the recipients considered it adoption, and now we all speak of it as adoption b/c it just seems easier that way in terms of language). We have opened up our relationship to direct contact and pictures over the internet, but not in-person contact yet. Baby steps. It works well. We both respect boundaries but see our children as related, they know about each other and know about their relationship, and we will let them decide what they want to do about contact in the future. It's available. Meanwhile the mom and I have been glad to share information. Others don't want this. You can experience a lot of emotional pain if you do one of these options that ultimately don't make you comfortable, so think about that.

    Once you figure out what you want the end result to be, then you can figure out which programs meet your other requirements regarding cost to the recipients and other restrictions. Just start with what you envision this to be and work backwards!

    Best of luck! We've never regretted our decision!!!

  5. Thank you for your responses. I appreciate it. My embryos are in new york and I am now in a dilemma to continue storage and wait to see if i can match them with someone in new york or pay for transport to Pa where I live and donate them to my old clinic. I would donate them too my clinic in New york, but they don't have donor embryo program.

    Lots of thing too consider. I do know in my heart I want these babies to have a chance at life, with a loving family.

  6. If you know you want to go through a clinic, then I'd ship them and get them into a program sooner rather than waiting (since there are storage fees as well - it might even out anyway). The sooner they get used, the greater the chances that they'll result in a viable pregnancy, or at least that's what I've heard.

  7. I am a recipient from a Donor Embryo situation like yours. Our clinic (in the Midwest) takes all of the Donations and they are distributed annonymously. I know a lot of information on the egg and sperm donors and a lot of medical history. I am extremely thankful to those people who unselfishly donated them to the clinic so that somoene like me (unable to produce my own eggs) would have the chance to share in was the perfect situation for us. We have beautifu twin girls that turned 3 in April. I guess what I want to say, is that people who strive to have children and put themselves through whatever it takes to have children, and are not successful, would be greatful to leilabept donor embryos, if they chose that route. I knew that it would be annoymous from the beginning and the donors knew was a win win situation all the way around. Good luck in whatever you decided to do.

  8. Give yourself enough time before you donate. It sounds like your family is complete. We thought ours was with three but we are in the middle of a new DE cycle for a try at number 4. If you had asked me for 2 years after my third was born I would have told you we were definately done. Good luck.

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