IVF Pregnancy Information

1. diplanat
   
   

   I posted a few weeks ago about about my job situation, and I have come to the descion to resign. There is no possibilty of me getting daywork 7-3,and that is what would work best for our schedule right now. So as of Thursday, I am back to being a SAHM.

   So here is the dilema. I have been working since the school year and now I will have the summer off with the boys. (told hubby I would look for work after the summer, if he needs me to go back)

   My cousin, who is like my sister, also went back to work. her DH has been out of work due to a work related injury, so he's been able to be home to care for their almost 2 yr old daughter, my Goddaughter. When GD was born, up until I went back to work, then her mom, I saw her almost everyday. We used to joke she had two moms. I adore my GD and love spending time with her. Well, My Cousin's DH was just cleared to go back to work. He works 12 hour daywork shift. My cousin, also works daywork. One week she works a later daywork shift, and the other week, she works an earlier day work shift. She is devestated about putting her daughter into daycare. I am not sure what to do.. I want to help out..but by doing so , she wants a set schedule on the days that someone would have her.. IE: I will take her say , Every Other Weds/THurs when her DH works..but say, something comes up with the boys, and I want to do that, I wouldn't be able to watch said GD and cousin would be ******. so do I not vollie to watch her and just let her deal with handling the daycare issue ,and enjoy my summers with my boys.. which I know they are looking forward to as well as I.

   so advice ?? I know my cousin is glad I'll be home, but at the same time I kinda think she feels,, "hey, this is your GD , help me out" without really asking.. and part of me feels so responsible for her because I am such a huge part of her life.

   Gina
   Topher 6 in June
   Jake 4 In june

   Edited to add that Cousin is devestated about putting her daughter in daycare, and I has mentioned several times in conversation about how my boys are older and basically it's a bigger deal because her daughter is so little. she does have the option of leaving her job to be a sahm also, but she's got a great job and if her hubby gets injured again, and has to be forced to retire his benefits will not cover her, so she's got coverage with benefits now. (he is a police officer, so job risk is obviously high). this job for her is a rare find, great pay , benefits. so i can see her not wanting to leave.

3. kalimar
   
   

   If you really want to help out, I do think it is toally doable. Definately set a limit 1 or 2 days a week and make that clear from the beginning. Plan outings and play dates on the days that you don't have GD. On days that you do you can still do things like picnics in the park, the library, walks, etc.
   You can still have a totally wonderful summer and watch GD 1 or 2 days every other week...but if you do feel like it is something you would rather not deal with its best to not offer - you don't want to end up resentful.

   Teresa

4. micfotiadis
   
   

   So if I understand correctly, if you take on the childcare responsibility for your DG, it will only be for the summer and then you will be looking to going back to work, right? I think it's very sweet of you to do that, but eventually this child will have to go to a daycare/preschool anyway. So what is a couple of months going to matter? Many childer go to daycare and do just fine. If you are not 100% sure and want to dedicare your time fully to your childern I think you have the right to do so. I would just talk with your cousin honestly and explain how you feel. Sould like you are a great godmother and should not feel guilty.

   We have godmothers, grandmothers, aunts etc and we still have to hire a nanny. We do not expect anyone to take care of our DS. If they offer an occasional babysitting so we can run out a grab dinner we are infinitely greatful. Just saying

5. daskalos
   
   

   I was in this situation last summer with my BFF, and her 4yo DD. (We call her my niece that is how close I am to this BFF- she is a sister to me.)

   I agreed to watch her DD a couple of days a week when her MIL (normal childcare provider) was very sick (they thought she had cancer but turned out she didn't). She cannot afford regular daycare. I was doing it for FREE, as a FAVOR to her to help out a freind in need.

   After a month, 2 days a week became 3, then 4, and before I knew it I was expected to watch her 5 days a week one week and 4 days the opposite week... this went on for months. And she gets off work at 4 but wouldn't call/show up till 5 or later on a regular basis. Was VERY difficult because I had a 7yo DS, and 1yo DD of our own, not to mention we were FET cycling for another (she knew this, too).

   The straw broke the camel's back when I had 2 doctors appointments downtown one day and the first doctor's appointment ran late and I called BFF to tell her I couldn't get home in time to get her DD (I planned to take her DD to the second doctor's appointment with me), and I would PAY FOR HER to go to our local hourly childcare (which she goes to on occasion when noone else is available to watch her) since I was the one bailing at the last minute, only to be told that her husband had taken off of work early that day and she "only needed me to watch her for two hours". She said she would just go in late to work... I got major attitude from BFF which totally surprised and shocked me. Here I was, helping her out, doing her a favor (FOR FREE, MIND YOU) and dragging her (and my own) kids to my appointments so she wouldn't have to pay for childcare she couldn't afford and I was catching flack?? I had even offered to PAY for her DD's childcare since I couldn't do it.... needless to say I felt very taken advantage of. And I was resentful.
   BFF and I had a long, honest heart-to-heart talk about it the next day. And I told her my feelings were hurt and I felt very taken advantage of. We both cried, hugged, and moved on.

   Now her MIL is back to watching her DD (hmmm.... after our talk her MIL was able to resume watching her DD in a matter of days, so I wonder how "sick" she actually was???)

   I guess what I'm trying to say is... (sorry I kinda hijacked there) people will not even realize that they are taking advantage of you. Now I watch BFF's DD on MY terms... about once every 2 or 3 weeks or so I call her up and say "Hey, bring A over and we'll have a fun play-day". Or when she's in a pinch she knows she can call me for the occasional call-in-a-favor baby-sit.

   My vote is to tell your cousin no... if you are planning to go back to work after the summer anyway, use this time to spend with your own kids. If you want to offer an occasional baby-sit play-day, you can. But obligating yourself can lead to resentful feelings if things get out of hand. Not saying your cousin WILL take advantage of you, but why take the chance??

   It sounds like you are already nervous this may be more than you want to take on, so I say go with your gut feeling. Your GD will adjust to daycare just fine. Heck, maybe she'll even like it!

   Take Care~
   Brandi

6. pupput
   
   

   If you really want to help out, I do think it is toally doable. Definately set a limit 1 or 2 days a week and make that clear from the beginning. Plan outings and play dates on the days that you don't have GD. On days that you do you can still do things like picnics in the park, the library, walks, etc. You can still have a totally wonderful summer and watch GD 1 or 2 days every other week...but if you do feel like it is something you would rather not deal with its best to not offer - you don't want to end up resentful. Teresa

   I agree with this. You could make it work and still have a fun summer with your boys. (And I wish I could quit, too. Tonight my older dd was asking me why I had to go to work, and both babies were crying for mama - they just don't prefer dh right now. It was tough to come in. It's 1 a.m. and I have a big headache and am hungry. Oh Thank Heaven for 7-11, LOL! Only 2y9m..only 2y9m....only 2y9m!)

   Have a wonderful summer!!!!!

7. ecotechjordan
   
   

   Gina,

   I have to say that I agree with Rachel (even if you are not planning to go back to work in the Fall). I think people take advantage of sahms. It is great that she has a great job with good pay/benefits, but ultimately, it is still her choice to work/not to work. I think it is very thoughtful of you to even consider this, but I do worry it could be a slippery slope. Maybe you could agree to watch gd occasionally on your terms. If I were you, I would enjoy the time with my boys. It is isn't selfish.

   Best,
   Heather

8. djamel_net
   
   

   Honestly at almost 2 your niece will enjoy daycare. Convincing her mother of that might be a challenge though.

   Given that she has a birthday coming up, what about agreeing to take her a few days a week just until she turns two. That way she won't have to switch rooms at school shortly after starting.

   If you do take her, then insist on a car seat and integrating her into your activities. If your boys are going to the doctor, then she goes too.

   Another option since you did just quit your job would be to insist on at least a token payment.

9. oamkh
   
   

   I will be the meanie here...this is not your burden to carry.

   Part of me is responding to her "devastation" about putting her daughter in day care...that is a bit dramatic, isn't it? It is hard for all working families to put their little ones in a child care arrangement but that is why we go to the ends of the earth researching our options to find something that we are comfortable with. (see Lotusflowers recent posts!).

   Her dd is too little? Nonsense. Many of us have put babies in child care who did just fine. Yes, it is nervewracking and we watch like hawks until we feel comfortable but those are the choices working families have to deal with. Yes, some don't have a choice about working or not but we do have a choice about child care.

   You are making a hard decision to stop working as it wasn't working out for you and I applaud you for making that hard choice. By your own admission, your cousin has a great job...keeping that great job requires hard choices too and one of them is choosing a child care arrangment.

   You are clearly looking forward to a summer unencumbered by schedules and I am happy for you and your boys that you will get to experience that. I don't hear you feeling happy about taking on your Cousins' dd but rather that you feel obligated to do so. That is not a very good base for a child care arrangement.

   I also feel she is being a bit emotionally manipulative to you with this issue. That, too, is not a very good base for a child care arrangement.

   Give this some hard thought, again, this is not your burdent to carry. If you choose to carry it, do so because you want too, not because you feel obligated to do so.

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