Blaming myself

(5 posts)(5 voices)
  1. Its one week today and I keep thinking about what I could have done that might have caused the miscarriage.

    The Friday before I pushed a little harder than I should have. Not really hard. Probably not even hard by the standards of most pregnant women but looking back I keep wondering. I mean... I was carrying twins, I'm 41 which isn't young, I have some health issues, plus I keep thinking that IVF babies might be more fragile during early pregnancy because we have to balance the hormones.

    I have run out of things to do to plan for our next cycle so I can't hide in that anymore. We leave for vacation tomorrow but and I will be with my husband 24/7 so I can't keep him from seeing me cry like I have been doing here. He keeps telling me it is not my fault and reminding me that women have been carrying babies to term working in rice fields in tropical heat so I couldn't have done any harm.

    I guess this is normal but the other times I knew what caused the MCs. This time with no direct cause I feel like I am losing it.

  2. Of course it's not your fault, Pickles. It's not your fault.

    It is hard not to know the reason, but that doesn't mean the reason is you.

    Instead guilt is just part of the mourning process. Everybody goes thru it (not just pg women). Whenever we lose someone we wonder if we could have done something differently, and if it would have had a different outcome.

    You did nothing wrong. The grief you have simply shows how badly your little ones were wanted. I'm so sorry this happened.

  3. It's normal to want to blame ourselves, I also did (sometimes still want to) but please don't blame yourself it was not your fault

  4. It is NOT your fault - I know it is hard not to wonder "what if" but all it will do is drive you crazy. I wondered what if I hadn't gone to the ER - what if I hadn't worked out - what if I hadn't tried to do so much during the holidays - what if....I had EVERY test I could think of run on me & everything came back fine. I have had to accept that I will never know for sure - and even if I had an answer the outcome is still the same. I am sure you did everything you could & you did what you thought was best. Hugs & again I am so sorry for your loss...

  5. I am so, sorry for your loss.

    How are you doing?

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