BIL killed himself today

(52 posts)(46 voices)
  1. Thoughts are with you and your entire family, ANNA

  2. Thank you everyone.

    I just got off the phone with my MIL. She is in shock. Complete shock. She said that Danny really had everything together. He had a great job, he bough a house (no financial problems with the mortgage,etc). He ans he wife were having marital probalems, but they were working on it.

    I just listened to her on the phone and the tings she said made me just break down. Things like "Why did God take my baby?" "I feel like my hear has been ripped out."

    We do not know any details about the suicide yet. My MIL coudn't go to see Danny, so her husband went to talk with the police and his wife and to find out the details.

    Sandra

  3. Sandra, I am so sorry...

  4. Wow! I'm so sorry for everyone involved. May you all have strength to get through what is ahead...

    Sarah

  5. Sandra,
    So sorry to hear about your brother in law. Your poor mother in law, so so sad for her.

  6. Suicide is the most totally selfish act. Unfortunately the people who commit suicide are too sick to realize that. I am so very sorry for your family, especially your MIL. She is in my prayers.

    You said it best! I am so, so sorry for your loss. And it is a loss even if DH didn't have much of a relationship with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you all!

    Donna

  7. Sandra, first of all ((( hugs ))) There are no words to express how sad i am for you, your dh and your mil. You do have a lot of friends on here who care. There will be a lot of terrible days ahead i am sure. Suicide is selfish but i think that the person doing it is so far beyond reason at that point. He must have felt something desperate to do it.

    I am so sorry you are all left to pick up the pieces. I can only imagine the guilt his wife would feel , problems or not! It is so final isn't it?

    I am saying a prayer for you all. May you have strength to get through these days. Thinking of you. Sue

  8. I'm so sorry, Sandra

  9. I'm so sorry. What horrible news.

  10. I'm so very sorry for you and your family's loss.

  11. i am so terribly sorry to hear this. my deepest sympathies to you and your family, sandra.

  12. Wow, how horrible. I am so sorry for your mother-in-law, husband and entire family.

  13. I am very sorry for this awful event. My Dad killed himself when I was 18. VERY hard for those left behind, but we healed.
    Wishing you and your family peace.
    Katie

  14. I am so very sorry.

  15. Thank you everyone for your support. Even though I did not have a relationship with BIL, I am still finding this incredibly hard. I keep putting myself in my MILs shoes. I keep thinking about how much she must be hurting. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

    Sandra

  16. My thoughts and prayers are with you all during this difficult time...

  17. I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy all the way around.

  18. Oh no, I am so sorry! My cousin tried to commit suicide this weekend as well, but luckily survived and is in the hospital now. It's such an awful situation. Your poor MIL.
    Vanessa

  19. Sandra- so sorry your family is going through this horrible tragedy. My DH has no relationship with his brother either and I wonder how he'll feel when his brother is no longer around. He's schizo and goes off his meds periodically so you never know.

    For those reading & posting that have never been suicidal....you just have no idea what that kind of despair feels like. It is the ultimate solution to everything that is wrong in your life. Making that choice is a huge relief of all your burdens. You really see no other way out that solves everything like death does. Of course if you just wait it out some variable will change along the way and things can get better - they can't get any worse once you have decided to die so anything else is an improvement.

    (And, yes I have been in the past as recent as 2005 during the most difficult time in my life when ending a much wanted IVF pg. If I were to just take my own life then I would not have to have the procedure and we would be together forever. My DS was only 1 at the time and hopefully my DH would re-marry and DS would only remember his new mother. See, I had it all worked out.)

  20. Sandra, I am so sorry....

    After my 20 week loss, I had suicidal thoughts, I was in very bad shape... It truly is about desperation, unfortunately. A person in such a state isn't thinking about anyone or anything else, because they are NOT able to do so.

  21. I am so sorry. There are no words. He must have been in terrible pain.

    Heather

  22. Sandra, Just wanted to chime in and offer my heartfelt prayers and support. I am so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine the suffering amongst your family right now. I wish I could say more, but there are no words.

  23. Sandra,

    So sorry. This is such a hard thing to deal with. Suicide leaves so many more questions and different feelings than other causes of death.

    Suicide seems selfish from the survivor's standpoint, but for the victim, it often seems selfless. They often feel like a burden to those around them, and feel like everyone will be better off without them. They are too sick at that moment to understand otherwise. Suicide is irrational, so to try to rationalize why someone does it, or why they couldn't just see this logical point, or that one, is pointless in the moment.

    My mom most recently was suicidal in October 2005. We spent 45 minutes on the phone with her, trying to figure out where she was so we could stop her. She called us because my dad had called her and she thought something was wrong. She had stolen money to aid in her gambling addiction and thought she could "right" it by not being there for us to worry about and that the life insurance could repay her debt. She really thought it was what we wanted, and that she was a drain on us. She was talking to my dad, didn't know my sister and I were taking turns listening in on the other line, and told him, "Put Gina on the phone, let me tell her what I did and we'll see if she wants me to come home." She ultimately broke down and told us where she was because the pills she planned to use got wet from the rain and therefore wouldn't work anymore. We're lucky for that. They sold their house and moved to an apt to pay off the debt, and I still have my mom, but in that moment, she thought it was the only solution, and that she was thinking of everyone else rather than being selfish.

  24. Thank you everyone for your support. Even though I did not have a relationship with BIL, I am still finding this incredibly hard. I keep putting myself in my MILs shoes. I keep thinking about how much she must be hurting. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Sandra

    It will be incredibly difficult. There is an additional dimension to losing someone with whom there is a family but not close relationship. The conflicting emotions are almost harder to deal with that straight out grief for the loss of a loved one.

    It was very kind of you to listen to your m-i-l as hard as it was to hear. That is what she needs right now.

    My thoughts are with you.

  25. OK... full disclosure here, that I have never discussed with anyone. I know this is a safe place so I can talk about it.

    I have learned one very srong and good lesson from this tragedy. I have felt suicidal, even within the past few years. I flet like everyone would be better without me. I even felt like my kids would be better without me, since I am such weak woman who doesn't have very much to offer anyone. I have been able to pull myself out of these feelings. Seeing what the family is going through right now, I know that had I been more serious it would NOT have been better for everyone around me. It would have been worse. It would really damage my kids (more than having me around as their mother). From now on, I know that suicide is absolutely NOT an option.

    By the way, I am on antidepressants (for the past 3 or 4 months) and it has helped a lot.

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