Baby shower guilt

(8 posts)(5 voices)
  1. I moved to the US 7 years ago, I don't have any family in the US except for my DH step sis who lives 600 miles away from us. I did not expect to have a shower so I bought almost everything I need. To my surprise, my friends from church called and offered to have a shower for me, I happily accepted and on the invitation we mentioned that 'gift are not expected' but I did register because I do want people to have an idea of what I need.

    When I accepted this shower offer I did not expect it to be so big nor to get so much attention but today I attended church and was shocked to find invitations inserted in every program. At first I felt special that my friends did this for me but after the service I saw another pregnant lady at church I talked and congratulated her and she told me her EDD is last week of August, mine is Oct 20. As I was talking to her, one of the ladies at church came up hugged me and told me how excited she was about my up coming shower, the other pregnant lady just stared at us didn't say anything but I could see that she was not please the fact that I got so much attention.

    I know I should be happy but right now I feel quite quilty of the attention I got. They have never thrown a baby shower for anyone at church like this, if they want they could do it, all they have to have is a friend who is willing to bring up the topic and others will follow. Mine started with a church member I know, we were at a charity potluck she told me she wanted to do a shower for me and my response was 'oh that would be nice' then she contacted all those ladies in the committee with which I'm involved and they are now so excited and I'm really surprised that they got the invitation inserted in today's program.

    My husband said I should just enjoy and feel special but I still feel guilty because they don't do it for other pregnant ladies. I mean they invited everyone at church and we have about 200 regular attendees so we expect about 100 people at the shower!

  2. Maybe it's because you are having twins and therefore will need more stuff?

    In any case, I wouldn't be too concerned about how someone else feels. It's not like you asked for this, right? If it is really an issue then maybe you can offer for it to be a joint shower or something.

  3. I don't think the organizers would like to change their plans because we only have two weeks to go and the invitations have been sent out already with my name on it. Also this shower is not planned or funded by the church but by the people who are my friends at church.

  4. Enjoy the shower! Your friend wants to throw you a shower and invite the church people, but not throw her one. I'm sure this lady has friends and/or family that throw her a shower too, but not throw you one! It's totally OK! You didn't request it, they wanted to do it for you!

    Enjoy!!!

  5. I agree, just enjoy it! You are having multiples, and that is different than having one. Your congregation probably just wants to help you and your husband since you will have your hands full and added expenses. I am sure the other woman will have a shower of her own. It's nice that you feel that way, but take advantage of whatever you can with twins on the way! We had a beautiful shower and got SO much stuff and I thought we had more than we needed..now that the boys are here 3.5 weeks, I see that we needed everything we got, and more. We were fortunate to have that shower!

  6. You really have no choice but to enjoy it at this point, sounds like it would be next to impossible and very unpleasant to try to scale it back at this late date. You should enjoy it....but I do understand how you feel, I think I would feel the same way. I have a 2.5 year old and am expecting twins, and someone I don't know very well offered to throw a shower for the twins a couple of months ago. We are Americans living in Denmark and are part of an expat group here. There are loads of babies being born all the time in the group, and those are my only friends here to invite to the shower...but there haven't been any showers when anyone else has had their second babies so I felt uncomfortable having one. I guess because we are having twins people felt like we would need more stuff (needless to say, yes I had already bought it all!) So I turned it down, just said I would feel too uncomfortable asking all of those moms to buy me gifts when I didn't buy them gifts when they had their babies (we had just moved here, so I didn't know them very well). Similiar situation, but different...it sounds like these are your first babies...and you know the person hosting it very well...so no need to feel guilt about a shower. 100 people is a LOT of gifts though and you may get so much stuff that you won't be able to use it all! You could also give people the option to donate to your favorite children's/baby charity if you think you'll get too many gifts? Just an idea...if that is too complicated though, just be ok with the fact that you feel slightly uncomfortable, but know that it isn't your fault at all and accept the generosity graciously...unfortunately some things we just can't control!

  7. thodorisl, did you have shower yet? How did it go?

    Hope you had a wonderful time!

  8. We did have a shower and so many people showed up. We said 'no gift' on the invitation but so many people brought gifts. The only people who did not bring gifts are few of my very close friends because I told them not to since they are not in a good financial position at the moment.

    I did have a lot of fun especially with the games. My friend who was incharge of the game is very creative, everybody had a good laugh, my babies must have loved them too I felt them kicking really hard while I laughed. My sister in law (dh's sister) and her husband made it from out of state.

    I already sent out thank you notes to everyone who attended. I definitely had fun and I think everybody should have a baby shower. I felt very good and beautiful on my special dress that I bought to wear just to the baby shower.

    My next excitement is my mom's almost 5 months visit to the US to help and the celebrate the arrival of the twins. She lives in India, she will arrive here Sept. 5 and we'll all return to visit India in Jan. 2010 for 3 months. When we come back to America I'll try to convince my aunt to come along atleast for a month, that way I'll have somebody with me for the first 7-8 months!

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