Asian going through DE process

(71 posts)(18 voices)
  1. Winter & Lacy... How did your DE cycle go? I'm Asian too, and I might have to go the DE route. Thank-you for sharing your stories with the board! It's been very informative since I'm in the same boat having a difficult time finding an Asian donor... It's so culturally driven, so I understand what you're going through.

    I too have kept all of this IVF stuff from my family... only shared it with my sister and this past weekend with my 1 cousin. Both have offered to be my egg donor without my asking; it's a very generous offer. We're very close, but I'm not sure what to think about using a known family member. It's nice to have my genetics, but I'm concerned about the emotional aspects of it.

    I founded an Asian Sorority while in school 20 years ago, so I've thought about approaching the Alumns in the ideal age group for DE... 21-30. As the founder, I still have a leadership role in the sorority, so I am concerned about the conflict of interest as well as the cultural aspect of it all. BUT, there is alot of potential ideal donors in our Alumni base... beautiful (inside and outside), wicked smart and all around kick *ss too.

    This is all so hard... The IF journey itself is difficult, then it's compounded by the constraints of our culture. I hope your DE cycle went well, and I'd love to read about your continued experience. Again... Thanks for sharing.

  2. Glad to see this thread is still active.

    Hi, Christi, It is really great that your cousin is willing to donate. I admire you that you can talk about these things in your family. I would think it is harder for Asians to go through the known-donor route. I have still not told anyone (except my DH and people on this board of course). It is even a burden to me, so I cannot think my dear friends will be able to keep the secret for us once we tell. I am sure my friends and family will understand but I cannot face the weird questions thrown by just acquaintances: some of them do feel obligated to ask sensitive questions even to a total stranger.

    We just had our ET the past Wednesday, transfered one day-6 blast, and had six on freezer. I have a deep appreciation to my 22-year old Chinese donor, who renewed our hope to have a family.

    I hope you can find your donor soon, being she your dear cousin or a young, beautiful, well-rounded alumna.

  3. Winter... Good luck with your beta! That's great that you were able to find a donor! I have a rather large and close knit family, but I haven't been able to discuss what we're going through with them... just a few people. My cousin volunteered to be our GS when I went through a laparotomy to remove numerous fibroids a few years ago. One of the risks although remote is a hysterectomy, so she wanted me to know that we have other options if the worst case scenario happens. She asked me at our family reunion how we were doing with our baby quest, and I told her, but she knows it's not for public knowledge. I wasn't expecting her to offer to be our DE too, but she did.

    Please keep us posted on your progress. Good luck.

  4. Hi, I was directed to this thread by a very kind reader and I hope the thread is still alive. I am new to the DE process. DH and I are Chinese by ethnicity. I just failed 5 IVF attempts, the last in a well regarded clinic at NYC and I believe my RE will bar me from cycling with my own eggs. I live in Asia and payment for DE is illegal in many countries in Asia. In those countries in Asia that allow DE compensation, at least based on my limited research, I find that the screening for donors is very minimal (mostly just screening for STDs and not for other medical or psych issues). Due to cultural issues, it is very difficult for me to share with friends and family that we are doing DE so having known donors is not open.

    I am stepping up the research on DE in the US. Question that I find confounding is - how do you find the screening process done by donor agencies or clinics? What sort of questions should I ask? Are there any particular red flags that I should look out for?

  5. I typed a long thread and it was gone. Ugh!
    ragabco, I am sorry for your failed IVF attempts. The pain is unbearable and we can all relate!
    You can read my past thread to get the whole picture of my DE journey. But here is a short version of it -- I have to warn you though, we are extremely lucky in this journey so far, which my words may sound too optimistic. I don't want to belittle any difficulties many women have to endure even via DEIVF.
    We started this thread in late April, a week about we had a failed adoption and had thought about DE. We were desperate as we knew how difficult for Asian to go through DE because of lack of Asian donors and the big cultural barrier. To our big surprise, I got so many responses from this thread and others who kindly PMed me. So we started the search for both agencies and clinics in earlier May. Here is the timeline:
    (1) Contacted a few agencies (you can find the names of this agencies by reading some earlier posts in earlier May
    (2) Had consultations with four clinics in the month of May.
    (3) Had consultation with SDFC and decided to cycle with them on the third week of May. Started the mock cycle with them the second day of the initial consultation (phone consultation with Dr. Hummel). At the time, there were two Chinese donors available in their pool.
    (4) Had all my medical exams done in June and July including a small uterus surgery (all done via a local clinic
    (5) Traveled to San Diego for the real cycle between August 26 and Sept 4th. Had egg retrieval on the 28th and single embryo transfer on Sept 3rd (had six more 6-day blasts on ice). I am now 13 weeks with a singleton.
    Here are our reasons to choose SDFC

    (1) High successful rate (good doctors and good lab)
    (2) Relatively higher Asian concentration even if had to use an agency
    (3) Relatively short wait time (really none in our case)
    Our cost total cost for cycling there is: 32K, which include 15.5K cycling fee (had 1.6K deduction because of our insurance, otherwise, the cost is 17.1K), 10K for donor compensation (two times proven), 3K for medication, and then another 3.5K for traveling (we are from the East coast) and lodging during our stay in San Diego.
    Our best advises received from this board: (1) go to top clinic (2) choose a young and proven donor (3) don’t do split cycle.
    I hope you get more response from other people, and lots of good wishes to you and your DH!

    Love
    Winter

  6. my sister is Korean and is about to go through DE, but will not come to ivfc, so i look out for her. anyway, wanted to say to ragabco (as i have gone through DE process myself, although i'm not Asian):

    there are very few regulations the govern donor agencies here in the US, which makes it scary for recipients (donors, too, probably). check the website greateggs.com for opinions about agencies and thoughts about which to avoid. also, the asrm has a list of agencies that have voluntarily signed on to some ethical guidelines at their website- i personally wouldn't go outside of these.

    some agencies will advertise for you and then prescreen potential donors. or you can locate an agency that will put a donor you locate through advertising through their process and help with contracts, etc. you can advertise at universities with heavy Asian populations- for example, UC irvine if you wanted a Vietnamese donor....

    i think winter is right that the keys are youth, proven fertility, and not sharing a cycle. fwiw, we spent just about the same amount as winter did on our DE cycle- using an agency, flying donor in from west to east coast, and paying all costs out of pocket.

    best of luck to you

    pilma

  7. ferda, congrats on your persistance and continued success. I've been following this thread from time to time, in the event I need it down the road in 2009. I was just wondering why you chose to cycle where the donor was vs. paying for the donor to come to your clinic on the East Coast. Does the donor monitoring have to be done by the same clinic that does the retrieval and transfer? I thought most people pay for the donor to come to them (though I could be wrong) I'm just starting to investigate options.

    Thank you!

    C

  8. Hi, Curious,

    I read NY board sometimes, so I know a little bit about your story. I hope you have success soon and don't need DE.

    I\'ve read other people's posts on the DE board, and a consensus seems that the most important factors for DE success are (1) good clinic/lab and (2) proven donor. These pretty much decide who needs to travel. It also seems to me that it is more convenient for us to travel than does the donor as most REs like to monitor the donor closely at their own clinics. Some clinic also requires the donor to come before the cycle start. The cost may be similar. Either would need to live in a foreign state/city for an extend of 10 days. But since both my DH's and my own schedule are flexible so we don't mind traveling, plus we have a wonderful local RE who does all the monitors and necessary procedures; in my case, that includes all the mock cycle monitoring, pre-cycle examination, hysteoscopy, a small surgery removing a polyp, and the beginning part of the real cycle. I only need to travel to the clinic (in the west coast) when we approach to the ER date. We continued with our local RE for u/s once we came back.

    The only drawback I can see from this out-of-state cycling is that I will need to go travel again when we are doing FET.

    You may get more answer if you post this questions on the DE cycling board. Ladies there are very knowledgeable.

    Good luck on everything!

    Added: the reason we chose cycling in the west coast is because there is a larger Asian concentration there than is in the east coast. The successful rate is bit higher in a couple places in the west coast (the highest national-wide) than those in the east coast. We surveyed a couple east coast clinics, but not so thrilled with them from the initial consultation. It is just our bias.

    Winter

  9. Thanks so much Winter! That helps a lot. I hadn't really thought to look at the DE success rates, figuring that they'd be pretty high if the egg is good.

    I do hear proven is the way to go. Though, I do still feel a bit funny about half-siblings existing. And of course, even if I go with unproven, she could still donate again later creating the half-sibling issue. I was thinking a west coast agency might have more supply of Asians. I still have a long way to go/research. I saved one of your older threads in Word on my computer. (so thanks!) I hope it has some suggested books, too.

    I looked at one agency that had three Asians and I thought maybe one of them could do. However, that made me think "too easy" and that I really didn't know all the questions to ask and haven't seen the breadth of what I could get. Also, the fact that it's a gene pool I'm buying into, not just the donor makes it even vaguer. It's much more concrete to buy shoes or a house.

    Thanks again! Enjoy your pg.

  10. Thanks Tmps! Please PM me her ID #. I have a CD from Mary but it was a while ago so I'm not sure if "your gal" is there I haven't had a lot of time to explore the whole DE issues and just checked back now and saw your post. Probably won't do DE until 2010 but I should be doing research this year.

  11. For those who bump into this thread, I just want to bring an update:

    My beautiful son was born on May 16th, 2009. He weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces. He is very healthy and perfect in any way. He looks much like my DH, and even somewhat like me. Only my DH and I know where his some other facial features coming from, and we are grateful for everything we have experienced.

    I fell in love instantly, and all teared up seeing his precious face. He rocks my world every day.

    Please don't give up because you are an Asian, struggling with IF and finding a suitable donor, I hope you will soon get the precious gift you all deserve so much.

    All the best,
    Winter

  12. Winter - warmest congratulations to you and your DH on your news!
    I can't tell you how extremely helpful your posts have been for us who are new (or newish) to the DE process.

  13. Congratulations, Winter! I'm so happy for you. Thank-you for sharing.

  14. For those who bump into this thread, I just want to bring an update: My beautiful son was born on May 16th, 2009. He weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces. He is very healthy and perfect in any way. He looks much like my DH, and even somewhat like me. Only my DH and I know where his some other facial features coming from, and we are grateful for everything we have experienced. I fell in love instantly, and all teared up seeing his precious face. He rocks my world every day. Please don't give up because you are an Asian, struggling with IF and finding a suitable donor, I hope you will soon get the precious gift you all deserve so much. All the best,Winter

    Hi Winter-
    First of all congratulations!!

    Your story is inspirational and gives me hope that a DE cycle may be the way to go.

    I have just started the investigative process of DE. I am Chinese and my husband is japanese/caucasian. I am 43 and just finished my last IVF cycle at CCRM in Colorado.

    I have read this thread and the knowledge you have kindly shared. I have some questions that I was hoping you can help me with.

    First of all, you mention that it is important to choose a top notch facility. CCRM in Denver is high on the list, but sounds like that does not qualify since DE facility's are ranked differently? Can you help me understand why SDFC is rated so high?

    If you want you can send me a PM and we can converse that way.

    Thank you for your help.
    Donnie

  15. Hi Donnie,

    CCRM is also very top on egg donation program. CCRM and SDFC both have about 80% successful rate on egg donation program. The only problem with CCRM is that they may not have any Asian donors to choose. I was told they have no Asian donor last year. I do not know this year. You may ask them for their donor pool. If they have no Asian donor, you can use an outside agency to find an Asian donor. For me, I just like to use an in-house donor, because I am afraid to work with agencies.

    SDFC has about 5 Asian donors, most are Chinese donors. I live close to CCRM, but I will cycle at SDFC this month.

    Good luck and best wishes to you!

    Lili

  16. Hi Lili-

    Thank you for your reply. I have contacted both SDFC and CCRM for information on their de program. I just finished my cycle with Dr. Schoolcraft using my own eggs but no success so am pursuing the de route.

    I had also heard that with CCRM you do not have the opportunity to view any photos of the donor, which I am not sure how important that is to me or not.

    Thanks again and good luck to you in your cycle at SDFC this month. Pls keep in touch via PM to let me know how the cycle went.

    Best,

    Donnie

    Hi Donnie, CCRM is also very top on egg donation program. CCRM and SDFC both have about 80% successful rate on egg donation program. The only problem with CCRM is that they may not have any Asian donors to choose. I was told they have no Asian donor last year. I do not know this year. You may ask them for their donor pool. If they have no Asian donor, you can use an outside agency to find an Asian donor. For me, I just like to use an in-house donor, because I am afraid to work with agencies. SDFC has about 5 Asian donors, most are Chinese donors. I live close to CCRM, but I will cycle at SDFC this month. Good luck and best wishes to you! Lili

  17. Donnie -

    ORM also has very good stats, and like SDFC, you can see pics of donor. Best of luck on moving forward.

    A (cycling with SDFC in late July)

  18. Hi Donnie

    I am at CCRM looking for a donor. Last week they did not have any Asian donors, nor mixed race donors. Dh and I are going down the agency route again.

    Good luck with your search.

    Jan

  19. Thank you all for the support and greetings! Ladies.

    Hi Donnie, Sorry, I just saw your post here. Like people said, CCRM, ORM, and SDFC are all top clinics and I don't see difference in terms of their DE statistics.

    I think the main reasons for the high statistics in these clinics are (1) top-notch lab and doctors, (2) they screen their donors very thoroughly.

    The main reason for us choosing SDFC is for its in-house donor pool with some Asian donors (it varies from time to time, so definitely check their website first). I also think there are a large Asian concentration in the west coast, so cycling in California is easier to find a donor even you don't use their in-house donor.

    Good luck on choosing a clinic and a donor. I wish you much success very soon.

    Winter

  20. Hi ladies, Thanks for your feedback!

    Jan, I just finished my fresh cycle with Dr. Schoolcraft and recently requested info on their DE program and am waiting to receive the packet. In the meantime I am starting the consult with SDFC and if accepted will most likely go that route since the asian pool of donors seem to be obsolete or hard to come by at CCRM at this point. I checked agencies and have found a few options but none are in the CO area (all in CA).

    Let me know how things go with your search!

    Best,
    Donnie

  21. Hello

    Thank you to all for this information. Good luck at SDFC, Donnie!

    Jan

  22. Hi Jan-

    How is your search going with your donor?

    Donnie

    Hello Thank you to all for this information. Good luck at SDFC, Donnie! Jan

  23. Hi Donnie

    We are looking at three possibles at two different agencies. The girls are based in CA.

    Hope you are making progress. Did you moved over to SDFC? We decided to stay with CCRM as we are based in England which would make the move more complicated

    I read a message from Lili posted earlier in this chain that made me wonder what experiences any of you have had with agencies. Please PM me if you like, although I am not sure what info you would need from me?

    Jan

  24. Hi Jan,

    I tried to PM you but the option was not available. Perhaps you have it disabled?

    In any event, we decided to go with SDFC as I was told by CCRM that they did not have any asian donors at this time and that it would likely be easier to use an agency. When I looked at available donors in CO via some agencies, I did not find any that were a good fit.

    I have completed my phone consult, pysch consult and now in the process of sending all my previous medical history records over to SDFC (still waiting for CCRM records), and have been matched with an in-house donor. At this point, I am waiting for the blood tests and the physical for the donor to be done and anxious to see the results as she is not proven and in her late 20's (as opposed to early 20's). I was told that it will take up to 3 weeks to get her tested and the result back for me to review. Hope that she has good Day 3 numbers otherwise I will have to move forward with another donor (yet to be identified).

    I hope you have succes at CCRM as they are one of the best!

    Donnie

  25. Hi Donnie

    Hope it goes well at SDFC! I guess that there will be many more options for donors in California.

    We are going ahead with an agency donor and she will be going for testing next week. I am vacillating between huge anxiety and not caring anymore, since this is the fourth donor we have asked CCRM to look at.

    Good Luck!
    Jan

    PS
    I think I have enabled the PM option now.

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