Anyone just decide against DE

(8 posts)(8 voices)
  • Started by marinopoulos ago.
  • Latest reply from luciabogoni.
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  2. Hi marinopoulos
    Sorry to hear about your troubles
    I am not ok with an egg from any warm body. In fact it took me a long long time to warm up to the the DE idea (no pun intended). My DH would like to have a genetic link and I would like to experience pg and know that the child had a healthy start from conception through birth.
    Adoption will be the last resort for us for various reasons and I had a lot of time to consider DE.

    Frankly, I wasn't too crazy about agencies and was more confortable working through my RE because (for us) the most important things were - proven, healthy and some resemblance.
    Agencies are brokers and I don't mean to offend any agents out there but you are in the business of matching people and move on whereas REs are in the business of helping IF couples.

    I don't know what state you are in but considering the fact that this is the third time you are encountering medical issues with your donor, perhaps you can consider going through a pool from a clinic where the donor is a proven one. This way you can significantly reduce the issues you've been having.

    Either way, this is a very difficult psychological decision to make and you need to be very comfortable going in so you can sustain the bumps in the road (unfortunately, there are many no matter how a child is conceived).

    I hope things work out for you.


  3. We are at the beginning of the process of deciding DE vs. adoption, but I know what you mean about DE. I know there are many schools of thought on this, but for me, I've decided that if I can find a donor I really like, I'll feel much better. I don't know what the odds are but I am looking for someone willing to do an open donation and ideally is married with her own kids. My thinking is that if I can talk to her and we get along and are both doing this for the right reasons, I can minimize in my mind the "business" aspect, which is distasteful to me. Of course I've look on several clinic and agencies lists and haven't really found what I'm looking for - but I'll keep looking. Good luck!

  4. Hi marinopoulos -
    I\'m sorry to hear that you are struggling with whether or not to move forward with DE. It is not an easy decision for anyone to make and it is a highly personal one that only you and your DH can make. I agree that working with agencies isn't an ideal situation - for me it was a necessary evil because we wanted to stay with our clinic and the clinic didn't have a pool of donors. For me the worst part of the agencies is the cost of it all - it is more than outrageous and yes, a bit distaseteful.
    Searching for a donor wasn't at all fun - it was hard, frustrating, and at times it made me really sad. I read some "do's and don'ts" about searching on a website that provides a search service and the one thing that really stuck with me was "don't look for youself - because you won't find "you"" - but you can find someone who you like and has many of yoru important criteria - what those criteria are and how extensive they are depend on hte individuals. I looked for someone who "had it all" - did I have to compromise on a few things? Sure but those things, weren't deal breakers in my mind (straight hair vs. wavy; a little shorter than me, etc. Again - what is important in a donor is different for everyone.

    But I knew that for us, adoption wasn't an option - so DE was really my only viable option to being a parent. Have you ever looked over the "Parenting after Donor Conception" thread?? Maybe some women who have been thorough this already can give you some help or insight - just an idea. Whatever you decide to do - I hope that you find peace with it and can move on to whatever your next step is. Good luck!

  5. I know this is an old thread, but I just have to say that I found the initial posting distasteful and really insensitive!

  6. Quote:
    I know this is an old thread, but I just have to say that I found the initial posting distasteful and really insensitive!

    In what way exactly? I'm pursuing donor eggs and I also found the selection of a donor really overwhelming and felt pressure (for a number of places) to "just pick someone already".

  7. APERIVHANIA... Yes, please share with us why you felt it was distasteful and insensitive. She came here with real concerns based on her personal experience with DE and wanted to know if others felt the same way. I totally share her concerns about DE. We've done DE with my sister. She's older than the ideal age with significantly lower odds of success than with a younger donor, but I couldn't get pass the "business" of DE to go with a much younger anonymous donor. Our DE cycle failed, and RE recommended that we don't use my sister as our donor again and to use a much younger anonymous donor. I'm back at square 1 still not being able to get passed the "business" of DE. Instead, we decided to forgo both of our genetics and do embryo adoption where I feel more comfortable doing where there isn't that "business" mentality.

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