Anyone have last minute panic b4 DE-child ment

(9 posts)(7 voices)
  1. Hey Ladies,
    I am hoping some of you can give me some great stories. We just found out our donor is ready to go and she is due to start her meds on April 15th. Unlike a lot of stories, this all happened really fast and I'm a bit freaked out.

    We are fortunate to have a 4 yr old DD from an IVF/PGD cycle many moons ago, and made 6 attempts for a sibling for her to no avail. I am 41, about to be 42 and having every last worry you can think of. Please don't think I'm awful for asking these questions.

    Will I feel differently about this child? Am I too old for this? Will having a sibling at this point even make a difference for my daughter who will be almost 5 if we are fortunate enough to get pg? What if something is wrong with the baby?

    Help, I have never had these thoughts before but now that it is right upon us I am waking up in the middle of the night with these thoughts.

  2. Hi!

    I'm not there yet, but will likely share your feelings.

    I do have a second child though and will answer those questions.

    Will I feel differently about this child?

    Yes, it will be a different child. I felt MORE love for both my children than I did when I just had one. Surprised me, because I loved my first so much. I actually love the relationship they have with each other in addition to the love I have for each.

    Am I too old for this?

    No. Love has no age limit. Health and physical stamina are a blessing, and come and go--unrelated to whether you have children or not.

    Will having a sibling at this point even make a difference for my daughter who will be almost 5 if we are fortunate enough to get pg?

    Yes! If my cycle is successful, my eldest will be almost nine. Is my biggest supporter for this to succeed.

    What if something is wrong with the baby?
    We all face that concern. It is worth the risk though, isn't it? Hugs.

    CONGRATULATIONS on being in cycle!


  3. agostino,

    Those are all valid questions and I think each of us thinks about them. I also have a 4YO bio DS (conceived without assistance - those were different days for me!). I was shocked to find out a few years later that I have POF and could not get PG with my own eggs. DS was the center of my world - I love him so much. He looks like me and is totally about mommy. Going to DE, I had all the same concerns. I am happy to say that I agree completely with Dana. I love this little DE baby so much and am so blessed to have her. I don't feel any differently towards her - she is amazing and I can't beleive I had any hesitation at the start.

    Will I feel differently about this child?

    I agree - I love them both so much. They are different children with different needs at different places in their lives. You will love that child with all your heart, though - as hard as that is to imagine.

    Am I too old for this?

    Of course not. If you feel like you want another child, then you should pursue it. Also, consider where you are at this point in your life. I am a better mom (I'm 38) at this age than I would have been when I was younger.

    Will having a sibling at this point even make a difference for my daughter who will be almost 5 if we are fortunate enough to get pg?

    I wanted to have my kids close together in age, but DH got deployed to Iraq when DS was 18 mos and didn't come home until he was 3, so the age difference was forced upon me. I am SO thankful for that. DD is 5 mos and DS is 4 and it's great to have an age difference. Since they have different needs there is no competition, sibling rivalry will be reduced and they can be independent of each other. They will still be siblings, though, and will always be close. DS loves to help with DD and loves it when she smiles at him. The bond between the two of them is something I was most surprised about - it's amazing. I have a colleague who is one of 4 and he is closest with his sibling that is 5 years older then him because he never felt in competition with her. Your DD will love helping with the baby.

    What if something is wrong with the baby?
    You will still love that baby and will deal with that when and if it happens and you will be OK.

    Good luck to you!

  4. Ladies,
    Thanks so much! It's weird, during the day, I am completely happy and excited for this journey, but every night out of a dead sleep I wake up at about 4am and have this panic.

    With each response from you gals I'm getting 15 more minutes of peace and sleep (LOL) . Today I made it to 5:30 and the worry was more fleeting.

    My 4 year old daughter looks exactly like me and I can only think that the universe maybe gave me that gift b/c the next one more than likely wont.

    Keep the responses coming!

  5. Hi agostino,
    Funny what you said about your daughter looking like you. That's exactly how I feel about my 4 1/2 year old son but I have never said it out loud before. My daughter from DE is 9 months old and I rarely think about how she came into being and I definitely don't feel differently about her except that I think that it will be great to have a little girl after talking about transformers and thomas the tank engine all the time!
    PS. I'm 42 and I definitely thought we would have a closer age difference but having a very self sufficient older sibling has turned to be a big help!

  6. Lulu,
    If your son is 4.5 and your daughter is 9 months, I think that is a perfect age difference. They will likely be in highschool together at least. My daughter will a few months short of 5 if this cycle is successful. But you get what you get, and try not to get upset!

    She will be a good big sister.
    I'm getting there, slowly. Considering delaying cycle one month to make sure I'm totally there, but not yet sure.

  7. agostino, I am not to a DE cycle yet but was glad to see your post as I've had similar thoughts. I have a ds that is 2 and a dss that is 13. Even with that huge age gap, ds and dss have a great, loving relationship. My dss is so nurturing to his little brother and helpful to us as well. There are pros and cons with any amount of age gap. You will enjoy it all! Good luck on your cycle. I hope to see a BFP from you soon.

  8. I thought I might make you feel a little better about the age gap situation. I was lucky enough to be blessed with children from my first marriage but life got in the way and I was not able to finish my family. I'm remarried and hubby and I wanted to fulfill our dream of more children. I went through what you are feeling about age and age gap between siblings and I really doubted myself. Then I went online and found tons of women like me.

    I'm 41 and my sons are 19, 21 and 23. I have not told the youngest who is an Army medic that I am in mid cycle because he is being deployed and I do not want him stressed by worrying about me but they all approve of the idea of a new sibling and are very excited. I know it won't be the same for them as it was growing up together but you should see the level of involvement. The son who is in college still lives at home and refuses to let me lift ANYTHING because he is worried about his "kid sister", the one out on the west coast emails every morning for my POAS results. Youngest son sent a newborn sized "My big brother wears combat boots" Tshirt last week and asked me "when I was going to get on with it" so I think he has either guessed or is eager for us to try.

    Anyway I thought I would put this out there so you would see that you are pretty normal compared to some of us. The definition of family has changed again and we older moms are pretty mundane now.

    As for the rest, we used donor embryos and have almost no idea about anything concerning the donor parent. Tomorrow is my beta and I think it will be a + if one can trust POAS. I don't feel any differently than I did with my biosons.

  9. Hi Ladies, I am so glad I found this thread. I have one 3.3 bio DD and have been recently matched at Cornell with a donor. My donor starts her meds 4/30 however, I have been awake at night with the exact same thoughts agostino has. I have been TTC #2 for so long (3 years) and after 8 failed IVF's and 3 failed IUI's and a 10 week MC I just feel to old (43) and whipped. I also worry about the DC's looks blending in with our family since we didn't see a piture of the donor (just a baby picture but she wasn't too cute of a baby). So I am completely freaked and wonder every day if we are doing the right thing. I love my DD so much who looks very much like me. Very worried and so hope I am doing the right thing.

    agostino did you make a decision on what to do?

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