Anyone getting ready for another cycle?

(156 posts)(18 voices)
  • Started by estradafeio ago.
  • Latest reply from riccardomorri.
  1. Hi Ladies!!!!!

    Busy-I am so sorry your cycle ended in a BFN. AS you know, there's nothing else I can say. I'm here for your venting.

    Play-glad to see you still have no news. As I posted a few weeks ago-we are such a negative bunch, I am excited to have no news just as much as good news at this point

    Jazz-glad to see you still check in too. Keep me posted on your plans

    The cruise was great-everyone had fun and I RELAXED!!!!!!

    Then came home to Chicago to a blizzard, negative 29 degrees and then an ice storm-good times!!!! I worked sunday and monday, had the inlaws over yesterday and my family last night and now today.

    I felt like such an a-hole upon return though.......I had posted about a cousin whom I felt "unworthy" being pg around Thanksgiving-well, I spent some time on trip telling Dh how resentful I am and that I am avoiding other family parties this spring (everyone's kids' bdays feb-june) so I didn't have to see her growing and glowing......well, she lost her baby-I guess they couldn't find hb (10wks) so did u/s and saw baby had stopped growing a week earlier.
    So, I wrote her a note and will be giving it to her tonight. I know it wasn't my fault-God, if only I could wish/pray for something we'd all be PG right now....but I still felt bad for being so selfish and bitter.

    I have stepdaughter all week (she's 11 and WONDERFUL!!!!!) so we've been really busy.

    I hope you all have a peaceful Christmas (I've only cried twice-once at end of Its A Wonderful Life and once during Ave Maria at midnight mass-and those are a given, not baby related.)

    Hugs & Love
    Cathy

  2. bungkaras - can you turn on your PM please.Thanks

    I apologize, but is there a spot where I can go to see what acronyms mean? I wasn't sure what PM stood for in the above message. Thanks for the info.

  3. PM is private message-that will enable one of us to send you a message only you can read. It is in your settings for your user name......its like an email.

  4. bungkaras - can you turn on your PM please.Thanks

    I turned on the PM. Hopefully, it will work.

  5. Well ladies...I hope everyone had a peaceful holiday. I am back at work and trudging along. I went to RE today for followup. I told him I want to take 6months to a year off and lose s ton of weight (yes literally a ton haha). He said he didn't see a problem that my ovarian reserve and lining has never been an issue-just my embryo quality and he can work on that w/the stims. He said my chances would be greater a year older and thinner than now and heavier so......... He also admitted that waiting til day 5 was probably a mistake this time. He said my embryo quality greatly diminished between D3 and D5-said my embies musty just like it inside better since that was the only way I got pg. SO, I'm on tha bench for awhile now. We just got a gym put in at work so I;m gonna get my but on there after the 1st everyday I work. I have NO willpower so I hope I can do it.......The upside is it gives us another year to travel, so we have just planned three getaways in a matter of an hour haha.

    Please keep me posted on your plans,I really want to follow your progress-I am always rooting for the underdogs so GO LADIES GO

  6. Happy Early Birthday, Cathy!

  7. cathy - I'm glad to hear that your trip away was relaxing. It must have been a shocker with the temp. change!

    I'm sorry about your cousin. Ironically the same thing happened to me last summer. I heard about my cousin being less than 6 f'ing weeks preg a few weeks following my m/c. I too biotch about the many neg. facts surrounding the preg. Anyway...a few weeks later I found out she lost the baby. I did send her a brief email acknowledging her loss (despite the fact that she has never acknowledged our late preg loss - or anything else in our lives) and did recieve a reply from her. On one hand I felt guilty with the thought that "if I don't deserve it why the hell does she" but on the other hand I knew, no matter how many bad thoughts I had (or how many good) what will be will be. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    As for your hiatus. I'm glad your thinking about doing so. I hope the time away gives you some mental clarity (I find it helps for me on some degree) but I also hope that when you return to this rat race that your so much stronger mentally and physically. Good luck with everything and please keep us posted on how your doing. (ps - Oh God, did I miss something?? whens your B-day??)

    jazzy - how're you doing?? I see keeping lively (if your comments on the other boards are any indication I haven't joined into the frey primarily because I hate getting my hands slapped but I do find it funny the few times the antagonist in question has sought advice she's been mostly ignored. Hopefully she get the hint and go gently into that good night.

    busybee - how're you doing? I hope your holidays were pleasent.

    To everyone else - hi!!

  8. happy new year ladies. hope you are all well

    Cathy- enjoy your hiatus and your vacations. where are you going on your trips? we havent traveled nearly as much as id like to since we started all this ivf stuff.

    play, im rooting for you. let us know how you are doing

    afm, Im doing well. planning to do a fet in late feb.

  9. Hi Ladies – Happy New Year everyone! Best wishes to everyone for a happy and prosperous New Year. Emphasis on ‘prosperous’

    Cathy: It's good that you 're taking care of yourself. Best of luck. You inspired me to book another cruise for Feb. Please keep us posted.

    Jazzy: Hope all is well. What is Frey?

    Busy: Good luck with your upcoming FET. Do you have a calendar? Will you be doing any meds other than progesterone?

    Play: Hope you are doing well. I’m also rooting for you.

    AFM: In summary…. I received a call from my nurse who explained that my lining doesn’t yet have a triple pattern and so my FET has been postponed a week approx. I have been prescribed estrace, which I will need to take until they see the right pattern. Good news is that my uterine blood flow is excellent! Bad news is that I’m still so nervous and started having nightmares about m/c again. Has anyone taken estrace vaginally? I’m also applying 4 x Vivelle dot 0.1 mg patches every other day.

    Hope everyone else is doing well. Anyone else cycling soon?

    Debbie

  10. sorry Debbie but bot to barge in I took estrace vaginally and it was fine. I always bleed right through progrestrone. so they added the estrace. I never had a prob and the pill is sooooo tiny the size of a BCP you never even know it is there.

    My pill was blue so in the morning I would have a slight blue discharge sooo light it would't even need a panty line!!!

    GL

  11. Hi GL

    Thanks for barging in, I’m very grateful for your response. I was even pleased to hear about the slight blue discharge as I was a little surprised when I experienced it . I know I’m supposed to be using estrace for the tipple pattern but since you used it for progesterone i.e. bleeding through, I’m wondering what it does and how it works? They didn't add it last time. Debbie

  12. well this is what hapened to me. on a natural cycle, IUI and IVF #1 exactly 5 days after 0 or retrievel I would start spotting. they added the P4 and still spotting al the way till af arrived. so doing the math I bleed for over 2 weeks.

    Even though when they ran blood work my E2 and P4 always came up normal. . What was found that when there is a drop in estrogen when after O my linnijg would break down early starting at day5. So even with P4 support it didn't help. The only month I didn't have the spotting was when I was on estrogen support. But that was also the month I got preggo. So I don't know if it was the Estrogen pill or the preg.

    I even spot when taking low estrogen BCP. So that tiny little 2mg pill is very important for some women. Estrogen helps us in many ways we need it to maintain our linning, grow follicles and sustain a preg. All's I have to say if it works then take it. haha it even cleared up my skin..

    They prob put you on it to make your linning stonger.
    GL
    I am starting a new cycle soon too a FET in FEB/March!!! good Luck to us!!!

  13. GL - I did some reading after your post and am very pleased that they added estrogen. I had an ultrasound this morning and so I’m praying that my lining is where it needs to be. My skin has also cleared up pretty drastically, but my biggest side effect is that my boobs are enormous! But I can think of worse side effects .

    I have an ovarian cyst that has developed which they said was fine, I’m just hoping it doesn’t get much bigger . Today I feel like I might get my period at any minute although I’m hoping its my mind playing tricks on me. I’m waiting for the Dr’s office to call and let me know when I can start progesterone. I’m hoping that things are where they need to be this time around.

    Have you made a decision re a day 3 or 5 day transfer? I opted for a day 5 but now I’m worried about my decision. I did day 3 the last time. I have one at day 5 and 9 or 10 at day 3. I am so worried that I won’t have any to transfer and will have to start again.

    Good luck for your transfer!! Like you I’m wishing us all luck. Are you on another board also?

    Debbie

  14. I know what you mean about the boobs On my last cycle my boobs went froma c to a DD. I looked stupid. I am only 120lbs and have a boney upper body.

    I am glad you are feeling better about the estrgoen all's it will do is make evrything a little stronger. I can't hurt.

    On IVf #1 I did a 5 day embryos slowed down and were a day behind BFN. so On Ivf #2 did a 3 day just to get them back in my body and twins so go figure. I find it less stressful the Day 3. If I need to do another fresh cycle then I am going to ask for a Day 3.

    Day 5 is better though if the embryo is still going on day 5 then it is strong. I have 2 (5day frozen blasts to put back in March).

    GL KMP!

  15. Deb

    Having never done a fet before I don't have much input but I wanted to wish you luck.

    I'm doing my first fet probably in March.

  16. Jazzy: Hope all is well. What is Frey?
    FREY? I have NO idea.

  17. Update! So, I chose to cancel my cycle I'm not sure whether to be happy because it just never felt right, or sad because now I have to wait again. My lining got to 7.2 with a triple patern but my Dr wants it at, at least 8 with a triple pattern, thats 1/2 mm between me canceling or not, but since I have a triple pattern at 7.2 it's not going to get any thicker. They don't see many pregnancies at under 8 so I want to wait. If it's going to fail, I want to give it the best chance :-)

    Hopefully I'll be cycling with some of you ladies in Feb/March timeframe :-) Hope all is well with all of you. Now I have a chance to lose some lb's before the transfer.

    Jazzy - Play mentioned FREY in a post to you and so I was wondering what it was.

    Debbie

  18. Well I’m pretty down today. My work colleague did IVF and of course she is pregnant the first try. I’m happy for her but so very sad for myself. Knowing that I had difficult transfers in the past she said “oh, the Dr said there was a wide open path to my uterus”. First of all I felt numb, then after I just felt very sad, and now I just want to go home and sleep. I’m so tired of hearing about other people’s pregnancies. I want to hear about mine . Maybe that selfish but I couldn’t care less today, I just want to be pregnant and experience a pregnancy to full term. Why can crack addicts, child abusers etc get pregnant and I can’t?

    So my friends HCG is low at 14, and I really hope it works for her, but why do I find myself thinking ‘I kind of hope it doesn’t’? I know that’s horrible of me to say, but I have thought it and hate myself for it. I hope one of you are online to chat

  19. deb, one thing I've learned in all this misery is its terribly lonely and while I would hate for any more people to suffer as I have, I would LOVE for them all the really and truly understand how I feel. I think the world would be a much better place if we could properly emphasize with those around us who suffer so much more.

    My sis is due any day now...with her 2nd. I can't help but notice that she got pregnant with number 1 a year and a half AFTER DH and I started trying. Anytime I think too long about it I can feel the stress settling in. Some times I imagine her losing this baby...not that I imagine it because i want her to, but I imagine it and the emotions that will surround it and I wonder how she'll feel and if she'll finally be able to relate to me, relate to everything I have gone through but then I remember that its impossible. For one, she's not infertile so as horrible as it sounds, she can have another one easy. The real clincher is though, she's got a child at home already so no matter what, she'll never be able to under stand. But through all this 'thinking' that I do, for some reason, if she did lose that baby, there's no doubt in my mind that she would make her loss so much more important than mine...that's the type of person she is.

    These aren't thoughts I'm proud to have but there it is...they flow through my mind and I can't stop them...I truly think that I 'go there' because I really do want someone in real life to really understand me...but again, i know in order to truly understand me, it equates to a pain that the person in question will carry for the rest of their lives, they can't just feel that way for a moment or two...its forever and because of that, I recognize that its best that my cross is my own to bare.

    I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I really hope that you don't have to spend much time with this colleague but PLEASE do yourself a favour and if she does keep saying things that you take her aside and have a talk with her. I know she won't really get it (1st IVF success generally equates to the mind frame equivalent to that of a fertile), but anything is better than nothing.

    I hope things get better.

  20. So my friends HCG is low at 14, and I really hope it works for her, but why do I find myself thinking ‘I kind of hope it doesn’t’? I know that’s horrible of me to say, but I have thought it and hate myself for it. I hope one of you are online to chat
    Well, I'm glad I'm human! I have felt like this before and wondered if I was normal! I mean it makes you feel like you must be a monster. *sigh* Just wanted you to know...I understand where you are coming from.

    (P.S. I went back looking for the "FREY" convo you were talking about, but I must be blind...didn't see it. Sorry.)

  21. I m/ced my twins in May. There were issues after the m/c because I had an infection due to the m/c and could not get my hcg levels back to normal for what seemed like eternity.

    I registered with a clinic in the Czech Repubic because it is so much cheaper to do IVF/DE there. I've made the deposit and have everything lined up but I cannot get excited. In truth I feel numb most of the time and find myself crying a lot. I am due to cycle at the end of Oct so the date for starting the hormones is fast approaching and I keep thinking that if I am this bad already what will I be like on the hormones.

    I want that warm fuzzy excited feeling back but all I seem to have is the feeling that something will go wrong again. The babies I lost were from a frozen donor embryo cycle from a middle age woman with an older husband so the odds were less than perfect from day one but I keep trying to find reasons to expect another m/c. I requested the donors of both the sperm and eggs be in their early 20s this time and I will be doing a fresh cycle but this sense of dread keeps clouding everything.

    I guess it is probably just too soon and that is why it is bothering me so much but I am 42 and I can't sit around and wait for it to feel right. Will this get better as the cycle goes on or should I just learn to live with it?

  22. Pickles - I lost out baby in June and am doing another cycle right now. I didn't want to wait and want to be pregnant as soon as possible again, but I did have a small break down last weekend when I had to start the stims again. I think because it was like here we go again and that I was turning my back on our baby (does that make sense?). Anyways the feeling has subsided and I am glad to be cycling again, but find it hard because I don't want to get too worked up in the cycle but at the same time how can I remain indifferent when it is on my mind every day - when to take the shot, when to go for monitoring, worrying I won't make it to ER or this cycle will result in less eggs/embryos. Then there is the fear that I will get a bfn or even if I get a bfp I still can't feel safe and happy.
    So what you are experiencing is prefectly normal, I just wish we could put these fears away.

  23. I'm joining you all in anxiety land and I haven't even started my cycle yet. I just started BCP and I'm doing an extended run of it because we are going on vacation and I don't want to be worrying about lupron while on vacation.
    I had a mild freak-out over the weekend and ended up calling this morning to ask my RE for a referral to MFM for a pre-pregnancy consultation. My peri got married and moved away since I delivered, and part of my anxiety is because I had bad experiences with a couple of the other doctors in the group, and want to get established with a new dr. before I get pg.
    We are doing a frozen cycle and only transferring one embryo since everything that went wrong with my pregnancy can be attributed to having transferred two embryos the first time around. I am freaked out that there might be something else wrong that they don't know about yet though. I don't think I'll be able to relax until I hit about 34 weeks!

  24. I lost twins at the end of Feb. due to my cervix. I am on my second cycle since the loss. The first one got canceled. My cycle I concieved the twins was perfect, everything about it now nothing has been. I am afraid of cancelation and BFNs. Somedays I cant do this, I break down a lot still. I cant believe I am here. I am so sorry to hear about all of our losses. It is not fair.

  25. Hello All! I am joining you ladies cause Im about to start Cycle #2. Emotionally I thought I was fine but as it keeps getting closer and closer , I can feel the anxiety....
    My last cycle ended in mc at 7wk in May, had a few complications, but all is good now.
    Waiting for AF to start to start my BCP.....Im trying with all I have to stay positive. I dont know if I have it in me to do this anymore after this try, for one, financially but honestly, even more , emotionally. That mc, KILLED ME!

    But, I am back and I am so happy for this website and all you girls on here, because that is what helped me thru all of this.

    Keeping my eye on the prize !!!
    Baby dust to ALL OF YOU!!

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