Anyone getting ready for another cycle?

(156 posts)(18 voices)
  • Started by estradafeio ago.
  • Latest reply from riccardomorri.
  1. Anyone gearing up for another cycle post-loss?

    This will be my 5th IVF cycle (4fresh/1FET now fresh). I only got a pos after 4th fresh. PG w/twins-that was March 2007. I lost my son & daughter at 22weeks July 31&aug 1st 2007. I did an FET Mar 08 from their "sib" embies and it didn't work. Now I am trying to gear up for another fresh cycle. I am sure I am ready yet will NEVER be ready again. Scared it won't work and terrified at being pg again.

    Anyone??

  2. Hi Cathy,

    Jeez, you've been to hell and back. I'm so sorry to read of your story. My good friend lost triplets at about 28 weeks, so I've witnessed a tiny slice of what that trauma is like. She will never be the same again, and I'm guessing you are in the same boat.

    I can't believe I am writing this, but I am having my egg retrieval for IVF#4 tomorrow. My only "success" was an ectopic pg after IVF#1 back in March. I have high FSH, so it takes me a boatload of meds to get about three decent follicles. I have pretty much given up hope that I will ever be pg, nevermind actually birth a live, healthy child. But we are lucky to have insurance coverage, so I plow through the treatments. Still, I never find any happiness. I get angry that I allowed myself to believe that IVF would ever answer my prayers. I am 32 years old.

    Anyhoo, that's my story. I spend lots of time lurking but don't post all too often. I'd love to hear from you.

    E

  3. Hi Cathy.

    I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son and daughter. I lost twins (Lily and Sam) 3 months ago @ 24 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. I know exactly what you mean about being scared it won't work and even more scared that it will!

    I will be starting stims at the end of the month for IVF #8. (I have a 2 1/2 year old son conceived on IVF #6.) I wish that I could have taken more time to recover from the loss of my twins, but I'm 41 and so I don't have any time to "waste."

    Do you have a schedule yet for your next cycle? I am hoping that we will both have bfp's and, more importantly, uneventful pregnancies and healthy babies!!

    Dreamer: I will be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping for a successful ER. Please let us know how it goes.

    Kim

  4. Dreamer-
    I hope all went well today and you're feeling okay......please keep us posted. My first 3 IVFs I had verrrrrrry poor response (PCOS) I'm now 36. I switched REs for my 4th (and only BFP) fresh . I did follistem and low dose hcg at higher doses and then addded the antagon ganirelex later in stims....got best batch of eggs ever-10 and after putting back 6 4 made it to freeze (first time ever). This time he said since I didn't come close to hyperstimulating he'll start me even higher to see if we can get even more eggs this time.

    Kim-I too am hoping this will be our time-for better or worse. I am getting myself through by telling myself over and over I will never feel differently no matter how long I wait. We would be mourning our twins and fearing another loss if we waited another 20 years. Our pain doesn't go away.
    I start my stims on 11/5 so I'll be right behind you.

    Hopefully we can all move our thread to pg due next summer together.
    Thanks for the support-I hope I can offer you the same!!!!!

  5. Hi
    May I join?
    Cathy, this is Happy, We chated few months ago on pregnancy loss board. I too lost twins last july. Remember me? I am sorry to hear that your cycle in March didn't work.It must be devasting. I am totally related. We are in the same boat. I just had a failed fresh (#4) IVf cycle in July and waiting for my hysteroscopy in November. Very anxious about the waiting. I am 38, time is ticking.
    Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much. I am glad you had a success from one of these cycles. I wish you the best for your next cycle.
    Dreamer, I understand the frastration. Don't give up hope. Dr. said youger people with high FSH have higher successful rate than older women, So don't give up hope.

  6. Hi Girls,

    I only got two eggs... not a big surprise since I only had three mature follicles at my last ultrasound. Even though I anticipated the retrieval would be poor, I still woke from the anesthisia and cried like a baby. I can't take much more of this.

    I'll find out more info on Thursday. If these two fertilize and cleave, the ET will be Friday. But I've been hit by this train enough times to know that this cycle is probably already over.

    Sigh.

    E

    P.S. I'm sorry to read about all of your losses. It's just devastating, I'm sure. Nothing can erase that pain. Ever.

  7. Dreamer: I'm sorry that you only got 2 eggs. I'm crossing all my fingers, toes, arms and legs that come Friday you will have 2 beautiful embies to transfer. But I completely understand how hard it is to be hopeful in this kind of situation. I think we've all been through so much and are so aware of how many things can go wrong. Sometimes it's "easier" to try and prepare yourself for the worst. I hope that you'll be able to do something nice for yourself while you wait for more news on Thursday.

    Cathy: You are absolutely right that this probably wouldn't be easier even if I had been able to take more time to mourn. I really hadn't thought about it that way before. I'm glad that we'll be cycling so close together.

    Happy: Welcome. I'm glad you found us here. I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins. I wish that none of us were here on this board. But I'm glad that we will all be able to get support from people who understand where we're coming from. I'm sorry that you are in waiting mode. I find that to be the most frustrating and stressful time of all.

    Warning: Sad stuff ahead...

    Today is a sad day for me... If I hadn't lost Lily and Sam 3 months ago, my c-section would have been scheduled for today. It is hard to believe that on what should have been their birthday, I am cycling again. I've been thinking about them and missing them a lot lately.

    Kim

  8. Hi all,

    I'm going to join you all in preparing to cycle again. Its been a while since I've been part of a cycling thread and I've decided that I need the distraction for this upcoming cycle.

    Dreamer - I have to give you soo much credit for moving forward with 2 (knowing you only had 3 follies). I would be a complete basket case right now so from my vantage point your pretty amazing. I have my fingers crossed that there's nothing but smooth sailing from here on out and that those two eggs are as strong as their mother.

    I too am a poor responder though I do produce ~10 eggs (historically) when on max stims. I have only at best ended up with 3 usable embryos so I know to a small degree how much emotion and hope is placed on a long shot. I'll be checking in tomorrow to see the fert report.

    kim - sorry that today is such a sad reminder. I'm actually approaching my twins 1 year birthday (Nov 7) and will be in the midst of the cycle by the time that day arrives. On one hand both events will be good distractions for the other but on the other hand, I don't think I could pack much more emotion into such a short period of time.

    I'm sorry for everyone's losses but I'm also glad to be a part of a group that in part 'gets' where I am emotionally with cycling and all the up hill battles following. A BFP is really just the first step in this whole process...

    A little about me - this will be my 4th cycle. I've been (in part) successful 2/3 times but karma, bad luck, God's Will (blech) or whatever you want to call it, has reared its ugly head. With the loss of twins at 24 weeks (IVF #2) and a m/c at 10 weeks (IVF #3) I've come to the realization that I'm possibly a victim of good ol' bad luck - wondering if maybe someone/thing has been trying to tell me something. I'm either a slow learner or just a sucker for punishment because here I go again.

    To up the ante, my RE has pretty much given up on my own eggs and is convinced that I'm dealing with DOR (we started with MF). For the last 8 months he's been throwing the DE recommendation at me and we keep putting it off because we have some 'so close'.

    That's pretty much it in a nut shell

    Its shitty we're all here but glad I have some company.

  9. Welcome nadiafilipfa and happy (I do remember you and your babies of course) ......

    Kim-I hope you're doing okay-I know how hard anniversaries are. We lose not only our babies, but all of our dreams for them. I have been so sad this month seeing all the halloween stuff-I had some really cute ideas for costumes for us and it's just one more reminder. I said a couple prayers for Sam and lily. I remember on my due date, my MF nurse called me just to acknowledge the day and it hurt so much -but also felt so good that someone else remembered them and that they were real.

    Play-I'll be thinking of you as well this season-you're right, it sucks to be us, but at least we're not alone!

    dreamer-Please keep us updated...I am not trying to sound trite like all those ridiculous babydust people, (I hate the babydust people)but most women only get one a month so let's keep the faith.

  10. Dreamer- How are you holding up????

  11. I would also like to join you in preparing to cycle again. I just got first AF after m/c at 8 weeks back in early August accompanied with Hyperemesis which made me feel like hell. HCG levels finally went down to zero early last week. Now AF is here and soon to be gone. I'm soooo afraid of whats to come for many reasons, but will be willing to give support and will also gladly accept it

    I'm sorry that we had to meet under such circumstances and look forward to sharing some joyful times with you in future.

    I will be cycling in Dec, and will require a hysteroscopy before. Doing a FET this time around, and am praying that some of them will survive the thaw. This is IVF # (Bloody hell, I can't even remember. I think I'm trying to forget). I think it's around #5 (and includes one where the RE dropped embryo's just before xfer) thats 4 fresh transfers and one frozen which resulted in loss. I asked my husband and he said '5.5'. He was obviously has been on another planet for the last cycle. I'm 33 years old with one ovary and tube after a fibroma in 97. Now why couldn't that fibroma take 5lbs of fat from my thighs instead of my taking my ovary!

    Debbie

  12. Welcome deb-

    I am so sorry for your loss and recent illnesses......here's hoping we're a lucky group...I'm thinking that with the group of creative names all meaning something good-play,happy,dreams,stars......we're in the right direction.

    No I'm not some crazy granola chick-just grasping at straws at this point!

  13. Hi Deb,
    welcome,. I am really sorry for what you have been through. Good luck on your hysteroscopy.

    Like Cathy said, I also wish our group is a lucky group. I am really looking forward to share some happyness with your ladies.

  14. On today, National pregnancy and infant loss day.....here's to all of our babies-I know we acknowledge and remember them everyday, but today's their "day" from the rest of the world

    peace and hugs

  15. hi,
    im doing my second ivf cycle next month after a 10 week fetal demise - dnc at the end of july.
    i didnt let myself get attached last time till i saw the heart beat.

    just had the battery of tests for repeat preg loss-neg wu so far.
    start bcp tommorow, aiming for ER thanksgiving week.

    im excited and terrified to move on again

    im so sorry to read about all of your losses but im glad to have found you all

    busy bee

  16. Welcome deb-I am so sorry for your loss and recent illnesses......here's hoping we're a lucky group...I'm thinking that with the group of creative names all meaning something good-play,happy,dreams,stars......we're in the right direction.Well add "JAZZY" to the list of creative names.

    HI PLAY! Hope you remember me...we chatted on a thread here in this section about our losses and you gave me such great insight on checking into the cause. I should have known there was a connection (albiet a sad one) besides that fact that I loss my son at 24 weeks, the same gestation you lost your twins. But after reading your post I was almost moved to tears reading that you lost your babes the EXACT same day I lost my little boy, November 7. And the fact that they would be a year old in 2 weeks makes it that much worse to face. But would you believe me if I told you that as I gear up for IVF#3 my transfer is looking like it will be on their birthday? Either God is shining down upon me determined to make that a happy day after all or it's some kind of twisted fate. We'll see which...

  17. Busy & Jazzy-
    Welcome.....Here\'s hoping you'll bring luck to our little group. I am so sorry for your losses. Jazzy-I know how hard this time of year will be for you and Play. I attempted an FET w/my twins' embryos almost to the day they were transferred. Talk about a mix of emotions! Like this whole process isn't difficult enough to deal with...us emotional wrecks have twofold issues to handle!

    I got my medications yesterday and almost had a breakdown cleaning out a kitchen drawer for everything......I was especially peeved because they didn't ship me a new follistem pen and I had to call them-I got a "we're sorry Mrs B-I thought you still had one from your other cycles"....I wanted to scream at the poor girl that I threw all that SH*& out when I was pregnant with my twins!!!!!!

    This SUC*$S!!!!!!!!

  18. HI PLAY! Hope you remember me...

    Jazzy - of course I remember you!! Its funny though, in posting it didn't occur to me that our situations (gestational age, baby's birthday's) were so similar. How are you doing?? Is this your first cycle since your loss. We're not going to be quite so close in cycle timing but man, that makes for a scary timetable for you.

    I had mixed feelings doing this cycle around such notable milestones but a long time ago I realized that Nov 7th will actually be a happier day than others (rather than sadder). Everyday I feel that loss, everyday is a dark day...at least I can remember that Nov. 7th was the day I gained so much (I met my two perfect little Angels). Every other day just reminds me of loss.

    On another note, it was a debate as to whether the cycle and birthday would compound my stress or would each give me a reason not to be so focused on each individual event.

    Thus far I haven't really thought too much of this cycle and have remained reasonably detached. As a result time has flow by. As for their birthday - I've been working with DH to come up with an event we can do that day that allows us to really appreciate that day and look forward to it each year (rather than dread it). We still haven't figured out anything but we've considered packing up for a day long hike up to one of the mtn peaks in the area and just enjoy each other's company (plus our 3 fur balls). Not that I'm looking forward to the exhaustion of the hike () but certainly the time away just for us would be nice.

    cathy - it sucks eh when they screw up like that. My 2nd cycle I realized on a Sat night (first night of stims) that they didn't include any menopur needles. I didn't bother going through stuff until I needed it...just causes me to stress. I didn't know what to do and sat there stumped. It took about an hour before I realized I probably had some left from the first cycle.Found 2 needles to get me through to the Monday. Their response - "opps, sorry". WTF!! That's a pretty expensive opps in my opinion. (I'll admit, I now do a quick check when I pick up the meds).

  19. For oyu ladies that had late term losses, did you bury or creamate your babies? I know it's so personal, but on their birthdays (Aubrey was born after midnight-Tommy before, so they each had their own bdays) My husband and I go to the cemetery together. I go all the time and change out decorations for the holidays/seasons. DH is definately a "move on" type of guy and hasn't gotten any comfort out of rehashing everything-he says talking about it makes him too sad all over again-but that is the one thing we share quietly just the four of us. It was bittersweet taking their bday flowers there, but it's a crazy way I feel like I'm "taking care of" my babies. Although spending time together in a cemetery isn't a laughfest-we really connected again with each other because we've grieved so differently-I know this whole mess brought us closer together-but there were days-sometimes weeks we both felt miles away and misunderstood. This helped us to share some time together alone with them like the night we had them

    Sorry-I know this is a personal topic-just my two cents

  20. We creamated our babies. We chose creamate because we were not sure where we are going to end up settling down. We don't want to leave them behind. DH and I grief in very different ways and we don't communicate. we both love them so much and it is just too hurt to talk, it is like open the wound again.

  21. cathy, for me taking about my lost boys is never a sensitive subject. I love keeping them alive and sharing them as much as possible. They existed and I love that others acknowledge them and know that they existed and meant something.

    Like happy - we too cremated our boys. We both strongly believe in cremation for each other (for a number of reasons) and we'll eventually puchase a plot where DH myself and at least the boys will be buried.

    We live in a town with a huge trail network and DH and I have often thought of contacting the city in the hopes of purchasing a bench dedicated to them situated somewhere along the trails. We hope that it will be a place we can go. Sort of equivalent to a grave site.

    When we lost them there were so many decisions we made based on the fact that they were so tiny. We opted out of anything too flashy, too big or fancy knowing in our hearts they would have been two very mischevious boys and each decision we make is based on how we believe they would have grown. As DH and I are both outdoor enthusiasts, we know they boys would have loved the outdoors...hence the bench along a trail.

    DH and I both talk openly about them but DH is much more positive about it refusing to view the situaiton as a loss (though he does have his moments). Instead he constantly maintains that everything about them were wonderful and how can he be sad when they brought soo much happiness. While I do focus on their loss and ours, I very much appreciate DH's view and his openess in talking about them, making wonderful comments such as "the boys would have loved this".

    My mom even tells people that she has x number of grandchildren which always is two extra to include the boys.

    Don\'t get me wrong, we have our moments where my pain is too much for DH and he has a hard time relating (and vice versa) but somehow our situation works and the way DH has approached everything we've been through puts me in awe at how wonderful a father he should be and, if things finally work in our favour, he will be.

  22. Jazzy - of course I remember you!! Its funny though, in posting it didn't occur to me that our situations (gestational age, baby's birthday's) were so similar. How are you doing?? Is this your first cycle since your loss. We're not going to be quite so close in cycle timing but man, that makes for a scary timetable for you.
    Nope, this is our second cycle since we lost him. We cycled at the end of June/early July and had a chemical. It was by far our worse cycle in terms of quality because for whatever reason they put us on a different protocol. I am of the opinion "if it ain't broke don't try to fix it!" And the fact that the original protocol got us pregnant...the loss being totally unrelated, would seem to me as though we would want to keep things the same. So we took a 3 month break after the chemical and here we are again. What about you? I seem to remember you cycled earlier this year also, right?

    Quote:
    For oyu ladies that had late term losses, did you bury or creamate your babies?
    We created our son like the other ladies. And I agree with PLAY...I LUV talking about him. Anyway, we haven't done anything with the ashes yet. We had a couple different ideas (because DH didn't want to do the "urn" thing since he didn't think he could bear to have our son on a mantle in the house to look all the time although my father is creamated and in an urn). So we thought we'd scatter his ashes on my DH's family's burial plot where his dad and grandad are buried. But we never got around to doing it because someone sent us a beautiful memorial kit with a diary and tree seeds we can plant in honor of our son. We though we might like to put his ashes in the plant pot where we grow these seeds and then by the time the tree has sprouted enough to be planted outdoors, we will have bought our house (since we currently live in an apt.) and we can put the tree in the backyard of our new home. So I'm thinking that is what the plan is now although we really haven't discussed it in several months.

  23. Jazzy - sorry to hear you dealt with another loss as well. Yes, we made it to 10 weeks with our latest attempt though the heart stopped beating around 9 weeks (baby showed to be about 8.5 weeks along but was measuring at 7.5 weeks at our 8 week u/s. I was also sure I found the h/b with the doppler at 9 weeks and the next day couldnt' find it...for the next 5 days I 'knew' we had lost it and thus the 10 week u/s wasn't as much as a surprise as it could have been).

    Anyone interested in re-capping their cycle timing?

    As for me, just bumping along. Nothing major happening right now.

    Jazzy I'm guessing you should be starting stims soon?
    Cathy, you got your meds, when do you start? What protocol are you on?
    Happy - where abouts are you??

    vesna1961?? BusyBee?? kinnyc?? are you still checking in??

  24. Good Idea nadiafilipfa, I may start stimulation from the end of November, hopeful. I really want a good Christmas gift.

  25. Yep, I'm actually stimming now, PLAY. ER should be next week...I'm betting Wednesday or Thursday. So that would make ET not the day I though it would be (Nov. 7). Not sure if that's a good or bad thing...

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