Well I feel I have let IF turn me into a different person, I feel that evil sets in sometimes due to my misery and struggle. I am definitely NOT the same person I was before IF, and I know it. I don't like who I've become, but I can't help it and truth be told, I'm proud of myself for surviving.
How\'s does this sound for payback? My ignorant cousin got very upset when she said she didn't understand why I wouldn't go to a party for her neice (my baby cousin) when there would be other little ones around. I barked back w/hysteria and started screaming how I felt about being around toddlers. She looked crushed and baffled and couldn't comprehend my insane response. My DH said I brutalized her.
Well guess what? She just failed her first IVF, but has 10 frosties waiting for transfer and barked at me in a text message when I said that I guess FET would be next, and she said, what else would it be? Who the hell are you to bark at me after what I've been through beotch. Then a few days later she leaves me a message asking my advice if she should do a medicated or natural FET. I waited 2 days to reply and then sent her an email telling her to google it and said how would I know, I've never had leftovers, AND SHE KNOWS IT!!! WHAT AN IDIOT. Before she completed the failed cycle she said hopefully god would give her a break. Are you f--king kidding me. I said well after 7 failed IVF's I got no break. I'm sure she will get pregnant w/the frosties, and frankly, it pisses me the f--k off. Why should it be so much easier for her when she is so clueless. I said to her, at least you won't have to pump yourself up w/the drugs anymore.
Now her sister who has tried to be supportive, but has no idea how to be, who has an almost 2 yr old just told me that after 6 months of sex, she can't get pregnant and is consulting w/a specialist. WELCOME TO MY WORLD GIRLS! She said she can't imagine surviving a cycle. Can you believe it?
I've never heard her say how impressed she is w/me and what I've lived through and now she can't survive a cycle.
My new year's resolution was to take care of me and not be there for everyone the way I used to be. Every one always knew if they were in dispair they could turn to me, but you know what? My dispair has been dealt with without any of my family's help. I do have a few friends that try to help, but truth be told, only my fellow IF friends can get me through.
I'm no longer available the way I used to be. I'm not mentally capable to support others bs, unless of course it's a fellow IF. What do you think of that?
Af for Celine Dion, is it possible that she sails through each cycle, or could she possibly fess up about the emotional brutality involved w/this bs.