Anyone choose a donor whose coloring

(12 posts)(11 voices)
  1. is different than theirs or their DH?

    Dh and I are both fair- he is super fair, I am just fair, light brown hair (enhanced to a much more flattering blonde and hazel eyes.
    The donor has very dark brown hair, olive skin and brown eyes and looks nothing like me!
    My sisters however, have the same coloring as the donors.
    So my question is, will the child standout. We are also using a gestational carrier and I don't want a ton of questions- particularly once the child begins to get a little older.
    People can make the most thoughtless comments. I know there is not a right or wrong answer to this but would just like some feedback.

    Thanks everyone.

  2. I wouldn't worry. Chances are that if you had a child w/ your dna that child may just look like your sisters in coloring. You just never know. In my own family I'm the dark haired one and my sister was the platinum blonde baby. She tans better than I do and I'm the one who gets a nice burn and freckles. You just never know.
    AFM, the donor I chose has more olive skin than either me or my dh, but she's wonderful in every other way.

  3. Hi!

    Congratulations on choosing a donor!

    I agree with seiferbrix. My Mom was fair, auborn hair, my Dad black hair (blonde as child) and tans dark brown. All three of us children have extremely dark hair, but one is fair, one medium and one when tanned does not look caucasion.

    When are you expected to cycle?


  4. in my family and in dh's family all the cousins are blonde and blue eyed- as we all were as kids. but almost all the adults have darkened up- in his family, two brothers w/ brown eyes, him with hazel, and in mine, all blue or green eyed but light brown to dark brown hair. and some of the cousins are getting brown eyes as they get older

    so.... i was pretty broad in selection of donor- looked for them to have green or blue eyes and blonde in childhood- but our donor is blue eyed as an adult, and with auburn hair. baby was bald and now blonde at almost 2- w/ green eyes.

    i'm in the tell camp, though, with the exception of a few elderly relatives- and i figure they'll die before the kids get old enough.... harsh, i know, but it's the truth!


  5. Oh, I forgot to answer the other part of your quesiton. My donor is fair like I am and our smile/face shape and body height/shape are similar, but her eyes and hair colour are different than mine.


  6. After one failed DE cycle, I selected a donor who had completely different coloring than me because 1) She was proven, 2) Her medical history was impecable, and 3) She was immediately available.
    I now have b/g twins who are very, very fair. I have olive skin and people do comment on it (especially my family!) But, DH is Eastern European so everyone assumes his genes dominated....

  7. I did choose a donor with brown hair (her parents have brown hair too). I'm blonde (so is my husband) and my sister and mom are blonde. So I guess that I can explain it away that my dad and brother have brown hair. I really liked her profile and was willing to give up on what I think is one of my more prominent characteristics.

    However, genetics are funny. My friends have a son (non-donor) who is very blonde. She is Italian and he is part Native American. Both have darker characteristics. They have no idea where their little blondie came from!

  8. I can totally relate to this thread! I chose a donor based on prior success and availibility rather than physical characteristics.

    I have red hair, bright blue eyes and a porcelin complection (no freckles).

    My DH has "average Joe" coloring... medium brown hair (blonde as a kid), medium brown eyes, medium complexion.

    Our donor has dark hair/eyes skin, and was dark/tan as a child. She looks nothing like me. She is darker than both of us. What is interesting is that her profile says that her mother has blue eyes and her grandmother had red hair/blue eyes. You just never know.

    I've decided I don't care... growing up red haired wasn't so fun anyway!!! Not to mention I have brown hair/eyed parents! LOL!!!

  9. Happy I found this thread! I still don't know if I'm going to tell or not. Leaning towards not.

    My donor is not proven (I didn't even know that was something to ask, I just know it's her first time.) She is 23, and has blue eyes and dark brown hair. Medium skin.

    My DH and I both have olive (as they call it....yuck hate that word) skin. He has dark brown hair and medium brown eyes. I have very dark brown hair (I dye it black to cover the grey) and sort of hazel eyes.

    We're assuming the DH's sperm DNA will dominate as it would be very difficult to explain blue eyes in a baby, but my grandmother had blue eyes, so maybe that would work.

    My FET is on May 4th. It's my second try. Getting very nervous and excited.

    Good luck to everyone!!!!

  10. I find this topic very interesting myself. It was very important to me to find a donor that would "fit in" with with Dh and me...I focused on Dh & me in looking at donors, not just my characteristics....the more things you have in common w/ Dh, the more difficult I think it is.

    I'm still glad we got certain things matched, like eyes, since DH & I both have blue & there is a 99% chance of blue eyes in that case. It has helped me reduce my anxiety...I've relaxed about it now though as I've been looking around at all the combos many kids are differnt from their parents in coloring, etc.

    Ultimately, of course, it doesn't really matter - but if you're not there yet, you're not there yet & I think that's ok.

  11. It's in the eye of the beholder to some extent. I am amused on almost a daily basis that my DD (who looks nothing like me - coloring, face shape, hair, nothing) receives comments from friends and strangers about how much she looks like me. She does look like DH, but it's quite obvious to us (and close family members who know she was DE) that she looks nothing like me. But other folks see what they "expect" to see. It's kind of bizarre, really.

  12. success mntn

    I am very olive and my DH has average coloring. Our baby is just as fair as can be! We joke about it, and I blame it on one of my DH's parent's who has lighter coloring. We are no tell so far, and like others, I receive comments on how our little one looks like me (and he does not!). He doesn't look much like DH either, and he is the genetic parent. We just picked a relative or two and say we think he takes after that person. People totally go for it. They see what they want.

    I had a donor that looked just like me, but she failed her work up and we went for a great producing proven for round two. I can understand that if you are using a surrogate people may already have their brains you may prefer similar coloring if you have privacy concerns. I think since I am younger than most doing DE and people are generally naive, it was a bit less of a concern for me. It would have been nice to have more similar looks, but I am happy with how things turned out for us.

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