Am I crazy to try again? On the way to IVF#5 at 43

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  • Started by lagaluga1987 ago.
  • Latest reply from lagaluga1987.
  1. Had it at 7:45am this morning. This time was rather uncomfortable, especially by comparison to the one last month that was a breeze. Results in 3-5 days, but my lining was at a 14 rather than the 11mm of last month.

    SOO happy to be stopping the meds. Still tired today, but looking forward to the estrogen wearing off and being awake again!

    Various thoughts: had been looking into a Mind/Body workshop for fertility, focused on learning relaxation techniques, nutrition, etc.. The price is good for this type of thing, but its still several hundred dollars I don't have to spend. I thought it might be really good to put me in a more Myrto mental state, but at the same time, its open to people at any stage. Not sure I could take being with women just starting out with all the excited expectation of success that I had when I first began. It starts this week, so need to decide soon what to do....wondering if I might do better to put the $ toward individual therapy. I just feel like I need some help sorting through my feelings and coming to a decision about proceeding with OE or not.

    Related to the above, for a long time now, I've only been focused on the immediate goal of getting pg and its been too painful to think beyond that. Its been hard to imagine I will EVER be a mother. Feel permanently stuck. Lately, I've been wondering if it would be better if I tried to shift my mind to assume I will be a mother, without focusing on how. Basically, having the vision of me as a Mom in my head to move toward, rather than keeping visions of all the obstacles I am encountering front and center. So I decided to step foot in a Babies R' Us--which up to now I have completely avoided. I browsed around at everything from clothes, to bathtub cushions, to strollers. Got a sense of prices, what's available. It was okay. I almost teared up at one point, and felt my difficult feelings rise at seeing the women signing up at the baby registry. But I was also okay at other points. We'll see how this approach goes. I'm experimenting right now, but I really need some kind of shift.

    Baby, how did the IUI go?
    Hope, how are you?
    sadkiab, thinking of you.


  2. Hi everyone,

    I will do personals later, but just wanted to update you. Today I had my level 1 sono, and as I suspected, is is probably blighted ovum. BTDT 4 times already... There was a sac, possible a yolk, but no heartbeat. The nurse wants to recheck me next week 1/19, just to make absolutely sure that this is non-viable.

    I'm moving on to egg donor.

    Anam and Baby, are we celebrating our birthdays together soon?

  3. Oh, sadkiab, I'm so sorry....and the fact that you still have to go back again to make sure. How heart rending! I'm glad you have your plan B, but I'm sure you are sad. Take care dear.

    Yes, 44 happens this weekend. I've been telling folks I will be celebrating my continued aging process...that's my sarcastic side. I will share a quote, though, in honor of our bdays that I like very much, even though aging obviously has such a negative impact on our fertility: \"Don't regret growing old. Many are denied the privilage.\" Puts a different perspective on it, which I sure need help keeping.

    Take care to all,

  4. sadkiab... I'm so very sorry for the hell that you've been through. Call me if you want to get together for lunch or drinks or lunch with drinks. I can always do a virgin...

    Related to the above, for a long time now, I've only been focused on the immediate goal of getting pg and its been too painful to think beyond that. Its been hard to imagine I will EVER be a mother. Feel permanently stuck. Lately, I've been wondering if it would be better if I tried to shift my mind to assume I will be a mother, without focusing on how. Basically, having the vision of me as a Mom in my head to move toward, rather than keeping visions of all the obstacles I am encountering front and center.

    That's a great strategy Anam. The entire time that I went through IF treatments, I always had a vision of DH and I in the OR with me holding our baby in my arms completely in love with the baby. I think that's what got me through this IF hell. It's not that I didn't care how I got there, but I did have a plan to get there, and I just plugged away at my plan. After my m/c from a DE cycle, I just wanted to walk away from it all and live a child-free life. It was just too painful to go through again and again. My sister asked me if I could see my life without kids 10 years from now, and I just couldn't. So back on the IF roller coaster hell I go...

    Baby... Thinking of you...

  5. Hi Ladies,

    My last cycle turned out to be 41 days, so today at D2, I went in for baseline and my E2 is 66, and my FSH came out to be 12.6. These numbers are not good, but my RE is ok with me to go forward with stim tonight if I would like to proceed. I have made the decision that I am going to give IVF one last try. After the last cycle, I'll move on. But with the numbers so high, I don't know if I should try to go ahead and stim tonight and make this cycle my last try. On the other hand, I may never get better results anyways, so why wait? Maybe I should just go ahead and get it over with. Difficult decision to make, but I have to make it quickly by tonight.

    Any input or thoughts are welcome to help me make this decision.


  6. sadkiab, I am so sorry. I can imagine how hard it has been. Hang in there, my friend. Big hugs and my heart goes out to you. Take good care and be strong, ok?

    Anam, I think you are doing the right thing. It is so much easier to focus on the Myrto side of the long path we are all travelling together. I do agree that if we are determined to become a mother, we will be as long as we keep an open mind. Good luck and happy birthday!

    Baby, how are you doing? Are you still doing IUI this weekend? Sending you good luck!


  7. Hope,

    The only thoughts I have to offer are these: forget about the numbers, forget about the chances, just focus on what you feel like doing. Make it your choice, what you need and want, and not about what anyone else thinks. As much as possible forget about all the pressures and do your last cycle when you are ready and feeling in a good place. If that is now, great. If that is next month, or 3 months from now, great. Think of driving rather than being driven and see where you want to go.

    Good luck and let us know what you decide!


    PS AFM Second biopsy same result as the first--lining immature. The good news is the PIO shots don't help me, so looks like I don't have more of them in my future. The ambiguous news is what to do next. RE recommended an unmedicated biopsy. Still trying to sort out the implications of this. Just got the news today. Could be I don't respond well to the meds and they actually messed up my lining and it will look good when left natural. Could be my lining is cr*p and I need to move to adoption. Need to think about this a bit.

  8. What endometrial biopsy did you end up getting? Where were the results sent - what lab? I'm wondering b/c if you remember my previous post (I think on page 3 or 4) I had the endometrial biopsy done and my RE at the time didn't know what to do with the abnormal results. I had to go to another RE, 4 years later, who knew what to do to correct my abnormal lining.

    Also, can you tell me exactly what your abnormal result said?

  9. Hi Jayjay,

    Not sure I know how to answer what kind of biopsy was done, but will tell you what I know right now and then you are giving me ideas of what questions to ask for further clarification.

    It was performed about 6 dpo, and he just did a little scraping. The tissue was sent to Fairfax Medical Labs in Chantilly, VA. My RE said my lining is not inflammed and is a good thickness, but he said that the glands that need to develop to produce secretions that support implantation are not developing properly. At 6 dpo, they are only developed to where they look like it is only 2-3 dpo.

    Thoughts? I will also scroll down and look for your previous post on this.

    Many thanks,

  10. There are so many \"types\" of endometrial biopsies - I mean, they test for the endometrial tissue in several ways depending on what they're looking for.....cancer cells, etc.

    Another example is, many women here have had the endometrial biopsy and the tissue was submitted for a test called E-tegrity. In this test, they look for a protein needed for implantation and that protein is called Beta3 Integrin. They also look for whether you have and \"in-phase\" or \"out-of-phase\" lining. This test is sent somewhere in Northern California. I'm thinking Palo search it.

    Another example of endometrial biopsy was the one I did. My endometrial tissue was sent to Yale, particularly to Dr. Harvey Kliman. The test was done in 2 different times during my cycle. The 1st one was done on the 14th/15th day starting from the 1st day of menses, and the 2nd was done on the 25th/26th from the start of menses. He looks for how the endometrium develops on a cellular level. Mine came back normal for the 14th/15th day testing (which means that I have a normal follicular phase - when the follicles/eggs develop), but I had a very abnormal 25th/26th day result (which means abnormalitly during the luteal phase - when the embryo is trying to implant). The result was consistent with my early pregnancy losses (achieved naturally) and multiple failed ART/IVFs/FETs, either ending in chemical or BFN.

    The original RE who did my endometrial tests, back in 2003/2004, f*cked up, to say the least. He 1st messed up how to do the endometrial tests and had to do them again and 2nd when the results came back he didn't know what to do with it and made up a treatment plan which consisted of laparoscopy, IVIG, and some other sh*t. He wasted my money and additional 4 1/2 precious years were taken from me.

    I switched to another RE who KNEW what to do with my abnormal results.
    Here's a transcript of Dr. Kliman talking about the EFT....
    As you can read, Dr. Kliman talks to the RE about the treatment plan for the patient, depending on what the results are. My current RE spoke to him in length versus my previous RE not communicatiing with Dr. Kliman (which I found about it in 2007), hence, the bogus treatments.

    Depending on which test your RE believes in, he will either perform the E-tegrity test or the EFT, or some other ones he believes in - which in your case is probably what happened (another test was done besides the 2 I've mentioned).

    My current RE does A LOT of the EFT and so he knew what to do with me - my abnormal results. At the beginning he warned me that even if the abnormalities are corrected, success might still not happen. I was prepared for another disappointment, but I wanted to try ONE MORE TIME. My Hail Mary cycle in 2008 (5th FET), with my current RE, yielded me my success with my own eggs (embryos created from when I was 40).

    Although this test is still experimental, even after 10 years+ of study, I'm a living proof of how it can help a woman achieve her dreams of becoming a mom.

    I can't stress this is very important to go to an RE who can perform the test compitently AND ALSO be able to treat you prudently. In your case, I'm thinking your RE doesn't know what to do with your abnormal result. This is a speculation on my part, but do more research about the specific test he's done and go from there. Maybe you need to do either the E-tegrity test or the EFT specifically. If your test you just did came back abnormal, I'm almost 100% Myrto that your E-tegrity test or your EFT will also come back abnormal.

  11. Hope - I'm so sorry that I'm just checking in and couldn't provide my opinion. I think your FSH and E2 sounded good. The FSH is elevated, but not not drastically. I hope you went forward with the cycle. Please keep us posted.

    Baby - I hope you can try to enjoy the rest of your trip, and please touch base when you get back. I'm so sorry AF came early, that has happened to me a couple of times.

    Anam - I'm sorry the second test came back immature. I have very little knowledge about endometrium issues. I'm so glad that stavros has some experience with this and brings up some interesting points. I hope you can find some information so that you can carry a pregnancy. It just seems like the right doctor could figure this out.

    Christi - Thanks for checking up on me. Let's plan to get together soon.

    AFM: Today is my 44th birthday. I've tried to forget as often as possible. DH brought home some nice flowers that smell wonderful.

    I had the second sono on Tuesday, and there was nothing new. Dr. Sch gave me permission to stop all my meds, and we will wait 1 1/2 weeks to see if I m/c on my own. If not, I will need a D&C. I've been experiencing terrible morning sickness. I've been getting really nauseous in the afternoons all week. I guess since the placenta is still producing hormones I don't get to escape the symptoms.

    Dr. Sch wanted me to set up a re-group to discuss the m/c at no additional charge, so I have that set up for next week. I thought that was a nice gesture.

    I've jumped into my search for a donor, and have found a few donors, and one in particular, that I like. I actually found her a month ago but continued to look at hundreds of other donors until I realized that I liked her the best. Unfortunately, someone just put her on hold and they are going to start a cycle with her, so I will have to was 3 or so months if I want to go with her.

  12. Hi from the caribbean sea, I left on January 14th, my 44th birthday for a cruise w/DH.
    Happy Birthday to Anam and sadkiab!
    sadkiab, I'm so sorry. I promise to catch up w/you more when I return. ((()))

    I am on my way back now and on the ship's internet, and it's expensive, but I wanted to check in.

    I will make this fast and promise to catch up and post more personals when I get home on Sunday.

    I must say I was having a good time. I had my Medicated IUI on Sunday, 1/10 and there was over 48 million sperm to try and fertilize my 4 follies.
    So, I left on this cruise thinking maybe a miracle would happen knowing the chances were very slim. My period was due next Tuesday, the 26th, so I thought that I would be in limbo until my return which kind of had me believe maybe, just maybe, I'd get lucky this time.

    Silly me! I started staining on Tuesday night, a week before my period was due and thought, maybe this is implantation bleeding, it's too early to get my period. I still had the false hope that I still manage to hold on to. Well, AF is full flow today, happy f--king 44th bday to me, AF 5 days early, I'm not usually early, now I'm thinking this might possibly be the start of peri-menopause? DH says I should be happy that I still get my period, that it means there's still hope, I just don't see it that way.

    Well, I have to put on a happy face, or try to, it's not fair to ruin what's left of our trip for DH, although to me, the vacation is over!!!
    Again, I will be in touch soon and wish everyone well.

  13. Happy Belated Birthday ladies!!!! Lots of January babies!

    Baby... Sorry that AF showed up early. I hope you're still able to enjoy the rest of your Caribbean cruise.

    sadkiab... I'm so very sorry about the sono result. That just sucks. I'm glad you're able to focus on what's next. That's helped me to keep sane on this journey... next plan. Lets do lunch at Mint this or next week if you're feeling up to it! Call me.

  14. Baby--hope the rest of your cruise was nice. How are you and what's next for you?

    sadkiab--how are you doing? Will you be doing a D&C? How is the donor search progressing?

    skanavi--thanks for the bday wishes!

    Hope--how are you?

    Me: Waiting through this cycle for my body to normalize before doing an unmedicated endo biopsy. If the natural biopsy comes out normal, I'm in the same place I was before I started these diagnostics, trying to get an embryo, mine or someone else's to stick, but no idea how to help that process. If the natural biopsy comes out abnormal, is that it for me? No hope of pg? Have to move to adoption? I was still working on accepting my move to donor embryos, and now maybe thats not an option anyway!

    I've been very moody lately, alternating between sad and angry and mostly just feel lost, like I'm in this limbo not doing anything to move toward my dream of building a family, but for the first time in awhile, not even clear what my options are at this point. I feel like I took a fork in the road, the trail has now disappeared, and I don't know where to go from here or how to get there.

    I reached out to a Dr. Kliman at Yale (per Jayjay's recommendation--thanks Jayjay!) who has developed an Endometrial Function Test (EFT) and asked my RE to speak with him. My RE said he would but its been over a week and he still hasn't. I've emailed my RE to politely prompt him, but no response. My RE doesn't seem to have much faith in Dr. Kliman, but doesn't seem to have much to offer me to help my situation either. I wish my RE would talk to Dr. Kliman and then talk to me. I wish one of them would offer me ideas of what I might do to help my lining.

  15. Anam... All you really need from your RE is to do the 2 endo biopsies and send them to Dr. Kliman for the EFT. Once both results are back, if they are abnormal, Dr. Kliman will give you a protocol to fix your problem. If it's a medical treatment, he's an OB/Gyn, so he can write you an Rx. If it requires surgery which is seldom, he'll give your RE his recommendation.

  16. I'm back. Back at work. Back at IF.
    This cold weather sucks and doesn't make the mood any lighter.

    anam, where do you live? I ask because the dr I have consulted w/in LI is wonderful for my immune issues, I bet he deals with the endometrium/biopsi issues as well. I understand the moods, because I live them every day. I stayed away from the boards for a short while thinking I could take a mind vacation from IF, but I haven't stop plotting and planning since AF came and disrupted my bday cruise. Just been so busy at work and so exhausted both physically and mentally at night that I haven't posted for a while, but really missed everyone.

    sadkiab, I hope you are okay. My heart truly breaks for you. How did the regroup w/Dr. Sch go? What's next? Will you be waiting for that donor you mentioned? Please update us.

    JayJay, hi, and thanks for the endometrial biopsi info, another route I may have to try.

    skanavi, I hope you are loving life and blossoming wonderfully w/you peanut.

    I have had a lot of new drama since my return. I know what I want to do next, it's just not going to be easy.

    I definitely will NOT be going donor, ever, just not an option for me, so, as I live the last year of my IF struggle w/the chances really miniscual, this is my plan.
    Bank, bank, bank, if I can grow any blast, which remains to be seen.
    I wish I could stay w/my RE but they don't use vitrification, and that's a must w/crappy old embies.
    I have consulted w/an immune specialist and have donated over 30 vials of blood work, which I should have done a long time ago.
    Last year I ran some bw w/SIRM of Westchester, and they told me I had a mutation of MTHFR, but never gave me the pending last test. They kind of let me fall through the cracks, I was very unhappy w/the office staff from the getgo. Very unorganized, and one is very snotty. Turns out that I have another abnormal issue that should have been f/u on and they never bothered. When I realized that I was never given the complete report last year, I requested it urgently. I told them my intention was to use them, and even though I've had negative feelings about them since last year, I would have since they are one of the only places to vitrify. She didn't send me the report again, so I called again, and her answer was, I had 25 patients yesterday and IT WASN'T A PRIORITY. Are you kidding, are my thousands of dollars I was going to pay a priority.
    She finally sent it and now the immune dr is running more f/u to see if I have anything to worry about from last years abnormal result. I will explain more after I get more results, but if some other bw comes up Myrto, I could be at high risk for DVT, nice right, they never followed up, AND, I should've been on baby aspirin since last year.
    In addition, some of the bw I got back from the immune dr came back that I definitely have elevated NK cells, AND some other cells came up that he said even 10 years ago would've prevented implantation if not treated with the IV, pre and post transfer, so out of the 19 embies transferred in all, I may have thrown away a couple of good ones since my body would attack them w/an immune rejection. I can't wait to see what else my bw reveals.

    Sorry to make this so long, but just needed to vent and explain what's been keeping me so busy and away.

    I missed everyone and hope that this year brings us all our miracles, although I am starting to believe that I will never give birth to own my biological child.

  17. Baby--so sorry to hear about all the difficulties with the clinic and tests! I can't believe that woman told you you weren't a priority! Aside from the thousands of dollars, how can she work at a place like that and not realize that every bit of information is like gold to us, because we are always hoping for that piece of news that will help us conceive, or very least, clarify what's going on so we can make decisions and move on from this \"long march\". Finding out, too, that there were issues you should've been aware of is beyond maddening.

    sadkiab, Hope, wondering how you are and what's next for each of you.

    I'm STILL in limbo here. Evidentally, my RE and the Yale Dr. that JayJay recommended are playing phone tag--FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS--so haven't even discussed my case yet. AF should be arriving end of this week, and then I'll be counting down to biopsy #3 around the end of February. I'm really feeling like having my own baby, and maybe even a donor baby may just not be in my future. I dread starting down the adoption road--a whole new process to learn and rollercoaster to ride--but if that is what I need to do, I'd like to get on with it. Oh, to your question Baby, I'm in the Washington, DC metropolitan area.

    Have felt really tired and bloated lately--like I do when I'm on estrogen and/or progestrone, except I haven't been. I'm worried this means that my E2 is elevated, as it was cycle before this. Afraid it might be the first real sign of menopause for me. I've continued to be really moody, too, one part of the day feeling good and Myrto and then later in the day being really down and angry. Also hoping this isn't a sign of aging, but that maybe it just really did a number on my system to be on estrogen for almost 2 months straight.

    The good news? Snow has kept my office closed since 1pm last Friday. So I'm getting a surprise vacation which is always a good thing.


  18. Bank, bank, bank, if I can grow any blast, which remains to be seen.
    YES, bank all of your embryos. As I've said before, this is also what I did, in case we wanted to use GC. Time is of the essence here so it's good to bank while you're waiting for some bw results and do more research about what could be done to correct the abnormalities.

    If I were you, I wouldn't take your embies to blast. I strongly believe that a 3day transfer is best - they do much better in utero. Having 5 day embies doesn't guarantee you that you have the best embryos out of the bunch. I've seen this over and over again where the embies don't look good at 3-day and yet became a child. If you've searched my posts, you'll see that I always make one of my BFF as an example.....she went through IVFs as well. She and her DH has so much IF problems - BFF has PCOS and her DH has almost 0 sperm with very low motility. They produced awful, low graded embies and yet they have 3 kids. Their twins were from 2-6 cell, highly fragmented embies and were graded Cs and Ds. If those same embies were taken to 5 days, they wouldn't have made it. JMHO.

    If you want to stay with your RE, inquire about freezing at 2pn (24 hours after fert) b/c they do better at thawing.

    Xaris - so sorry your RE and Dr. Kliman are playing phone tag for 3 weeks now. I'm wondering if your RE emailed him directly. He can do so and schedule an appointment with him to speak with each other over the phone. Have you found out what kind of endo. biopsy was done to you?

  19. Hi Ladies,

    Baby--any more b/w results?

    Jayjay--I guess I'm still not sure how to answer your question about what kind of biopsy was done. I know it was not the Kliman EFT, I know it was done 6 dpo, but beyond that not sure how to characterize it. I also finally emailed both my RE and Kliman at once, and Kliman responded back offering a window when he was available to talk, but nothing from my RE (at least not to all of us). Then I called my nurse and asked her if she could check on this with my RE. She said that he said they had been playing phone tag. Hmf.

    skanavi--thanks for the continued encouragement!

    sadkiab--how are you?

    AFM--I'm probably hormonal because I'm expecting AF any moment now, but just seem to be feeling more lonesome about this road, intermixed with annoyance and probably bits and pieces of several other emotions.

    I\'ve been looking for local support groups and tried one recently. The nice part was some instruction about mindfulness meditation. But somehow, in general, the session seemed to rub me the wrong way. For example, there was the woman who has evidentally been coming to these sessions for awhile and, to her credit, seems to have found some peace even though she is still trying. But I (and I think at least one other woman there) were in such a different place. In response to one woman expressing difficulty with anger, the \"at peace\" woman started talking about understanding that there is a larger plan in the universe and once you embrace that you no longer feel the anger. To be honest, my reaction was that I wanted to: 1) smack her, and 2) say, \"Actually, I think sometimes bad things just happen for no reason at all and it sucks and I'm ****** off about it.\" Needless to say, I didn't do either. But was bummed that I left the \"support\" group feeling more riled up and off by myself than when I'd arrived.

    There have also been the usual annoyances of people with children who have no idea what its like for the rest of us. We've been snowed in all week where I live and I just got back into the office yesterday. So several of us are in the hallway, comparing \"snowed in\" stories and this one woman who is my age and who tried once (IVF I think) to get pg and it worked, just can't talk about ANYTHING without referencing THE BABY. So this time it was, \"We lost power and it wasn't so bad except for THE BABY. THE BABY changes everything. \" She says. \"So we wanted to move to a hotel.\" Then she looks meaningully at another person who recently had a child. And there I stand. Guess if I had lost power I should've been happy to sit in the freezing cold because I don't have THE BABY. She even made some silly reference to worrying they wouldn't find a hotel that would take their two dogs (okay, that's reasonable) and THE BABY. What? What hotel refuses people with babies? I realize that she does this because she's just so thrilled to have a child, but she has no idea about me and doesn't realize its like sticking me with pins all the time.

    Sorry, this is turning into a long and bitter vent. Like I said, just not in good spirits today. I'm sure I'll cheer up. Meantime, thankful as always to have this place to come and say whatever I'm feeling to people who understand.


  20. Baby... I'm glad you have a plan on the cycle and immune issues. WOW... That's a lot of vials of blood! I hope one of your Drs. will be able to crack your case. I'm doing great and enjoying things day by day...

    Anam... Dr. Kliman is very good at returning emails, even over the weekend...
    sadkiab... I think you're ready to rock 'n roll in your next step... very excited for you!

  21. anam, first of all, I'm pms'ing right along w/you, AND EVERYTHING IS PISSING ME OFF RIGHT NOW. I'm so sorry that you are having a bad time, it really comes in waves, and you are riding one awful one right now. I usually try to walk away from any conversation that I feel might get me going, or I keep myself busy and ignore it while humming to myself, does it sound like people may start to think I'm crazy? Glad you got my PM, and we will connect very soon.

    skanavi, I'm happy to see you every time you post. Your continued support is really appreciated, and wait to you hear the story coming up.

    JayJay, thanks for all of the information, and I truly am taking your words very very seriously. I have to inquire about the 3 day tx and will bank until I collapse. I have been very conflicted about 3 day versus 5, there has always been controversy over whether or not the embies do better in utero as opposed to the dish. But if you have a great lab, they might be able to keep em longer than my body, but is that really freakin w/nature or what?

    sadkiab, as always, you are in my thoughts, hope to see you check in soon.

    I'm going to paste the info I posted on the vets board, it's long, but I want to share all of it again here w/all of you. Sorry for the big read:
    Here\'s my update:

    After 7 failed IVF's, and additional 4 failed IUI's, years of ttc on my own, being in an out of major depressions due to failure of my body to make a baby, and over $100,000 in medical treatments down the f--king drain, with absolutely NOTHING to show for it, except for weight gain and battered ovaries, I got the some of the immune testing results.

    I have transferred a total of 19 embryos over the last 2 years, and not one stuck. I have mentioned to the dr's that treated me that perhaps my body is having an immune response. They dismissed the idea, my guess is because they don't want to take the time to educate themselves, maybe push the envelope a bit, when it's much easier to just tell me my eggs are old and crappy, and try to convince me to buy someone else's younger eggs, which will never be an option for me.

    I got a call from Dr. B on Thursday regarding my bw. Some of the results are still pending, but Dr. B called me w/the newest result, it was pretty earth shattering, and he was quite serious about the results.

    I have elevated anti-nuclear antibodies and damaged cells. What he explained to me was that this means any one of my embryos could have been fine, in fact perfect, but they never would've survived my body's immune response to them. My body would have \"attacked\" the embryo, never allowing it to implant, and if it did, it would never be able to progress, because again, my body would fight it's existence and destroy it. Since my blood has this issue, I asked the question, what about 25 years ago? He said I still would not have been able to conceive a baby without treatment, not then, not now.

    Thank goodness I never caved in to the idea of donor eggs, because my body would have rejected ANY embryos, like I said, IT IS NOT AND WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO EVER CONCEIVE AT ANY AGE W/O TREATMENT FOR THIS ISSUE. Great time to finally find out, isn't it? It took so long for me to go this route, because there were not many dr's that deal w/these issues, and last year when I went to the Westchester SIRM office, my experience was horrid w/the f/u and office staff. In fact, they never gave me the complete blood results from last year until I called and insisted this year for a copy, and that's when I had the problem I mentioned in a previous post w/being told it wasn't a priority. And there was an abnormal result that was never brought to my attention. I am not knocking SIRM, I have heard nothing but great things about the NYC location, but I don't plan on EVER walking into the Westchester office again!

    The treatment for the immune response will require IV therapy of intralipids, before I would ever transfer another embryo, after transfer, and if I ever get pregnant , (which is highly doubtful at my age), 20 weeks into the pregnancy. Of course this will run me thousands more financially and there are no guarantees, in fact I should play lotto and mega more often, where my chances are much better, don't you think?

    I also have additional cell markers in my blood and elevated natural killer cells, all these wonderful things, that are additional immune issues that would prevent a baby from growing in my body. These issues would never have been detected had I not turned to immune testing to make sure this journey does not end without turning over every stone possible.

    I was told that most of the time the only way dr's might consider these tests is when someone has recurrent miscarriages, but my body won't even allow implantation, let alone, a fetus to grow at all, so I never made it to the stage that they would have considered testing me, even though I requested to be checked more than once, to more than 1 doctor. DH thinks I may have had miscarraige in my earlier years, but just didn't know it, but I doubt it. DH was always the one trying to convince me that he thought there was more going on that was undetected, especially since I have a nasty reaction to sperm, which has been mentioned to all dr's in the past.

    So now, my age an undeniably negative factor,44 , but the undetected immune issues the most serious one that has existed all my life and went undetected. Dr. B said that the immune issues are more of an issue then my age, so I am double-f--ked.

    I will try again, this time w/blood thinners and immunological IV treatment to continue this fight yet again to create a baby. I oughta have my f--king head examined!

    The doctor wants to send me for additional blood work to rule out lupus or rheumatoid arthritis and other wonderful illnesses, that although the chances are slim, it is mandatory since these immune issues have been diagnosed.
    And some of the other results are still pending. I just can't wait to see what else shows up, soooo exciting.

    Any opinions on this would be cherished.

  22. baby - so sorry that your RE has been an a$$, not listening to you and not doing further tests (immune) and even with the abnormal results didn't do anything about it. It's so easy for the REs to blame the eggs and would often take the easy route by suggesting DE. I'm glad that you trusted your instincts and didn't do DE. One of my previous REs kept insisting on me doing DE as well, after 2 fresh and frozen transfers, despite of text-book quality embies. I was dumbfounded about his suggestion. I didn't listen b/c my gut feeling was that my problem was stemming from my uterus and not our embies. Turned out I was right all along (EFT result proved it).

    My suggestion, still keep banking your embies b/c at this age, the decline of the egg quality significantly decreases every month. Then do the immune treatment. If it fails, you'll still have the option of doing GC (since you've said that DE is NOT an option) without having to sacrifice further the quality of your embies.

    My take on the 3 day vs 5 day transfer is.....yes, the 5 day belong in the uterus while the 3 day belong in the tubes, given the natural progression of how the zygotes/embryos travel along the reproductive organs. It is also thought that growing the embies in the petri dish to 5-6days will eliminate the weaker embies (survival of the fittest), but as I've seen a lot, this is not the case (as I've stated above). Also, someone from this board (I forgot who it was, but if I find the thread again, I'll post the link here) had a normal PGD tested embies which resulted in a pg, but later m/c due to a chromosomal defect.

    ETA: I just found this thread (but it wasn't the thread I was talking about above -- still searching for it)....

  23. Baby--just sent you a PM. On your post, my heart just goes out to you. You have been THROUGH it. I am so new to the world of immune issues, only just recently getting some initial testing on that, I'm afraid I don't have any opinions to offer on the treatments, results, approaches you are assessing. I think its interesting though, how you have felt so firmly about DE and it turns out that was absolutely the right decision for you. So through all of this complicated and confusing road, your instincts about what to do or not do are good. You seem to know yourself and your body and are making good decisions that you can trust. You just have really difficult challenges being thrown at you. You're doing everything right in what you're trying. It just seems there is only so much any of us can do to control the outcomes.


    PS I'm going to try humming next time the woman at work startes talking about THE BABY....

  24. Here's that thread....

    ....and she did CGH not PGD, as I stated above.

  25. Am I crazy to go for #8, #9, and #10??????????????????

    JayJay, thanks for your post/information, always appreciated. I am going to bank,bank,bank, till my bank is bankrupt

    I have loads more bw to do, but go in for day 2 monitoring tomorrow as af as finally arrived.

    Anam, hope you have a good week.

    sadkiab and DeeDee, and ronnaback, always thinking of you girls, hope you are ok and miss you.

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